Sh*t Happens...

Hello.

I'm still here.

I have to hog this office pc as much as I can before I go into a cruel cruel world of no computer this weekend.

I must point out that I have added some new blogs to my bloglist...if ya hadn't noticed...

1. It's my Escape...totally hilarious, blunt, bold and just plain sassy...u've got to check out the HNT Thursdays (Half-Nekkid Thursdays)..I'm not saying what that is...ur gonna have to find that out by yourself...

2. Dejame que te cuente boricua...wonderful insight of the marvels of our island as told by fab Kahlua....I have literally laughed very very loud in my office at moments not so appropiate...

3. This just in...this is like a Mix..u've got the heartwarming posts, the beautiful pics and most recently a piñata that got the hell beat out of it...priceless...

4. The Goddess Corner...perfectly mastering the 'spanglish' thoughts of us Puertoricans...especially those who are in the US...witty, outspoken and not afraid to let it all be typed out...(reminds me of me at times)

5. Shit Happens...still in progress...but as the author said herself: Shit happens to you, Shit happens to me, Shit happens everyday...

Couldn't have said it better myself...

This added to my already list of wonderful blogs...I read ya guys faithfully...

You guys are all sources of inspiration (like Aventuras de Super J, Mas atras en la Fila) and joy...ok..joy sounds cheesy...plain out hilarious outbreaks (like Sarcastic Journalist)

Keep up the great postings...I'll always be around reading!!!

Friday's Four: Rambling Edition

Before I post I found this curious "To-do" list on my dad's dresser..I don't have a scanner so I will just write out his list:

1. Paint fingernails
2. Cut Toe Nails
3. Take out my Movado Watch
4. Clean my bracelet
5. Shave (which was already scratched out)
6. Make sandwiches

Do I have to reaaaaaallly explain these??? Or should I leave you to roll on the floor histerically on your own time frame...

******

My bro bought his new 'hooker' friend home yesterday. I, thankfully was not around. My dad however came upstairs to share his opinion:

"You know your brother's new girlfriend is downstairs..."
"Really?"
"Yeah, he has some balls, now what is gonna do with all that furniture he bought for his canceled wedding??"
"Um yeah dad, that furniture is really the main focus huh?..."
"You know, your mom didn't let her inside the house, he told your bro he had to leave her outside on the porch like a wet dog".
"You serious?"
"Yep."

Way to go Mom!! No hookers allowed in the champagne room!!

*********

Friday's Four Rambling Edition

Seems like when it rains it pours, four things that right now as I type are driving me up a fucking wall:

1. My home pc broke down. It's dead. I was gonna call Dell today for it's service warranty but I wrote down the Service Tag numbers on my cell phone....

2. ...which I happened to leave at home today...of all days...

3. I have to go to a birthday party on Sunday....it sounds trivial..but a birthday party, a children's b-day party....Spare me...

4. My mother's constant naggin....like yesterday Miss C was in the pool and I just like stepped away from it for an instant and my mother's bionic ear heard my feet shuffle and yelled:

"You are not planning to leave her in that pool alone are you??"

"Sure...I mean leaving a 4 year old Autistic child unsupervised in a pool doesn't sound too life threatening".

What are you rambling about this weekend??

*******

The thought of the day/weekend:
"Lean to know when enough is enough"
Flaming squirrels are usually a dead giveaway

I was trying to get my sh*t together and go get a haircut cuz I pretty much looked like this:



Salon was full, so I decided to kill time at K-mart, while I was walking through the parking lot this happened:

"Hey! Is that Tinkerbell?" some stranger said referring to my Tinkerbell tattoo on my shoulder

"Umm..Yes" me slightly startled

"Did they call you Tinkerbell in college?" same total stranger walking silently behind me

"Ummm...::chuckle:: No.." me slightly amused

"Cuz all you need are the wings, you already have Tinkerbell's smile" stranger getting creepy

I then turn around and see his face...like a sweet yet creepy face...the kind of neighbor who you only see when he takes out his garbage on sundays...and you always wonder what's inside the bags...

I then begin to walk briskly.

"Do you have anymore tattoos, or are they in places I can't see?"

::me starting to haul ass::

He continues,

"Oh you have a cat on your leg".

We are, thank Christ, at the entrance to K-mart...

I look at him before we part ways and he says:

"Bye...Me-o-o-ow"...sounding like Eartha Kit...fuck...Now I know why my mom hangs on Christ's robe so much...lots of fucking psychos.

******
If you've read my last recent posts, you are aware we've just had a new Watch Tower installed in our house...

Watch Tower Alert
:

"Hey!!! you just ran over your vacum hose with your back tire!!!!"

"Yeah...I didn't notice, between the crunching-exploding-loud-ass-bang..." moi

******
On other fucked up news...I didn't check up on the last part of the game yesterday...but last time I confirmed with Yahoo!, Yankees were losing in the bottom of the 7th...

But, seems like they went into 12 innings and the most over-rated Yankees Player, Alex Rodriguez scored a two home run...scoring us a victory. Why fucked up news you say? Cuz I didn't see the game..they played in the afternoon...

Funny though before knowing we had won I ruined my dad's day by telling him how I thought we had lost...

His answer: Shit...come playoff time we are so not gonna go far...

On another note: The Mets got their asses kicked by Boston...Fuck.

Tonight we rest and play against the Mets on Friday..Yes I said "WE"...

********

The thought of they day, stole off a bumper sticker:

"Lose faith in Humanity, one asshole at a time".

Pudgy Girls live on!!!

Ok.

Here goes:

"Hey are you getting fat again?, cuz last time I saw you, you were skinny". asshole

"Yeah, I'm training to be a cow" me

"Are you offended?" asshole

"Um..my weight is not anyone's business..if I weigh 300 pounds and I am healthy everyone can fuck off, it's not like you're a GQ Model". me.

Complete and utter silence.

1 point for the Pudgy Girls , 0 for assholes everywhere.

Me and my 135 pounds are happy as can be!!
(See how fucking distorted weight can be!!)

Things ain't what they seem...

Thanx to all for the Congrats...but on a very sad note...I got a call today from aformentioned friend "AD", she has decided not to have her baby.

I totally respect that and I think she has lots of cojones and is very mature to make such a difficult decision. I honestly think it is the best for her and her hubby.

I'm there for ya "AD"!!

I can always be an aunt for your dog, Shorty!!

*****

Ok..see why I don't like to count my eggs before they hatch...

We lost last night. ::sigh::

Ain't I shocked...

Today's game I will not be able to see cuz it's in the afternoon..will keep ya posted...

On other sad baseball news...The two top contenders in their divisions met last night, Mets vs. Boston. But The Mets lost...Boston has made their 10th straight win with last nights'. Yeah Aimée...your team rocks...Happy??

Friday night: Subway series, New York Mets vs. New York Yankees

******
"A" and I have had a falling out. I won't get into too many details. But word to the wise, the internet can be a very very bad tool. I'm not saying things won't get better, but for now I need to clear my head.

******

"Empress" has so nicely wondered why I have not posted about our 'ghetto song' of ths weekend. Let's rewind:

Empress left a message on Saturday I believe, asking me who sang a particular song.
I left a message back letting her know who I thought sang it.
She called back asking me to sing the song for her.
I happily declined.
She called me boring and hung up on me.
She text messaged me asking me to sing the song, AGAIN.

So what is a friend to do???

I called her and sang her the freakin' song...

"Solo ten mi numero telefonico, para cuando te sientas sola..."
A guy asking a gal to have his number so she can call him when she feels lonely.

It's not as romantic as it seems...
We laughed our asses off....

******

I have lil' thing called 'site meter'. It's at the bottom of my page. I am very aware that people stop by and read. I am very very flattered. U think I don't check out the visits to my page???

Puhleeze!! Of course I do.

******

On other self-exciting news..I am officially an Elvis Impersonator this week. Seems like I can't manage to get a haircut this week. The stars have aligned and have agreed to let me look like Elvis this week...or a slightly younger version of my MOM.

::Shudder::

Don't u dare say anything Empress!!

*****
Thought of the day:

Always try to see the snakes in the grass...

Hey Hey Hey!!

I am gonna be an AUNT!!!

No my bro did not knock his hooker new gal pal up...

One of my darnest chums, "AD" and her 'hubby' "C" are gonna have a baby!!!!

OMG...

The pregnancy hormones are out and about..!! and they have attacked an innocent bystander!!

Bite me.

This is what dreams are made of a good ol' Yankees Victory.

That's how we need to play more often. That is the pitcher we need. Seems like the 5 game suspension on Big Unit paid off. He even got a season high strike out, with 9, and didn't walk anyone...impressive...I'm guessing he was impressed also, since he's been sucking so badly lately...

Let's not count my eggs before they hatch...we have yet to kick ass today.

I know I know, this may seem like nonsense to non-sports fanatics...bare with me, ya'll.

******

In other exciting non-sleeping news this is what we found in lurking about in my mom's kitchen last night:



It was hmm... let's say about 15 inches long..give or take an inch...with very very pointy ends guaranteed to sting you very very hard...

All I heard was my mom scream: "OH MY GOD...GET MISS C OUT OF HERE!!"

Cuz if you don't know..Miss C is not afraid of anything (except roaches, but that's a whole 'nother post), so when my mom saw this gigantic centipede from hell, she immediately thought that Miss C was gonna see it and go straight for it...u know to pet it and keep it as a wonderful pet.

My mom quickly grabbed one of my platforms and beat it to death. Almost. It kept squirming and my dad grabbed his machete and finished it off. Nothing like good ol' fashioned violence and action at house for a change.

After that my mom prayed and grabbed onto Christ's robe to thank him for allowing that thing to be seen in time and not allowing it to sting Miss C, cuz she is very very allergic to insect bites.

She grabbed onto Christ's robe and my ass couldn't sleep just thinking about that creepy crawler...

One Sonata later I was in la la land.

******

Day 1 of Takara Patches for me....

I removed them today to see that they were very very gooey and full of brown gunk...I mean I know I was fucked up...but to see that crap come out of my body overnight...Eeewww...

I'll keep ya posted..

******

We now have a Watchtower in front of my house. Seems like my neighbor had her daughter move in, AGAIN, to the top house. Now they sit all day and night on the balcony to watch over the empire. Hey, look, I don't mind if your fat asses wanna sit on the balcony all day and not do shit...but fuck, now I can't leave my windows open and parade in my underwear and second you can't go outside without being a target for conversation...

"Well hello there neighbor, I see you got your van fixed".

"Umm..yeah.." ::smile politely:: me

"Hell ain't it hot these days?"

"yep.." ::raise eyebrows:: me

And they keep on talkin' to ya..morning. noon. night. They just wanna keep up converstation.

They are also equipped with X-Ray vision.

Sunday evening when X dropped of Miss C at 8pm they noticed X had left a movie on the car hood:

"Hey neighbor, you left something on the car hood".

AWWW FUCK...HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO PLAY NICE NEIGHBOR.

So, hence the name: Watchtower..
My mom and I are fuming...cuz now both of our anti-social asses have to play nice.
Let's see who cracks first.

******

And to continue with my wonderful thoughts of the day, Here's today's thought:

the thought of the day...

Everyone is cut with the same fucked up pattern...

ya' heard.

**Update/Edit**

I just got the Takara Foot Patches!!! Hurrah!! and I just ordered the Heavy Metal Screen Test for Miss C...I know I don't post much about how we are doing lately but these patches are for eliminating harmful metals and toxins in her lil' body like copper, mercury, etc. etc. Since she hasn't been doing so great in school lately I thought it was time to make a move. My boss was so psyched about this new natural way of detox that she offered to pay for the patches and got some for her and me as well...will post about changes as they occur. I am as excited as if I would have bought some Manolo's...I guess these patches will have to do for now...LOL.

****
After knowing that I was going to have a weekend, sans Miss C, who was sleeping over with her grandparents who are here from Orlando, I decided to do what any other single mother with no child around for the entire weekend would do...

Become a couch potato.

Watch not 1 but 4 movies, season 3 of Six Feet Under and manage to get dragged to a Baby Shower.

*****

On my movie list:

Transamerica: loved it.

Kiss Kiss Bang Bang: Okay. But Robert Downey Jr. was in it, and he rocks..

Running Scared: Not usually my type of movie, but interesting, none the less.

Syriana: Oil companies, Powertrips and George Clooney getting his fingernail ripped out with a plier. Nice.

I also might add that I happened to watch some of these flicks with "A". So good films with good company who doesn't happen to think you are weird because of your tastes in film: priceless. OMG I'm getting mushy. Fuck...We had a nice time, allright?? nuff said.

*****

Now about the baby shower. I don't do baby showers, bridal showers, b-days, etc. Quite a shocker, huh? I am a hermit. I do not care. Just thinking about sharing a confined space with family members is good enough to make me wanna schedule a root canal just to bail.

"You are going to your god-daughter's baby shower, aren't you?" Sergeant Mom

"Um...not really, you know how Miss C can get". Moi

"Um..Miss C isn't here. So you have no excuse. For God's sake, she is your god daughter!! You will go and I will not hear another word".

Shit. Where are your children when you need them?

Flash forward to three hours later.

I am standing waaaay in the back, in my "Cute but Psycho, Things Even Out" T-shirt, praying I won't get picked to play any of the stupid mandatory lame ass games like:

1.Let's guess how huge her belly is. Like it isn't humilitating enough you look like a cow, now people are gonna try to guess how cow-ish you actually are.

2.Let us grown adults act like babies and try to drink beer out of a bottle and see who can drink it the fastest. Do I really need to explain why this is all wrong??

3.Let us hand the soon to be parents a fake baby who cries a lot and has its diaper really full of shit so we can judge their parental skills and make fun of them. Hey, let them be crappy parents in the comfort and privacy of their own home.

See why I do not wanna be a part of that.

At my baby shower, I prohibited games like this. Did they respect the decision of a cranky 9 month pregnant hormornal ragging woman?? No. They had games. How many did I play:

I think only one. The first one. I played no more. I just watched as everyone else made a fool out of themselves. Oh, Oh, and I played the questions game, where they ask people questions about my unborn child, and of course, I had to play to confirm the answers.

I got bored easily and I immediately started fidgeting with my phone, I needed a way out. I needed to bail. All these grown women talking about diaper-genies and formulas were driving me batty...people asking me when I was ready to have another was even more disturbing.

Another??!!! *Hint Hint* My first one, isn't even around!!!

Anyway, I had a legal excuse to get away, my cellphone charger was being held captive at "A's" house. He was asking for randsom (don't ask me how the charger got there to begin with).

So, as soon at they got out the Kareoke (I am so sure I spelled that wrong, bare with me), I knew that was my cue to go rescue my charger!!!

Hip Hip Hooray for technology!!!

Sexual Education

"Mom, I think you should talk to bro before he leaves. "J" (ex sister in law), told me that he is already sleeping with someone else, and since you have more sensitivity and more tact, I think you should address the issue."

::mom cocks head back and yells::

"Hey...You better not forget to put some condoms in your wallet!!".

My brother scoffs..."OHHH Mom please"

She answers:

"Well, it isn't funny that you can get sick cause you did not protect your weiner!!".

::sigh::

So much for sensitivity.

Burning down house...

Hey...this was what I was supposed to have for breakfast:




What is that u say? U can't see it very well?? Thank ur lucky stars u CAN'T.
In a previous life, before hitting the skillet, it was supposed to be bacon. I kinda forgot it was on the stove...kinda burned a wee bit...but I am really a good cook..really..

******

U know after the "Whoop Ass Edition of Friday's Four", me, my mom and my bro were talking about beatings..and oh...oh oh oh...my bro reminded me one that did not happen to me...but so deserves an honorable mention.

My bro was like 4 maybe, he was jumping on the bed, as usual. My mom was busy sewing and she kept repeating:

"Stop jumping on the bed. If you fall and hurt yourself, I will beat you right where it hurts" (Translation in Spanish, cuz it sounds way cooler: "Mira, dejate la brincaera en la cama..si te caes y te das un cantazo, encima de el te voy a meter una pela").

So what does bro do?..he keeps on jumping, of course...but somehow he slips and falls, banging his head on the corner of the nightstand.

My mom immediately gets up and starts wacking him on the head, he starts to run towards the baby spit up green carpet and my mom follows him, whacking him again and again..

"God dammit..I told u what was gonna happen..u fucking kids don't listen".

But then I see her hand, it was red.

"Mom", I say, "your hand is full of blood".

My brother had split open his head with the corner of the nightstand.

"OMG!!!!OMG!! we have to get to a hospital!" my mom..

Bwuaaah...

To this day my brother is traumatized...he still says:

"Shit...I was bleeding my brains out and she just kept whacking me...fucking ridiculous".


Fucking Hilarious I would say.

I heart words...

I heart words today....

11am
*Ring Ring*

"hello?"

"I'm picking you up in 20 mintues. I wanna see you".

******

Going to lunch

"So..what are we doing tomorrow?"

we

******

2:10pm

*Ring Ring*

"hello?"

"I heart you. Ok. That's all".

*****

Ain't you hearting words today....

Growin' up I had very traditional strict parents. They would literally try to kill each other in randomn bullshit fights but they seldom hit us...one look from my mother was good enough to melt your retina.

But that doesn't mean that good ass whoopings did not occur, u know to remind us who was boss...or as Puerto Ricans would say "Hay que recordate que aqui mando yo"

Here goes 4 whoopings that made it into my Hall of Fame:

1. The $10.00 beating...After badgering my mom, I got her to give me $10.00, a birthday present a friend of hers had given her to give me. I wanted to go buy candy at the store near her friends house. She told me to be extra careful with the change...When I got home, she asked me what I had bought, I told her a 25 cent pack of Now N Laters, she asked for the change and I handed her 75 cents...she asked me for the rest...but there was no 'rest', that was all I had gotten in the store. Fuck I was in the 2nd grade..I had no idea how much change I was supposed to get, nor that the fuck behind the counter was gonna 'jip' me...My mother took out a belt, and hit me with the buckle on my thigh...it was the only time she hit me with the buckle..but that was enough to remind me to count my change..all the time.

2.The I wanna go with my dad slap. We were here in Puerto Rico, for our yearly vacation. My mom and dad were arguing and my dad was gonna leave to blow off some steam. I wanted to tag along. My mom said no. I insisted. She said "OK, traitor" and slapped me silly. The only time I was slapped, but more than enough to remember who's team to play on. (But I did hang out with my dad that day).

3. I really hate u and ur broom whooping...For some odd reason, I was being defiant with my mom....I was on the beginning end of the hallway giving her lip..she was in the kitchen sweeping...I guess she got tired of the lip cuz she proceeded to chase me down the hall...I tried to haul ass on the baby spit up green carpet we had to try to make it to the 'safehouse' bathroom..but I didn't make it in time...and so literally hit me with the broom and broke the handle. I so totally fear for those defiant children of witches. I mean like they have brooms on hand at all times...

4. I am not really gonna hit u...now..this is the kind of spanking that should occur instantly but since you are in public u know u are not gonna get it until the door to ur house slams behind u. I was arguing with my mom about us moving to Puerto Rico. The argument got heated and I left the house. I sort of like 'ran away'. But I decided to 'run away' to a friend's house (bright), Joanna's (Brazilian Princess, remember Joanna?). My mom quickly caught on and appeared at Joanna's house all nice and smiley.

"I came to pick up____, Hi sweety, ready to go?"

As we walked up the block back to my house she kept repeating..

"Boy are u gonna get it...boy are u gonna get it".

Did I get it??

U bet ur asses I did.


That's what u call tough love...

LOL!!!

Come On..don't look at me like that..u know u've had ur share of whoopings as well...

Get your vaccine while u can!!

Quick*

It's an EPIDEMIC

A friend who was single a month ago has confirmed she has just gotten married to a man she met online.

Close your browsers and back away very very slowly...


cuz by the time i'm finished with this post, I could be living in Wisconnsin with two kids, a farm and a husband.

"Momma Momma tis teet undal" Miss C

"HUH" ::squinting eyes as if they can allow me to hear better::

"Tis Teet Undal, again"

"You're what?" ::instantly getting into 'charades' mode.

Miss C points to DVD Player, goes and presses eject and points to what's inside.

Six Feet Under Season 3

"See!! Tis Teet Undal!!"

One of my favorite lines from "Home on the Range".

"well now we all know what's gonna happen, we are all going to the slaughter house"

"Whaatt?? that's silly, now who would wanna eat a chicken?"

*****

I'm not pimping in a Mercedes, boss could not find keys. I'm pimping in a brand new convertible PT Cruiser, which I have permission to drop the top off tomorrow if the day is bright.

I couldn't even get the windows to roll down, how the hell am I gonna drop the top.

*****

la la la la...stepping out of the shower.
Miss C is with bro chilling and I overheard this...

"Say Goooo!!!..." bro
"Yankess" Miss C...
"No no no...what did I teach ya?"
"Say Gooo!!..." bro
"Boston" Miss C...

"HEY HEY HEY..there is no cursing in this house" Moi
::hysterical giggles from bro & Miss::

::must sit down...I feel no circulation...::

a mother's nightmare come true....

Tu ru ru ru ru...ba da ba da...

A Yankee's Victory, one long ass phone call (which ended at 1am), a French project, head lice, clean sheets and 1000 dollars later ...I'm still miraculously alive...

I'm kinda of missing a chunk of my brain..but I'm still alive...

Recap:

Yankees won over Philly.

Talked to a friend about all sorts of weird stuff last night.

Helped my ex-sister in law with her french menu project. It looked kick-ass.

Miss C has head lice...AGAIN...like TWICE in this past month, I don't wanna elaborate or I'll go competely Mad..again...the shampoo got in her eyes...all hell broke lose and I think she is still infested...whoopee...

1000 is what it has cost me to get my Parkinson ridden van fixed.
Mechanic's exact words: You're lucky you haven't been in an accident or hurt yourself, How were you even driving this car?.

How comforting to know I was riding in the Death Van. See, even Mini-Vans can be dangerous.

But I am stil here. I am starving, with no car and hopefully if my boss finds the keys to her Mercedes, that is the vehicle I will be driving till my van gets fixed. Ain't that a pitty.

*******

Miami Heat won the NBA Championship last night. "A" must be recovering from his nervous breakdown.

His call last night went something like this:

"wacha doing?" him

"I'm on the internet" moi

"Internet?? Quick Quick!! NBA.com"

"HUH??"

"I need to know when the game starts and on what channel...I can't find it on any channel...".

Me logging onto NBA.com...

"I can't find the schedule". moi

"R U sure?? Left hand corner...it should be there".

"OK. Tonight 9pm. ABC"

"RU sure? I didn't see anything on".

"UM..well I'm not Bob Costas, but that's what it says". ( I didn't actually say I was Bob Costas..LOL...just thought it was funny).

"Ok..bye."

3 hours and One text message later: Hugs N Kisses.

And u thought I had it bad with baseball..

***

To complete my totally random and uncoherent post:

Your Personality Is Like Acid

A bit wacky, you're very difficult to predict.
One moment you're in your own little happy universe...
And the next, you're on a bad trip to your own personal hell!




and I will Quote our fellow Blogger Carolyn:

BWUAAAHHH!!!!!!

ARRRGGGGGHHHH...

They wanna give me a quote for stuff they don't have available for my van.

Ok.

So ur point is?

batter batter batter!!

Aimée is probably jumping for joy...hurling with excitement...her team is definitely kicking ass...

I so dislike Manny Ramirez.

What has my team been up to?

Losing.

Ain't that grand...let's see how we measure up tonight.

******

For all those that read and commented thank u. I'm still not entirely 'here' yet, but I'm working on it.

******
As if I needed for things to get any better...my mini-van is suffering from Parkinson's disease...aka bad alignment...leading to a shaky shaky ass van...crap..there goes what's left of my savings...

I asked for the day tomorrow to get that fixed, and my boss said she'd have her mechanic look at my van, so I wouldn't have to miss work...sly sly lady ain't she.

*******

Yesterday, as I was helpin my ex-sister in law with a French project, I was online and a dear old friend popped up to say "HI".

He popped up to say "HI" and to let me know he just got married.

WTF?

2 months ago, he was single.
A month ago, he met someone at an online dating service.
3 weeks ago, they moved in together.
And Now THEY'RE MARRIED.

How the fuck does that happen so quickly. Jeez.
I mean, don't get me wrong, 'friend' is a real nice dude, and I am so happy he is happy, but how quick is quick?

When do u know that the person u're with is the one for the long run?
Or are u so desperate and in love with the idea of love that anyone who bats their eyes too much is the "ONE"?

BATTER BATTER BATTER..STEP RIGHT UP..U MIGHT BE MARRYING THIS TOTAL STRANGER IN T-MINUS 2 DAYS..

OMG.

I don't know if I will ever be ready for a long run again, nor if I will meet anyone that makes me feel that way.

Love has turned into this so unorthodox thing for me now.

I mean, I do like traditional hand-holding (if it's not for too long), gift exchanging and stuff like that...but I like a bit of liberal love now. U do ur thing, I do mine. If u call sweet, if u don't, then I'll assume ur busy. No grudges, no judgments.

So when I read that people have 'madly fallen in love' in two weeks and want to spend the rest of their lives breathing down each other's necks...I panic.

Am I the one out of place?

I honestly don't think so.

But hey if that floats their boat...then all the luck to ya, 'friend'.

******

speakin' of 'love', 'likes'. u've probably been wondering where's "A"? No. he is not MIA. No he is not like totally absent.

"A" and I have been hanging out these past few days. His son and I are 'buddies'. He is such a smart kid and totally polite, which definitely gets a thumbs up from me. It's nice to see "A" and his son together..they look like chums...We've had a lunch a few times together, "A" has called to invite me. So that is sweet.

See me and "A" have sort of the unorthodox relationship I mentioned above. We are like not a couple. We are sort of just like there. Knowwhatimean? Yeah, ur probably thinking, HUH? He does his thing, I do mine. All is good. No pressure. And u know that is very hard for me, being so demanding of time, consequence and plans. But I've gotten used to that, and it's fine.

I don't need anyone breathing down my neck...especially not now.

We are friends, we don't need the whole lovey-dovey shit to understand that we like each other and enjoy each other's company.

His saved stubs of a movie we saw is good enough.

type check type check...

::rattling on keyboard::

*ok* *it's still working* *and I'm still alive*.

Ok. u can all go back to ur regularly scheduled program.

****
And to top off my cake: Both Sox won...Yankees lost. To Washington. WTF.

Days like this...

::sigh::

These are the days where hanging from rope don't quite express with exact preciseness the feelings boiling up.

Tough days. Tough days.

I am sick. I am aware of this. I understand the severity of my situation at times. But I refuse to go and get more pills, more meds, more bullshit ways to cope. I don't want anyone to tell me 'it will be allright', 'everyone has their bad days'. I know this. But I want to wallow in my pity. I want to wallow in the ball of yarn my life has turned into.

This weekend was the re-opening of a club I went to when I was single. Everyone was there. Everyone except me, of course. And everyone asked about me. Where was I? Well, where I am every Friday. Home. Watching "Six Feet Under", going to bed at 9pm cuz I have to get up early to go to yet ANOTHER therapy. Whoopee. Ain't life grand at 27.

The people at the club who asked for me, seems stuck in time. But I wonder, are they really? Or am I the one who has been stuck in a sick time warp zone that repeats itself over and over and over. I feel like I'm in a Hitchcock version of "Ground Hog's Day".

I am so sick of therapies, doctors, school appointments.
I am sick of being stuck in a crappy job because it pays the fucking bills.
I am sick of having to live check by check, cuz all my money goes into my daughter.
I am sick of all my adult conversations revolving around Autism.
I am sick of knowing, that most likely this is as far as I'm gonna get professionally.
I am sick of knowing that maybe there is a possibility that my daughter won't get any better than she already is and that I will be stuck in this via-cruxis.
I am sick of insomnia.
I am sick of having a fucked up brain that thinks things it shouldn't, especially on days like this.
I am sick of thinking that maybe the best way out, is to bail completely.
I am sick of being so selfish by thinking the above.
I am sick of not wanting to even look at my daughter, even though I know it is not her fault.
I am sick of ponies, clothespins, spoons and crap laying around the house.
I am sick of not being able to go to a fucking movie (like today) without having to competely abandon ship, cuz Miss C is out of her wits, AGAIN (like all this week).
I am sick of feeling completely alone in a house where 3 people live downstairs.
I am sick of crying at everything, because my emotions are so high strung lately.
I am sick of pretending all is great and all is fine.
I am sick. ::sigh::

I am so sick of so many other things I can hardly jot down because of my thobbing headache. I wanna cry until I can't no more, but that seems dearly impossible. Sometimes I feel that there is no fucking way out. And not even the smile of my daughter, her kiss or her laugh can make that better. ::sigh::

I've had a tough week, weekend and last fews hours as my full meltdown paved it's way. I should be used to it by now, and that is probably what I deserve for going off my meds, thinking I was much better. I am surely not.

Sorry. I just had to ramble off for a while and blow some steam...
I did an earlier steam blowing, verbal version, today.
I still had some stuff in my system.
Thank you for reading. And don't worry, I'll be ok.

And to you, you know who u are, that listened to me ramble and watched with despair, I am sorry, but I am grateful you listened. ::sigh::

I'm sure I'll be back on my regularly scheduled program tomorrow or day after...

Out.

****

Friday's Four...

Yes I am gonna give a baseball update...
We are officially screwed.
.Torre got suspended for one game and Unit for Five
Unit thought it was a bright idea for vengeance and hit someone with his pitch. For those who don't know "Unit" aka "Big Unit" aka Randy Johnson...not quite the pitcher he used to be, but is definitely one of the best we have at the time being. Now we are not gonna have em' for 5 games. Shit. To continue the bad news...we lost today to Cleveland..couldn't see the game..it was in the afternoon. But my other New Yorkers, The Mets have won their 8th straight game in a row. Not all is lost.

On an exciting note: Boston is losing, yet again...but the game isn't over.

Being that it's baseball season and it is Friday...Today's Friday's Four will be the four REASONS I like baseball:

1. It brings me the only fond memories I have as child with my dad. Our living room was a haven for New York Mets stuff...pins, posters...I especially remember a poster of Dwight Gooden (before he became a junkie..or was that Darryl Strawberry??) in our living room wall on top of the TV. I also remember summers spent at Shea Stadium. My dad used to take me, before my brother was born and before he became a total schmuck.

2. It is the only season where my brother, my dad and me can actually have a decent conversation without wishing each other immediate death. Unless....oh unless it's the last games of the season and the Yankees are about to make it to the World Series...then it gets tense. U see, my dad is a fan of whatever New York Team, the bro however, hates the Yanks...see where it can get ugly?

3. People consider it a boring sport. But I find it very exciting and I look forward to night games where I can sit on my couch and eat ice cream and scream at the TV:

"WTF are u thinking??!!! Get that pitcher out!!"


4. It is the only sport I can remotely play. Basketball with my height...?? Nope. Football with my Body structure..?? Yeah right. Baseball?? a bat, a ball and running like there is no tomorrow...I can handle that.

And as a Bonus: It is the only sport my daughter recognizes and yells: "Baseball Baseball...Goooo Yankees!!"

What did ya' think she was gonna say: "Go Boston"???!!


Bwuaaaahhhhh.....I don't think so,not unless she doesn't plan on remaining on my life insurance as sole beneficiary ::rolling in complete hysterical laughter...

Happy freakin' weekend...I'll probably sneak a post here and there...

Happiness is contagious!!

My regular fast-food lady, who never cracks a smile, at the drive through was especially happy today..

::high pitched voice::
"HI!!!this is ______May I take ur order".

::incredibly shocked face::

"Um...yeah..blah blah"

"thank u very much..that will be ___"

I drive up...she's dancing and ::gasp:: humming!!

I say : "boy aren't u happy".

"Yep, I'm activated".

Drugs can do funny things to ya peeps...

I took my lunch, drove off and giggled all they way back to the office.

UPDATE:

Tsk Tsk Tsk...Boston lost AGAIN...so did the WHITE SOX..

But..alas, the Yankees kicked Cleveland's ass, AGAIN....

::sigh:: It's tough to be on a winning team....LOL..

*******

Ok. Yesterday was meltdown day for Miss C...like a total Deafcon alert...U see her DAd decided to pick her up at day-care to spend some time with her, cuz he was in the area. Did I agree?...Hmmm...free time for me..no rushing to get home..and do some shopping?? U bet ur ass I agreed.

So I do my shopping, get home..and about half hour later..Miss C gets home...and she is raising hell..

"MYYYYYY POOOOONYYYYY...NOWWWWWWWWWW!!"

The "X" had stopped to buy her ANOTHER PONY. Being that with almost 40 ponies, a girl can never have enough. ::rolls eyes::

But he did not give her the pony immediately..he gave it to her while he was driving and she needed someone to open the box for her...resulting in her raising hell. If u ask me...there are scenarios u can avoid. For one: ALL CHILDREN, NOT JUST MY AUTISTIC CHILD, want their toys immediately opened after receiving them. Second: Another #$%^&*( PONY!!!!!!!

Well he decides that since she was bad she wasn't gonna get the pony...so she' s crying...my dad and mom are outside trying to calm her down...Miss C is actually saying : Please give my the pony...But dad ain't budging...

I see he turns on his car and closes the door..

Now it's time for me to panic...Deafcon for Miss C's mommy...

"UR LEAVING???!!!"
"Yep..no pony for her..she's been bad".
"WTF??!!! PLEAAAASE GIVE HER THE PONY..UR NOT GONNA LEAVE ME WITH THIS SHITSTORM".
He pauses to think...
"Well, let me go around the block to see what she does".

WTF
WTF

"OH LORD, GIVE HER THE PONY!!"::graveling almost on my knees::

He ended up giving her the pony..but it was totally too late..her night had been ruined...she was bitchy all night..and totally went haywire when we started singing Happy B-day to my mom...

"NOOOOOO NO HAPPY B-DAY...NO SING!! NOOOO DAMMIT".

Well, she didn't actually say "Dammit" but I thought it does good for emphasis...

Today she continued her reign as "child-who-is-pissed-off-at-entire-world". She was crying at school when I left cuz her teacher took away her 'pink dirty ass blanket'...::sigh:: I walked away with my heart torn cuz she was calling out my name..but I was OH-SO-FUCKING-GLAD, I wasn't gonna have to deal with yet another meltdown.

*********
Let's speed this post up to this morning..

I was on my way to work and on the local radio station they announced:

"And now...a flashback...music flashback".

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

"This thing right here
Is lettin all the ladies know
What guys talk about
You know
The finer things in life
Hahaha
Check it out

I like it when the beat goes da na da na
Baby make your booty go da na da na
Girl I know you wanna show da na da na
That thong th thong thong thong
I like it when the beat goes da na da na
Baby make your booty go da na da na
Girl I know you wanna show da na da na
That thong th thong thong thong"

Sisqo's "Thong Song". Yes. There is a song about thongs.

Enough said...I was singing my ass off to work...Oh the memories...Oh the clubs...::sniff sniff:: those were the days...

**********

WARNING..EXPLICIT ADULT CONTENT FOR SOME..(FOR ME IT'S NO BIGGIE) BUT IF U FEEL OFFENDED BY ADULT CONTENT...LOOK AWAY AND BE VERY AFRAID.

And now, drumroll please..
La grandiose partie!!!!!!

Yesterday, in my bliss of not having to pick up Miss C and actually having time to get my shit together..I'm weaving through traffic, listening to my Dilated Peoples CD, I even decided to roll down my windows and enjoy the breeze, cuz it was cool...All was good, All was grand.

Then I notice this guy...in a Toyota Tercel...with his windows down as well...he looks kinda of out-of-it...he's just driving in traffic with some sort of uniform..and we're like side by side...keep in mind I'm in a mini-van, that allows me more vision on low cars like the one he is in...So I keep on driving..and when I glance once more..I notice one of his hands is on the steering wheel and one is like down by his side...I figure..well maybe the car is 'stick' ...uhem...it had something to do with "stick" allright or a word that rhymes with 'stick' but starts with the letter of yesterday's post...

D*ck.

My man was in his car with his windows down...fresh as a cucumber...'massaging his weiner'...

WTF??!!

I didn't know if to laugh, be utterly disgusted or what...
I was in fucking shock..and believe me it takes a lot to shock me...
So I scramble to find a pen to jot down his license plate number, while trying not to lose him in traffic...I tried to call the authorities..but my fucking cell phone was like on the fritz...Fuck technology...

I mean, don't get me wrong. Masterbating (yes I said the "m" word, we are all adults, so chill the fuck out) is totally healty. There is nothing wrong with it as long as u do it on YOUR TIME, in PRIVATE. What if a mom passes by with her kids and they have to witness this crap. Sick shit man. Sick shit.

So end of story, I couldn't get through to anyone and he literally drove right next to me for a good 20 minutes...I rolled up my windows but before doing so, I was very tempted to tell him to put his weiner away. Alas, I did not. U don't know what a man with his weiner out in the view is capable of doing.

::sigh::

Re-telling this was mentally exhausting...

I am oficially taking a break from hotdogs; regular hot dogs, genocide hot dogs, or kosher...No weiners for me please...

Pass on the chicken.

D is for...

Carolyn wrote a wicked post on letters...I asked her to assign me one..and I got the letter "D" so here goes:


Dejame: As in "leave me alone"

Dog: I had one. Mr. Brown...gave him away. ::sniff sniff::

Doughnuts: Yummmy...which leads to:

Diet: Shit

Dad: a man I am not close too and I never will

Dork: I thought people thought I was one back in school

Drama: My life is full of it.

Dover: the oddest last name I have seen with a D

Dramatic: an adjective people usually use to describe me

Dimples: I have them. And they give a kick-ass quality to my smile...



Dick & Dumbass: not dick in the genitalia way..Dick as in "You are a dick" or "what a dick". Dumbass would be the word I use the most to describe people, dumbass or ass, but ass is a whole other letter...

U didn't think this was going to end on such a nice note..did ya??!!

************

Met "A's" son today. Got invited to lunch. Might I say I was a tad nervous. I am easily intimidated by 11 year olds, that's the awkward age in development, the tweens...But might I say, I was impressed.

Cute. Extremely smart. (he even talked about Marie Antoinette) and very polite. He even gave me a hug and made small chat with me. Totally cool.


*************

Crap...I did end on a nice note...

*************

We're gonna kick Cleveland's ass today...again...

************

On a weird note...my work day consisted of looking for information on the power of HOLY BASIL, for my boss.

The things I get paid for.

::kicking feet up on desk::

Where does she get it from???

I've got like a zillion things to do, like pay my cell phone, buy father's day gifts, a graduation gift and my mom a b-day gift...

How many of these things have I actually done?

None.

Yes. Be shocked. I am an Obsessive Compulsive Procrastinator...

*****

Oh news flash: Boston lost last night...and we beat Cleveland...tsk tsk.. Thought I had forgotten about baseball, didn't ya?!

*****

Before I go to the subject at hand..I'd like to give a 'shout out' to "A".

"A" is going to be a college graduate tomorrow. He is going to join the work force as a Social Worker...He doesn't think it's such a big deal...But fuck..graduating College is a Big Deal & he has his son visitin' from Cali-forn-IA, to conmemorate the ocassion. So Congrats!! I have no doubts u'll make a great Social Worker...

*****

Yesterday there was rain..there was hellish traffic...I was late to pick up Miss C as always...so Dad volunteered to pick her up, so I wouldn't just shoot myself on the freeway.

So when I finally make it home, it's almost 7pm...and what is my daughter doing??

She is in the POOL...in this shitty chilly weather...
My mom let her in the pool..Nice...I mean catching a pnenomia isn't a big deal...really it isn't. I love it when she's sick. (Note the sarcastic undertone)

So anyway...my mom tells me that Miss C has been quite the 'shocker' this afternoon..So I ask:

"shocker??".

First she was watching Animal Planet and two animals were fighting and she said:

"Meeeraa...que pasa papá??!!"
Meaning: "Heeeey..what's up nigga??!!"

Then it seems like Miss C wanted to go in the pool while my mother was having dinner...My mom told her to wait..and Miss C, the ever-so-patient daughter looks at her and says:

"Garbage. Chicken in Garbage. Let's go."

Funny thing: How the FUCK did she know my mom was having chicken???!!

So my mom laughs it off..takes her to the pool but Miss C doesn't wanna put on her bathing suit...She thinks we live in a nude community and she's in Playa Ibiza...

My mom threatens her and throws her the bathing suit saying:

"No suit, no Pool Miss C".

Miss C sniffs the suit and replies:

"Eeewww...it's no good, smells like shit".

Gee...I wonder where she gets it from...

Pics...I've been all day on Photobucket trying to get this thing to work...here goes..

Thanx to all for their sweet photo advice..!! Click and Enjoy!
































1. Mommy & Me
2. The aftermath with dad
3. Look Look!! Ponies!! (how shocking!!, ain't it?)
4. How many licks does it take?
5. Empress is to Umbrellas, as I am to Camoflague as Dad is to beer! (grey shirt).
6. Grandpa and me!
7. Sup' bitches! Hey!! I'm four!
8. Yummy!!
9. Guests, Grandma and Mommy!
10.Genocide Weiners..! Delish!
11. What? u lost somethin'!

And Too Much beer...

A perfect recipe for an interesting day.

*ring *ring...

It's 8:30am...

"Hello?"

"Hi..it's me...Puertorican version of Stalker Stacy calling..I was wondering if you need help with the party stuff, I can always come over early..like now"

"Um...it's like 12 balloons and that's it. No more party stuff. I think I'll manage. Thanx."

"Um...what are u gonna do about the rain?".

"Can't do pretty much..don't ya think".

That's how my day started. Yes we had rain..Yes we did pow-wow indian tribe dances and we put a cup filled with water upside down on a plate to make the rain go away.

did it?

U bet ur fucking pants it did.

Empress showed up with her 'friend'...and her marvelous Power Puff Girls Umbrella, my neighbor stopped by with her daughter, Stalker M showed up.."X" was there...mom, dad, bro and some other random family members...

The pool of course was the children's haven..and Miss C couldn't be happier...She got tons of pony's...courtesy of people like, Empress, who likes to drive me mad.

But, the créme of the créme, the piece de resistance..was....drumroll please....

You guessed it:

My DAD.

Ooh la la..dad volunteered to be the Chef..with the Grill.

After asking twenty times where the aluminum foil was supposed to go and figuring out how u started the damn grill, our hotdogs and hamburgers were on their way...

But u see, dad forgot that u have to watch these suckers..my dad decided he'd let them be and go watch some horse races...so the hotdogs ended up like so:


***BLOGGER IS A SUCK ASS AND ISN'T LETTING ME POST PICS***
WILL POST WHEN BLOGGER STOPS PMS-ING



We baptized them as the "Genocide Hotdogs" cuz we figured if in history there was ever a Genocide of Hotdogs, that's what they'd end up looking like.
Since no one wanted to eat them, my dad posted up a reward:

"I will pay anyone who will eat the Hotdog".

He ended up eating it.

We're not that stupid.


After some burnt hotdogs, hamburgers, chicken, ribs and other sweet stuff..we sat to enjoy the sunshine that had finally come out. My dad decided to join us. He was a bit tipsy..and when he's tipsy he'll keep on telling the same stories over and over and over again, with his stutter and looking utterly dazed & confused...

Hey, this is much better than Twister.

So he starts talking bout our dead Cat, who is buried in the yard, with tombstone and eveything...so he rambles on and on and on...and then he decides to check up on the grill...I turn to the Empress and say..

"How much u wanna be that when he sits back down he'll start on the Cat subject again".

Dad sits down...

"Well, that cat was sure special...I mean once, I took her to the vet..."

Me and Empress exchange looks...

Hysterical laughter..
Bwuaaaahhhhhh...

The rest of the afternoon he kept drinking beers, kept telling stories and we kept trying not to die of a massive laugh attack...

It even got to the point where we discussed his OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).

"Is it true u suffer from OCD?" I ask with imaginary air mike in hand..

"Um...yes"

"How many times this weekend have u cleaned the driveway?".

"Two".

I then turn to my brother:

"Do u fear for ur life when u take his pants and use them without permission?".

"Yes. I do".


Bwuaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...

Then we started on the subject of Napoleon Dynamite..and we went into a whole hour of talkin' like Mexicans...

I just kept repeating: "Orale Dog Your popsicles melting".

Until my mom told me to "fuck off".

Boy did we laugh...

And everyone was tipsy..except me..bwuaaaaahhhhhhh....

At the end of the day...we sang the glorious b-day song to Miss C and my Mom, who's b-day is tomorrow...and eveyone had a blast...

The best part: MY MISS C...my MISS C WHO WAS DIAGNOSED AS AUTISTIC...knew it was HER b-day...let everyone sing her happy b-day and blew out her candles..and when u asked her who's b-day it was, she answered:

"Miss C's b-day!!!"

and How old r u Miss C?

"Four ::holding out her four lil' fingers::"!!!

Supercalafrajalistic INDEED!!!

Happy B-Day My Wildflower...

To you My Miss C:

Wildflower Sheryl Crow lyrics
Artist: Sheryl Crow
Album: Wildflower
Year: 2005
Title: Wildflower


Quiet hour
You have always been my wildflower
Showing up wherever beauty's lost its way
Your heart must break

I was free
Until I heard the song you sang me to me
Pulling me away from everything I knew
To be with you

And everything I know just fades away
And every time you go it hurts me so
I don't know why when I know we're free
Free to fly

Here we are
Burning faster than the closest star
Falling back down to the Earth
I love you so it sometimes hurts

Closer still
You will find me standing on the hill
Waiting for you with my arms stretched open wide
Now, come inside

And everything I know just fades away
And every time you go it hurts me so
I don't know why when I know we're free
Free to fly

And everything I know just fades away
And where the wildflower grows it picks its space
And that's the way it is when nature plays its lovely hand
We'll understand everything

Everything, everything

**************


Childhood Dreams Nelly Furtado lyrics
Artist: Nelly Furtado
Album: Folklore
Year: 2003
Title: Childhood Dreams
**I changed the lyrics a tad..the changes are in bold...(original lyrics say "boy")**


I cant believe you need me
I never thought I would be needed for anything
I can't believe my shoulder would carry such important weight
As your head and your tears
I can't believe you chose me, in all my fragility, me
It hurts so much when i love you, it makes me cry
Every time

You, you are, oh you are
The little "girl" made for me in the stars
In the stars, that's why I can't let you go
The little "girl" made for me in the stars
That's why I love you more the further I go
And before this existence you were always there
Waiting for me
You are, you are the realest thing I know
Hands down
The realest thing I know

I am not used to being carried
Or being able to carry a pretty song
I have been bruised by my many trails
Sometimes my skin's so thick it's frail
I just need to be ignored 'til I wake up to the beauty that is yours
And it all comes to life so suddenly
This is a place so deep, the water's so deep I hesitate, cause

All the energy it takes to feel this power
I tend to run, I tend to hide, I tend to scream 'til I find you and I know I got you
I know, I know, I know

You're the little "girl" made for me in the stars
In the stars, that's why I can't let you go
The little "girl" made for me in the stars
That's why I love you more the further I go
And before this existence you were always here
Inside of me
You are, you are the realest thing I know
Hands down...the realest thing I know

I'm sliding on the rainbows of my childhood dreams
I'm sliding on the rainbows of my childhood dreams

When you carry me, when you carry me, when you carry me
It's so happy

I'm sliding on the rainbows of my childhood dreams
I'm sliding on the rainbows of my childhood dreams


*******

I may kick, I may scream, I may curse. But in your most quiet hour, I always understand how dear you are to me.

Love,
Mary Mom

Poetic Justice.

Elves and Fairies

Every day with the rythm of the sun or rain...
My life it moves...
Lethargic...
Tired...

How to think of elephants with wings, elves and fairies,
When I am chained to my thoughts.
My complaints become tiresome to those who said:
You and me till the end of the world.

Unjust?

No.

The 'u' and 'me' evaporated.
The end of the world approached.
I do not know.
Letters, Words, Thoughts, nurish my way and all of my senses.
They all recieve the same sound:
BZzzzzz....

And now I am caught,
Cuz there is no recipe to end this bad state.
What else is there left to do,
If everything ends, so it can begin.
And only in fairy tales u can have the 'happily ever after'.

The End?

***********
The Anchor

I am chained to an impossible.
Memories that once kept me afloat,
are my anchor in the deep, vast sea.

The sea I have created with my longing for you.

I am chained to an impossible.
Thoughts that lit my way,
are the demons that haunt my soul.

The soul, that is barely alive, waiting for you.

I am chained to an impossible.
For I know you will not come.
And I know I will still wait.
Because your love has filled me up with air.
Not fully digested but down inside.
Still waiting for the moment to come back out and leave my body.
As quickly as it went it.

I am chained to an impossible,
who has taken me out to the sea, with my demons
Even though it knows I cannot swim.

And it watches me from the shore,
As my memories weigh me down.
And I drown in the thoughts that will haunt me,
and search for me, like a light house,
in the deep vast sea.

I will be chained to an impossible.
That impossible is me.



Both by: Me.

B.P.P. / various rants.

Hey..well I post the good, the bad and the ugly..

We got our asses kicked last night. I have no idea what Torre was thinking..but letting that pitcher keep loading bases was not such a good idea (I know he was looking for a double play), but loading bases with Ramirez and Big Papi at bat..not so bright.

Also: Schilling was murdering us...Steinberg **hint hint** that's the kind of pitcher you should buy..

Other bad bad news..Sheffield will out till September...ARRGGGGHH!!!
But alas,
Revenge will be sweet..

***********

Ok. Driving Etiquette.

I have road rage. Shocking news isn't it?..
Well yesterday as I was at a RED Light, a taxi driver behind me started honking his horn, he wanted me to disobey the law and run over the red light...so he kept honking his horn and I rolled down my window, stuck my hand out and hit on my hood, which is the puertorican way of saying "fly over my car u prick"...

So taxi man gets pissed, keeps honking..and I stick my hand out again and flip him the bird...go make noise pollution somewhere else...dumb f*ck.

When the light changes, he speeds past me and stops right next to me..he looks at me, says something, probably about my mother..and what does mamasita me do? I smiled and blew him the biggest kiss I could offer...LOL.

He drove off immediatley.

As my teacher once told me: Kill em' with kindness....after u flip em' the bird of course..

**********

I am considering going into the BPP...

Blogger's Protection Program.

Someone has "Googled" me and found my blog. Even after I mentioned I did not want them to find it. ::sigh:: Mortifying...Mortifying indeed.

This blog is like my manic side. It's where I can be the abnormal, crazy ass person I can be. It's kind of embarrasing for people who see the 'other' me, find this blog and read my online rants and total nonsense...

Mortifying.

**********
My mom shouldbe back today...Bout fuckin' time. Last night was our last supper...Aleluya....No more cooking for ungrateful people...sweet...

**********
Finished the 'Da Vinci Code' movie yesterday....pretty loyal to the book...Tom Hanks I did not like, Audrey I loved..she is a french chic that totally rocks...(I love her French movies better though)...Ian McKellen rocked..and Paul Bettany as the Albino Monk...really creepy, really great...good movie...I'm not too disappointed..although Howard kind of messed with the end a bit...

**********

Friday's Four:

Things I would love to do this weekend,

1. Have a nice time at my daugther's b-day bash.
2. Sleep at least till 11 am on Sunday...bwuaaaahhhhhhhhh....dream dream dream.
3. Do nothing. Just sit my ass and do absolutely nothing. This is totally impossible, especially with a toddler who doesn't take naps.
4. See the movie "Cronicas"...I started to watch it this week, but could not finish. But I doubt I can do that, cuz this weekend is a busy one..

What would u like ur weekend to be like?

*********
I have some other writting being conjured up in my lil' brain...look out for weekend posts!!

Say it with me: S-T-R-E-S-S!!

Game postponed due to Rain...tsk tsk..Mr. Schilling will have to wait his turn...

:-)

*****************

Ok.back to our regular post.

I don't usually rant about my troubles as a single-mom of a special needs child...cuz I don't like to dwell on the fact that sometimes life is incredibly difficult and that sometimes I think I might actually die of a heart attack.

I need to learn how to take things easy. But I can't.

Miss C started summer school. She has no transport till next week, but as I had mentioned, "X" is picking her up. "X"s car broke down. He can't pick her up tomorrow. Which means she'll miss a day. A day I do not want her to miss. She needs the structure, the class, the program. Crap. I was thinking about asking for the day off. But I don't know if my Boss will agree to that, since yesterday, "X" dropped Miss C off at my office and she drove all of us nuts.

I'm trying to type up a contract and Miss C is chasing my dog's Chihuahua all over the house. And my boss is Hyperventilating. She is allergic to children. Highly allergic. She once gave my daughter a paper bag to play with.

She is SO allergic that after letting her play with the dog, the bird, (which she wanted to give to Miss C...like if I don't have enough shit to look after), giving her a Mountain Dew...My boss told me to go home early.

Bwuaaaahhhhh...

"Um...my dear 'little' friend (she likes to use words in diminutive form), um...(nervous fidgeting)..since the 'child'..(doesn't call children in a first name basis) is over, and I'm kind of wound up..why don't we call it a day?".

My answer: "Sure".

Bwuaaaahhhhh...

At 4pm we packed up our shit and were on the way home.

Who says kids don't come in handy??

************

Well now I have this dilema of to take her or not to school...Not to mention that on Tuesdays and Thursdays she has back-to-back therapies..and by the time she actually makes it to school, the day is over. (She gets out at 11:30pm). So now I'm actually backing off the psychological therapies, and only have her go to her occupational therapist. All these therapies are driving me up a fucking wall.

Why drop the psychological therapies? Cuz first of all, they are doing the same thing they do at OT. Second: One on occasion I got to therapy and the therapist never showed. And Today, after I tell my boss I'm gonna be in late, the therapist shows up 15 mintues late and goes in with a parent...40 mintues later, Miss C is banging her head on the door, (she is like a lil' clock..and gets desperate when she doesn't get called in)..I'm supposed to be on my way to work and this bitch is still inside, she doesn't even come out to tell me and the other parents, anything...So what do we all do? We leave.

Shit, we have to work to bring home the money to pay the bills, what the fuck do u think I do all day...watch soap operas??

Now the "X" just called that he has picked up Miss C but is very afraid the car he is in will leave him at any second...cuz it's broken a major Oil Retention artifact..Now I'm in stress just thinking he will be stranded with her..it's happened before and believe me it ain't a pretty pic.

**********

Word of the Day: STRESS...
Say it with me...

We did it , we did it..we won we won.

2 - 1

Couldn't see the game..they weren't showing it on my regular cable crap channels...But I did read this morning that we won...boo ya...Veteran Bernie made a homer...hurrah.

Kicking ass tonight as well...

***********

In other exciting news..cuz it seems like I'm on everyone's 'like list' this week.

Yesterday Miss C started summer school. But she doesn't have transport till' next week. I asked the "X" if he would mind picking her up everyday at 12pm this week and dropping her off at daycare so I could clock in a few hours..

::gasp:: Not only did he say 'yes'..but yesterday he picked her up and instead of taking her to daycare, he took her home so she could chill...

OMG.

I'm on "A"'s 'like list' as well. You see, even though he is a distant type of fellow, he has his ways of showing how he 'likes' u. He lent me his "Six Feet Under" series, Season 1 & 2...awww ain't that sweet...and I didn't even have to ask..he just flat out told me to take em' to watch em'.

So weeks of "Six Feet Under" are on there way...YIPPY!!.

******

So I am liked. That feels grand.

******

In other exciting events..I have this friend..she is cool. I love her dearly. We don't talk as often as we'd like but we do manage to keep in touch. We usually gab really early while on our ways to work or in the afternoons on our way home. We usually get into really weird subject matters. Don't ask me how..but we'll start to talk about sunny skies and then shift into genocide.

Lately when we talk she always shifts into "true-horror story" mode. We'll be talking about something and she'll go:

"Well u know..I had a friend who once..."

Today was no exception.

***WARNING MATURE SUBJECT MANNER UP AHEAD***SO IF U FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE END POST READING NOW***

I was telling her this morning that I was in dear pain cuz "P. Flow" was here for her monthly visit. She was suggesting some self heating pads to ease my pain blah blah...and somehow we got into the subject matter of "tampons" vs. "maxi pads". I personally use both. The second I use for sleeping..but during the day "tampons" are God's gift to women when "P. Flow" arrives. So she goes:

"It's good u balance, cuz I know a friend who used tampons, even to sleep and her blood cogulated in her body, cuz u know it needs to flow, and she developed some type of cancer..they had to scrape her inner cervix and have it removed".

NICE...ESPECIALLY FOR AN 8AM CONVERSATION, WITH A PERSON WHO IS IN EXCRUCIATING PAIN HERSELF.

Girl talk...something sometimes, I don't long for.

An Excerpt from today's Yahoo MLB section:

NY Yankees 13, Boston 5
Preview - Box Score - Recap

By MIKE FITZPATRICK, AP Baseball Writer
June 5, 2006


NEW YORK (AP) -- Jason Giambi and Andy Phillips each hit a three-run homer in a seven-run second inning Monday night, and the New York Yankees battered old nemesis Josh Beckett in a 13-5 rout of the Boston Red Sox.



The article forgot to mention that my dear dear Manny Ramirez failed to catch a hit in the 3rd inning, allowing us to score two runs..

tsk tsk Manny.

BOO YA!! Get ready for tonight's repeat..

*************

Panas: Breadfruit, typical in the Caribbean Islands. When toasted with it's skin on, it tastes like, u guessed it: toasted bread.

Thank u, "A" for that clarifying Email.

************

Pool w/ filter: $ 59.00
Pool chemicals: $ 20.00
Pool cover (still to be purchased): $ 47.00

$47.00 DOLLARS...??!! ARE U PEOPLE OUT OF UR FUCKING MINDS??!!!

It's a Solar Pool Cover, meant to keep the water warm. In this blazing weather, does it look like I need the water to remain warm. I just don't want twigs and unwanted things to drop into my pool...

So for the time being my dad has come up with a nifty cover...and Old Queen sized mattress sheet...tied down by strings to make 'pasteles' and rocks...sweet...should've seen him tying the thing on...in the dark...and obviously in a very very cheery mood, until one of the strings broke:

"PIECE OF SHIT STRING...U NEED TO HURRY UP AND BUY A COVER FOR THIS POOL OR HUGE INSECTS ARE GONNA FALL IN AND U'RE GONNA HAVE TO EMPTY THE POOL AGAIN, CUZ THEY WILL ATTACK MISS C".

I wasn't aware that we lived in the Amazons.

Sexy Bikinis..

Why would a 500 pound woman wear a skin tight skimpy black top, with an equally skin tight pair of tappered jeans, and on top of that, leave her jean zipper only halfway pulled upwards, with her gut hanging and her black sheer bikini underwear showing, and actually parade herself for public viewing??!!!

causing me to nearly burn my retina and crash into the car in front me!!!

Why, oh why, cruel cruel world...!!
DAMN YOU SHEER UNDERWEAR!! DAMN U HIP HUGGERS!!!

When leaves attack...

Yesterday during our pool adventure...the man who has 4 days left to officially croak..(my mom is back on Friday..God Bless her soul)...was out busy raking 'leaves'.

Keep in mind, he has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder...he rakes 'leaves' everyday..even when there are no leaves left to rake...he sweeps every day..to the point that he has made 'holes' in the cement with his broom...

Sick Sick.

So yesterday he is outside in the yard, C is in the pool, "X" and I are sitting on the ground waiting to see if the inflatable ring would lose air (this was pre-new pool). My dad is trying to cut down some leaves from a nearby tree and some "panas" (someone help me out with this food translation) that were bad growing on the tree. Yes he was cutting down leaves to rake.

I told ya he is sick.

So down comes the "pana", the leaves, some twigs..etc. etc.

So he starts raking...tu ru ru ru ru...::humming::
Me and the "X" are watching...
Cuz he's got some really shitty crappy garbage bags lined up to place his debris in.

He scoops the stuff up places them in the bag and....

VOILA!!!

The bag rips open as he started to walk with it...

Followed quickly with a :

"SHIT...MUTHAF*CKER...CRAPPY ASS, CHEAP BAGS, DAMN U LORD...MY LIFE IS PIECE OF SHIT...I CURSE U FOR GIVING ME A CRAPPY BAG..DAMN U CRAPPY BAG..!!!"

We had to look away...look away really quick cuz I was gonna loose it...with laughter of course...

I was really tempted to tell him to chill on the cuss words cuz Miss C was right by him..but I changed my mine...didn't want to be suffocated by the remains of a bag.

So he goes and gets another bag....tries to place it over the ripped bag and as he tries..the rip bag slips and all the contents spill on the ground...

"SHIT...MUTHAF*CKER...CRAPPY ASS, CHEAP BAGS, DAMN U LORD...MY LIFE IS PIECE OF SHIT...I CURSE U FOR GIVING ME A CRAPPY BAG..DAMN U CRAPPY BAG..!!!"

AHHHH..nothing like a nice sunday afternoon with the fam.

When pools attack.

Howdy...Aint' it a fine Sunday evening...sure it is..except for the fact that I think I might be catching a cold from one, dirty bacteria ridden child...they are zest pools for colds...

Anyway.

"X" was here at 8am to set up our pool. I was less than thrilled cuz I was still sleeping. I went to bed late last night reading. Yes. I read. LOL.

So we start the pool thing...we get it opened..find the best spot..and are all very very excited...

Miss C is later taken down, while the pool is filling up and you should've seen her eyes..She went haywire..

"That is Miss C's pool!!!!!!"...

Awesome.

So we let her dip in the pool while it was filling up. The sun's out, she's having fun and we are all happy.

But, this is my blog. This is my life. And u know by now that it all can't be peaches 'n' cream. It will never be peaches 'n' cream. About half-way through the pool filling process, the outer inflatable ring starts to lose air. We figure it was not closed tight enough, so 'X' fills it back up. While I was upstairs he calls:

"The pool ring is broken, it keeps on losing air".

OUT OF ALL OF THE FUCKING POOLS AT THE STORE, I, OH I, HAVE TO PICK UP THE BAD, CRAPPY ASS POOL!!! JUST MY LUCK.

So I immediatley go, 'well we have to take it back now'...due to the fact that Miss C was out of the pool eating and it was the best time to empty it out, cuz she had just gotten out. So my dad is like : "But wait till I get in for a while and then empty it out.."

WTF???!!

We have to empty it out NOW!!! Cuz if we wait longer, Miss C is gonna wanna go back in and then it will be impossible to get her back out.

So the "X" complies. We empty out the shit pool and he heads out to return it.
90 minutes later he comes back and we set to fill out the pool for a second time.
I am so glad we decided to fill it out today and not the day of her b-day bash, cuz ha!! what a surprise we were gonna have...
Things went smoothly this time..and after I made dinner, nice delicious pasta which everyone loved, we all got in the pool, "X", Miss C , bro and I...Gosh I have so much water in my ear, u can put a fish in through the canal..

We splashed and played like lil' kids..Miss C played too..We had an awesome time.
I just hope she doesn't wanna go in the pool tomorrow when we leave to daycare...

Wish me luck..cuz this pool is a make it or break it deal...if I post tomorrow it means I'm still alive and have not jumped off my roof diving into the hell pool.

Toodles...

song of the moment.

Mirror, mirror on the wall
Tell me, mirror, what is wrong?
Can it be my de la clothes
Or is it just my de la song?
What I do ain’t make-beleive
People say I sit and try
But whan it comes to being de la
It’s just me myself and i

It’s just me myself and i
It’s just me myself and i
It’s just me myself and i


By: De la Soul....
Me, Myself and I....

One for the Money...

If I didn't mention it before, I will know:

My b-day gift to Miss C is a pool. A small filter pool, since she enjoys water so much. K mart had them on sale. I went during the week, with no money to make sure the pools were in stock. There were plenty of them. Guess what happened when I went to buy it on Friday????

NO Fucking pools...NO WHERE...IN NO OTHER STORES!!! THERE WERE LIKE 50 POOLS ON THURSDAY...AND THE NEXT DAY NO POOLS, ANYWHERE??!!! A MASSIVE POOL SPREE ON THE ISLAND, WERE THERE GONNA BE NO POOLS FOR THE REST OF THE SUMMER...IS THERE SOME KIND OF FUTURE POOL SHORTAGE I WAS NOT AWARE ABOUT?? ARE POOL COMPANIES FILING FOR BANKRUPTCY?

SHIT.

should have charged it to my credit card.

Anyway, long story short..went to another store this morning before therapy...

ALELUYA..

The POOL...on sale as well, I grabbed that bitch up and hauled ass to the check out line...without hearing Miss C wail that she wanted a PONY.

Fuck. spending my money on a pool when she is happy with a 6 buck pony.

Now the only problem is, that I did not contemplate the logistics of where the pool is to be put. See, we have a large backyard, but like my family, it's all fucked up. uneven ground everywhere...cement on some spots, rocks..and not to mention no electricity outlet anywhere. I'll keep ya posted, cuz the "X" will stop by tomorrow to get the thing set up.

*********

Something I hate and must clarify. I rarely return calls. I mean, if u call and I can't answer and u don't leave a message, I won't call. If u leave a message and I am busy and clearly understand it is not an emergency, I'll try to remember to call back, but I usually don't. If u call and I pick up and tell u I will call u back, don't wait around, cuz I won't. That is just the way I am. I forget. I get involved doing stuff that if I do remember to call back it's waaaay to late to. People need to understand this and comprehend it's not some sort of personal vendetta. Dont' take it personal. And don't, don't don't

DON'T!!!!

Leave me 20 zillion messages in this tone:

"Hey it's me, again...why don't u call me back...do u not wanna talk to me?? It seems like u don't..blah blah blah..."

or

"Hey...I've called u like 5 times (yeah, I should know..I have all ur missed calls), call me...shit..u never call back".

None of the above are clearly emergencies.

I have this one friend, who I love dearly, but she will call trillions of times, leave like trillions of voice messages, she will text message me..call me from an alternate phone..I mean, anything in her power to try to get a hold of me. She has called me sometimes on a Sunday at 9am!!! On a Sunday!!!! MY ONLY DAY TO SLEEP IN...AND U CALL AT 9AM TO BULLSHIT...OMFG.

OH AND:

Don't call 20 zillion times and leave 20 zillion messages. I got the point by the 5th message. Shit.

and the people who usually leave these messages are people who:

A) Got it made and have people doing everything for them

B) Who don't have it made, but don't give a shit if their house is falling in pieces and assume u can sit on ur ass all day and talk on the phone while watching soap operas.

I do not fall into either category. So please take a chill pill and calm the fuck down.

And don't tell me:

"Well I was worried about u...since u don't answer ur phone..."

::rolling eyes::

********
And to complete my vortex of a weekend, "X" wants to take all my unreleased recordings (of what was supposed to be my first album) and release it, of course, doing some nip and tuck, here and there. I am not truly convinced of this idea, just yet, but I will keep ya posted.

One for the Money, Two for the Show!

Friday's Four...

Weekend is here...hurrah..Kitchen will be closed. Those who need food, please head out to ur local KFC, Mc D's or anyother fast food joint of ur choice.

Here's Friday's Four...dedicated to...clothes:

4 items of my wardrobe I could not live without...well I could live without..but not as fashionably..

1. Gap Jean Jacket...it has puffy sleeves and is really cute...Best of all I got it on sale and goes great with everything, from casual outfits to nice girly dresses...

2. My Dollhouse light blue washed jeans...They fit before my daugther and they fit now...I love love love em'...

3. My black spaghetti strap top...it shows the right amount of cleavage, is sooo comfy and makes me look thin!! Hurrah...

4. My Yankees baseball cap...It is a must for the weekend, for supermarket trips and local therapy outtings with Miss C...I am a fan of hats, scarves and anything that covers my head...especially when I need a haircut. Like now.

what r ur closet must haves?

******
For a BONUS..HERE'S THE QUOTE OF THE DAY:

"El que necesita, ANDA".

"He who needs, walks."

The Target of Ur Affection...

It seems like lately I am a target of someone's affection...I'm not gonna give u any more publicity..well..maybe I will ...later..but u know who u are..

U who sugggest that my sink is clogged because I destroy our planet by throwin' my old oil down the drain..which I don't...::stickin' out tongue::

U who I have a picture wearing a Chicago Bulls jersey with a Black wide ass NIKE headband and a blond head full of Volumax Curls and black Charles Barkely sneaks...

U who I have another pic wearing silver lipstick..yes silver lipstick...don't make me scan it...lol...

U who make fun of me cuz I get my hair cut at Supercuts...yada yada yada...we can't all be supermodels..Haha...

U who knows that once we went to meet some guys at an apartment and right before we got there I got a huge stomach ache that forced me to use a ::gasp:: public restroom at a Gas Station....ROTF....Omfg..do u REMEMBER THAT??!!!!

....And I'm not even gonna go into the whole Supergirl incident at Walgreens (it has to do with flying without a cape)...cuz I won't be able to type it..cuz I'm already in complete hysteria...

Oh God...we have been through so many many odd, funny and sad times together...and it's nice to know I am still the target of ur affection..and u are mine...

Here's to 14 years of signing "killing me softly" in an old green datsun that took us to the fugees concert and to the beach...here's to a kick ass grey porshe that took us to Rio Hondo Mall to eat fries while ur mom did her hair, and to the same car that took us to MY senior Prom, which I had the Honor to go to with u...and was even more honored that ur mom took us there...

Ok..that's enough...I feel old...dammit we are old..."Onyx..ta da ra ta da ra..let boys be boys!!!"...

U know who u are...and I know too.!

****************
On another less emotional note...
Last night, long ass night.
Dinner. blah blah...bathtime blah blah.

Around 2am...something wet cold...nope, not almond milk this time.
I extend my hand to touch Miss C...she took off her diaper...lil prick!!!

She wet the bed...
So I had to get her up, change her, change sheets and blankets and pj's at that hour...I even managed to scrape a knuckle as I was on a chair trying to get some clean sheets from my short people impaired closet...

::sigh:: mother'hood' is the bomb.

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