Gobble Gobble Part Uno

Our Thanksgiving Weekend started on Wednesday...
Miss C has her annual Turkey Marathon...where they make the kids run to win a Turkey.
They hand out one Turkey for each boy and girl who come in first place in their grade.

Miss C wins by default.
She is the only girl in her class.

I had the pleasure of being there this year, only to find out I had to run.
Thank God I didn't wear stiletos...they made me run with her, hand in hand,

UP A HILL!!

And I'm like:

"Run...Run Miss C..Run dammit..I want that Turkey!!"

Ok.
Not really.
But I did get her pumped up enough to win second place....

Which was a miracle, since when we headed out for the race, she saw the huge inflatables and didn't wanna run...she wanted to go bounce in them...

We convinced her to run real quick and homegirl flung her medal at me and headed for the inflatables, where she obeyed no rules, shoved in front of the rest of the kids, and launched herself with no type of fear, sliding with sheer giggles...

That's my kid!


***
The evening went on about...as I put my tree up...and True came over to practice for Thursday's event. Our church was having a special service, where we would show thanx in different, creative ways...

The pastor directly invited me to make my return to the emcee scene...
Me and True put together this last minute thing..and we spent Wednesday night practicing up until like 1am...

We had a few minor glitches...and creative differences..but we pulled our act together...

***
Thanksgiving...On my way to church....stomach flying in all directions...totally nervous...have half of my song written in my hand....praying and holding onto Christ's robe...a la Vader..

I get to church and while the service begins I'm here repeating my parts over and over...then the pastor comes to me to ask me for a favor...

"Yeah..sure?"
"We have picked 3 people to go up front and speak on what they give thanx for...would you mind being one of those 3?"
"Sure".


So right after the band....I went up front and told them how thankful I was for my daughter's progress...how I didn't understand God's plan for me up until the other days...how I no longer believe in coincidence...that everything has a purpose...

Of course, I didn't not say this with a straight face...I got teary eyed a thousand times...kind of choked on my words..and giggled on how they were gonna make me cry...

Everyone handing me boxes of tissues...

I can't help thinking...
I'm such a corndog...

Then the time was here....
Stage time...
I thought I wanna gonna throw up....
I took the mic...we got on stage..and it went all...all...good...
I kind of stumbled once..but I got it together and you guys should have seen the church...the pastors...EVERYONE!!

Cheering and singing!!

I handed my camera over to a friend..but the batteries died out...Only Mary Poppin's camera would die out on such an ocassion!!! so I couldn't take any videos...only pics...

Another friend managed to take a short video..but don't have the tag to upload it onto here yet...
It's on my myspace if ya care to see...in my comment section..or try the second link..I think you can see it there better...

http://www.myspace.com/marypleavesthebuilding


True & Me

I was so relieved when I got down and it was all over...

And in the pastor's words:

"That was the extra "Umph" you needed to finally be here!!"

Amen.


Afraid of Changes




Landslide Lyrics
by Dixie Chicks



I took my love and I took it down
I climbed a mountain and I turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down

Oh, mirror in the sky
What is love
Can the child within my heart rise above
Can I sail thru the changing ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life

Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older too
Well...

Well, I've been afraid of changing 'cause I built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Children get older
I'm getting older, too
Well I'm getting older too

So, take this love and take it down
Year and if you climb a mountain and ya turn around
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well the landslide brought me down
And if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills
Well maybe
Well maybe
Well maybe the landslide will bring you down

Yeah..

I'm in a crappy mood...
If you get too close I might bite your head off...or chop one of your fingers or just completely snap...

It is 11:38..pm..I am still in time for my Friday's Four..and since I am in such a foul mood....I have to admit,

that sometimes...Mary Poppins leaves the building and I don't have nice things to say..



1. Vietnam..I've just about had it with you. You wanna lock yourself up and threaten to kill yourself..and break glasses and throw chairs...Be my guest...You do have insurance? don't ya? I've already got a kid...don't need another one to look after.

2. People who lie...or say they aren't gonna do things and turn around and do them anyways...really tick me off. Don't push my buttons or feed me stories that later turn out to be crap...You have no idea how much I would like to hurt someone when people do that...

3. Hey..I'm not apologizing for not being "chipper". I am not Ms. Cleaver. June was it? June, August..whatever...I hate to apologize for not being being chipper...you don't see me making you apologize for being overly happy and cheerful...

4. And a bah' humbug to you too. The Holiday season has gone off on a wrong foot. Can ya' tell? People at Walgreens I want you to know...that you and every Godforsaken store on this island need to make a special line for people who are NOT buying Holiday related items...I went to get some advil and by the time I got to the cash register to pay...I needed a f*ing refil...

So sometimes I don't have nice things to say.
Am I bitter?
Will I remain like this for the rest of the Holidays?
Will I strangle someone with a cord of 100 multi-colored blinking lights?

Who knows...

But sometimes I don't feel like being 'chipper'...I don't feel like being 'swell' and saying 'good golly' 'darnit'...

Sometimes I just wanna use a whole lotta 4 and five letter words to get it all out of my system....

so next time, I'll bicker less...

You have any not-so-nice things to say?
Wanna vent?

We are the world....

I'm tired.
I'm very tired.
I'm so tired that everytime I get behind the steering wheel I have to literally slap myself in the face to avoid falling asleep....

Sometimes I can't help wanting to be like Puertorican White Rice...
EVERYWHERE...

I need to learn how to slow down...

I've been busy doing some church related things..like helping True out with his stuff like a type of personal assistant with fringe benefits..

I'm not saying what the benefits are...
so don't ask...

I've also been up to my ears in work...because my boss loves to leave things for the last minute just so she can see me squeal and self-inflict paper cuts in my fingers...

Miss C is doing great....she's talking like a parrot...telling us to shut up..be quiet...shhh shhh...slamming her fists on tabletops to make sure she gets her point across....(remind ya' of anyone??)

She has also developed a keen sense of observation...

Yesterday she was playing with this Pirate Ship, which I have tried to throw out on 3 occasions...It's an old Fisher Price Ship that belonged to my bro when he was a kid...a normal kid...before the whole Ghostbuster fanatic era...

So, anywhoot, Miss C always sees it in the trash..digs it out and takes it to play...but yesterday she made the most wickedest observation:

"Look Mothe-e-e-r (she stresses the "ER" part..and actually says this in English) it's a pirate ship!!"


"Yes...::rolls eyes:: it's a pirate ship.."


"Yeah, Moth-e-er it's a pirate ship with wheels...ships don't have wheels!!"

Note to Fisher Price:
You guys have to start making anatomically correct ships...these kids are sharp..

****
Things with True are good...
Nice, calm...not too much drama..
But once in a while I'll catch an attitude bug to stir things up a bit...
I'm not about to completely retire and take up knitting ya' know...
He thinks I have an attitude problem....

Maybe it's because I like to win. ALWAYS.
Perhaps I am used to being the QUEEN OF THE HOUSE, QUEEN OF THE JUNGLE...MASTER OF THE LAND...yada yada yada..

I'll admit to the attitude problem...but I'm hooked...like crack...
It's hard as hell to not wanna honk your horn and flip the bird at someone who cuts you off in traffic...
Or when you're told you need to turn your attitude down a notch..

What notch??!!

*****

And on a final sad note...the mom of a dear friend has passed away. She lived a plentiful life (she was 98), but nevertheless the loss of a mother is very hard. I went to the funeral home to pay my respects. I never had the pleasure of meeting her, but my friend is one special lady.

But...but....
I don't usually do funeral homes...
I especially don't do funeral homes, flying solo.
But I decide to go anyways..
and after failing to park Death Van in reverse, in the only spot available...I walk in and there's no one in the room she was assigned to.

So my stupid ass sits there by myself...and waits...and waits...
and after about 15 mintues, I'm like...am I in the right place?

So I go to information...and homegirl with the black lip liner, who happens to be flashing her cleavage and chewing on a massive wad of Bubblelicious says:

"They are in the Main Center for the Service".

Service? ::gulp::

I go in..sit through the Holy-mary-mother-of-god & the Ave María, long enough until the Father tells us to hug each other...and when saw each other and hugged and she introduced me to the rest of her family...

When the service continued...the Father told us all to join hands...

Join hands??
With strangers??


I had to hold hands with two strange men who were with their significant others...

and while they were singing a "We are the World like song", I kept hearing Hip Hop in my ears..

as soon as they let go and people scattered I made my way home...Vader agreed to taking care of Miss C for a limited time only...

But to you my dear friend....
I send you all my good vibes...all my strength and hope to pass this difficult moment..

and I'd hold hands with all the strangers in the world if it would help..

****
So anywhoot I'm off...and if I can't post tomorrow...I wish you guys a happy, peaceful and joyous thanksgiving...!!

Thought of the evening: When in doubt, consult your pillow

Paper mound

::sifting through office documents trying take a whiff of oxygen::

I'm still alive.

Just under a pile of paperwork..and housework and work work..

but I'm lurking...

be visiting your blogs...soon enough..

I miss you guys!!

Weekend Recap....

True had a big activity on Sunday...so..of course, I tagged along..as well as the gals and crew from our church...











Tis the season...to be jolly...fa la la la la...la la la la...

yada yada yada.

Yeah...you read it in the other post...Christmas Season is here...

It is a time of peace..joy...happiness...togetherness and everyone is chipper and gay and full of glee...

Unless your the grinch...who doesn't give a rat's ass about X-mas...and frankly...sometimes...::sigh:: X-mas can be one big ball of suck. Don't get me wrogn people...I think X-mas is cute. I am so like into putting up the tree on Thanksgiving..and gifts and holiday music..and telling everyone "Happy Holidays!!", even if they stare at me with their laser beam eyes and burn off my eyebrows..

But along with the chipperness...along with the season..comes a few things that make me wanna keep celebrating Halloween and jump straight to St. Patrick's day...

So, to make up for last week's absent Friday's Four...I will add a bonus round of two more items...Ooh la la..

So here's Friday's Four: Holiday Dread Edition

1. Speeding up X-mas. There are already people with X-mas lights up and they still haven't eaten turkey....No wonder so many people die of heartattacks and get depressed during this season...some a-holes have nothing to do but speed it up a notch...

The Government has already given out the X-mas Bonuses to their employees so they could buy their stuff before our sales tax kicks in...(it kicked in today)...

2. So...the stores are jammed packed before schedule. Jammed packed as in...if tomorrow I wanna go to the supermarket I have to make sure I take at least one valium and do some mad Yoga before I head out. I must mentally prepare myself for people with their cars in the way...with blinkers on waiting for parking spaces...or people seeing you with YOUR blinkers on and them take yours...

3. The longevity of our Holidays. Here in Puerto Rico, we pride ourselves for having the "Longest X-mas on Earth". ::cringe:: Our Holidays begin right after Halloween and go into the 3rd week of January. We have Three King's Day on the 6th...the week after that we have "Las Octavitas" which is a post X-mas tradition, and the weekend after that we have the "San Sebastian Street Festivals"....

It's exhausting just typing...can you imagine the amount of family members you have to see and outfits you have to buy....speaking of which..

4. Family Gatherings. If you got a family...like mine, the Holidays are the enemy. Having a Legitimate Holiday shoved in your face and having your parents constantly remind you to that we ALL have to go to Aunt what's-her-face's-house...ya' know the Aunt you don't see all year, who happens to smell funky, have two children your age that you hate and whose water from the tap tastes like water from the tap with little ants floating in the cup...a plastic cup, from a Super-sized Combo from BK.

5. Shopping. Alas, I have done my X-mas shopping, but lifes goes on. I can't avoid the stores in their total state. I have to go grocery shopping and buy 'normal-non-holiday' items...Unless I plan to buy bulk loads that will last me like two months, the approximate time our holiday's last...

So...this means I still have to go out and go to stores and see how grown women fight over the last can of sliced pineapples, that either of them needs for their Ham...or see how 'happy' *note the term "happy" is used very loosely*, the cashier are with their Santa Claus hats, their bosses' make them wear, on their 2nd straight shift without lunch.

6. The Food. I know many Puertoricans who read this just fell back in their chairs and are prepared to set my on fire...

"How can you say that?? That's the best part of the Holidays!!"


Yeah?? Don't get ya' panties in a wad..
Speak for yourselves...
You have any ideas how many family gatherings are there during the Holidays?

Do you have any idea how homicidal it makes me feel to walk into to several houses and have the same menu served for two months..???

Rice, Roasted Pork (the kind that's been brutally killed and has a stake running through it..and spins like chrome wheels on a Pimp's Cadillac), Pigeon Peas , Potato Salad, or that Cold Macarroni salad they make...Morcillas, which is like Pig Intestines, cleaned out and filled with savory rice and pig's blood...yeah..right out of Fear Factor Folks..and for Dessert...this coconut-cinnamon concoction that looks like white jello and moves like jello: Tembleque...aka.....Jiggler...

Oh and who can forget: Arroz con dulce...Rice with sweets...Some strange rice pudding with cinnamon and raisins..

Yes..u read correctly..I typed raisins...so you can enjoy rice and raisins right after you finish the Pig's rice filled intestines...

Bon Appetite..!



What are your Holiday Dreads?

The Roof is on Fire...Part Deux..

Gee...this is odd...why is there all this smoke in the street...something is burning somewhere..

::proceeds to get out of Deathvan and open gate::

*sniff sniff*


Gee...this sounds crazy..but I am under the impression that the smoke is coming from my parent's house...

::squints eyes in dark to see if smoke is coming out of house::

Aww, Jesus, he's actually burning the house!!

::run like madwoman leave Miss C behind and struggle to find the key to open front door::

OH JESUS...

::smoke comes right out of front door and the insides of the house are barely visible, consumed by smoke and the stench of fire::

"Vietnam!!!, Vietnam!!"

I see the bathroom door open and hear the shower running...

But no answer..

"VIETNAM!!"

::sluggish, gurgling voice come out of shower::

"Did my fries burn?"

"Burn!!?? Burn??!!...."

I scramble to go to the stove....

and I see a frying pan...or what was left of a frying pan...and what used to be in another life....

Fries.

"Yeah..Vietnam..they burned"

Bro comes with girlfriend, from their night on the town and stumbles onto the scenario...we start opening doors, turning on fans...and I start removing the clothes I had left in the living room, that I had washed earlier that day...

Clothes I have to re-wash....thank u very much..

Vietnam comes out of shower and we greet him with:

"The roof the roof the roof is on fire..we don't need no water let the m...."

"Did my fries burn?"

Jesus...folks..that is what too much alcohol will do to ya..

"Yeah, Vietnam..they burned".

"Ok" ::stumbling to find the door to his room and throw himself on the bed::

The house almost burnt the hell down because drunk dude wanted to eat french fries.

My mom...who flew the coop last week...would have made a Field Day with this incident if she were home...

But then again, if she were still at home, this probably would've never happened, because she would have sent his drunk ass straight to bed...

We have officially removed all pots and pans and oil from his house...
He will be only allowed bread and coldcuts as part of our Homeland Security...

Tis the season...

Giving Thanx....

It's that time of year again, folks..How times flies?!! huh?

The X-mas season...It has officially begun...

Let the mayhem in stores and capitalism and consumerism run loose...

tsk tsk tsk..

I already did my X-mas shopping....so I won't be going to stores if I can help it during this season..

This season, personally, is always a very hard one. Lots of feelings of solitude creep back and memories re-surface....and it's just very nostalgic in every sense of the word...

But it is my goal this season to look at it differently. Not look at the past...and not even look to the future..but look at my present. It's all about:

Where I am at right about now...

And that would be: A very good place.

I give thanx for so many things in my life lately it's amazing. Things are falling into place at a slow rate, but they are gettin' there....

And for that and these I give thanx:

I give thanx that my daughter has come a long way this past year.

I give thanx that she can call me "mother" and smile and laugh and kiss and hug.

I give thanx that my best friend of 14 years is STILL my best friend.

I give thanx, that even though my parents aren't all there for me, they are there.

I give thanx for a secure job that pays my bills.

I give thanx for the roof over my head and a plate of food on my table every night.

I give thanx for making new friends via blogger..and that even though I have not met many of you...your words in my times of struggle...reach me...move me..

I give thanx for being able to afford the luxury of buying lil' trinkets and candy and junk I don't need...when so many others barely have a plate of food.

I give thanx for having met someone very special and that he was used as an instrument to bring me to someone even MORE special.

I give thanx that this year there are 55 less deaths than last year on my island.

I give thanx that I am here, in good health and that I have pushed my limits and then some and that I am still alive to type about it.

I give thanx for waking up everymorning and thinking "today is going to be better than yesterday"...

Give thanx for what you have people...
Good or bad...
Because right around the corner live the less fortunate....the ones who can't read this because they don't have a Blog, a computer, a home...

Give thanx that you are in good health..sitting and breathing..
Give thanx every day you are on this planet...and make the things you do while you are here, worthwhile....live for today....live righteous!!

And for you..who takes the time to read this..

I give thanx..

Amen.


What do you give thanx for??


Thought of the day:

Taken from Empress: Everything in life is a process...





That's me singing with Amelia!!



Brumi and her son Luis, singing!!






Andrea and her unicycle!!
Awesome!!



And who can forget the electric slide!!

Weekend Recap...

I'm alive....

surviving through minimal hours of sleep....and wanting desperately to go home...or do me X-mas shopping before our sales tax kicks in on Wednesday..

yeah, folks..up until Wednesday..we were tax free..

I need to be reminded of that lil' detail next time I go vote..

****

My weekend kicked off on Thursday...True had a gig at Hard Rock Cafe...it was a really important one..and I was lucky to have Vader babysit.....

Empress showed up and we chilled a bit too..















































It was a long night with some complications and misunderstandings in tow...but we managed to survive and we managed to jump over the hurl...

Friday I had off...and I painted...yeah..I painted people....my living room kicks ass...

Only thing...that fancy textured roller I bought to paint didn't function as showed..and I ended up sponging the whole wall with my two bare hands..but I think the results were fab...

Here are before and after shots..Notice how all the Oriental crap is gone and is now replaced with pics I've beent taking...




Before










AFTER

Saturday I spent the early part of the day at True's house...we just chilled at his crib with Miss C and spent the afternoon watching TV and working on some stuff on his computer...Later in the evening I went to the park where we were going to have our Autism Family Day to help out...

I got there late..and there wasn't much helping out left..but I did see the gals...and meet a fellow blogger..

Yoly and her husband...






Totally Totally adorable!!

You're my 'homegirl' too, Yoly!!!

Sunday...was my big day....Our Big Day..

The X came over early to watch Miss C so I could go to the park early and help out...

It was the most exciting event I've been to in a long time....We had music, clowns, firetrucks for the kids...games...lots of orientation tables, they had parents give conferences and specialists too!! It was awesome..

My highlight: meeting so many people from our internet page....

&

being in charge of the "Photoline" of Carlos Delgado...player for the New York Mets...I was in charge of making sure the line didn't get out of hand...

Thing is...I was wearing my Yankees Cap...

His take, on the microphone: "Yankees out!!"

When things settled down and I asked him for a picture he agreed...not before turning my hat backwards...

Sweet!!!

It was sad in a sense to see many new faces, which means many new cases..but all in all it was a spectacular event..

We even had a mini-talent show..

Andrea, the Unicycle rider....
Luis José who played the piano and sang with his mom....you should've have seen the people crying at the sight of these two, intelligent, beautiful, AUTISITC kids!!

Truly Truly breathtaking!!

I'm posting the pics of this day, along with the videos in a separate post..

When it's good, it gets bad

Ramble..Ramble...bare with me..



For today I need the rest of the human population to cut me some slack.

Sometimes we all need for the human population to cut us some slack.

Sometimes we just wanna crawl in our caves and stay there and not be talked to, looked at, questioned, touched...felt, heard...

Sometimes, no matter how hard we try to fit in....we don't.

Sometimes no matter how hard we grip onto that last frail string that keep us from splatting onto the floor...we slip...

SPLAT!

Sometimes the way we feel is unexplainable....and the emptiness we feel in the pit of our stomach is revolting.

Sometimes, in the unexplainable, in our solitude, in our mess, in our kaos...we strive to find reasons to explain, to socialize, to organize to re-structure.

Sometimes we cry because we have nothing left.
Or because we have everything left.

Sometimes we ponder at our short ages: what have we accomplished in life, what do we have to account for?

Sometimes we have nothing to account for.
Sometimes we carry the burden of having to account for everything.


"In my place, in my place,were lines that I couldn't change,I was lost, oh yeah. and I was lost, I was lost,Crossed lines I shouldn't have crossed,I was lost, oh yeah."


Coldplay's....In my Place...

Lost about sums it up...and sometimes we cross lines we should have not crossed...and sometimes when it's all real good, it gets real bad...real quick.

Sometimes we let people down and people let us down..

So sometimes we need to crawl back in our caves, if only for a little while..if only to recharge..if only to sit in solitude...if only to cry for no 'apparent reason', if only to uncross those lines....

So we can crawl back out and re-join the human race...

I heart someone with Autism

Sunday, November 12th, 2006
Luis Muñoz Rivera Park

Organized by: Autism Aliance of Puerto Rico and Other Related Disorders (The parent support group I belong to!! Hurrah!)

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

Why go?

Are you aware that 1 out of every 166 children are Autistic. Autism doesn't discriminate. It can affect you, your nephews, nieces, children, godchildren, cousins, etc.

Autism is a disorder that affects your social and speech skills, among other things.

It's time to educate the public and that the different leaders of this country, especially the Board of Education, do what they are supposed to do.

I know most of you guys can't go, but are cordially invited. I will be sure to post pics...

I was originally gonna go work there on Sunday, but due to logistics, I don't know if I will be able to. I don't have anyone to watch over Jaws. But I'll be there on Saturday setting up.

It's important for people to go and spread the word!

Why?

Because, I , Mary P., heart someone with Autism...Jaws..

And tomorrow, it could be you!

Weekend Recap

My weekend was full of activities with the people from my church..

Saturday the B-Boys got invited to a play...
Sunday they went to perform at Old San Juan and spread the word!

Once again, it's different. The hang out is different..the ambiance is different..

But in a good way...






Color Palette

Hey Hey Hey....

What's up wit ya bloggers??

What's up wit me?

::looks around::

Me??

Um..quick recap..

Miss C aka Jaws attacked again on Sunday...leaving Mom..aka Moi with severe bites on her chest and chin...

I'm looking screwed people..
I'm looking like a battered wife...
sans the husband..

I'm so serious we parents need like some abused hotline number..

"Yes ma'am what's your emergency?"
::whispers:

"She's baaaack...she's comin' round the corner...OH NOOOO!! She's gonna wack me with her bouncy ball...noo!! Not the shins....not the shins...Can't walk...breathing is strained....Help....!!"


"Ma'am how old is the child?"

"...............................Fou....R"

::dead dial tone::

ok.
maybe it's a wee bit too much.
But Man...this kid has me craving like some mad torture in Iraq...I'd rather have TNT stapped to my back for the rest of my life and live in fear that one move can severe both of my legs than to have Jaws randomly leave bite marks, the size of quarters, on my face.

Aside from that..it's all good.

I mean I had to deal with f*ckers giving me hard looks like:
"Oh...she cannot control her toddler"

And one dude had the audacity to laugh...

"Yeah..I'd like to know what is so freakin' funny!!!"

His smirk was wiped off immediately.

I wonder what the people of my church thought when they heard me tell True I wanted to snap my daughter's neck like you snap a twig.

I am soo not getting "Mom of the Year" now.

But ya' know what..
I could care less.
I don't mean to sound like an abusive parent, but I will enforce my Behavioral Techniques on Jaws and I will smack her in the mouth as many times as I need to, to get my point across.

Your teeth are for eating sandwiches, not for chewing on the woman who carried you in her womb for 9 months.

It doesn't work that way.

****

In other exciting news...I am redecorating the house...or at least my living room. I've got the paint this weekend and I'm ready to go on Friday. I asked for the day off and I'm gonna paint my living room.

Now this is my question..

Whose job is it to come up with paint names??

and why so many??

Can't you just have like a primary paint pallet...

My mind is not equipped to deal with a zillion freakin' colors..and collections..

Neutrals, Calming effects, Vibrant Palettes, Classical....
Zesty Yellow, Pirouette, Soft Wheat, Chestnut Brown...Blush

But, it's the Whites that kill me..cuz they have a whole book of their own..

Calming white, Linen White, Bone White, Hushing White, Off white, Vanilla sky...

White is white...if it's any different, It's NOT..

I swear I was at the paint store for about an hour...with lil' strips of paint everywhere....I thought this was gonna be easy...

I would have had it easier removing my molars with a plier.

I decided on some color called Coral Cliché and Blush...
We'll see how my sponging techniques measure up with these colors...

And I got a white for the other walls...

"What white would ya like ma'am?"


"White".

"OK...high gloss, semi-gloss, eggshell, or flat"


"Eggshell"

"Would you like the basic, deluxe or premium paint?"


"ALL I WANT IS PAINT....I am the mother of a toddler who is going to attack us any second now...ALL I WANT IS A GALLON OF WHITE PAINT FOR A FREAKIN' WALL!!!!"


::puzzled look of vendor desperately trying to reach for the emergency button under his counter::

"Yes ma'am right away"

Buying paint is more complicated than going through security at an airport with two machine guns strapped to your thighs.

18 hours, 5 color strips and 4 paintbrushes later...I had my paint....

Now I have to go buy a mirror for my living room..


::vendors everywhere scramble for cover::

I need sleep.

Haven't had sleep..good sleep in a few days. I'm thinking I might have 'gastritis'..forgive my lack of translation for the term which only means:

a-very-huge-stomach-emptiness-feeling-that-makes-u-wanna-carve-your-stomach-out


I think I've even lost weight..

Hurrah.

Not all is bad...

But the stomach is killing me.

Anywhoot..

Since I can't sleep due to things out of my control.
I've become a sleep-deprived zombie who ponders about endless, worthless things all night..

So I thought, I'd share...After all...this is when my mind is at it's best..


1. Why do women insist on doing their makeup while driving? How on earth do these ladies put on mascara? or lipstick..?? Sometimes I just wish they'd have to do an emergency break while applying mascara just to see how many 'ye-ho' Pirates we can create...

2. I noticed last night that my left pinky is shorter than the other. The one that almost fell off to be exact. I didn't know it was smaller...I knew it was different..but I didn't know I was missing a chunk...

Why has no one informed me of this..??

3. Our Hamster Belle escaped from it's cell. Now I constantly have visions of a Huge Hamster eating it's way through my mattress and eventually eating my eyes out..."Go for the seeds Belle,....the seeds!!"

Payback is a bitch...eeerrh..a hamster...

4. Why does my boss insist on wearing her green stinky, apple cider and mud mask to the office all day? Does she really think everyone wants to see her as the Girly Version of Hulk....And when it starts to crack and flake and she keep shaking hands in meetings with her green face...does she really understand how at this rate she will no longer get laid...greeting them looking like some bad cross female mutation of Hulk gone bad...

go get yo' shizz together...

ok.
I've rambled long enough...
I'm gonna go sleep on my desk for a few..
I feel sleepy...at work..far away from my bed..

Go figures!

have a safe weekend..
I know I will!!

I owed em' to ya guys...so here they go...Enjoy!!

I'm trying to upload the vid of Jaws...it'll take me a bit...but I'll be sure to post..

The guys in the pics are the artists and dear friends of mine...





























































My favorite pic?

The Toilet Seat one..





I went to the bathroom and discovered that all the toilets were vandalized in orange magic marker with a message that read:

"Deposit all the Basquiat paintings here".

Damn..Talk about a tough critic...

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