scrambled brains

It's just a tad complicated right now.

I have been coping with some issues, mostly emotional related.

I've been feeling like a yo-yo..up and down and all the mutha-bleepin' way around.

Pssst...::leans in::

I've been saying four letter words again.


And it's not crap.

My temper has been flaring, I can't sleep and my stomach is officially detached from the wall of my interior.

I've started taking meds for my gastro problems, which haven't been acting up since I was depressed last year.

It's coming back all over again.

I'm going to church and I'm feeling ZIP, NADA, ZILCH.

I just stand there and lip sync and close my eyes in the hopes no one looks at me.

Yesterday after my Bible Studies (yeah I go to Bible Studies...sue me), our teacher asked me "Are you ok?"

To which I lied...mind you inside the church..."Yeah"

"Are you sure? because you look sort of..."

I cut him off...

"I'm fine..I look sort of what? I'm fine".

Then at service they were praying for everybody and the Pastor came up to me to tell me about a vision of his...

He saw the sea split open just like when Moses passed through...but passing through this open sea were families devasted by Autism....The Lord was going to start healing these families...

It was no actual surprise, because I had had a dream very similar to this a few months ago.

But I cried.

I didn't cry for the vision.
I cried because for the first time in a long time, I doubted.

I felt it was all a crock.
I wanted it all to be over so I could sit down and numb myself.

And you wanna know the bad part..?
Before I'd be numb and not give a crap...
Now I do...which probably means something good...but I can't see that part just yet.

It's in there somewhere.

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