FYI...

F.or
Y.our
I.nformation

Or

In case your wondering...


This
is what it looks like when you have a boyfriend who is a DJ and has no where to practice for our upcoming show...










My living room is invaded by Turntables and Hip Hop.

::sigh::

Never has been an invasion so nice...

Now if only my ass can concentrate long enough to actually practice...

Weekend Recap in Pics..








Who says we can't do Kareoke?
That's us..posing as True's best Groupies and singing along to his song..


24

Another long weekend and I'm barely getting by on about 5 hours of sleep, two whole wheat pieces of bread and some cranberry juice....

My weekend kicked off on Thursday with all Hell breaking loose.

My temper gets the best of me sometimes.

And when I feel I'm being mistreated or ignored or whatever....I fume.

And not in a nice way.

Why is it that we are good for some things, but not good for others?

Why is it that sometimes we feel like a 'guest'?

Well...I wasn't having it..

And I wasn't about to keep my mouth shut.

I gave True a piece of my mind.
And not in a nice way.

It went something along the lines of...(*&^%$#!!!!! %$#@^&*!!!!!

His reaction of course wasn't cheery.

Without going into too many details....I let him know that sometimes I feel completely ignored and out of place....

That he needs to acknowledge me when we go out...

Let's get this straight, I'm not talking bout' hangin' on my every word all night long...or extreme shows of PDA (Public Displays of Affection)...

I don't need it..and I don't like it.

I'm saying that if we go out together, to a place where most of the people still aren't like my buddy buddies a lá Empress...then he should not forget I'm there....Not leave me there like a sitting duck...

So, long story short...we went about this for the whole weekend....

And boy oh boy, in all honesty...there was a moment where I thought..

"You know what???!! I don't need this crap....I don't need to feel this way...maybe this is all wrong"

And I thought about calling it all off.

But I didn't.

We managed to survive.

Not without giving me an intense desire to just forget it all and go call Empress to do some 'enlightening'....

But I didn't.

Relationships are hard. And I am used to it. What I'm not used to is being in a relationship that is 'civil'...where the other part is calm, cool, collected. I'm used to being in control...to scream and be screamed at...

And all of a sudden I'm thrown into this vortex of civilization that drives me up a wall.

It's hard being in a relationship that when something goes wrong your signficant other takes it all in stride....maybe doesn't even understand why you are so upset...and is so cool as a cucumber that you wanna just poke his eyes out with the nearest ballpoint point pen available.

And you can't.

It's hard to be in a relationship and be going through major life changes and not feel that in some way you might be losing your identity.


I don't know where this is all going...and I don't have a crystal ball.

That I have to work with some character issues??

I know.


That sometimes I need to speak nicer and NOT walk around like I'm bathed in gasoline...

I know.

In the meantime...
I have to learn how to work with the 24 hours a day....and not worry about yesterday..because it's gone...and not worry about tomorrow because it's not here yet...

We ended our weekend with an activity on Saturday....and Church on Sunday....

Where at the end of the service...without me saying anything to anyone...

The pastor came directly to me and said:

"You've done your part..and everything is gonna be OK".


::crosses fingers::

Watcha doing?

This weekend....

I have no clue.

Miss C has some sort of virus that has had me on bucket duty for the past evenings..

I had to take her to work today.

How I loathe taking her.

She wanted to get in the pool.

All while she is trying to figure out if she should sit on the toilet...or lean over it.

Get it?
Good.

My weekend?

Don't know yet.
Today I'll wash my deathvan.
Hopefully.

I am embarrassed to drive in a Van that looks like it's being used for some sort of experiment using Mud.

Wish me luck.

And on the inside...
My.
Bugs haven't hijacked the Van....
Because, God is good.

What's ur weekend forecast?

Aging Gracefully

I just asked Miss C how old she was.

Her answer: thirty-one


She doesn't know what she's saying....

Last night's show....

I made a few mistakes...and I kind of ran through the song like if I was a horse in the Kentucky Derby..but all in all..it could have been a lot worse...




That's one of B-Boy Mechanic getting his groove on..



Some pics!!


True rockin' the turntables...


True rockin' the mic...


It was nervewracking but fun...I always get that adrenaline rush when I get on that stage....

funny how I end up shaking and being nervous...after I get off....

Go figure..

Whatever

Days like today...some people provoke me to use 4/5 letter words...accompanied by other words...such as..

"Fuck off".

Yeah. I said it.
God knows it too.

::scoffs::

Things that make you go Hmm...

"What kind of fast is that?..what kind of church are you going to?" Vader

"..it's a fast...and it's the church of God". Moi

"Well, I'm gonna need proof of this fast...I think you're in some kind of cult.."


:speechless::

"A cult which takes you away from your family. You're sure this isn't a cult?"
Vader...

"Yeah mom..next week we're sacrificing a goat in the yard"
::rolls eyes::


It's good to know some people are twisted than me..

******

I was going through the brochure they gave me when my father was going to be committed. It had a list of things we should and should not bring..

You should bring makeup.

If you're going mad..I don't think makeup is gonna help.

Patients are NOT allowed to bring weapons, guns or knives. Visitors aren't either.


Well, Gee...that totally shoots down my idea to give my dad a sawed-off shotgun..

Briliant list..Brilliant.

******

"Well you know what...I want you to have another baby" Out of the mouth of a 7 year old..

"Really...?? Well kid, when you turn 18, then I'll make sure your opinion counts. Until then, be happy with my too-many-corn-muffin-belly-full-of....."


Yeah..you get the picture..


More kids? Yeah...like I'm that suicidal..

ChChChanges...

Yeah well sometimes Mary P. misses being Mary P.

After all, where would this blog be if it wasn't for the brilliant mind of the psycho-wacky-mom-with-no-brakes, Mary.

And Mary occasionally left the building....

And hardly was ever in it....

And it seems like lately Mary P. is moonlighting as Martha Stewart....cooking, doing community stuff, letting people cross in front of her, and even baking cookies to share with the homeless...

Ok..that last part was a stretch.

But it could be true.
She has started a path of good will.

Sometimes.
Mary just wants to be bad.

She wants to just tell some people to shut the fuck up and leave her alone.
She wants to run over the pedestrians who think they are sacred cows and have the right to cross when the light is green....for Mary!
She wants to tell people: You know what?! I'm not a crappy mom, but sometimes I like to spank Miss C and lately, I enjoy going out without her.


Sometimes in the middle of all the God loving activities she's driven herself into, she wants to say "yeah , well fuck this...I'm out".

Sometimes in middle of a service, while everyone is praying, and she should be too, she can't help but concentrate on her shaking leg and the underwear that is creeping up her butt.

She tries.

But sometimes she just wants to go back.

Where believe it or not, things were more complicated but she was content in her Kaos.

I guess she is masochisstic as well.

She wonders up until what point does she have to sacrifice her sanity for her happiness?

When does trying to be a better person, become into: erasing that old person completely and forcing yourself to be someone you are completely not...?

In the meantime, Mary is out of the building...and she has the urge to like really gulf up some chocolate chip cookies, blast her horn and be a smart ass...

So sue her.

Thought of the day:

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.--Dr. Suess

Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got.--Janis Joplin

There is a thin line between making others happy and losing your identity..one false step can quickly erase that line...Mary P.

Thank u.

Up & Running...

Thank u all for your words of encouragement through my tough times....I've needed them to get by...and I thank u from the bottom of my wee lil' heart..

Things are in a standstill...I've kind of decided to stay away from everything and I've been out of the house, not watching my dad, like I was supposed to. I called him a few times to check up on him, invited him to church, asked if he needed food and ultimately decided I would put this situation into God's hands.

Cuz frankly, I can't do no more.

.....

In other news...the whole church began a fast on Monday...a 21 day fast....
We can't eat meat, or anything fried, or with wheat...no candy or sodas, or fake juice...

Only fish, veggies, whole wheat bread and pastas, 100% juice and fresh fruits...

In other words...

I'm screwed...

I'll be about 30 pounds lighter by the end of next month...
So far, apples and rice cakes have been my allies...
But I don't know how much longer they will remain so...

We'll see...

.....
In the best news ever...

My Ipod arrived yesterday.

I have an Ipod...
I can officially take out of my car my 200 plus CD portfolio....
Welcome to the Digital era...
Bout time..

Now if I can only learn how to use all these fancy gadgets...then I'll be all set...

......

I have a show on Wednesday..I tried to practice yesterday..but it all sounded like shit...and to top it all off...I practiced with True.

I'll be honest...I don't like practicing in front of him. He knows this. Homeboy makes me nervous. Because Homeboy is good and very critical. I am too, but I'm rusty..it's been a while and I need to get back on track...I practiced with my back turned to him....Wednesday I'll just wear a paper bag on my head...

If I don't get myself together...I'll flop tomorrow...

......

So...that's about it..I'm still alive..still kicking and eating granny green apples all the way....

I'll be coming round' your blogs, and catching up...

Out.

Firestarter Part Deux

So...long story shorter..

I took him home.
I cried as I walked through the parking lot.
I was more upset and angry than anything else.

Vietnam was upset I was upset.
He promised he would get help, he promised not to do anything.

I don't know if I should believe him.
I don't know if I made the right decision.

I got him home.
Vader was there.
Upset I didn't commit him.
I told her I couldn't handle all the responsability.
She told me it was my responsability because he was my father.

Yeah. and he's still your husband.

So, I decided to go to church. I was supposed to go and didn't know if I could make it and I rushed over there because I needed it.

True told the Pastors.
The Pastors were there. They heard me and prayed for me. They told me I made the right decision and confirmed it was too much for me alone. Then I proceeded to take my class and we were all assigned something to pray outloud for. I was to pray for my father. I didn't get through the first few words of my prayer. So everyone prayed for me. And as they prayed I felt something I had never felt before. I felt my whole body tremble and shake and I felt silence. Silence in my head. The winding gears had stopped. And it felt good.

After church I drove True home.

I cried some more. He consoled.

He added:

"Sometimes you walk around like you're doused in gasoline...and any little thing that happens sets you on fire"

Yeah. He's right. I walk around like a firestarter...like a fire whatever...I get agitaded quickly, especially when it comes to my parents.
It hurts.

Because I hold them so close to my heart. Believe it or not.
I wanna swoop them up and patch them up and make it all better.
But...

I am not their parent.
I am their daughter.

And we all have to pitch in and stop patching things up.
We have to start anew.

::sigh::

Aside from all the shit and all the tears and all the screams of:

"God..I don't deserve this!!!!" (as I drove trying to find the place).

I myself understand I need healing as well.
I need to love them.
Without restrictions.
I need to love them and take them in with love.
Even if my love isn't reciprocated.

I am thankful I am surrounded by so many special people in this dire time of need. I thank you all for your prayers, I'm sure they were all heard...because after all the mayhem, in the solitude of my house at 1 am...I felt peace. I slept like a baby....

And today is a new day.
And I can't keep being a human ticking bomb..or a firestarter...or a ball of wrath.

A ball of fire can't wear Manolo's.
Or Jimmy Choo's.

Firestarter Part One

I have two little souvenirs from yesterday's Hell:

1. "Sometimes you walk around like you're doused in gasoline...and any little thing that happens sets you on fire"

2. And This:






My visitation pass at the Psychiatric Hospital. I'm just lucky it didn't say "Patient".

To make a long story short. My mom received a call from my dad's job, asking if a family member could come to the office. They didn't reveal any details and in the mess of it all my mom thought it was my brother (my dad and him have the same name) and she calls me distressed thinking something had happened to bro.

I call bro at his job. He's ok. So it must be Vietnam. My father. So I try to reach him. No answer. I call his job. The secretary tells me his brother had picked him up and took him to the Psychiatric Hospital. The version: He tried to kill himself.

Great. What brother? What hospital? No one knows anything. Nor do they provide more information on the phone. I don't have any numbers for my father's side of the family. We are not close.

I tell my mom. Vader's take: Thank God it isn't your brother.
So after leaving my job and driving like a mad woman. My uncle calls me. He tells me my dad's co-worker's took him. He tells me the hospital. I drive there.

After getting lost, driving in rain..cursing...screaming a zillion times...and banging my fists on my steering wheel, I find the place.

A nut house on a hill, with birds squawking left and right....lots of vegetation and complete silence.

My dad is sitting, quietly, hands folded.

All is calm.

Doctor calls me in.
Tells me the seriousness of the situation. He didn't try to kill himself, but he threatened to and threatened to set the house on fire.
Those who read my blog, know that this is not a newsflash.
But even if he has said this before, when someone talks about suicide, it isn't to be taken lightly.

Doc. told me it was best if we committed him.
But Vietnam didn't want to.
They told me I had to sign a court document making me his tutor and obligating him to stay.

I said No.
"Oh..so you want your dad to kill himself and set the house on fire?"
"Um. No. That is a very manipulative question...and I won't fall for it. No one wants their parent to kill themselves or cause harm. But I can't be responsable for him alone. It is too big of a decision to make on my own".
"Ok. so you want him to die".
"Yeah. sure whatever. How can we leave?"


Let me add, I know it is best for him to stay. But this task I cannot do alone and if he doesn't wanna cooperate, I'm sorry to say I can't help.

So, they take me to another room.
"Miss, you have to right in your handwritting that you will be responsable for anything your father does when he leaves here".
"What??"
"Yes. If he harms himself or others. It's your responsability"
"No Fucking Way...you people are assholes, get my dad in here".


I'm sorry but I was pissed.

So after I get my dad in, we go back and forth, I cry I scream, I plead.
Because I was in between the wall and the sword.
It was all wrong either way...

What was I supposed to do...

Please...

pray for my family...
a serious emergency has surfaced...and right now I need the prayers...

Why do I bother

"It all depends on the person".

"I've never put people restrictions on you"



::grinds teeth and puts receiver down::

Sometimes I don't know why I bother with some things....

I believe it's called Massochism...

Murphy is never far away

We interrupt my scheduled 'rebooting' to inform you that Murphy is back...

With a vengeance...

How else would you explain that I woke up late...almost busted my ass down the stairs...got rained on as I dropped some stuff at daycare...

And then at Miss C's school, I had to go fish for my wallet that happened to fall into the stream of water, God know what kind of water, flowing down the stream down the street...

I had to haul ass in order for that sucker not to go down any open drainages...

to no avail..I couldn't avoid having all my money completely drenched and having the cashier where I pumping my gas (yeah..I also had no gas), give me a dirty look as I was handing him a very very wet Jefferson....

I have posted a reward for the capture of Murphy...dead preferably...
please contact me if you have information on this subject.

Weekend Recap

There are moments where I feel exactly like this..




Like one of these things is definitely not like the other..

The 'thing' being ME.

::sigh::

Sometimes I try hard to fit in...and I end up feeling really out....
It's been a blah weekend.
The kind of weekend you just wanna stay in bed and sulk.

I was / am in anti-social mode....
didn't wanna hear a peep from anyone...and tried my best to put on my happy face to no avail...

*******
Friday I went to church...I've never been to church on a Friday....
And I have never felt so completely out of sync and out of place in my entire life...
Sometimes I can't help wonder..

What on earth are you doing Mary??


Saturday...after therapy...I decided to detox and sleep...to later make my way to San Juan...I wasn't too thrilled..but being that True's mom wanted to say with Miss C ...it was a great moment to go and chill sans child...

I couldn't take many pics...and my restlessness was getting the best of me....I swear that sometimes I don't know what the heck is wrong...

The guys usual dance spot was invaded by a protest of some sort of socialist point of view...and while everyone laughed and kind of made fun of this man who was there with his flags and his megaphone..I couldn't help but feel restless and desperate...and admire him. Not many of us have the capability to put ourselves out there and do what are hearts truly believe is right...







We decided to change spots..because we could not compete with his megaphone and as we dragged all across Old San Juan, I found this marvelous lil' lunch spot..where I'm sure to go have a bite soon enough...






Since I'm so busy these days..I'll ask for my "lite men" to go...

We finally decided on a spot...but it was so late and getting dark..and chilly that the momentum of taking pics had washed down the drain....







****
Sunday, after the Ex took Miss C...we left church and headed out to the movies....We ended up seeing "The Pursuit of Happiness".

I don't think I needed to see such an emotional movie....

Sometimes I am just plain massochistic.

****

Yesterday...I had the day off...my goal: leave Miss C at daycare and clean..wash clothes, wash my car..etc. etc...

Ha!
Murphy never forgets...
I had no water...
All day.

So a grimy stinky ass me...made my way to True's house...to take a shower...and make my way alll the way back up to catch the snoozefest that was the Golden Globes..

****

That was the most 'exciting' ::yawn:: weekend so far this year..

I had too much time to think...
I had Vader calling and being upset I wasn't hanging out with her...
I had no water....
And this sudden feeling that I was back at Square One.

I can't help but feeling utterly lost sometimes...and utterly out of myself..
I could literally see myself..like some sort of outter body experience...
I was sooo not me..and every intent to be funny...happy and 'normal' was so fake and far fetched...I think everyone noticed..

It's hard for me to pretend I'm okay when I'm not.
I know what's wrong with me.
but I don't know how to go about it.

Yeah Yeah..pray pray pray...

I know I know I know...

that's what most people would tell me..pray and God will talk to you.
I don't know if I'm praying wrong..
but all I'm hearing are the gears of my head...winding about....

For now..I have a mad headache and a mad schedule this week...
maybe it'll keep me from thinking too much....

I need to disconnect and re-boot...

Onion

I have an outfit...

this outfit....







the first time I wore it to church...I cried during the service...
today I wore it again and cried....
then I went to the movies and cried, again...

I'm beginning to think it has a secret onion layer underneath...

hence..I will not wear it again....

Boooo

"Yumm...Yuuumm...." a friend of mine...a sort of famous friend of mine...in my office..

I look out to see what the 'yumming' is about..

A cute guy in the office lobby...

I smile and give my 'go for it tiger ' look..

Cute guy leaves...

Friends walks in..and sulks..

"Boo...he isn't gay!!"

*****

In totally un-related news...Empress and I had lunch..no cameras...only giggles and thinking how when we get old we are going to have boyfriends who wear dentures and move their jaws rapidly...like old' folks do...

*****

And in totally totally unrelated news...I have a slideshow that has nothing to do with this post...but it has to do with the people I'll be chillin' with this weekend..

Kids...

And NO...it ain't profetic...

As in..NO we don't plan to have a van-load of kids...they just like hanging out in MY Van..



Have a great weekend..
If you're going out drinking..
Remmember Mary P.
I'll be busy getting high on Sprite...and Bake Remix Ice Cream at Stone Cold ...

Standing still

"I ran into the lady who lives down the block..the crazy lady" Vader

"Uhuh?"

"She told me you went to her house, crying...and you told her you missed me"

"She did WHAT?"

"Yep..said you could not control your sobs...she said you were heartbroken"

"I've never once talked to that woman in the whole 6 years I've lived on this block!!! Is she effin'mental??!!"

"But she said you missed me"

Pause....
Silence...

And then....

Vader laughed.

And for that whole second...
The earth stood still.

With Love...

Yesterday as I scrambled to get my shizz together..before True came...(yeah, because the day before he showed up and I was in my best tattered-beat-up housewife PJ's)...I stumbled upon a lil' itty bitty slimey baby lizard in my room...

Just as I stumbled upon it...Miss C was entering and was going to accidently step on it..

"Noooo!! be careful...it's a baby!!"


She quickly tried to scramble for dear life..

Me, being the excellent mommy I am (insert hysterical laughter here)...I tried to take this moment to teach her the valuable lesson of not fearing little creatures and loving them because they are God's creatures...

"Don't go away..see? it's harmless..it's a baby..and it's lost it's mommy".


Miss C crouches near..

"A baby? Awww...don't worry we'll find your mommy"

And then she proceeds to show the baby lizard her toys...and to touch it..

"Ok...Miss C..we don't touch it...Ok? We just leave it alone..Ok?"

"Ok"

"How do we treat animals?"

"With care...and with love"

"Good"

My mommy duties are done here.


So I go take a shower and after I get ready True arrives....

"What is Miss C talking about?"

"What??"

"She's saying something..."


I turn to Miss C..who is in her room..crouched over something...

The baby lizard.

"What is it doing in here? Didn't I tell you not to touch it? Didn't I tell you to take care of it with..."

"...love..."


I crouch down to pick it up to move it out...and Voilá...it's dead..

My daughter has murdered an innocent lizard...

I go into all the blah blah's about how she should have not done that ..blah blah..

And then...I make the biggest mistake of my mommy life...I throw the baby out to the yard...

"My lizaaaaaaaaaaaard..............MY BABY LIZARD!!!!!"

The whole waterworks parade....

So after, Oh let's say...30 minutes...a coke...two flowers and plenty of goofy dances on behalf of mommy...the lizard was history...

And so was my dignity after doing the "Cock-a-Doodle-Do-Wiggles-dance" in front of True...

I'm going to sue for fraud..this is so not what I signed for...

Got Hood?

Motherhood stories to share?

Denial

::rips paper towel holder off wall, breaking it in the act.....empties trash can full of coffee remains all over the kitchen floor, bangs a couple of doors, opens a beer...swallows half down...spills the rest over head...and wails like a madman::


"Are you done breaking things??"

"Breaking? I haven't broken anything!"

trying to put back the paper towel thing-a-ma-bob that's broken..

"It's broken."

"No it's not..see??"

Paper towel thing comes off

"Well it was already broken to begin with".

"Ok...then are you done drinking? Don't you have a stomach ache?"

"Who? Me? I haven't been drinking.."

""Ok...so I'm just imagining things....that's just what I needed...hallucinations...just control your temper and act like an adult for once"

"Who? Me? What temper???".


ARGH!!!

Sometimes I wonder who's the parent...

Mary P. The Tour...

Am I a busy bee...Yes..

Yesterday I made three..yes, three visits...Stalker friend...Vader's and True's...

It's Mary P. The World Tour..


Sign up now so you can receive info on the tour dates....

The day went a lil' like this...

(the night before)

"Hey..you coming over tomorrow right?" friend...aka...stalker friend..

"Yes...I'll head out around 2pm". Moi..


Yesterday morning...at 8am..

*ring ring*


"Who the (*&^%$#@ is calling at this hour..on my effin' day off??..it better be an emergency..."

Caller ID: Stalker friend..

I don't pick up.

She calls 5 more times....in a row..
Leaving 5 voice mails and 5 text messages...

Which I ignore...

Vader then makes her grand entrance and calls two times..

DON'T PEOPLE SLEEP PAST 8 ANYMORE??!!


Around 11am I stumble out of bed...call Vader..and she's like: Why are you sleeping in sooo late??

IT'S MY LAST DAY OFF....

"Well..I'm making dinner tonight..come over with Miss C".

"Fine".

I call stalker friend..

"You coming over??"
"Did I tell you last night I was?" Moi
"Yes.."
"Ok."
"What time?"
"I told you around two".

I hang up...

At 1:30 pm my phone rings...stalker friend..
I don't pick up..
1:45pm..ring ring..again...

I pick up..

"Whattt???" me, obviously annoyed..
"Where are ya' at?"
"At my House!"
"Why? aren't ya coming over?"

::I proceed to bang my head on the door:: Literally..(I've been banging my head on surfaces lately to channel my anger....I maybe Autistic too)

"Yes..." I hiss..."what time did I tell you I was heading out?"
"Two"
"What time is it?"
"....(pause) 1:45"
"Is it two?"
"No".
"Ok. then...if you keep calling I can't get ready....and if you keep calling more, I'll stay at home".


Stalker friend chuckles...she does not believe my wrath.

Don't get me wrong..she is a good gal..and I love her fam...but I can't deal with sticky friends like that...it makes me nervous...

So...I end up staying there like two hours, when Vietnam calls....

No buses today.
Holiday.

I had never been so happy in my life to get a call from Vietnam...
I hauled ass to pick him up and continue my tour...

After the long day...and a couple of other mishaps...I went to bed..

Guess who called me this morning at 9am...and left one voice message and one text message...

Stalker friend..

"Hey, Miss C left some toys over here...we have to coordinate to get them back to her...The next get-to-gether is at your spot!!"

Go Ninja, Go Ninja Go!

So, after a long hearty breakfast...and more coffee (people I am on a roll)..we headed out to the orphanage...

We knew we might have problems with Miss C...so we packed an extra 'present' for her to open there, in case she wanted to open one of the kid's presents...I stocked up on goodies and juice and we were off..

As soon as we got there...all hell broke loose...she wanted the presents...soda...cookies..all the stuff that was prohibited...her wailing was becoming distracting to those who were speaking...

I picked her up like a suitcase...and headed up a hill with a screaming child...got in my Van and rolled the Eff..out of there..

I was there for a good 20 minutes...
True stayed behind..

So after spanking Miss C..and writting a three page letter on how I must learn to make lemonade with the lemons life gives me..I went to bed..

I was depressed, sad...hella mad..
sometimes, it's hard having a child that doesn't understand social cues..and even harder when people don't understand that she doesn't understand...

True showed up around 2pm..and spent the day trying to make me laugh...we had a hearty dinner...which included steak...and desert...Fudge Brownie Ice cream...and proceeded to finished up Al Gore's Inconvient Truth...which I must say ...is a must see...but somehow in between...we started to play rough..

You know..the sucker punching...the pushing, the kickboxing...the Ninja moves..

Ya' don't know??!

Well anywhoot..

So as we were playing...we lifted the same leg simultaneously to kick each other, in a Ninja move which was a cross between Daniel Son's knee kick in Karate Kid...and Ultimate Street Fighting....

HeeeeeeeeeeeeYaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

And in that moment...that was in slow-mo, like the Matrix, we didn't see it coming...

The bang of our knees against each other's knees..

Very Hard.

I happened to bang my bad knee (I have a bad knee..that acts up once in a while...happened when I played Qtr. back on the Cowboys)...I fell to the floor and in between all the giggling and "Owing"...we got up and survived..

It was a good weekend..
Different....
With a lil' bit of everything...drama...tears...comedy...and tinge of action...

I hate to admit, I was in shock as I watched True eat, how domestic I have become again. I was a fan of domestic stuff...cooking...being the nice wife...blah blah..but after a while of being alone...I kinda of stopped caring...

With True at home..it's like "I wanna make coffee".

It's pure domestic bliss...

*gags*

If you guys ever see me ask for a sewing machine...lock me up...and throw away the key...

next thing ya' know I'll be making crochet coasters for Mother's day...

not that there is anything wrong with that...

Right??!

Desperate House Wife

Long Post...in two parts..

They are over!


The Holidays are over....


I no longer have to hear my daughter whine and say "Miss C wants presents" for the 50th time...

The Three Kings did their share of havoc...

bringing more gifts than St. Nick...joy...and even a few good and bad tears along the way..

Friday evening after getting off early from work...True came over and we spent a quiet evening watching movies and stuffing our faces...

Saturday morning..well technically afternoon..we awoke at midday...Miss C awoke to have tons of gifts under her bed...

Noah's Ark...books..a kiddie Bible..and the Moses Animated Movie...

I'm sorry..
But if I see Moses being put into the river in his basket one more time...

I'll make sure I'll separate the seas myself..


An overdose of church indeed.

I proceeded to make a very late breakfast...with light fluffy buttery pancakes...and...Coffee..

Yes you read right.

Coffee.

I don't drink coffee...so I don't make coffee.

But True...poor ol' guy...has to always go out and buy coffee because I don't even have a coffee maker..

So I stole my bro's...and made coffee for the first time in my life..

True is still alive.


After that....

The Ex came over...

awkward...

And spent the afternoon with us...
Yes.
Us.
Me. Miss C and True.

I need not mention how weird and uncomfortable it was at times for us.

During his visit...and to my delight...Vader called. She wanted to have us all for dinner.

So at 6pm..Bro, his girl, True, Miss C and I headed out for a family dinner..
Not without having Vader call a zillion times to tell us to hurry our asses up...

Dinner went smoothly...we ate..we laughed and Vader...well she was Vadery..but not as Vadery as usual..she didn't wear her black outfit to the table...and she even..

Insert *gasp* here..

Made coffee for True....
Hell, she even spoke to True.

Now this was shocking.

At around 10pm..we called it an evening..

We needed to get up early to go the orphanage thing the next day.

Weed for the Chickens...

"Hey..Miss C...place some more grass in the box...hurry before it gets dark!!"

Mommy motioning to Miss C and showing her how to fill up that box for Three King's Day..

Miss C, not really giving a crap...plucks out two sorry-ass looking blades of grass and places them in the box...she is clearly distracted by the neighbor's dog..

"Miss C..remmember what momma taught ya'...that this box is for..."

She pauses..and looks...

"...tree king day".


"Bravo..!! and we put this box of grass under the bed so who can eat it?"


She looks...with a 'i-cannot-believe-u-are-asking-me-this-obvious-question' face..

"...For the chickens of course!!!"


Sure. For the chickens...I'm sure the Three King's would also like some pain killers for the hell-of-a-night they are gonna have riding those things...

Something new...

Yeah..

Well I think we all have to have something new...

At some point or another...

And after almost a year of blogging..I think it was time for a change...

But...Please keep in mind..

Mary P. is still out of the building..

That is confirmed by the big Four Letter Word, beggining with the letter "F"..aka the "F" bomb I dropped yesterday while True was at home..

Sorry..

I'm still working on some things...

And I try...I try to control my sailor mouth..
But sometimes a four letter word just creeps its way past my throat and out my mouth..

But then again...who says there are bad words..???
It's all so relative...

My boss is back and it seems like a slow day at the office..

I was going to spare my new black empire waist polka dot dress for church on Sunday..

But I couldn't wait..
I needed to wear it..with my black tights and new shoes..

It's just me...

and it happened to turn out into my new profile pic...

Last night we couldn't go to the movies...but rented some flicks instead..

We saw Syriana last night....yes...I am a political movie fan..
And today The Inconvinient Truth awaits...

Our weekend looks like it'll be filled with flicks....
Popcorn and Cheddar Cheese Nachos..

So much for the weight I've lost...


Well people...to those who celebrate...Happy Three King's Day...!!

For those who don't..

Celebrate anyway..
Grab your box..fill it up with weeds...um..err..I mean grass...

And put it under your bed...
So the Three King's can leave you a lil' token....

And the camels can refuel...

Our Holidays are winding down..and soon things will go back to normal....

ah...the sweet smell of headbanging traffic..

How I miss thee!

Happy Weekend to all!!






(Taken this morning on my way out of the grocery store)

Maybe I'm Bipolar...

It's just amazing how I can go from completely estatic to complete lunatic in, oh let's say about....0-10 seconds...

My New Year's Resolution...


Try to have more patience..

Or buy Valium by the Bulk..


Which ever prevents my hair from falling out..

We're good..

I don't know...last night I was in some sort of loop...I continue looping today as I type...

Nothing in particular is causing my dismay...

Just lots of things in general...

I kind of freak when things I can't control are going on...

Yes. I am a control freak...

Anyway...

Anywhoot...

Our last Holiday weekend is coming...

Three King's Day is on Saturday...
Monday is a Holiday..
And the Monday after that...

So I've got some time...to do stuff..

No real plans...
Yet.
But I'm sure I'll be doing something.
It seems like lately my calendar is booked.

I've got to pencil in some time for Miss C to do some of that truckload of Holiday homework she was assigned...and some Me time to nap.

I started with Me time this week.
I rented some movies on Tuesday...

"Devil Wears Prada"
"The Last Kiss".


If you wanna absolutely Love and Hate Meryl Streep...Devil is the movie to watch...Totally awesome...

And the clothes and shoes...Oh my Lord...Patricia Fields is the best costume designer EVA!!!

I mean she's the chick behind the Sex and The City gals..

As for "The Last Kiss"...what can I say..Zach Braff is my guy. He was great in "Garden State" and is great in this one...It's about friends going through a mid-thirties crisis and embracing adulthood....a must see..

What's next on my movie rental list?

"An inconvenient truth"
The documentary on Global Warming by Al Gore..
"March of the Penguins" The penguin documentary

I'll probably skip to my video store today and stock up for the weekend..

As for today...True and Me are most likely going to the movies...

He wants to see The Nativity Story...I wanted to see The Last King of Scotland (about the Uganda Dictator)..but alas, the latter is no longer showing...

I guess we'll settle for something more mellow...

****
Music wise..I've been dying to get some new music..but I haven't had the time to get anything...

Right now...I am feeling Corrine Bailey Rae....she's British I believe and has a the voice of a sweet lil' bird...totally soulful and beautiful..

And John Mayer and his Continuum Album is making my week...

****

My weekend...is well booked..and after a conversation with True...I'm thinking so is the rest of the month of January.

This sunday our church is going to a local orphanage to take gifts...and spend the day with the kids...
The next weekend is something else..
The weekend after that we have some sort of meeting....and class
The weekend after that is my girl A's baby shower...It's a girl..
The weekend after that something else..

Boy is my Palm Pilot getting massive use...


and right after all of that..begins the Hallabalooza that is Valentine's..

Some stores....already have Valentine's stuff...

::loads sawed off shotgun::


****
The boss is back tomorrow...
she wasn't supposed to be back until sunday...
but I guess the vacation is over...

Good things come to an end....

*sniff sniff*


Well I'm off...
I have to go do something...I don't know what it is..but I'll sure think of something before the day is out...

Our New Year's....

Old Ass Tag..

I was tagged ages ago by Momo...

Seems like when the tag was made..I was in la la land..

Now ain't that a shocker...

So...the tag consisted of 5 weird things about you...

5 more weird things...because I've mentioned some weird ass things about me before...So here goes...5 weird things...although I ask myself what actually constitutes as 'weird'??

1. If I am in my bed...I need to have socks. If by any chance a sock should fall off of my foot in bed...I panic...I literally scramble under the sheets to look for the sock...don't ask...I have no idea..

2. I have a phobia of plastic cups, plates, dinnerware etc. I do not like drinking or eating in plastic stuff. I usually use the same glass cup to drink at home...and if it is not available I have a similiar one stowed away. If I go to a house where their dinnerware is plastic..for whatever reason it may be, I survive..but I get kind of anxious.

3. I have to take a shower with hot-skin-burning water. If the water does not literally pierce my skin...even if it's 110 degress outsides...I freak the hell out.

4. I collect Barbies. I don't have many. But the few I have are very very valuable to me. Empress contribuited to my collection this year by getting me a Versace Barbie...

5. I don't eat many foods...like for example Beans...I don't eat any type of Beans. But I cook them. The foods that I make that I do not eat I never taste them during the cooking process. How do I know that they are seasoned correctly?? and that they're done..??

By the smell.

I have a very keen sense of smell.

And now it's ur turn!
I tag u all!!

Weekend Recap

Well people it's another year...it has commenced...and I have a nice headache, bad stomachache and severe backache to go right along with it..

I wish I could say it was from the heavy drinking and extreme dancing this weekend..

But it's not..

I'm all effed up for no apparent reason...

Oh Yeah..maybe it's because I'm getting OLD.

For the first time in my entire life, I spent the New Year's sans family. No Vader. No Vietnam. No drunk aunts or odd uncles wanting to coaxe me into playing dominoes or having 'another-beer-which-won't-kill-you'. No Vader, Miss C and Me nestled around the TV in the silence of our home, waiting for midnight, and watching Vader cry..and quickly have her throw us out because she wants to sleep.

For the first time, I cut the umbillical cord...and it was a mix of bittersweet emotions..and yes..I cried...

Friday I spent the night at True's.

His parents love to have us over and since True was at church till about 1am on Friday...I spent the evening watching TV and playing cards with his parents....

It was nice hanging out with them..and I think the feeling was mutual.

Saturday after I left True's to go take Miss C to therapy...I indulged in a little all-day nap...Miss C was with her dad and I was alone in my big fluffy bed....

Around 4pm I had plans to go to church to take the set I built for the Children's Play on Sunday...and originally had planned on spending the evening at home...

But when True arrived to help me load the stuff he informed me that his parents, had requested I stay over that night. They were having other guests stay at the house and wanted to have me and Miss C over as well.

Um..I had not planned on it...and originally said No. But True said it really meant a lot to his parents I stay over...so I caved in.

We spent a large part of the evening at church setting up my lil' manger and village...and the rest of the evening we spent it sitting in the living room...True, his parents, his cousins, Miss C and I...

Sunday...after church...I headed home to get some clothes and take a shower in my crib. You know no matter how nice you are treated and how at home you feel in someone elses' home...there's no shower like your shower..

So...after tossing the idea of getting all spiffy...and changing into some comfy jeans and turtleneck..I headed out to True's...

As I walked down the stairs...I realized my bro was home...so me and Miss C bonded with my bro for a while and for the first time in his adult life, he confirmed he was spending the New Year's with Vader's...@ my aunt's house....


"You going?" he inquired
"Nope...no crazy relatives this year..."


Vietnam also made his appearance..slighty drunk, slighty upset and managed to mumble some harsh words on Vader..his situation, etc. etc.

I, out of courtesy, asked if he wanted to tag along with me...but he said he was going to sleep....

Happy Napping...

So..Miss C and I headed out...and on our way Vader called.

Vader was not a Happy Camper.

She hasn't said it. But she is upset I'm spending time with True's family.

She's jealous.

Too bad.

Cuz everytime I take time out to spend with her, she's got this Oscar the Grouch Grill and this sh*tty attitude I'm not willing to put up with...

I wanna be with people who appreciate my company.

So after learning I was spending my New Year's with True, she sighed and told me a zillion times to take care of Miss C and not drive out too late...She didn't know I was sleeping over...

If she knew I slept over the whole weekend..she'd flip.

So...once at True's...we basically just sat about...True's parents played instruments..sang our Puerto Rican carols...I sat in the room with Miss C who was having a fit because she couldn't hear her cartoons with the music..

"Turn it off!! Turn music off!!" she wailed...a real delightful child

As it got closer to midnight..a wave of sadness and nostalgia hit me.

I was homesick.


I was there with people I loved...with people who made me feel so good and special and yet I missed my family.

I missed the family I had once.

Jeez. We can be so masochistic sometimes.


True went to go get me in the room at 10 minutes to twelve.

We stood in the driveway with our cups to toast the New Year and as I kissed Miss C, True and everyone else..I couldn't help blinking away my tears...

I thought I was gonna lose it when I hugged True's parents...
Cuz deep down inside...I wished I was hugging mine.
But that has never happened...and never will.

I told them I loved them and that I was very thankful for their hospitality.

As everyone went outside to party and watch fireworks..

I retreated to a quiet spot in the house to try and call my mom.

I couldn't reach her.

Empress called.

"Happy New Year friend!!"

In a voice that sounded as equally as pained as mine.

"Yeah..Happy New Year".

I could hear her voice was cracked...She like I, was spending a New Year sans family.

She said:

"No matter how good we are treated...I can't help but question what am I doing here? without my family?..on a day such as this..."

Her voice cracked...and mine did as well...True walked in just as I hung up and began to sob..

"What's wrong?"
True immediatley asked..
"Nothing".
"Nothing??...if you don't tell me..." his voice sounding a tad impatient..
"Nothing."

He left the room.

I just sat there, until I reached Vader.

"I love you mom and I want this New Year to make us closer, like we were. I want you to know that even though we are in this situation, I love you. Even if I don't tell you".

This time my voice completely lost and sobbing.

"I do too..I love you too...This is the first New Year's you spend without me. Be careful. I'll see you tomorrow".

Her voice as dry as the weather in Iraq.

I hung up.

For a while True was still a tad upset I didn't wanna talk about my tear-fest...and after a while he forgot and proceeded to shower me with hugs and kisses.. and his family all cheered that there would be a wedding soon....

We ended up going to bed at 5am...

After a long sleep and an afternoon of sitting in our pj's and hearing his family discuss how many grandkids they want us to give em'...True, Miss C and I headed to Vader's Crib aka Deathstar.

Vader was not happy to see us...at least not me and True.

So we kept our visit short....very short.

I understand that that's the way it has to be.

So after Vader, we headed HOME. My home..and spent the rest of the evening trying not to fall asleep in front of the tube.

And when True left and I finally curled into my big fluffy bed..which I missed so much...I thanked God for all the things I had...I thanked him for all the text messages I got from all the lovely people in my life, I thanked him for allowing me to survive another year..sanely.

I even thanked him for Vader.

Because deep down inside I still have hope that I can find my mom in there.

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