swealtering heat...

I don't know if I spelled it right, but you get the picture..

the kind of heat that makes your underwear stick to your toosh...

where sweat just rolls right under your neck...

Eww....

that is the kind of heat we are facing today...

with a child with measles.

who is complaining that she is hot and itchy...

I'm hot and itching just seeing her.

I braved the wild and slept in the same bed with her last night.

She woke up this morning and told me:

"You are not my grandmother".

"No Sh*t sherlock".


Well, I didn't actually say that, but you get the picture.

Later she stated she was smiling because she was happy.

So we are stuck here in the heat, on a bright sunny day without going out.

I must confess, that I'm waiting till it's later so I can sneak her out to the park, almost at closing time to see if we can run about a bit without contaminating the world...

we'll see.

if not, well, I've got cable.

so that's gotta count for something.

Tell me about your summer days...
enlighten me....

Piña Coladas anyone?

Well I am back. and I am alive.

This week, both Wednesday and Friday are big Holidays over here. So I went over a cliff here and asked for Thursday off, so I can have a little vacation time....Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

I had plans.

Beach, Park, a little sleeping in.

But instead what I got was this

Yes. The Measles.

Not me.

Miss C.

So I've spent the whole day yesterday visiting hospitals, getting blood samples, in an emergency room (no doctor available since it was a holiday), telling a child over and over and over again, "do not scratch", having child tell me that since they drew blood out of her, she needed a prize.

Coming home to change sheets and lay in terror to the possibility that I might get em' because well, hell, I'm her caretaker.

So now my weekend plans have changed just a little bit.
I'm in a contained area, with a mask and heavy garments.

She is enclosed in a room, with an A/C very high to avoid possible further contamination. A room with smells of creams and lotions and hospital like substances.

So much for the beach, eh?


So in very general terms, yes this all sucks.

but hey I look at it on the bright side, maybe God was saving me from something worse.

Maybe I was gonna die at the beach. Maybe a great white shark was gonna chomp off both of my legs, or I was gonna die choking on a piragua (typical frozen sweet treat)or piña colada...all is possible.

So I'm thankful I'm stuck here with a sick kid, praying that I won't get sick as well.

It all works out in the end.

Really it does.

Take me out to the ballgame..

This weekend was a good weekend baseball wise...

Saturday we kicked Tampa's arse...17 to 4...

and yesterday again..21 to 4...


21 to 4!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We are currently in second place....behind 7.5 games...

Boston...get ready...here we come.....

there is no place like home

i have not been feeling well these past few days.

i dont feel good.

i dont feel my usual self.

i feel like the 'me' has been sucked out and replaced with some strange, stressed, angry version of the person i used to be.

even before church and true and God, i wasn't this strange.

please bare with my ramble.

i dont feel like doing much lately.
the only thing i wanna do is lie down and sleep.

a lot.

this morning when i dropped Miss C off at daycare my heart slight broke.

"i dont wanna, i wanna stay with you mommy!!"

oh baby.

i wanted so badly to whisk you away and go home and stay in our pj's and watch tv.

but i had to work.

i think it's an indicator that i need a vacation.

i need to unwind.
maybe that is all i need.

but my actions and attitudes are beginning to affect those around me, and that's where i begin to worry.

i've charted into the waters of: 'push-everyone-who-gives-ashit-about-you-away'.


with no paddle.

forgive me if i'm not my usual self and forgive me more if you've stumbled on this dreary entry when you were having a great day. carry on.

nothing to worry about.
i'll be ok.

it's just that all sucks right now.
big time.

and just like Miss C, i'd do anything right now to crawl into Vader's lap and let her whisk me away with kisses and "everythingsgonnabeallright's"

everything is gonna be allright.

i'm gonna go get my shizz together.

have a good one.

Gwen..

still in the dumps..but I thought I might share some pics from last night's concert and some vids...

Please ignore my horrid singing....









http://s62.photobucket.com/albums/h96/enix_r/GwenStefani/?action=view¤t=647750d9.flv

going up...going down

Tonight Miss C's ex teacher and me are going to see Gwen Stefani in concert.

three months ago when I purchased my ticket, I was so so so thrilled and excited.

Today, I could care less if she came to perform in my house.

I'm going through some inevitable mood swings and I just wanna mope and mope and mope some more.

There are things that are happening that are weighing me down, like Wild E. Coyote with an ACME Anvil tied to his ankle.

I'm a little depressed and heartbroken at certain things in my life and kind of just need to mellow a bit.

Who knows maybe a good concert is just what I need.

It's just been one of those weeks where nothing seems right.

Where I don't know where I stand....and wonder how much have I compromised of myself to everyone else and forgot to make myself happy along the way...

Weekend Recap

Well..what can I say...
I am tired, exhausted, a bit of everything.

This weekend was my turn to host our Educational Tour on Autism at our local mall.

I set up on Friday night and prayed for a good weekend.

At 9am Empress and I made our way there.

I had a whole crew of volunteers and profesionals ready to lend a helping hand.
I thought that we got a crappy spot, and hoped for the best.

Boy was I wrong.

There wasn't a moment to even think.

The tables were busy all the way around....dozens upon dozens of families, aunts, uncles, grandpa's, teachers, doctors, ALL WANTING INFO, ALL WANTING HELP, ALL WANTING AN EAR TO LISTEN AND A HEART TO TALK TO.

It was by far the most wonderful experience of my life
.

There were tears, cases diagnosed on the spot, words of love, hugs, laughter...it was God given.

I worked on Saturday from 9am - 9pm...but the day went by so fast..I couldn't even tell I was there that long...well, I did tell when I went home and actually sat down for the first time in 12 hours....

Empress was there all day, lending a hand like always...many parents I've met on the phone went to show me their children, I invited them to our next meeting which is on Saturday (I'll be talking about the GF /CF diet)....

Yoly...Super J's Mom and her husband, who happen to live a couple of hours away also stopped by on Sunday to give a helping hand...that, meant the world to me...

Many profesionals I called went to help and offer free diagnosis and evaluations, I had T.O., Speech Therapists, Physical Therapists, you name it...Psychologists, Teachers....even Miss C's teacher went...

On Sunday it was 11-5pm...I didn't even have lunch...but the outpour was equal to the day before...many people came up to congratulate us for our efforts, whole families stopped by looking for support, Pediatricians came for info on how to help their little ones...

Miss C was there on Sunday morning....she obviously became a pain in the arse in a matter of 20 minutes, from being hungry, to wanting a toy, to be hungry again, to wanting to pee, to wanting a haircut...(yes, a haircut, she gets her haircut in that mall and she made the association). But True finally showed and got her out of my hair.

In the end. It was a wonderful weekend. We bonded and helped and had fun.

I think my support group meeting this next saturday will be full....

...........

sometimes things suck.
sometimes Autism sucks.

I had to wrestle with a toddler and try not to crash TWICE while she was trying to bit the hell out of me.

It's all fun and games.
Fun and games.

days of the week

Miss C has developed a new obsession.

As if with the ones she had weren't enough to keep me busy.

She is now obsessed with the days of the week.

She needsto know what day it is and what do we do on this particular day.

"What day is it? What do we do? In the morning? or in the night?"

She has been wanting to go to Vader's house for quite some time, but see, we visit Vader's on Wednesday's.

So last night she asked and I gave her the rundown....

"Today is Tuesday, we go on Wednesday's when the sun leaves and the night comes".

"But the sun is gone!!!! There is no sun!!!"

"yes, but it's Tuesday. Tomorrow is Wednesday".

"No. Today is Wednesday and there is no sun! Grandma's house today".

This went on for about a good half hour, when I finally decided to distract her and give her an icepop.

Anything to get her out of my wig.

This morning as soon as she got up her first words were:

"At Six, At six you pick me up. When the sun goes down we go to Grandma's".

Anybody in the Logistics Team of the FBI reading? You guys just might wanna recruit her.

A meme...!! Horray!!

I was tagged by: Noemí...it's a meme about your kids and their nicknames...

I have only One Kid...but boy oh boy does this Kid have nicknames...galore...





Where do I begin?

Well, when she born her father and I used to call her "hamberguita" / "little hamburger", because her cheeks were so big and so red...they looked like little beef paties...

Yeah...talk about marking a child...too bad I don't have any picture so I can prove it to ya folks...

Than as she grew older we started to call her "Chere" or "Miss C"...short for her real name...

In her day care they call her "Cherry" and I go by "Cherry's Mom"....

But me, being the mother of all mothers, I call her by several nicknames, all randomnly...

"Pancha"..."Amiga" (friend), "Chungui" (this one is me and True's favorite), "Luly" and "Chiru" , "Piru" (these last ones are my favorites....they are all my loving nicknames for her....

Lately she calls me "Piru" too...

Someone pointed out the other days: "why, you never call her daughter, or by her real name...you talk to her like if you were talking to a friend".

Yep. Of course.

I am "Chungui's" best friend.

Who do I tag?

anyone who wants ta'...

snoozing

Aw man...who else is having a hard time getting up at 6am to read, pray and do some pilates???

anybody???


.

a bit too much

this ruling the world thing...maybe a bit too much for my plate for now.

I have a headache the size of Mexico or Texas..or whatever piece of land is larger.

I have two big things this weekend and I'm pooped already.

The Parent Support Group I am in is doing a Mall Tour to create Autism Awareness. They have visited several of the large malls in Puerto Rico. This weekend I'm in charge of the mall in my area. I'm not even gonna go into details, but I am stressed. Luckily there are many people helping and the leaders have been great....it's just me...it's a bit hard you know...saturday for 12 hours and sunday for another 5. Without Miss C.

It's neccesary though. We need to create awareness of this epidemic, we need to help other parents who are starting in this long journey. I wanna help. So I will.

So far we have many volunteers including therapists, teachers and other health profesionals. So I hope it all turns out well.

*****

Miss C has jumped off the wagon. She bit her tongue this weekend and is using that as an excuse to abandon her vitamins.

But I have bigger plans.....bigger strategies that would make the FBI and the Navy Seals shiver in their combat boots....or suits and ties....

I am blackmailing her.

In every possible way.

I've got her up to half a vitamin already.

Her Magnesium is being slipped into her juice...and pretty soon we're back on track.

****
Funny story...

As I was exiting Subway with my lunch in tow...a little old lady approached. She kind of looked like the lady who used to be in the Old Navy Commercials. No, not Morgan Fairchild...the one who had the big dark rimmed eyeglasses.

"Excuse me Miss, are you going this way...(she pointed to one of the mall exits), you see I am lost, I took the wrong bus and I need to get to the bus stop".

I look at her...puzzled. Because the bus stop isn't that far away.

"Um...no actually I'm in quite a hurry and I'm going the other way".

"Oh....(Pause) ok..thank you" and proceeded to look for another person.

I lied.
I was going her way.

But the situation was odd. She was a well dressed woman, about in her late 70's, wasn't too far from the bus stop, it wasn't raining...and she stayed to see if someone else would randomly pick her up.

I'm sorry but I am NOT making it on the FRONT PAGE:

"20 something year (cough) beatened and robbed by the notorious Grandma's Ganstas..."

it ain't happening....

I wonder who gave her a ride.

I wonder if they'll come out in the paper.

I'll keep ya posted...

I am strong

that is the catch phrase I used to convince Miss C to take her vitamins.

We are starting a vitamin/mineral supplemental approach to treat what is left of her Autism.

I say what is "left" because I am convinced I will have a normal child.

I've managed to make vitamins 'fun'....a contest of who will get stronger first....I pretend to steal her vitamins and she hurries ups and eats them...

I have also gone back to the foot patches I was using.

Have I noticed anything??

I must say I have.

She is eating like an animal....I'm talking about 3 bowls of rice, 2 bowls of cereal...juice...water...

After a week on Vitamin B-6 and Magnesium I see some changes in language.

She is speaking very clear and in full sentences....understanding instructions better and overall in a good mood.

We are moving on to adding Zinc, DMG, and digestive enzymes over the next few weeks.

I am sucker for non-invasive treatments and I think that this is the path for us.

It's hard as hell giving all these pills, not to mention the prices...but it is all for her benefit...and for my sanity...

so bottoms up...cause Miss C will be very very strong!

Facing the Giants..

I saw thismovie yesterday....

and I decided to face a Giant.

The Giant of my Deathvan.

It died on me yesterday.....

well, not died, but it won't go into parking...

hence, not enabling me to get the key out.

hence, I had to go home because I could not leave my car outside with the keys on.

I could've cried.
I could've have hollered and cursed.

I went home and did laundry.

I thanked God that I didn't cause an accident.

I managed to survive and face the Giant of my volatile personna.

Miss C had her vitamins...

And almost $300 bucks later I will have my death van again.

I've gotta change the name of that car....

Have a great weekend people!!!!!!

4 fingered Mary

I almost lost a finger this morning.

Did I cut it off?
Did I jam it in a door?
Was I in some freak accident?

No. Not really.

I had a 5 year old bite it to the bone.

My index finger.

of my writting hand.

It is swollen and it hurts like hell.

That'll teach me to make her swallow her vitamins.

take that you wicked witch!


*chomp chomp*

True tried desperately to help...

"It's either your vitamins or you're mom is gonna spank you! Which is it?"

To which Miss C coyly answered:

"The spanking" and she approached us prepared to be spanked.

I jammned my finger in her mouth to make her swallow. She bit, hard. And would not open her mouth.

I howled in delight.

I take it in stride. I don't drink coffee, so that was my picker upper.

******

Saturday we all went to have a quick dinner at a local fast food place. We were already seated when this lady at the register was having a fit. I don't know exactly what happened, but the manager was trying desperately to calm her down and meet her needs.

"I'm trying to help you, ma'am".


Ma'am decided to stay and eat.

Hey. If you're upset and not satisfied, leave.

But don't bitch and moan and whine for the entire stay.

Forcing me to bite my tongue and hold my hand in order to prevent me going to the table besides me and bitchslapping you into common sense.

"This bitch..! blah blah..I'm a paying customer...You'll see what I'll do....blah blah blah"


*rolls eyes*

But she kept on going. So....

I got up from my table and I slapped her.









Ok. that really didn't happen.

But.

these are the moments I wish for the wrath of God.
Or for her to choke slightly on her Frosty.

Which ever comes first.
It's all good.

I would have loved to give her one of my good fingers....
in a bad way.

Thought of the day: Crocodiles have a gazzillions tons of force in their jaws....but they ain't no match for crock-a-toddler Miss C.

Weekend Recap








Sometimes, it's this kid who keeps me sane.
And makes me insane.
All in one nice pretty package.

This weekend, she kept me sane.

I've had a loooong hard week.
The kind of week where you just wanna send it all to hell and crawl back into the cave you've emerged from.
The kind where you don't wanna pick up phones, talk to people or even take a shower.

Yeah. that kind of week.

The kind of week that my emotional sensors are so delicate I cried when I found out we weren't having rice at my mom's house. We were having macarroni.

Lots of things on my plate have contributed to my state. Not to mention all the other stuff I can't mention.

But it's been hard.

Trying to keep sane. trying to maintain a relationship, a kid, a job and not feel like I'm compromising waaay to much of me. And feel that at the end of the day, I have no clue where Mary is at.

but alas, it is a new day. a new week. a new month.
and after screaming into towels all last night, I think I'll make it.

In the meanwhile, please kindly look at this picture.
That blob you see....is the security guard at a local pharmacy.






sitting on an overturned shopping cart.

protecting the clients indeed.
I feel so much safer buying my Paxil at the pharmacy where the Stay Puff Marshmallow man does his part time shift...

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