Ironically enough, now that I have more time (wth less work hours) I have less time to do things.  I am trying to get my stuff together in the house, trying to survive the horrible X mas season and I mean horrible because of the chaos, traffic and the constant whinning of Miss C everytime she sees a commercial with a new toy:

"Awww momma can you ask Santa for that???"

Her list has grown over the past few weekd and my pocket has shrunken.

Her latest accomplishments have been equally grand.

She managed to scratch off a piece of my skin from my arm yesterday while I was driving in a rage of fury.
She managed to scream at the top of her lungs in Denny's in front of all the patrons:


"I wish you would die and if you don't I will break your bones!!"

See, a killer in the making...maybe Tony Soprano could give her a part time...or something.

She has called me ugly every single chance she gets in front of everyone.

Her list of presents might just get shorter before the 25th.

The Christmases at home are still a "fun" family event.  I put up two Christmas Trees, managed to get into a fight with Vietnam, found out that one of the Three Kings is missing from the Nativity Scene and that we can't put any  lights outside because Isabela The Destroying Lab is out on a mission..."chew up EVERYTHING".

As for the rest I've been trying to spend as much time with my goddaughter, Kamila, squeezing her whenever her mom ain't looking and trying to catch up on all those cheesy Lifetime Christmas movies such as the Box Office Hit:


"Christmas with two Dad's"


::snicker::


We've managed to divide our dates as to who goes where on what days and I am just anxious for a couple of days of sleep...lots of it...with no little girl whispering in my ear, "you must make breakfast I am a very hungry person".


Yeah, well, I'm a very sleepy person.


And there ya' have it...classes are out this week until the 13th of January and I'll be stuck with a kid, The Holidays and TV Christmas movies....


I think I need some alchohol

"Momma, this is what I want the Angels to bring me" pointing out to a toy in a magazine.

"Angels? What Angels?"

"Well, after Santa, the Three Kings, now Angels".

"Hell to the No".


The Chaos is over. The Holidays are officially over. We had Three King's Day on Sunday and next weekend is Octavitas, but it's all over. School starts on Thursday, yes Thursday and things get back to normal.

I can go grocery shopping without having to kill anyone for a box of crackers.

What I won't miss? The light traffic.

Hellatraffic starts on Thursday.

Can't please me...nevah.

*****
Miss C has a blast for Three King's Day. She put the grass, the cookies, water and juice. Grass and Water for the Camels. The rest for the Three Kings.

I got up at 4am to make the grass disappear and to spread some around in a trail.

Her take:

"Boy, momma, those camels sure are messy!!"

As for the rest of the weekend, yesterday I had off from work and spent the entire day cleaning.

Doing laundry.

Mopping.

Folding laundry.

Cooking.

My favorite, the cooking.

Chicken breast stuffed with bacon and wrapped in bacon slices over white rice.

Yum.

The rest of the evening went by nicely. Me and Vic (Bro's girlfriend) raiding his closet trying to get it clean and playing V-Smile games with Miss C.

And I've proved once again, that I suck at video games.

Diego was getting his ass kicked hardcore by the monkeys who throw the coconuts.

Yes, I'm almost thirty and monkeys threw coconuts at me.

Say something.

We spent the New Year's at Vader's.

True, his folks, Vader, a cousin, Bro and Girlfriend.

And we slightly invaded the neighbor's bash.

They had a live band.

We sat in the driveway with our instruments and played along. Instruments meaning a bucket with two sticks, our big mouths, some bongos and a guiro with a fork.

Eventually they took a break.

A long break.

And waited for us to leave so they could play again.

We had a lovely time.

And while everyone else ate pork, I ate shrimp.

Yum.

As the clock struck 12, everyone hugged. I hugged Vader.

She whispered in my ear: "I hope I haven't ruined your life too much".

I looked at her: "Not much".

We hugged again for an eternity.

Then we whisked Miss C off to the bathroom since the fireworks made her haywire.

After the initial noise factor she curled up in True's Dad's arms to watch the fireworks and fell asleep.

I hugged and kissed everyone and settled back into Vader's arms.

She looked at me: "Hasn't our relationship improved?"

"Yes Ma'am....Yes Ma'am".

We called it a night at 1am and I proceeded to my first snuggle with Miss C of 08'.

It's that time of year folks. The time where we all make ridiculous resolutions to end up not keeping them.

No resolutions for me. Especially none involving food, diets and less chocolate.

2008 was a rocky year for me.

Here are a few highlights:

• Adjusting to a new relationship, breaking up a few times, putting wedding plans on hold, trying not to poison significant other, letting go of being in charge.
• Being a family. Wednesday's at Vader's are my favorites. Nothing like Pictionary with a few good losers.
• Finding my niche in church. Building my relationship with God. I am now fully aware of what's wrong or right. So when I say "f*ck", I know it's really wrong.
• Savoring the Kid's aka Miss C's victory's. Yesterday True scolded her for running and told me, so I told her again, "do not run"....her answer : "Aww man...True told you!!". A year ago she would have had no clue of that, or Santa, or birthdays or any other thing.
• Surviving the Hell of Parenting. Yes, there is a downside. Sometimes I'd wish she'd just fall asleep for two weeks so I can hear myself think. Parenting sucks sometimes, hardcore.
• Loving the Deathvan, even though it has failed me several times. I've learned to love it, wash it and make it happy.
• Being happy. It's hard. I'm allergic to happiness. Severely, like break-into-hives-hyperventilate-allergic. But I'm trying. Yesterday I smiled, of course it was because True mispronounced something. But that's gotta be worth something...right??

• More victory's for the Kid. Big ones...like a landing role in a movie that would win her an Oscar nod and make us millionaires. ........hey a gal can dream, can't she?
• A refrigerator. Nice one. Brand new one. That won't leak.
  
• A new TV for the family. Mine has been in my living room broken for a while. I've been too lazy to take it to get it fixed.
• Health. Because it sucks to be sick.
• My parents to come to church with me.
• My bro to get married and make me an aunt already. What is he waiting for? For me to turn into Bea Arthur?
• No wedding. I'm not ready. I do want more time with True. More quality time.
  
• Our church to experience greater things.
• New friends

• THE DEATH OF MICKEY. ANY WHICH WAY IT CAN.
  

"Momma, wake up, it's the Holidays! It's Christmas" She whispered in my ear, in English no less.

She woke up around 8pm, very patient, went to the tree and saw her gifts...she opened them with a huge smile. She was delighted.

I even threw some presents near the chimney. She squealed.

She got tons of Pet Shop toys, a V Tech V smile Game Console, new sneakers, "Rabatooie" (Ratatouie), clothes, pj's, the dancing My little pony, Spongebob Operation (which she is terrified of) and lots more.

I got a wonderful, much needed Elizabeth Arden Makeup Kit from True.

No perfume.

Thank God.

I got clothes from my mom and candles from my bro's girlfriend.

We spent the morning at home, had a huge breakfast, pizza for lunch and then headed off to True's house. We spent the afternoon with his parents then headed out to Vader's in the evening.

There Miss C had a blast, bro and girlfriend went overboard with presents for her.
Hasbro should give them a prize for buying them out. I think she officially has all the Littlest Pet Shop collection.

We all exchanged gifts, then sat down for a little Pictionary. We giggled and almost wet our pants with our expert drawing skills. Vader looked on in delight.

Empress showed up bearing gifts for us as well.

She looked at us playing and said: "You guys look like the wholesome all american family".

That was the nicest comment I could have received that night.

Pictionary, good food and an almost normal family.

Now if I could only fast forward New Year's Eve and The Three Kings Day.

"Here's your present, put it under the tree!"

I immediately shake the box True has handed me.

"Don't shake it and don't cheat. You can't open it till Christmas".

It was a rectangular box with a huge bow. The bows that the people at the Walgreens gift wrapping station make. The gift station that wraps up perfumes.

"You didn't get me another perfume? did ya?"

"Um...maybe".

"Maybe!!?? I told you NO perfumes. I have zillions of little bottles on my dresser. I don't need, I don't want another perfume".

He looks dissapointed.

"But, I didn't know what else to get you".

"But, why on earth did you ask for suggestions??!! I told you cd's, dvd's, new covers for my van, shoes...but not ANOTHER PERFUME!".

True had given me perfume for my Birthday and then for Valentine's he bought me, not one, but 4 perfumes.

Vietnam also gives me perfume for Christmas.

If I get another Eau de Toilet I might just go to the toilet.

"But...but I think you just might like this perfume!"

"No, No, No". I put my head down on the bed. I start to whine.

"Take it back...if it's a perfume, take it back...in fact, if it's a perfume you aren't getting your gift".

"What???!!...ok, ok, ok, I lied. It's not a perfume".

"It isn't?"

"No."

"But it looks like a perfume box, with a perfume bow".

He chuckles.

I make him swear to God it's not a perfume.

He crosses his legs.

Swears it isn't.

Santa is a very cruel man and if it is a Perfume I'm officially banning the Holidays.


Do you have a gift you hate to get?

"Momma, " she sticks her head under our chimney..."Santa comes down through there..He does not come through the doors and windows!!"

"Momma, we have to leave some cookies and milk for Santa.." pause..."No...no milk, just leave him some water".

"Momma, did you know Santa comes on Tuesday, and he is gonna take me to the beach?"


The beach?? Well I guess the old guy would want a vacation after having his slaves..err elves make zillions of Ipods and electronic devices for minimum wage.

We are heading off to Vader's tonight...nothing fancy...just us and good food.

Miss C is anxious to get her gifts...she is happy and excited. It's the first year I've seen her so thrilled....she is soaking everything up....

I'm putting Ebeneezer away for today, for the sake of the Kid. Just for the Kid.

Happy Holidays to all!!

Well more like Little, black and white polka dot dress.

That's what I could finally find to wear to my church's X-mas party tonight.

As I was trying on dresses on my lunch break I finally realized why I bought jeans and shirts to wear for Christmas:



All the dresses/skirts this season are balloon type outfits.

Believe me, you do NOT wanna see me in a balloon type outfit.

Never mind the fact that I was trying these outfits on while still in my shoes.

I suck at dressing room etiquette.

I was exhausted. I was lamenting. I had tried on a great dress a few weeks back at The Gap, but didn't wanna plunk down the $70.00 for it. I should have. It was a great dress. Now, at this time, I wouldn't go to The Gap even if my life depended on it.

I ended up buying a semi-nice fitting dress. I tried to find a picture of it online and could find none that would do it justice. Spaghetti straps, empire waist, black with white polka dots and a black short cardigan to go over it.

Pretty decent.

Only thing is, that after all the hassle I might not be going to the party. The kid is sick. She has been complaining of a massive headache all day long. I have a babysitter, but my mommy heart would feel too bad leaving her in the care of someone else. There is nothing like a mommy to take care of ya' when you're sick.

We'll see how she's doing when I get off of work.

As for the rest of the Christmas Hullabaloo, well, I don't know what we'll do. My in laws are Jehova Witnesses and don't celebrate Christmas. I do, but ain't in the mood to party. Vader has a gig at her place on Christmas Eve, so I guess I'll crash over there for a bit.

I still haven't finished my Christmas wrapping. Every time I put the Kid to bed to wrap her presents I fall asleep with her.

Maybe I'll explain that Santa is going green this year.

Speaking of gifts, the Kid, ever so smart, found one of her gifts, hidden under my carseat.

The Rat DVD.

"Wow!! a movie for me!!??"
"Hey! Put that back!" while trying not to steer off road.
"No.." she gigles "...I love this rat movie!"
"Put it back..it isn't for you..it's for another kid, a poor kid who doesn't have DVD's!!"
"Oh...Ok...you can get me one too momma!"

Kids can be so gullible.

She put it back.

But I guess that' s one gift that won't be a shocker.

Santa must be really coy.
Reaaally coy.

In spite of the horrible morning, day, week, I tried to tough it out and I put some Christmas music in the office.

Martha Stewart's Jazz for the Holidays

I
just
might
die
tonight.

need
air
soon.

"Mom...thanks a lot...you just ruined Christmas!!!!!"

Upon receiving a scolding on my behalf...

10 minutes later her screaming was a tad different..

"I'm sorry Santa....I'm sorry Santa!!!!!!!!!"

I spent the whole weekend carrying Miss C around to her AIT: Berard Method Therapies.
I don't wanna be too quick to judge, but is seems like everytime they are done, they hand over a monster.

Yesterday I just wanted them to change her back to how she was.

Crying. Emotional. Angry. Bossy.

She was all this before.

But this time it's like double the pleasure, double the fun.

*******
We got our hair cuts this weekend.

We actually look swell.

Miss C even thought so.

"Momma how pretty we look!"

*******

Miss C wants to go to the movies.

She wants to see "Chica wa wa, Chica wa wa".



********

I spent all weekend alone.
I spent my Saturday with the kid in the house putting up curtains, cleaning up the kitchen. Actually enjoying the quiet of my home. Enjoying cleaning the kitchen.

How do I know I'm screwed for life?

I actually squealed when I saw that Tilex Mildew cleaned up my sink so purty.

Yep. I'm a mother.

I took a shower put on my pj's and put the Kid to bed.

I then went to the family room and lay on the bed and watched Sex and the City reruns.

I was alone. in a clean house. with a christmas tree. watching TBS.

and I saw the episode called "The Good Fight", where Aiden moves in with Carrie and she is having a nervous breakdown with all his boxes and crap and invasion of her apartment. She has been single for her whole life and has never lived with someone.

They are arguing because he wants her to clean out her closet to make room for his stuff and then his dog chews up one of her $400 pair of shoes.

She screams. He screams.

They argue.

"Won't you just shut up?" she yells
"Shut up?"
"Yes, shut up.. All you ever do is talk...blah blah blah...all up in my face, how are you, where ya been? who've you seen? Just shut up!!".

Sometimes silence is golden.
I turned of the TV.
Admired my Tree.
And went to snuggle with the Kid.

Day 3 of no electricity in my room.

My uncle/electrician checked it out. Seems a pipe broke, water came in through the breaker boxes and kaplat. There you have it.

New re-wiring is needed.

Merry X-mas to me too.

We'll see how long I'll last without electricity in my room without killing anyone,

or doing my makeup without looking like Bozo.

I have tons of house work to do, presents to wrap and last minute gifts.

What I really wanna do?

Lay in bed with hot chocolate and come back out when X-mas is over.

That's Ms. Ebeneezer to you.

add up the fact that Miss C is going through some sort of regression, which involves kicking, screaming, biting and calls from her teachers who are puzzled about her behavior.

That's Ms. Psychotic Ebeneezer to you.

So...bah humbug, go kick a squirrel and have a hot cocoa on my behalf.

Where were we???

Oh yeah.

We went to my crib.

So...after putting Miss C to sleep and wrapping up some last minute gifts..we called it a night..

Mommy needed some ZzzZzz's...ASAP.

We slept in till' about 11am..

Miss C rolled out of bed..but had no notion what day it was...

I scurried downstairs to get my camera and we sat around the tree so she could open up her presents..

As she opened each one she squealed:

"This is my pony!!!" ...only to find out that there were no ponies in ANY of the gifts that were there...

She immediately wanted to keep on going...

"More Presents!!" she whined...

and I couldn't help but feel a pang of guilt that I didn't get her, her 1000th pony..

True assured me that she didn't need another one.

So..after the excitement I decided to make a good hearty breakfast consisting of delicious-savory pancakes...

But Miss C kept on whining that she wanted more presents...she wanted a PONY.

Our breakfast was interrupted by my ex-neighbor who had stopped by with a gift for Miss C....

As I crept downstairs to reluctantly open the gate...because folks..I wanted to have breakfast and chill..not have guests over...My OTHER neighbor...Watchtower lady...scurried over with another gift..

Miss C is one lucky lady....

My ex-neighbor got her a playset with like 10 ponies...
She almost had a stroke from all the excitement..

Miss C quickly forgot about all the other lame-ass gifts her mother got her and went into pony extasis...

Next year her ass is getting coal.

After all the pony bliss we got ready to head out to the In-laws again. No point in staying home if both my parents were working..

After a nice afternoon there, where Miss C has quickly gained confidence and is no longer shy in asking for food and juice and milk and soda...Vader called and I was off to hang with her.

The Ex showed with gifts for Miss C and we all exchanged presents...nothing really exciting...except for the fact that Miss C was having a fit playing Elephun with Vietnam...she smacked his ass with the net everytime he caught more butterflies than her..

::scratch out idea of Tae-kwon-doe classes::

An hour later I dropped Vader back at home...

And I was back at my crib with a whole crap load of wrapping paper, boxes and toys galore...

I thought about my weekend...and how awesome it was...

At church on Sunday they asked..."How do we feel the splendor of God in our lives?"

And I didn't know how to quite answer that...

But if you asked me now, I'd answer:

"I feel the splendor because in a time like this, where X-mas is usually the Holiday I hate, the most lonely and saddest time of the year for me...the time where I have no family....God sent me a different family....a family who has opened their home and their hearts and have made me feel like I don't need anything else to make me feel complete"...

And even if the rest of the evening...the night got shot to sh*t..over some stupid a** situation....(those who read my previous post, know I was pissed)...even if I wanted to bash someone's skull in or set someone's finger's on fire...deep down inside as I was nestled in my bed....in between the rage and fury and homicidal instincts...a sense of peace crept in....

And it was all good.

My mom had the bright idea of getting Miss C this for X-mas...

So after going to a zillion stores...avoiding the one with the Huge Giraffe Logo..I had to make my way to the latter..

So I buy the pooch..take it to my office..get batteries on the way...

Try to take it out of the *&^%$#@ Navy-military-enhanced-pentagon-post911-secured box...

Finally get through all the wires, tapes, clips...ties...

Get the pup out..
And I find out..it's just plush..

it doesn't even stand on it's four legs..

It just lays there...

All right..don't panic...put in the batteries..

Another 10 more minutes trying to unscrew the battery lid...tucked tightly in the pup's belly, with barely space for fingers to place batteries..and I squeal in delight as I press its paws..

Miss C is gonna be delighted..it barks, wags it tails and licks...with saliva and everything...at least that's what we saw in the commercials.

So I sit there...I press the paw again..

::silence::

Uhem...I press paw AGAIN

::crickets::

Ok. Let me read the instructions...

Oh..Ok..fill it up with water..for saliva...cuddle dog...pet puppy..watch him come alive!!

Ok..will do..

Now

::presses paw::

::silence::

10 seconds later..

"ruff ruff"

press paw again..

5 seconds later..

"ruff ruff"

press paw again..
::wags tail very slowly::

PRESS PAW AGAIN

::licks with no saliva::

then manages to drip one drop of saliva...

Drive to Toys R' Us: $5.00
Amazing Pets Puppy: $34.99 plus tax

Put dog back in box, that you almost dismantled in attempt to get it out in the first place, while dropping words not suitable for children under 12...

Go back to store to get her The Shimmering Lights Little Mermaid..

Priceless