Have I ever told ya' the one about how relationships are complicated? and mind you I said "relationships" and not "love", because technically "Love" is easy. Just like Hate. It's there. It happens.

But relationships, in all the different genres are complicated and at times, nasty, hard, hurtful and harder to maintain than a salt watered fish tank.

Miss C obviously has a problem with relationships as well. Especially daugther-mother ones, where the mother figure is in charge. She seemingly believes it's rubbish and thinks that telling me to shut up in front of a crowd of people is terrifically swell. That is, until I find it terrifically well to take her outside and giver her a piece of my mind.

Yeah, because it's complicated.
Then she drives off in the night with her Dad, my X, who is here on an emergency trip and I'm left alone in bed. Missing her.

Did I mention complicated?

Vader is another complicated subject. I love her. See that was simple to state, but it's complicated tip toeing around her wrong doings and not wanting to shake her a little when she doesn't pick up her phone (cause she's out frolikcing) yet has the balls to write me up on my parenting skills.

Vietnam has gotten better. We no longer throw things at each other. Just the other days I felt even, dare I say, "special" when he invited me to NYC next week, offering to pay my ticket. Only to later find out he offered a ticket to Vader, my brother and probably the Mail Man; anyone capable of driving and taking him sightseeing.

And then there is your significant other or as we say here is Puerto Rico, your "media naranja" (half orange), the person who you probably love the most and yet want to push down a short flight of stairs every so often. Just because.  I guess that's why they call them "oranges"...insert squeezing the juice of them joke right here___.


It's the little things that annoy you (me), the little things that sometimes get in the way of the big nice things. It's the ever so dreadful time consuming dwarf that only allows you half a day to spend with this significant other and since sometimes you spend the 90% of that day bickering you can't wait till it's Monday again.

I see those relationships, all kind of relationships, that look so happy, so joyful and I can't help but wonder what's behind closed doors. Because they can't all be so happy now can they? I see my bro and V kissing and then 5 seconds later pushing each other off their seats because my brother cheated during our card matches on Fridays and saw her cards and I remain still not undertanding the dynamics of what makes a relationship work.

And I lay there in my empty bed or sit at my lonely desk or look at my silent phone and wonder, since I am the common denominator of all these relationships:

Am I the problem?

But I can't be now can I...I mean, I love shoes, I love puppies, I love people and I use reusable grocery bags.

How can I be the problem...??
And the face...just look at the face!!!

 

So we've been working on this new behavioral modification program for Miss C. Seems like she is quite the terror at school and once again all school officials are "worried", translate that into: "they don't wanna bust their asses".

So, me and the kid made an extra deal aside from the ones at school. I promised her that if she were good everyday, I'd give her a treat. The treat could vary from a simple toy or different coupons to redeem for different things, like for example: bedtime an hour later then the usual 8pm, pizza for breakfast, home movie nights, or 1 hour of quality mommy and me time to do whatever she pleases.

Well, I didn't know what I was getting into. The first day last week, she was excellent and what did I give the kid: One hour of Mommy time.

What did the kid wanna do?

Play with her Little Pet Shop figurines, FOR A FULL HOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I have definitely got "Openmouthclosefoot Syndrome".

Definitely.

Miss C had her first oral report last Friday. She had to talk about her family, the people she lives with. Just us two. The shortest oral report in 1st grade history.

Near the end of the video I scold her since she starts picking up a wicked spanish accent when she is in fact, and let me pat my back here, accent free. Go figure.

Miss C is officially hooked on infomercials.

After getting some Blendipens and Bendaroos for Christmas, for which I had to take up a Master's in Engineering to figure out, she is convinced that these are life changing items.

If by life changing you mean the guy from the Shamwow looks like Gollum and that can be a life changing experience, since you don't wanna purchase towels from a goblin who was obsessed with a ring..

Yeah, I guess.

She insists I get the Spacebags and is totally convinced that all I need in my life right now is a Snuggie.

Because you know, reading and balancing an oh-so slippery blanket is a tricky task. Especially if you have just showered in olive oil.

The Snuggies are my favorite. You know, the people who go out to the sports games looking like monks or people in line waiting to get their degree.

It's inspiring.

No more cold feet for me...no more complicated socks or pants for the cold.

A Snuggie is just the option, especially if that nasty remote control always gets in your way.

What Miss C especially loves is the "Wait there is more".

I mean, who doesn't? Who doesn't love a free bargain, an extra, a bonus?

"Miss C's mom, her therapies are all set...but wait there is more...you won't have to come into this office to file a complaint EVER again".

Now, that's a bargain.

Miss C somehow thinks that the free reading light that comes with the Snuggies is just right for me.

"Momma, so you can see better, don't ya think?"

Honey, I just spent $400 on a pair of glasses, I think the whole "seeing better" issue is resolved.

But I admire her hope, her innocence, and her ability to believe in anything and in anyone. That hope and lack of doubt that glows from her insides. Even when she screams that we should get that scissor that cuts pennies in half and I try miserably to explain we are in no condition to due such atrocious thing.

We need all the Lincoln's we can get...especially if we want that new Slider Station from Billy Mays....

I just saw a convertible BMW with it's top down.

The license plates were from out of town.

Anchorage, Alaska to be exact.

A convertible from Alaska.

?