So how was my weekend?

Well let's say that Friday we made our way to Vader's for our traditional UNO card tournament.

Every Friday, bro,his gal, my cousin, Vader and I get together to eat and play...every Friday there is a main target:

DESTROY ALL OPPONENTS.

The rule: THERE IS NO FAMILY.

Every Friday Vader always makes some hairbrained mistake like throwing random cards and ends up being the butt of the joke.

This Friday, Vader got her revenge.

Empress showed up with her husband since they had no electricity and joined in on the fun.

We started to play, have a great time, when....

::rumble rumble::

My stomach.

Good Lord, my stomach.
Hey, I know we've all had stomach issues, but stomach issues with these folks around, was a big hellanono, especially in a small apartment with one bathroom almost next to the UNO table.

There are no more words needed. Let's just say I spent most of the night NOT playing UNO, hearing my 'friends and family' have a jolly ol' time at my expense.

I don't think I have laughed so hard in a looong time.

In the end, it was a swell swell time. I had become the butt of the joke, literally. Vader's eyes sparkled with glee.

And to think that Kamila (my pronto niece) will have a swell bedtime story about the week before she was born...

Ah, the memories...

::cringe::

I was in the bank yesterday trying to change the two hundred dollar bills my boss gave me, because I don’t have enough problems already and now I’m carrying two Benjamins that can quickly get lost, and I came across a very interesting Employee Contest the bank was having.

Something about, if the employee gave you a nice big ol’ smile, you can award him/her with a smiley face.

Each teller had a sheet taped on the front of their station with all the smiley faces they were awarded. As you left the bank, an employee would ask you if the teller smiled at you and in return if he/her should be rewarded with a smiley face.

Miss C looked on in delight.

“Does that mean that they are being good?”

The people in the line chuckled.

“I guess it does”.

“So that means, her…(she pointed to one of the tellers) was REALLY good?”

The teller had about three sheets of paper filled with smileys.

“I guess it does”.

Then she pointed to another one. “I guess he is kind of bad”.

This teller, had only one sheet with about 6 smileys.

“Um…well, maybe he hasn’t been working long…”

I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, I mean, it’s hard enough trying to be friendly in this sick sad world, without having it complicated with numbers and clients who maybe asses themselves.

As my luck would have it, I got Mr.Few Smileys as my teller.

He had no smile, no sparkle in his eye, and he could give a rat’s ass about a sticker on his booth.

We shot passed the employee who was going to ask us about his performance, but Miss C beat me to the punchline…

“No stickers for him momma?? I guess he is bad”.

The employee quickly stuck her hand back in...no stickers for this lad...none at all.

As I drive off to work, my daughter, has yet another party.

Today it's a pijama party.

Lucky dog.

but as the spongebob cd would say: "Everybody Everybody Everybody, has to do something they don't wanna do...."

Amen to that brother...

So, alas, enjoy the lil' ray of sunshine Miss C is in today and have a great weekend!!

Hello there. I am still alive for all those interested. I've been quite busy with a few little thangs here and there and haven't had much time to chit chat.

I can say that I am still on the Dream/Nightmare frenzy...last night was like my fourth night in a row with crazy dreams...I don't remember exactly but one of them had to do with hard boiled eggs.

Yes.
Hard Boiled Eggs.

If that means I'm gonna win the lotto, become a millionaire and move to Wisconsin, please holla at a gal.

Amongst other things, I got my hair trimmed yesterday. Might I say it looks very cool, like a Marilyn Monroe type look, minus the blond, the mole, the sexy smoky come hither look, the body....

Ok.
So maybe it's not very Monroe.

But I like it.

One little detail, I forgot to mention to True I was getting it trimmed.
He almost had a heart attack. What is it with men and long hair?

I'm hair challenged. I don't have the blow dryer gene, or the styling gene or any other hair gene for that matter.

It's a cute little curly bob, I didn't go GI Jane on him.
In the end, after seeing it, he liked it.

But even if he didn't, I don't really care.
It's hair, it'll grow back.

In what women's or men's department are you challenged??

For the first time in a long time,

I am going Commando...

I have no plans for the weekend.

Nonewhatsoever.

hell just froze over a tad.

why is my week over sooo sooon!!! It is not fair...

Yes. I have a brain clot that is preventing me from thinking like a normal human being.

Two days of being at home is so not what I am looking foward to.

Two days of having to ::gasp:: socialize...is not my cup of Joe.

Alas, this too shall pass.

I got my first official "iwannameetupwithyoumissc'smom" meeting this morning.

I found a note in Miss C's notebook last night that read:

"Dear Mom....(yes it said "mom"), I would like to speak to you tomorrow morning"

So...

the issue?

the waters are no longer safe...again.

Miss C has officially, literally, made her mark.

She bit two of the assistants in school yesterday.

The story goes that Miss C wanted a toy that belonged to another child and when scolded she took revenge.

Something about the whole ordeal is a tad off.

First of all, she doesn't just bite because of those things....my guess, the kid probably had been getting on her nerves all day. For her to do something like that, there has to be some sort of buildup coming on.

Second...the assistants are sure whimpy. I understand maybe one bite...but TWO??

I accepted the teacher's concerns, but I also told her to be firm with Miss C...she knows right from wrong...she knows authority. They can't keep baby-ing her just because she is the smallest...or because she is extremely ::cough:: adorable...

The teacher also mentioned concern over Miss C's latest fixation: Paper Clips and Staples...She'll see them, she'll open them up and pretend they are "Unicorns".

No, I am not letting her smoke from my stash.

Of course, I explained that this is part of the territory that comes along with Autism: Fixation on certain objects. Just like the toothpicks, the spoons, the toothbrushes, clothespins, horses, little pet shops and now Spongebob, the staple and paperclip thing is phase....

I guess I'll have to chat it up with her psychologist to see how we can work on this issue..yet again.

....

In other less serious Miss C related news...she has become a pathological liar.

She lies....all the time. She know she is lying...she thinks I'm buying it. Who the hell taught my daughter to lie????

She sits in the last row of our car, so I cannot see that she is NOT finishing up her vitamins...

"Did you finish?"

"Yes mom".

How do I know she is lying??

"Did you eat them all?? Where is the bag?"

"I ate it all...no bag...I ate bag too".

"Really?????"

She is constantly lying about stuff...I asked her about the bite incident before I left this morning and her statement: "I don't bite...Miss C is a good girl".

I bet.

Other wonderful perks of Autism..is the fact that some children can't be spoken to metaphorically...because they will take it literally...

"Miss C...if you keep on lying..your nose is gonna grow".

She quickly touches her nose and starts bawling..."Noooo...no nose grow!!"

"Miss C..you are the most beautiful lil' girl in the universe!!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO...NO UNIVERSE!! Of Puerto Rico...."



Fine suit yourself...God I hope you are taking notes...

.....
besides that...I still have no flowing water...I am one day...2 hairs and several pots short of becoming a Guess star in the GEICO Cavemen sitcom...

Can you believe that...???!! They got a sitcom????

::rolls eyes::

I have better things to pitch to NBC...

Like a single-mom with a child with autism and a compulsive liar..who also happens to be cute as a button (the kid not the mom...)...dealing with no water and fabulous shoes...

It can be a Sex and the City...meets Mary Poppins...

It could be good...

What kind of sitcom would your life be???

Pitch it to me...

speaking of pitch...billybob..have you seen my boys playing??? Wildcard baby!! Wildcard!!!!!

Someone just said something that really shocked me.....

"Really....You can't eat love".



I had never gave it much thought.
But in a sense, it's true.

You cannot eat love.
You can try to live off love, but you can't eat it.

It can not soley sustain the human being.

Or am I wrong?

Is it wrong to think outside the box, outside the cutesy-sweet lil' ol' things we long to believe in?

can you eat love?

She came running in the office:

"Dial 411!! Dial 411!!"
and she bolted out as fast as she had bolted in.

It was one of the house employees...

411??
I guessed 911 was a better option.

As I ran outside to ask her the reason so I could provide details, I saw her run into the alleyway that leads to the beach.

"Ma'am...? is there a fire? someone drowning? anyone hurt??"

"Um. I really have no idea."

"I'll send some police officers your way".

The police came...combed the beach, found nothing, asked me, I had no answers.

The employee had gone missing.

I went back into my cave...err...office.

If someone had died, I'd find out sitting in my chair with the A/C on.

Minutes later I called the employee.

All I understood was:

"Ok...I got the guy..."

I hung up.

Minutes later she walked in.

"Um. 411 wasn't available and 911 wanted to know what the problem was".

"I didn't have time to explain the problem".

"Well, next time you do, I can't tell them to send firefighters when someone is drowing".

::pause::

"Oh".

::snicker::

"Soo...what was the problem??"

"Did you look outside?"

"No"

"Look outside".

"What's outside?".

"Look outside, there was a guy next to your car, I thought he was trying to steal your tires, but he was doing something else."

Well, first of all I wished he would have stolen those tires, it would have given me more motivation to get those new tires I've been saying I'm gonna buy for over 3 weeks. Second of all, I thought the guy had taken a crap next to my tire.

But, ::le sigh::, that was not the case.

Instead I saw a whole crapload of flowers and aloe plants uprooted, yanked from the ground.

The guy stated he wanted to steal the plants.

He was trying to steal an aloe plant.

Did he have a severe sunburn that needed attending to?

Are we that messed up that he prefered to steal a plant than steal my deathvan????

::shrugs::

I guess it works out in the end.

He didn't steal my deathvan..and our employee ran a couple of yards to trap the Aloe Thief.

Some excitement in the office on a Friday at 3:30pm isn't bad at all.

True is out for the weekend. He left Thursday for a seminar, won't be back until late Saturday afternoon.

Do you miss him?

Someone asked me.

Considering the fact of how our week went, the fact that we spent the whole week seeing our faces since last Thursday all the way until this Wednesday...

I think it's a much deserved break.

I think that maybe these two days apart, without any contact or calling, will be good for us.

Lord knows I have tons of shizz to get done in my crib, laundry, washing the Death Van..write, practice for our two upcoming presentations...visit Vader...

Speaking of Vader..I visited her twice this week.
And I have to say...

::hard time typing next sentence::

It went well.
She cooked dinner, she even *gasp* wanted me to tell jokes.

this.is.to.good.to.be.true.

Vietnam is another story.
After threatening to leave, kill himself, kill all humanity, burn the house and call my brother an asshole..
I've just about done it with him.

I wanna help him, but if he wants to keep putting us in tension and playing his Mind Games...I'm not for it...I prefer scrabble.

My hair report:
I look like my mom.
Officially.
I am gonna make a trip to buy some scarves to wrap my head in.

Cuz this isn't the look I had in mind.

On a totally different note.
I like kids.
I really do.
Heck..I love kids.

What I don't love?
The Devil's Spawn.

Children ripped right from an Omen movie...
Children who think they own the world and can go into any house and touch every single God forsaken thing you own.
Children who crawl up on chairs, tabletops, beds, open refrigerators, or tell you:

"Hey miss, since your already up...grab me some juice!"

I swear that is what a kid told me once.

They make me sweat bullets.

Mind you, I'm talking bout' normal kids.
Children like Miss C are an exception to the rule.

But when you see "normal" kids acting like complete mini-psychopaths......

let's just say on several ocassions I get the urge to lock em' up in a room and leave them there for the rest of the night.

What's worse?

The parents. The parents who see their kid climbing on my bookshelf or their other kids pulling out the boxes of my Barbie Collection...the expensive Barbie Collection...

Bare in mind..my house is full of knick-knacks and stuff all over...but Miss C...Miss C the Autistic Child...has NEVER touched anything or climbed on anything or taken anything out of place...EVER.....!!!!

Childen like the above make me lose my hair.

I'm bad.
I know.

Maybe now God will punish me with a wicked child all to myself.

::makes mental note to scratch off "more kids" on my "To Due" list::

This was our past Monday..We took True's relatives to Old San Juan.
There wasn't much going on, since it was a Monday..but we did get to take some cool pics...visit this totally wonderful lil' Antique/Gallery Store...and eat some Ben & Jerry's...with fresh waffle cones made right then and there...Yum..Yum..

****
I have a lunch date with True later on.
It's our 6 month anniversary...so we've decided to go and pig out.

Ain't love grand!

****
Vietnam is still sick. I'm considering crashing at True's pad until things get safer.

****
But I'm actually leaving because of the diabolical doll I still owe you the video of.

****
This weekend is booked solid.
We have been invited to rap at a local church tomorrow.

In the evening is the Miguel Cotto boxing match.
Sunday we have church and later on some B-Boy competitions I look foward to going to.

So lots of pics ahead

****
I've decided to let my hair grow out.
I look like my mom.

With a case of Elvis-itis.

Or a microphone.

U take your pic.

let's see how long I stand firm on this mission.

****

I told my mom about the situation with Vietnam...
her reply:

"I'm so sorry for you...but I ain't going back".

Well, thanks for the support.

"I only go back to wash your brother's laundry".

While I have a crapload basket full of dirty clothes.

Sometimes, mom's are overrated.

****

What's do you think is overrated?

don't ask me what's wrong.

I have no effin' clue.

I guess sleep deprivation is gettin' on to me.

As long as I don't cut off someone's hand a lá Machinist...we're Ok.

On bits and ends here, I'm scared.

I think I may have lost my sweet tooth during my fast.

I haven't been inclined to eat one piece of sweets...

No ice cream, no candy, no soda, nothing...

Valentine's kinda sucked cuz I have a whole boatload of Ferrero Rocher and I don't feel like eating not a single one...

21 days ago..or during my fast...I would have sold Miss C on E-bay for a Tootsie Roll...

During my fast I talked about how I wanted Cold Stone Creamery Ice Cream.
We went yesterday.

I ate it very mechanically.
It was good.
But I wasn't into it.

IS THIS ONE OF THE SIGNS OF THE END OF THE WORLD???

Everyone says: it's great you no longer like sweets..

Oh Yeah ?? Great for who???

****

I might have a lunch session with Empress today. A late Valentine's lunch.

I think I need it.

I'm missing our bullshit conversations.

****
Miss C's Psychological therapies have changed from Friday's to Tuesday's. I've been going on Friday's for a year now. I've missed the past two therapies due to Amnesia. I keep remmembering on Thursday when I pack her therapy tools that they are on Tuesday's now.

I called the therapist to apologize for the 3rd time (I missed the first session last month as well) and she told me:

"Don't worry, I'll make sure I get you into Mepsi (A pshychiatric hospital)"
::insert lame chuckle on her behalf::

Somehow I don't think it was meant to be a joke.

****

Miss C's school called. She has the runs. Nice way to commence the weekend.

****

Vader will be landing at the DeathStar this weekend. She'll be housesitting my dad's pad.

I have made sure to stock up on some much needed Paxil, Zoloft and a shiny new Machete.

I think I'll RSVP for a week at True's.

****

The label on one of the Perfumes True gave me read: Do not spray in eyes. Maybe Harmful.

The label itself is not alarming, what's alarming is the fact that some asshole did spray in eyes, hence the need for the label.

****
There is a new link in my blog roster...
brought to you by the maker's of This Just In. It's Back Talkin'. TJI is a must on my daily blog reads, and seems like BT is gonna be right up there too. Gnightgirl is very witty...and her look on things, whether verbal or visual (she is an awesome photog) is a mix of funny, sensitive, witty and charming...Go check her out!

****

My weekend? it all depends on a crappy kid...literally. (see above segment on 'runs')...so I'll keep ya' posted...

This weekend....

I have no clue.

Miss C has some sort of virus that has had me on bucket duty for the past evenings..

I had to take her to work today.

How I loathe taking her.

She wanted to get in the pool.

All while she is trying to figure out if she should sit on the toilet...or lean over it.

Get it?
Good.

My weekend?

Don't know yet.
Today I'll wash my deathvan.
Hopefully.

I am embarrassed to drive in a Van that looks like it's being used for some sort of experiment using Mud.

Wish me luck.

And on the inside...
My.
Bugs haven't hijacked the Van....
Because, God is good.

What's ur weekend forecast?

"Yumm...Yuuumm...." a friend of mine...a sort of famous friend of mine...in my office..

I look out to see what the 'yumming' is about..

A cute guy in the office lobby...

I smile and give my 'go for it tiger ' look..

Cute guy leaves...

Friends walks in..and sulks..

"Boo...he isn't gay!!"

*****

In totally un-related news...Empress and I had lunch..no cameras...only giggles and thinking how when we get old we are going to have boyfriends who wear dentures and move their jaws rapidly...like old' folks do...

*****

And in totally totally unrelated news...I have a slideshow that has nothing to do with this post...but it has to do with the people I'll be chillin' with this weekend..

Kids...

And NO...it ain't profetic...

As in..NO we don't plan to have a van-load of kids...they just like hanging out in MY Van..

Have a great weekend..
If you're going out drinking..
Remmember Mary P.
I'll be busy getting high on Sprite...and Bake Remix Ice Cream at Stone Cold ...

Yeah..

Well I think we all have to have something new...

At some point or another...

And after almost a year of blogging..I think it was time for a change...

But...Please keep in mind..

Mary P. is still out of the building..

That is confirmed by the big Four Letter Word, beggining with the letter "F"..aka the "F" bomb I dropped yesterday while True was at home..

Sorry..

I'm still working on some things...

And I try...I try to control my sailor mouth..
But sometimes a four letter word just creeps its way past my throat and out my mouth..

But then again...who says there are bad words..???
It's all so relative...

My boss is back and it seems like a slow day at the office..

I was going to spare my new black empire waist polka dot dress for church on Sunday..

But I couldn't wait..
I needed to wear it..with my black tights and new shoes..

It's just me...

and it happened to turn out into my new profile pic...

Last night we couldn't go to the movies...but rented some flicks instead..

We saw Syriana last night....yes...I am a political movie fan..
And today The Inconvinient Truth awaits...

Our weekend looks like it'll be filled with flicks....
Popcorn and Cheddar Cheese Nachos..

So much for the weight I've lost...

Well people...to those who celebrate...Happy Three King's Day...!!

For those who don't..

Celebrate anyway..
Grab your box..fill it up with weeds...um..err..I mean grass...

And put it under your bed...
So the Three King's can leave you a lil' token....

And the camels can refuel...

Our Holidays are winding down..and soon things will go back to normal....

ah...the sweet smell of headbanging traffic..

How I miss thee!

Happy Weekend to all!!

(Taken this morning on my way out of the grocery store)

I'm shaking things up a bit folks....

Starting this week...I will bring to you my Friday's Slide...on particular themes, events or things occuring in my week, life...etc..

To start things off and in hopes of pushing those nasty X-mas Blah's away...

I conjured up a lil' slide I'd like to call:

Holiday Beer...um..err...Cheer..

Holiday Cheer..

Cheer people..cheer...
bad typo..
bad typo..

None of the people in these pics drink...

that's if you don't count massive quantities of coffee..

You'll also see how my house has tranformed to look cheery and chipper...

Enjoy and feel free to send pics of your Holiday Cheer..with or without liquor...

I'll be more than glad to post em' up!!