2008

It's that time of year folks. The time where we all make ridiculous resolutions to end up not keeping them.

No resolutions for me. Especially none involving food, diets and less chocolate.

2008 was a rocky year for me.

Here are a few highlights:

  • Adjusting to a new relationship, breaking up a few times, putting wedding plans on hold, trying not to poison significant other, letting go of being in charge.
  • Being a family. Wednesday's at Vader's are my favorites. Nothing like Pictionary with a few good losers.
  • Finding my niche in church. Building my relationship with God. I am now fully aware of what's wrong or right. So when I say "f*ck", I know it's really wrong.
  • Savoring the Kid's aka Miss C's victory's. Yesterday True scolded her for running and told me, so I told her again, "do not run"....her answer : "Aww man...True told you!!". A year ago she would have had no clue of that, or Santa, or birthdays or any other thing.
  • Surviving the Hell of Parenting. Yes, there is a downside. Sometimes I'd wish she'd just fall asleep for two weeks so I can hear myself think. Parenting sucks sometimes, hardcore.
  • Loving the Deathvan, even though it has failed me several times. I've learned to love it, wash it and make it happy.
  • Being happy. It's hard. I'm allergic to happiness. Severely, like break-into-hives-hyperventilate-allergic. But I'm trying. Yesterday I smiled, of course it was because True mispronounced something. But that's gotta be worth something...right??
What do I want in 2008:

  • More victory's for the Kid. Big ones...like a landing role in a movie that would win her an Oscar nod and make us millionaires. ........hey a gal can dream, can't she?
  • A refrigerator. Nice one. Brand new one. That won't leak.
  • A new TV for the family. Mine has been in my living room broken for a while. I've been too lazy to take it to get it fixed.
  • Health. Because it sucks to be sick.
  • My parents to come to church with me.
  • My bro to get married and make me an aunt already. What is he waiting for? For me to turn into Bea Arthur?
  • No wedding. I'm not ready. I do want more time with True. More quality time.
  • Our church to experience greater things.
  • New friends
And last but not least.....

  • THE DEATH OF MICKEY. ANY WHICH WAY IT CAN.
HAPPY NEW YEAR'S PEOPLE!!!!!

WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR 08'?

I'm moving out.

I placed a new trap for Mickey on Saturday before I left for True's.

A trap with a huge slice of Pepperoni.

No mouse hates Pepperoni.

I came back yesterday with huge hopes.

To only have them shattered.

Little bastard got stuck in the trap and ate his way out of it.

He ATE THE CARDBOARD TRAP!!!!!!!

What kind of Mickey are we talking about ?????????

Bionic mice.

Just what I needed.

Weekend Recap

I am still alive.

I am literally counting down the days until all this mayhem is over and I can get some normalacy in my life.

We had a weekend full of shopping, stores, food food food.

Friday I tried my best to watch Pirates of the Caribbean but ended up having Jack Sparrow watch me. I was out at 10pm.

Saturday we took the Kid to see Alvin and the Chipmunks. Her face and excitement was priceless.

My face was also priceless. I tried to survive those two hours with the least brain damage possible.

Afterwards we went to the outlets in Barceloneta. Outlets without outlet prices. It was ridiculous. I ended up in Marhall's to get a party dress for sunday.

In between shopping Miss C got a few spankings. It is literally impossible to shop with her. But then again I am a masochist. So it serves me right.

Sunday we had a blast at church. We sang, we jumped, we worshipped hardcore. It was awesome. After service the whole congregation wanted to go eat together, but True and I weren't in the mood for eating out with about 30 people. So we skipped out and headed to Denny's.

We ended our night at his folk's place playing Perfection. All of us.

The MIL, FIL and us.

It was good.

If this is a preview of what 2008 is gonna bring, then bring it on!



PLEASE IGNORE MY REALLY BAD SINGING...I WAS JUST HAVING A BLAST...THE CHORUS SAID: "LET'S ALL DANCE IN THE RIVER OF THE LORD!"




I have no clue

Don't ask me what the hell I did...I hit a wrong button somewhere the result was I ended up with my old old first layout and all my old settings gone.

I had to start from scratch and put up my pics, the links and the music player up again.

I had to make a new player because I couldn't find the account information on the old one.

If I am missing anybody's links please advise me....

I added a new song: "Say" by John Mayer....totally totally awesome song...

sos

Having problems with my blog...bare with me

Cartoon Cartoon

Overheard on some crack cartoons the Kid was watching this morning:

"A beating heart is very important in order to be healthy".



Ahem...a beating heart is very important in order to be alive....

A few more extras...



























One down...three more to go...

"Momma, wake up, it's the Holidays! It's Christmas" She whispered in my ear, in English no less.

She woke up around 8pm, very patient, went to the tree and saw her gifts...she opened them with a huge smile. She was delighted.

I even threw some presents near the chimney. She squealed.

She got tons of Pet Shop toys, a V Tech V smile Game Console, new sneakers, "Rabatooie" (Ratatouie), clothes, pj's, the dancing My little pony, Spongebob Operation (which she is terrified of) and lots more.

I got a wonderful, much needed Elizabeth Arden Makeup Kit from True.

No perfume.

Thank God.

I got clothes from my mom and candles from my bro's girlfriend.

We spent the morning at home, had a huge breakfast, pizza for lunch and then headed off to True's house. We spent the afternoon with his parents then headed out to Vader's in the evening.

There Miss C had a blast, bro and girlfriend went overboard with presents for her.
Hasbro should give them a prize for buying them out. I think she officially has all the Littlest Pet Shop collection.

We all exchanged gifts, then sat down for a little Pictionary. We giggled and almost wet our pants with our expert drawing skills. Vader looked on in delight.

Empress showed up bearing gifts for us as well.

She looked at us playing and said: "You guys look like the wholesome all american family".

That was the nicest comment I could have received that night.

Pictionary, good food and an almost normal family.

Now if I could only fast forward New Year's Eve and The Three Kings Day.





Eau de Toilet

"Here's your present, put it under the tree!"

I immediately shake the box True has handed me.

"Don't shake it and don't cheat. You can't open it till Christmas".

It was a rectangular box with a huge bow. The bows that the people at the Walgreens gift wrapping station make. The gift station that wraps up perfumes.

"You didn't get me another perfume? did ya?"

"Um...maybe".

"Maybe!!?? I told you NO perfumes. I have zillions of little bottles on my dresser. I don't need, I don't want another perfume".

He looks dissapointed.

"But, I didn't know what else to get you".

"But, why on earth did you ask for suggestions??!! I told you cd's, dvd's, new covers for my van, shoes...but not ANOTHER PERFUME!".

True had given me perfume for my Birthday and then for Valentine's he bought me, not one, but 4 perfumes.

Vietnam also gives me perfume for Christmas.

If I get another Eau de Toilet I might just go to the toilet.

"But...but I think you just might like this perfume!"

"No, No, No". I put my head down on the bed. I start to whine.

"Take it back...if it's a perfume, take it back...in fact, if it's a perfume you aren't getting your gift".

"What???!!...ok, ok, ok, I lied. It's not a perfume".

"It isn't?"

"No."

"But it looks like a perfume box, with a perfume bow".

He chuckles.

I make him swear to God it's not a perfume.

He crosses his legs.

Swears it isn't.

Santa is a very cruel man and if it is a Perfume I'm officially banning the Holidays.


Do you have a gift you hate to get?

X mas Tidbits

"Momma, " she sticks her head under our chimney..."Santa comes down through there..He does not come through the doors and windows!!"

"Momma, we have to leave some cookies and milk for Santa.." pause..."No...no milk, just leave him some water".

"Momma, did you know Santa comes on Tuesday, and he is gonna take me to the beach?"


The beach?? Well I guess the old guy would want a vacation after having his slaves..err elves make zillions of Ipods and electronic devices for minimum wage.

We are heading off to Vader's tonight...nothing fancy...just us and good food.

Miss C is anxious to get her gifts...she is happy and excited. It's the first year I've seen her so thrilled....she is soaking everything up....

I'm putting Ebeneezer away for today, for the sake of the Kid. Just for the Kid.

Happy Holidays to all!!


LBD

Well more like Little, black and white polka dot dress.

That's what I could finally find to wear to my church's X-mas party tonight.

As I was trying on dresses on my lunch break I finally realized why I bought jeans and shirts to wear for Christmas:

Photobucket

All the dresses/skirts this season are balloon type outfits.

Believe me, you do NOT wanna see me in a balloon type outfit.

Never mind the fact that I was trying these outfits on while still in my shoes.

I suck at dressing room etiquette.

I was exhausted. I was lamenting. I had tried on a great dress a few weeks back at The Gap, but didn't wanna plunk down the $70.00 for it. I should have. It was a great dress. Now, at this time, I wouldn't go to The Gap even if my life depended on it.

I ended up buying a semi-nice fitting dress. I tried to find a picture of it online and could find none that would do it justice. Spaghetti straps, empire waist, black with white polka dots and a black short cardigan to go over it.

Pretty decent.

Only thing is, that after all the hassle I might not be going to the party. The kid is sick. She has been complaining of a massive headache all day long. I have a babysitter, but my mommy heart would feel too bad leaving her in the care of someone else. There is nothing like a mommy to take care of ya' when you're sick.

We'll see how she's doing when I get off of work.

As for the rest of the Christmas Hullabaloo, well, I don't know what we'll do. My in laws are Jehova Witnesses and don't celebrate Christmas. I do, but ain't in the mood to party. Vader has a gig at her place on Christmas Eve, so I guess I'll crash over there for a bit.

I still haven't finished my Christmas wrapping. Every time I put the Kid to bed to wrap her presents I fall asleep with her.

Maybe I'll explain that Santa is going green this year.

Speaking of gifts, the Kid, ever so smart, found one of her gifts, hidden under my carseat.

The Rat DVD.

"Wow!! a movie for me!!??"
"Hey! Put that back!" while trying not to steer off road.
"No.." she gigles "...I love this rat movie!"
"Put it back..it isn't for you..it's for another kid, a poor kid who doesn't have DVD's!!"
"Oh...Ok...you can get me one too momma!"

Kids can be so gullible.

She put it back.

But I guess that' s one gift that won't be a shocker.

Santa must be really coy.
Reaaally coy.

In spite of the horrible morning, day, week, I tried to tough it out and I put some Christmas music in the office.

Martha Stewart's Jazz for the Holidays

I
just
might
die
tonight.

need
air
soon.

Hell

Today was hell.

Heller than Hell.

Miss C screamed, bit, kicked and threw stuff during a whole 30 minutes.

30 minutes may not seem like a long time.
But sitting there in therapy, 30 minutes was eternal.

I fought to place her in the car. She screamed and threw stuff while I was driving.

"Shut up!! go away"

Then she would clasps her hands together...

"I'm sorry Santa..!! I'm sorry please help me!".

midway I had to stop.

And did something I don't usually do when she is like this.

I spanked her.

I felt the obligation to give her a reason to cry.

After that I was happy, even though she kept on with her theatrics I knew she at least was crying because of something.

I just so dislike empty tears.

Tis the Season

"Mom...thanks a lot...you just ruined Christmas!!!!!"

Upon receiving a scolding on my behalf...

10 minutes later her screaming was a tad different..

"I'm sorry Santa....I'm sorry Santa!!!!!!!!!"

Weekend Recap

I spent the whole weekend carrying Miss C around to her AIT: Berard Method Therapies.
I don't wanna be too quick to judge, but is seems like everytime they are done, they hand over a monster.

Yesterday I just wanted them to change her back to how she was.

Crying. Emotional. Angry. Bossy.

She was all this before.

But this time it's like double the pleasure, double the fun.

*******
We got our hair cuts this weekend.

We actually look swell.

Miss C even thought so.

"Momma how pretty we look!"

*******

Miss C wants to go to the movies.

She wants to see "Chica wa wa, Chica wa wa".



********

I spent all weekend alone.
I spent my Saturday with the kid in the house putting up curtains, cleaning up the kitchen. Actually enjoying the quiet of my home. Enjoying cleaning the kitchen.

How do I know I'm screwed for life?

I actually squealed when I saw that Tilex Mildew cleaned up my sink so purty.

Yep. I'm a mother.

I took a shower put on my pj's and put the Kid to bed.

I then went to the family room and lay on the bed and watched Sex and the City reruns.

I was alone. in a clean house. with a christmas tree. watching TBS.

and I saw the episode called "The Good Fight", where Aiden moves in with Carrie and she is having a nervous breakdown with all his boxes and crap and invasion of her apartment. She has been single for her whole life and has never lived with someone.

They are arguing because he wants her to clean out her closet to make room for his stuff and then his dog chews up one of her $400 pair of shoes.

She screams. He screams.

They argue.

"Won't you just shut up?" she yells
"Shut up?"
"Yes, shut up.. All you ever do is talk...blah blah blah...all up in my face, how are you, where ya been? who've you seen? Just shut up!!".

Sometimes silence is golden.
I turned of the TV.
Admired my Tree.
And went to snuggle with the Kid.

Tidbits

"Kid, I'm sad cause' you're sleepin' over at your dad's house tonight. I'll be sad and lonely. You sure you wanna leave momma alone?".

Kid walks over, grabs my chin in her hand, twists my frown into a crooked smile.

"Momma, don't worry. Don't be sad. You can play with my toys while I'm gone".

**********

I think I've said it already, but I really dislike the old guy at the Wendy's parking lot who instructs us how to park.

He whistles to signal not to back up any further.

I'll decide whether I wanna ram my car into the wall or not mister.

***********

I need a trim. A trim during the Holidays. I wonder if trimming my own hair is advisable.

***********

I have electricity in my room. In random sockets. I can turn on my A/C, but I can't turn on my lamp.

***********

Christmas is right around the corner. I did all my shopping in November. Vietnam wants me to go get my sister-in-law a present. This defies the purpose of my early Holiday shopping.

***********

I'm not feeling very Christmasy. But I've been sporting a tote bag Vietnam gave me, which is red with a big snowman on the front. Inside are 5 holiday CD's I've been carrying around. I haven't played one yet, cuz I'm feeling kind of Ebeneezer. I figure though, if I get run over by a car, I have my tote bag with me and people will actually think I was a dear ol' thing.




Is it love?

No cars, no home, not even putting clothes in the hamper, in the end I ask: "Is that love?"

That is a good question Aimée, hell it's a great question!!

Is it love?
Is it love that makes us tolerate these behaviors from our opposite sex?

Or is it fear of being along?
Or masochism?
Or is it just things that we've grown accustomed to?

Or all of the above.

When Vader would bitch because Vietnam would be obsessed with cleaning or leaving dirty towels on the doorknob (yes, he is a very odd, extreme man), he would just shrug his shoulders, apologize and do it all over again the next day.

As the years progressed, Vader stopped bitching every day. Every now and then she'd do it, but she kind of just stopped the main dramatic show she used to put.

Her explanation: There are some things you cannot change.

So, either you go with the flow or you die of a massive heart attack?
Is that what she tried to teach me?

I have never been a 'go with the glow' gal. I refuse to believe that: that is just the way it is.

I believe in Pavlov and ABA and all modification techniques.
I believe some things can be changed.
I believe I don't have to tolerate certain things because I love some one.
I believe some people tolerate things, NOT because they love some one. They do it because they've grown accustomed to it or in Vader's case, she feared being alone.

Until she realized being alone wasn't so bad and flew the coop. Now, there is no way in hell she is going back to Vietnam and the life she had.

She realized it was not love what held her in the house. It was the routine, the custom of just putting up with it and being a good wife. In her upbringing women had to be prepared to put up with a lot of crap.

I thank God know that this is no longer true.

I loved my Ex. We had a fairly good marriage, but there were somethings I was not willing to stand for and vice versa. Love played no part in this. In fact the only part Love played was leaving all together.

I put up with certain things because deep down inside, beneath the layer of sarcasm and hardcore bitchiness, lies a woman who is a firm believer that people deserve a break and that maybe I might be too hard on folks. I think, "Jeez Mary lighten up a little".

I don't know if you people are getting this.

It's like my kid for example. I don't put up with her bad behavior because I love her. I don't put up with it, period. If I put up with her bad behavior because I loved her, I'd be encouraging it. Instead, I try to correct it, I divorce myself from my kid when it comes to her discipline. But I don't completely abandon her, because I know that with a little guidance she'll be just fine.

I feel the same way about relationships. It isn't love that makes me tolerate certain behaviors, in fact I rarely tolerate inadequate behaviors all together, but I stick it through because deep down inside I feel that with a little guidance we'll be just fine.

But this all looks much better in writing than in the actual field.

In conclusion,

I talk a lot of crap.
Most of it not making any sense.
But as the lovely Tina Turner might say: "What's love got to do with it?"

I think, nothing at all.

X Mas Blues

Day 3 of no electricity in my room.

My uncle/electrician checked it out. Seems a pipe broke, water came in through the breaker boxes and kaplat. There you have it.

New re-wiring is needed.

Merry X-mas to me too.

We'll see how long I'll last without electricity in my room without killing anyone,

or doing my makeup without looking like Bozo.

I have tons of house work to do, presents to wrap and last minute gifts.

What I really wanna do?

Lay in bed with hot chocolate and come back out when X-mas is over.

That's Ms. Ebeneezer to you.

add up the fact that Miss C is going through some sort of regression, which involves kicking, screaming, biting and calls from her teachers who are puzzled about her behavior.

That's Ms. Psychotic Ebeneezer to you.

So...bah humbug, go kick a squirrel and have a hot cocoa on my behalf.

Murphy is never far away

Murphy is a swell guy. Those who've been reading for quite some time can remember Murphy from various incidents in my life.

Well he was on vacation and decided to visit me for a few days.

I have no electricity in my room, since Monday night. I had assumed the storm had knocked down the electricity in the whole house, but surprise surprise, I woke up and heard my fridge running...

::cocks eyebrow::

Why is the fridge running if there is no power??

Ha! There is no power in your room only Mary. Oh, and in the laundry where the water heater happens to be.

So no electricity, no A/C and no hot running water.

Not to mention the flooding in my living room do to the extreme raining we've had.

And when I say flooding, I'm talking about a pool in my living room.

A nice little wading pool, in case you feel hot in the evening.

Happiness and Joy people.
Happiness and Joy.

During some portion of the night I managed to scream out of despair. Dramatics have always been my best.

True, unfortunately was on the other end of the line when I did the screaming.

Sorry kiddo. But sometimes it's necessary.
And sometimes Men don't understand.

Sometimes I wish I had a husband who could take care of the electricity, the flooding, the car and the water heater, so I could just sit back and take care of the Kid.

But alas, that is not happening.
frankly, I don't know if I want it to happen.

I just don't think there is any man out there up to the challenge.

Anyone except Ty Pennington and Bob Vila...and Bob the Builder...

If ya fellows are reading...drop a girl a line...will ya?

Man of the house

Got the Van again and I'm churning out my Christmas Carols all night long, decorating and sleeping early.

It's been pouring these past two days cause of a storm that's north of us. It's very uncommon at this season to get a storm, but with all the global warming issues, I am not surprised.

Miss C starts AIT (Berard Method) therapies this saturday. It will ten days straight worth of therapies and frankly I don't know how we're gonna do it, but by golly I got the Department of Education to pay for these therapies so I'll figure out a way.

We, True and I, still haven't figured out our Holiday rundown and frankly I miss the warmth of my lil' bitty house, so I'm hoping we'll get to spend some time in the my crib.

No matter how nice you're treated, there is no place like home.

Speaking of True, we are getting by.
Trying to be civilized and be nice and loving.
Lord knows it's hard at times, but we are surviving.

At times I just feet quite lonely frankly. This week as I was scrambling to try and get someone to drive her to her second section of AIT therapies (they are twice per day), I felt like:

"if I only had family...hell, if I only had a husband who could tell me, you know what dear, don't go to work and take care of the Kid".

but, le sigh, it is not the way it is.

Momma has to make it work.
and at the end of the day, it's momma and the Kid, lying in bed, cuddling up.

I mean, don't get me wrong, True is a swell guy and he helps out.
But it's not the same thing.

He kind of still doesn't get the amount of work I have to do in the house, at my job, with the Kid.
Just yesterday he told me I could stay over at his parent's house if the storm was really bad.

He then added: "I'm not gonna go over cause I'm tired".

I told him I couldn't go over, I had a house to attend to.

Make sure windows are locked, put towels where water seeps in...etc., etc., etc.

ramble.ramble.ramble.

I guess everyone can't be happy.

As for the rest of it, Christmas is right around the corner and although I originally wanted a new Ipod (my old one was stolen), I'd settle for new car seat covers.

Cause I'm a soccer mom like that.

What's on your Christmas wishlist?

out of the kid's mouth

"Momma!!"...she squealed in pure delight...."you're lips are red!! they sure look pretty!!"

Aww...sometimes they can be awesome..

When it rains, it pours.

Wednesday I had to put everything thing on hold because I got a call from Miss C's school that her eye was swelling up.

An infection due to a mosquito bite.

Rushed to the doctor's, left van at the vallet.

Got out of doctor's with a thousand instructions and prescriptions, go to vallet.

Vallet goes to get my car and says, "Ma'am your van is funny".

Funny as in the guy who parked my van yanked off the shift handle. He broke it off, it was hanging, broken.

Police came, we had to file a report, see how the vallet parking's insurance is gonna handle the whole mess.

Ex helped a lot. He swung by the hospital, lent a hand with the van, gave me a ride.

True took me to the pharmacy to get the Rx. And this is where it gets better.

True is in the car with Miss C who is crying. She's tired, sick, her eye is swollen. I understand her.

But, Pablo, the Pharmacist, did not.
Pablo was an Ass.

"Ma'am your card is not valid."
"What do you mean it isn't valid, I was just at the doctor's".
"The laws have changed and you need a new number for this card. The insurance didn't send you one?"
"If I had a new card, would I be giving you this one?".
"Sorry Ma'am".
"Sorry?? Can't you call the insurance? I pay 180 dollars a month for this insurance, can't you call?"
"No, I can't. They are probably not there at this hour".

It was 8pm.

"Ok, how much is the anti-biotic, cash".
"110 dollars. Do you want it?"
"When can I have it?"
"About 11pm".
"11pm????!!! Look Pablo, if I pay for it cash I want it now!".

The people in the line were starting to get upset.
I was getting upset.
I could feel the tears in my eyes. I started to ramble.

I demanded my Rx back and I sat down to call the insurance company.
The guy from the insurance gladly gave me the new number and told me the pharmacy was supposed to call and get it themselves.

I rushed back to Pablo. I threw the scrap of paper with the number at the counter.
He looked at it, like if I had thrown a dead chicken.
"What's that?"
"The number you needed, now get my kid her medicine".
"I can't have it for you until 11:30pm".
"Pablo, my kid is sick. She has a severe infection. If she does not have at least her anti-biotics now, her eye is going to shut and then it will go onto the other eye and it will shut as well. I need her medicine now!!!".

He talked to the pharmacist and got me the antibiotic.
Her eye drops and her lotion weren't ready until yesterday at 3pm. 3pm!! I left the Rx at 8pm the previous day.

I didn't leave until I made sure Walgreens understood that they are monopolizing creeps. That it is very inconsiderate that a child has to wait more than 5 hours for medicine.

Why don't I go to another pharmacy?
Because Miss C's doctor always prescribes some weird medicines that are never available at other places. Believe me, I've tried.

So now I have a kid who looks like Rocky Balboa. A Van that is not functioning and a Father who insists that I take him to Marshall's, even though he knows I have no car.

Happy Holidays.

Weekend Recap

My weekend had the following in no particular order:

Shopping miserably
Trying on clothes and realizing nothing fits
Wanting to break into a song in the middle of the parking lot
Enchanted
Food
Rain, lots of it
Bickering, even more than rain
hip hop
new clothes
kid behaving badly
opening a car door while it's in motion
getting out of car
walking
at night
mickey mouse
crying
screaming
plenty of F words
God

My middle name is now officially DRAMA.

Things that hurt

Today was Miss C's school pictures. I decided to cave in and let her have them since she hasn't had some nice pictures in a quite some time.

Today she got out of school at 11am and since the Special Education Bus Drivers are on strike, I had to stay at school until her pictures were over in order to take her to the office with me.

So we are sitting there and this lady, about in her late 50's shows up. The photographer.

"I don't think I'll take the pictures today. There aren't many students. I am not going to set up my stuff for 5 kids".

The teachers went in an uproar and tried to explain that the children were groomed and dressed for the occasion, aside from the fact that there were some parents there to make sure the pictures were taken properly.

I went up to reason with the lady but she kept firm.

So I told her, "Well that is not anyone's problem there aren't many children. You said the pictures were today and if they can't be today I want my deposit back and take her elsewhere for pictures."

20 minutes later she came in to tell us the pictures were on.

Miss C's class was first. They are the smallest and many like Miss C, most of her classmates have Autism.

So I followed them to the room and stood in a corner to watch with horror.

This lady was mishandling them, pulling them, grabbing their heads, mouths....

"Don't slouch, sit straight, don't make faces...I said smile, smile, don't pout...Get off, we'll try again later, I can't deal with these kids".

I looked at the teacher's aid and we exchanged glances of horror.

The Aid went to tell the lady's assistant that these were special kids. But really folks, special or not, you can't actually expect 5 years old's to pose like if this was the cover for GQ.

Then all of a sudden the hag stands next to me and I see the Assistant whisper to her that these were special kids.

The had looks at me and says: "Special Education? Oh, I can tell. Poor kids. You can't help feel sorry for them. What a shame?".

My neck almost snapped.

"Excuse me??? Poor kids??? What a Shame?? I'm sorry, but I don't feel sorry for my kid or any of these kids. It is not a shame. I can anything, but feel sorry for these children!!".

Her eyes almost popped out of her head.

She continued taking pictures but with a hell of a lot more tact.

I looked on in disgust.

It's people like her that make me fear of what my daughter is gonna have to put up with. I hurt when I have to go through things like this and I pray for a day where people will snap out of their ignorance....

Pray with me.

Being Miles Apart

Sometimes you can spend your entire life with someone or by someone, or you can stand in the same room with someone and feel like you are miles apart.

You look at this person and think: "Who are you?" "Why are you here?" "How did we ever get acquainted?" "Where is my friend and what have you done to her/him?"

I don't know if it's the mythical one year itch, or the busy schedules or the fact that I detest overpriced coffee, but the fact of the matter is, I've been standing in a still room with True for quite a while. Him on one end and me in the other corner.

It's not that I don't love him anymore.
It's not a question of love.

If people only new that Love makes up only half of the ingredients that go forth into the relationship pot.

I sometimes feel as though our relationship is sort of a facade.
People expect us to be together. Happy. Witty. Perfect. Made for each other.

Sometimes when we are on stage and he presents me and gushes about how I am his beautiful girlfriend/fiancé sans the ring, I wanna blurt out on the mic, "No No No...you got it all wrong people...no ooooh's and ahh's, sometimes I wanna ring his neck!!"

But alas, I play along.

We've talked. Argued. Gotten counseling from our pastors.

Things get easier. Then they get off again.

We're not fighting or bickering. We are just at a standstill.

We sit and vegetate all weekend. We go to church and pretend we are the holiest couple on earth.

We don't even pray together.
We don't even read the Bible together.

There was a time when I was addicted to reading the Word and articles on Christianity to True.
One night he told me to give it a rest for a while. He didn't mean it in a bad way, but for someone like me who was craving for the Word, it sort of just shut me down.

I never read to him again.

The times we do pray together, it seems forced, almost out of obligation.

I go to church with him and when I see him all cheery and praising I wonder: "Who the hell is this man?"

He probably feels the same way I guess.

He started a new job a few weeks ago and we had gone over the pro's and con's on the job, distance, gasoline use, difficulties, etc. etc. He took the job. He knew the risks involved. For weeks I kindly listened to his troubles, his fears, the horrible way he felt when mean people (really mean people) made him feel like mush. I prayed for him, to him, talked to him, was his cheerleader. But he just kept on going.

Jesus, I can only take so much.

One day he declared: "this week will be a disaster".

The week had not even commenced. I told him not to say that, because one thing I have learned is that the tongue is a mighty weapon and you get what you say. But he kept on going.

"Are you not a son of God? Are you not a deacon?"

Me and my big mouth. He went haywire. I was judging him, I was being inconsiderate, I was not understanding him. All I really wanted him to understand that, he should know better. He is a son of God, a man who has been a while in his path, he should know that no matter how bad things look, God will seek a way to make it all better.

I was/am disappointed. I look up to him. Not only as a significant other, but as a spiritual mentor. I did not mean to make him feel bad o insufficient for me. I love him just the way he is, but sometimes people need some tough love.

It's almost as the roles were reversed.

So now the room has gotten bigger and even though I can clearly tell by his swagger that the person on the other end is him, I cannot see his face.

I cannot see his face.
It's all a blur.

Wish List

Sometimes I wish Men would be as simple as installing a home theater.

"A home theater?!!!", you might say.

Yes. A home theater.

At least those come with a Manual.

And if all else fails, you can always take it back.

Bless thy enemies

try very hard to bless thy enemies...especially in scenarios like this....

Here I am minding my business, for once I decide to get out of my car and order lunch.

I have gasoline issues.

Gasoline issues such as I don't have much gasoline.

So I'm walking towards the door and a beat up ol' car with two guys and girl pulls up and parks right in front of my lunch joint.

One of they guys bolts out of the car and just as I am about to grab the handle of the door and go in, he leaps in front of me and opens the door.

I think, "My what a noble gesture to open my door".

Thing is...he opens the door and waltzes right in and the door almost slams my face in.

He goes right up into the line to order.

Oh no he didn't.

He orders, while looking back, because his buddies weren't out of the car yet.

The lady takes his order, is about to take mine, when buddies walk in, and buddy number one, who already had made his order calls out:

"Hey you guys want me to order for ya!?" and motions then to join him in the line.

I shot them my best "youfeelluckypunk?" look and they desisted, staying in place at the end of the line.

I had started to wish their combo #3 would cause the runs, when God shot me down with one of his best "youfeellukcypunk" glares...

I quickly retracted and blessed them.

don't ask any questions.
It's the Holiday season I tell ya'.

the fact that I'm tired, sick and sleepy.

So,

  • T-Day went by very smoothly. True's parents went over Vader's and we all had a civilized and nice afternoon. During some moment of the event I fell into fear due to my bro who was busy churning out jokes. Every time I heard the phrase, "...well, there once was a drunk..." I had to keep looking at him and say "PG! PG!".

I'm a Christian but I can tolerate my brother's language.

I'm wasn't so sure if True's Jehova witness mom could do the same.

  • The rest of the weekend was long and boring.

  • I tried to avoid the stores at all cost, but ended up taking Vader to the mall early on Saturday so she could do her X-mas Shopping. Miss C came along. Halfway through Walmart as she beated me with a sharp object I thought that just maybe I could suffer from the syndrome called: massochismdelirium. Alas, we all survived, but I don't think Vader will be wanting us to join her in anymore shopping.

  • I caught up on my winter cleaning and got the X-Mas Tree up and running.

  • I also managed to fix up the kid's room which is now officially Spongebob Squarepants territory.

  • I tried to convince her with the Disney's princesses to no avail.

But who am I kidding, I had Spiderman sheets as a kid.

  • Mickey had a plus one, or plus two...I saw another swoosh by me in the living room yesterday night. I think a cat might be in order right about now.

  • True and I have been busy and although we've been spending lots of time together I feel as thought it's been time not used well enough.

I mean, don't get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with laying on the couch for a while, but for the whole 4 day weekend, I think it's a bit excessive.

  • I must confess that on Sunday afternoon I was gnawing the arm off the couch.

  • I been feeling under the weather these past fews days and I think my body is demanding some much needed rest, but with the Kid, the boyfriend, the holidays and mickey's plus one, who can manage to shut an eye?
what have you been up to?

Question of the day

I would like to know who comes into my office at night and puts my paper clips in a chain...?

PS Thanks...

I almost forgot to give thanks for something else...

We caught Mickey.

This morning as I was doing my makeup and Miss C was watching me, I mumbled to myself:

"I gotta get more traps, this mouse is chewing up the rubber on my screen door's bottom".

I don't think I had finished the sentence when:

"Squeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak...ohmygodimtrapped......squeaaaaaaaak!!"


Miss C jumped up, scrambled to the bed, covered her ears..."What is that?"

I went to the kitchen...Mickey landed in the glue trap I had placed near the stove counter, he got stuck and was face down on the floor stuck to the trap...

I called mice expert, Vietnam.

"Place it in a bag, close it tightly, it will suffocate on it's own. Unless you wana hit it with something to kill it sooner".

I'll pass.

I'm not afraid of mice, roaches, crap like that.

But the idea of picking up a glue thingy with a live creature still attatched was disgusting.

I squirmed as I placed it in the bag.
I asked Miss C if she wanted to see it.
She passed.

I placed the bag where Vietnam ordered me to and I was off.

Mickey was caught and now the Kid and I could sleep in peace.

T minus 2 days for T day

try saying that, ten times fast...


The Holidays are back.

I've done all my X mas shopping. Everything is done.

I put up my tree yesterday.

I just have to get around stringing up the lights and putting on the decor.

Tomorrow we have our church's Thanksgiving Day celebration.

I'm supposed to talk about what I'm thankful for.

Geez, talk about pressure.

Well, I'm thankful for good friends, not tons of em', but good ones,

For shoes, for a website where I can buy kickarse shoes and not drain my wallet.

For a good guy, who drives me up a wall sometimes, but who else will put up with my
crap,

For a job, unstable one at times, not my dream job, but it pays the bills,

For a home, where everything inside it, was paid outta my pocket. cool huh?

For the family. Vader and Vietnam are still difficult folks to deal with, but
we are managing.

For family Wednesday's at Vader's, where Bro, sister in law, True and I play boardgames and stuff our faces,

For the Kid, aka Miss C, who has come such a long long way, who is my joy, my pride, the smallest person in the world who can get me laughing, who has humbled me and made me a better person and sometimes also manages to make me wanna smack her right in the mouth, like this morning when she told me in front of the cash register lady in the supermarket:

"Momma, shut up, you talk to much".

For the tears and the hard moments, I suck at them, but I've survived them, so that must mean something, right?

For God's blessings. In a time where there are so many tragedies, poverty and lack of love, He has blessed my home with love, health and wealth. He had not forgotten my address, like I so bluntly used to say, he was waiting on the front steps for me to unlock the door.

I'm going to Vader's on Thursday...another year where I cannot develop my culinary skills, because God forbid I try and take the spotlight away from her and make the turkey.

We are all gonna be there, True, his parents, bro, the girlfriend, the kid, Vader and I....

can't think of a better reason to say thanks!

10 years later

A night wasted.

I could've made some curtains for Miss C.

But noooooo...

I spent my evening at a 10 year high school reunion.

I remmembered why I wanted to graduate so fast in the first place.

Fish out of water.

Once again.

"Hey look!!! It's the 'rapper'...!"

The rapper????

As in rap artist???

Good Lord the things I get myself into.

"You haven't changed a bit".


Is that good or bad???

Actually it wasn't all bad until the subject of kids came up.

"Well I have a girl..."
I mustered...

"You do?"


"Well I don't have any kids...thank God.." ::rolls eyes::
"I don't either"
"I don't either, I love my free life...nephews are enough for me".


Lots of single ladies in their late twenties...all drinking it up, acting like they graduated yesterday...

The women with children were set apart, like if we were a plague.

"Come along ladies, where are the mom's...?? a picture of the mom's..."

I declined.

Having kids isn't a plague.
Hell, I'd be worried if I was almost 30 single and sans family.

But, whatever floats your boat, ya know.

At 11pm me and True, poor lonely True who sat and watched it all unfold, made a silent exit...went to Starbucks and headed home.

I dropped him off and went to pick up a sleepy Miss C.

I plopped her into bed and scoffed...

I gazed at the sleepy kid who was hoggin' my sheets and the tons of toys scattered in my room...

"these people don't know what their missing..."


They really don't.

growing...

I don't know if it's me...but I can't figure out how a simple hamburger has managed to ruin my entire afternoon, provoking my inner most feelings of 'go-play-with-a-gun-for-a-little-while' kid.

But I do know this, I need someone who is bold.

Bold just like me.

Who is able and capable of taking matters into their hands when the time comes.

Who can openly and freely speak their mind and for once not be scared to do so.

Who can make decisions without feeling the need to be apologetic.

Who can go take my hamburger back and ask for it with no-mayo, without being embarrassed.

Then again, maybe it's just me.

But I can't handle the babyish demeanor of this whole situation.

The funny thing is that a while back I was the target of an argument that went along the lines of : "you-never-let-me-be-the-man".

But when I finally do, people can't step up.

I told the lady I wanted a new burger and came back alive. No one spit in my food (I was watching) and no one stared at me in ugly ways.

But I lost my afternoon.
It was wasted on anger.

And silence.
That cruel horrible silence.

"thank you for a wonderful lunch" was all I could muster.

I am bold.

No apologies.

PS

Go scoot over to this page to wish my good friend Yoly Happy Birthday!!!

God Bless You!!!!

Happy B-day!!

Still alive

Over 7,000 people marched to prove that Autism is treatable and that many can recover....

I was beat, tired, exhausted....and today my voice is still raspy....

Here are some pics from Sunday and some other pics of her yesterday morning at a school dance. She was dressed in tipical puertorrican garb.


Returning back to the march, True's parents went and even Miss C's dad says present. It was a very special day for me, since I always march alone, and this year I had a family to march with.

Miss C was clearly adorable in her Yankees cap....mommy amd me matching caps might I add...

I ended the march with a small speech....it's in spanish but I put it for your viewing pleasure....

It went something like this:

"I can tell you how much Miss C has progressed and the afternoon would fall short.

I can tell you that just when we thought that she had progressed a lot, she surprised us by progressing even more.

I can tell you, that they told us she might repeat Kinder, and now there is a big chance she might go to first grade.

I can tell you she has lots of imaginary play and loves spongebob.

I can tell you she still loves pony's and now she loves Pet Shops.

I can tell you she doesn't like Discovery Kids, because she says: she is a big girl

I can tell you her teachers say she is a 'leader who moves the masses'.

I can tell you I feel very proud when I see her sleep without pampers, see her write her name and use the bathroom. Things she could not do last year.

I can tell you I still cry at night, because I don't know where this train will take us and what our last stop will be.

I can tell you my hair still falls out due to stress, especially when I feel I can do more.

I can tell you this all goes away, when she looks in my eyes and tells me like she did a couple months ago: 'mommy I love you because I am happy with you'.

I can tell you, I am happy too.

I can tell you I found happiness, love, a little bit of peace and hope this year.

I can tell you that I marched today to tell you all, that we broke the Myth and beat Autism.

I can tell you that God is Grand and has lots in store for all of us.

I can tell you that this that has happened to my family is not a fairytale, it is a beautiful reality.

A reality that can be available to many more family's if early diagnosis, accessible treatments were on hand, if the leaders, health and educational professionals did the ir job. So we can all one day yell out loud: We too, broke the Myth."






Break the Myth

This Sunday we march again....

For all our children. For mine, yours and those who will come.

I'll be on a radio station tomorrow doing some promo...and finishing some sales of the t-shirts of the event.

I will also be performing with True during the event.

It will be lots of work, but I know it will pay off.

When a child was diagnosed with Autism, there was usually no hope.

It was a very sad prognosis, without any expectations of a normal life, for neither the child or the family.

Today our reality is different. Although children are all different, many can be treated. Autism is Treatable.

There is a diverse amount of treatments from basic speech therapies to the most new avant-gard Dolphin Therapy....and biomedical treatments...

I've met some children who's initial Autistic Diagnosis has been removed because they no longer have the characteristics to meet this diagnosis.

Miss C is on the same track. She is, as her teachers would put it: "a very brilliant child, well ahead of her regular peers, a true leader that moves the masses!!".

Way to go Kid.
Not so shabby if I say so myself.

There is hope. There is a light. There is a way.

March with me.

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10 Years Ago...

I got the call I had dreaded for 10 years...

"Hello Mary...we're having our 10 Year High School Reunion next weekend".

10 Years!!??
I did NOT graduate 10 years ago...::cough:: 5 maybe...but not 10 ::cough cough::

My highschool years were a mixture of hatred and joy.

I hated most of my teachers and a great part of my classmates.

Especially those were thought their poop didn't stink.

Which were plenty of them.

But I loved my close knit friends, that I have lost touch with except K.

She is still a good friend.

I miss the drama...the drama provoked by my rebellion, my rap songs, my odd choice of outfits and the shock of the teachers when they realized I was a good student.

I miss the drama provoked by the fact that one of the cutest and most popular guys in school happened to take a liking to this rebellious, not so girly, girl.

When he became my boyfriend, tongues went a waggin'...sort of like a West Side Story sort of drama...minus the dancing scores in between.

I miss being driven to the prom with Empress (she was my date) in her mom's (RIP) convertible Porshe and see everyone's jaws drop...much to my delight...

I wore a dress to my prom, had my hair done and nails...I looked unrecognizable...

but I rapped on stage at the prom...with the dress and the hair...

By that time The Cute Boy had broked up with me, only to wanna come back on prom weekend....sucker me dove in and got my heart broken...once again...

But even with all the fun and games, I am soo glad I'm over that weird stage in my life and I'm off to weirder things....

I've gotta start some serious ab work..I have to lose about 10 pounds this week...

Trick o' Treat

So we went to Vader's.

As I was reapplying the kid's (Miss C's) bunny make up...she had a brilliant idea...

"Momma (she never says mommy), paint your face"

Me..Uhem...no no no no no....I ignore her.

"Momma..."

Insert adorable doe-eyed child face here.

"paint your face momma...a kangaroo!!"


"Honey I'm your momma, not Picasso. No Kangaroo. But I bet I can do a wicked cat".


So off I was to paint my face.

There are no pictures for futher humiliation, Thank God.

So we get to Vader's. She has all types of goodies, candies, doughnuts...food...

The Bro arrives with the Girl, True also stops by and we all head off to Vader's room for our Wednesday's night of Scene it?. I got it on sale last week and we have been addicted ever since. So we sit on the bed, pull out the game board, turn on the TV and,

Bro gives me a look...I 'meow' at him...

"Oh...that's what you are!!"

"Yeah, whadya think I was?"

"The lost fourth member of KISS".


HISSSSSSSS

To add more salt to my wound, I was winning, and then the stupid questions came up, for the benefit of Bro and True...

"Who was the killer in Nightmare on Elm Street?" "Who was the Killer in Friday the 13th parts 2-10?"


I would get the ones that went: Answer the question that follows this clip....plays clip....question: "How many chairs were behind the person that was talking to the other person?"

ARE YOU SERIOUS???

Clearly they knew people with poor movie skils..::cough cough:: my Bro and True were playing.

The game is bias.

True won.

Mickey Mouse

We have a lil' mickey in the house....

Poor Miss C discovered it.

She almost died of a heart attack....

"A MOOOOOOUSEEEEEEEEEEEE A MOUUUUUUUUSEEE!!!"

"Are you sure it's a mouse??"


"Yes..."

"It wasn't a lizard?".

She stops crying, looks at me really hard...

"Mouse. Grey. Medium."

Ok. I believe her. If that girl says there's a mouse, there's a mouse.

Thing is, I live on a second floor and NEVER have had mice in the house.

These b*tches practice rock climbing or rappeling...jeez...

So I think we need a cat.

But I think about Miss C with a pet and it's just a plain suicidal idea.

I think we'll keep Mickey.

Hallow's Eve

The weather has been horrible...we've been under rain for about a whole week now...

I've purchased a kyak and I'm using it to make my way through the kitchen and bedroom just for fun....

::rolls eyes::

Today is Hallow's Eve...

It is a date that I would spend the whole year before planning on what to dress up as. Me and Empress would go to the biggest baddest Halloween party and she would end up always winning Best Costume...but boy did we have a blast....

This year there are no costumes...

I kind of see the event as something different this year...

But I still let the kid participate in some nice healthy way.

She had no school today.
So she went to daycare.

As a homemade bunny.

Pink sweatshirt
Pink sweatpants with white loofa sponge sewn onto the bottom
Her face painted white with bunny nose and whiskers
Huge bunny ears she had laying around

Her face was worth a million bucks when she looked in the mirror...

and then of course the payback...

"hop hop hop hop hop momma!"


all around the house, at 7am...

"I'm a bunny!! I'm looking for carrots momma!!"

hop hop hop hop hop

hop hop hop hop hop

::rolls eyes::

the things we parents subject ourselves to.

doing something right

"Um..Miss C's Mom....Miss C is crying, she refuses to get on the bus, she wants her momma to pick her up".

I'm assuming it was a huuuuge mistake picking her up yesterday.

"Well, I can't, yesterday was an exception, I got out early".

"Well she's crying".

"Can you put her on the phone?"

"Sure..Miss C...momma's on the phone.."

"Hey baby...."


I hear her sniffles...and her baby voice answer..."Momma"

"Miss C, I need you to do me a favor, I need you to get on the bus, momma will come pick you up at the day care...can you be a big girl and do that for me..."


"Uh-huh".

"Ok...love ya".


And before I could finish she had run off to the bus.

"I don't know what you told her, but it's all resolved", her teacher said.

We hung up.

Later on I commented the situation to a friend of mine...

He said.."Wow...I'm proud of you".

"Proud, what for?"

"I'd be panicked if I heard my kid cry over the phone, all alone and scared. It's clear you've created a good bond with her. She trusts you. She believes in your words. Otherwise she would have kept crying".

"Oh".

"You've always come through with what you say. You have her trust and that's worth a lot".


Insert goofy smile of mom who loves her kid....here.

People who annoy me

CASE #1

Just because you are talking on the phone and dropping mild hints about the fact that I can't stand you, like:

"Um..I'm so sorry I'm bothering you again...but I know you are not gonna hate me like other people do".

means I am gonna try to like you a bit more.

I don't like you.
Period.

Get over it.

**********

CASE #2

When I kindly ask you to not include me in something, I actually mean it. Don't try to include me against my own will.

It's not working.

it's just one of those days...

It was pouring this morning...

I mean pouring.

Miss C and I made our way to school grounds.

Miss C with her raincoat and I with my umbrella.

Miss C stepped in a large puddled.

Completely soaked her socks.

"They are wet...they are wet!!" she whined.

"Ok..stay here.."

I make my way back to my car in hopes of finding an extra pair of socks in her bag.

I pull the handle of the sliding door.

It breaks off.

I have to squirm my way through the passenger door.

I try to open the sliding door from the inside.

It has a child lock.

Can't find socks.

Make my way back to Miss C.

Take her to class.

She is almost in tears because of her wet socks.

I take off her shoes.

They are drenched.

Crap.

I make my way back to the Van.

Find crocs.

The strap on the left crocc is broken.

I tear off the strap of both of the crocs.

I go back to the class.

Take off her socks and shoes, put on her crocs.

My daughter puts her crocs on in delight.

They don't match her outfit AT ALL.

Teacher approaches.."Um...did she bring a jacket...it's gonna be chilly in the room today".

Of course I didn't.

Go back to Van..in the rain..step in a mud mush....drop umbrella...try to look sane as I get inside my van and walk to the back...since her jacket was in the back seat and I can no longer open the sliding door.

Take jacket to class.

And proceed to try to go to work.

Call the first parts place for the replacement of the door handle...100 bucks..without labor..

Realize that my door handle will soon break off as well....

That'll be 200 bucks without labor.

Call second place...

100 for BOTH handles, without labor.

a tad more reasonable.

but doesn't make up for the fact that my morning was hell.

go sing somewhere else

Marc Anthony serenaded JLo with the song "Faithfully" by Journey on their tour....on stage...

If ANYONE sings to me right now ANY song by Journey...rest assured they will die a quick and violent death...

Open mouth, place foot

"Look Momma, there's a pony on the street!!"

I look...no pony in sight...

I ignore her...

"Look Momma...there is George (Curious George) he is walking too!"

I finally grasp her imaginary play....which delights me...since imaginary play is such a hard abstract concept for children with Autism to grasp...

I play along.

"Hey...tell that pony to get in here, I'll give her a lift to school"

She squeals in delight.

"Come on Pony!! Sit next to me"

"You have to put a seatbelt on the pony"

"Ok.."

She 'buckles' up the pony...

"Tell George to come along too!!"

"Come on George!"

"Allright let's go Miss C and company"

"Look momma!! another pony, sit her next to you...wait, look, Popeye...hey look Spongebob...hey look Patrick...hey look another pony...a pink one...hey look they are on my lap...I sat some in the back part...look...look look...."

We were stuck in traffic with a Van Load of Cartoons...for 2 hours!!!

Me and my BIG MOUTH....

Thank God for Mini-Vans....

Just feeling..



And so it goes....by Billy Joel

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

*******

And a song for my kid..



My favorite song for my daughter

Is it me?

Or do people who call you every five minutes because they keep forgetting to tell you all they were gonna tell you in the first call, extremely-head-banging annoying?

scrambled brains

It's just a tad complicated right now.

I have been coping with some issues, mostly emotional related.

I've been feeling like a yo-yo..up and down and all the mutha-bleepin' way around.

Pssst...::leans in::

I've been saying four letter words again.

Crap.

And it's not crap.

My temper has been flaring, I can't sleep and my stomach is officially detached from the wall of my interior.

I've started taking meds for my gastro problems, which haven't been acting up since I was depressed last year.

It's coming back all over again.

I'm going to church and I'm feeling ZIP, NADA, ZILCH.

I just stand there and lip sync and close my eyes in the hopes no one looks at me.

Yesterday after my Bible Studies (yeah I go to Bible Studies...sue me), our teacher asked me "Are you ok?"

To which I lied...mind you inside the church..."Yeah"

"Are you sure? because you look sort of..."

I cut him off...

"I'm fine..I look sort of what? I'm fine".

Then at service they were praying for everybody and the Pastor came up to me to tell me about a vision of his...

He saw the sea split open just like when Moses passed through...but passing through this open sea were families devasted by Autism....The Lord was going to start healing these families...

It was no actual surprise, because I had had a dream very similar to this a few months ago.

But I cried.

I didn't cry for the vision.
I cried because for the first time in a long time, I doubted.

I felt it was all a crock.
I wanted it all to be over so I could sit down and numb myself.

And you wanna know the bad part..?
Before I'd be numb and not give a crap...
Now I do...which probably means something good...but I can't see that part just yet.

It's in there somewhere.

World Series

Boston is headed to the world series.

No. I don't wanna talk about it.

My computer doesn't wanna talk about it.

As I accessed the page to read the article it shutdown...

I know the feeling baby.
I know the feeling.

Office space

Please tell me my ears are deceiving me...
Please tell me someone is NOT singing mutha-effin "Kumbaya" in MY OFFICE..!!

Not today honey...not today....

getting old

I was on a facebook today and found my best friend from high school and my early college years.

Take note: friend..strictly friends.

But I was shocked to see, he was married!!

married with wedding pictures and honeymoon pictures and all...

I actually blurted out loud: HE'S MARRIED??!!!

Oh God I'm really old and behind in light years.

I have no wedding pictures.
I have a divorce under my belt.
A special kid.
A deathvan.
and a B.A. tackling some major dust bunnies...

Jeez..I've gotta get up from my ass and do something...

PRONTO...

Weekend Recap Part Deux

Although there was a small glitch in our afternoon.

True didn't correctly put the "P" on my Van...

Hence having it roll back almost into the street.

"Um..sis? Did you park you van that far back??"

"How far back?"

"Well, it's almost in the street?"

"What?"

And there it was...

We were busy eating shrimp and my van could have just rolled back and killed a few hundred...

the funny part?

Yes, there is a funny part...

When we walked back to the pool area, we we (bro and I) were joking, "can you imagine, it would roll into the street and cause and explosion and we'd be sitting here eating steaks?"

chuckle. chuckle. chuckle.

His girlfriend interrupted..."WHAT?? IT EXPLODED??!! DID ANYONE GET HURT??".


that is all i'm saying.

I swear.

Weekend Recap Part Uno

Yesterday hell froze over.

I spent the afternoon at my brother's girlfriend's parents house...

got that??

I had a family day.

With jacuzzi, barbeque and wholesome food.

Chicken, shrimp, steaks, rice, chocolate cake....

My brother was very happy to have us over.

His girlfriend's parents were very nice and kind.

He is very fortunate.

And so are we...

We had free food, good company and great dessert...

bits and ends...

"Mom...your armpits smell..."

"Then don't smell them.."

"Mom..?"

"What??"

"Why don't you smell my butt?"


WHERE IN THE (*&^%$# WORLD DOES SHE GET THESE THINGS FROM???

*****

In other wonderful news....the Yankees have been eliminated....ain't I surprised..

Insert Sarcasm HERE...

Boston starts the division championship series with Cleveland on Thursday...I don't know what's worse..rooting for Boston...my arch rival or rooting for the team that kicked our asses...

::le sigh::

*****

THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF EARLY IN THE MORNING...

IF YOU DON'T HAVE CHANGE..WHY OH WHY DEAR BEJESUS DO YOU GET IN EXACT CHANGE ONLY LINE IN TH TOLLBOOTH...

and then...

YELL OUT TO THE TELLER IN THE BOOTH IN THE NEXT LANE...THE LANE YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN IN TO BEGIN WITH...TO BRING YA' SOME CHANGE...

and the worst part...

the lady in the tollbooth brings her the change...

why not let her body rot in the lane so she can learn a lesson...and have us other drivers honk our horns excessively until her ears begin to bleed....

Ok.
I'll stop.
I'm not supposed to be violent.
I'm not supposed to be lots of things...

but deep down inside...I know you feel me....

admit it....

David's Mom

This weekend I went to see the acclaimed play "David's Mom" about a mother's struggle "Sally", with her disabled teen "David", who happened to be Autistic and has a degree of mental retardation.

The theater was jammed packed. The play began. People laughed at inappropiate parts, like when David began touching himself and his aunt pointed it out...The dialogue was crude, realistic...no cover ups....

A mom who had become so obsessed with her son that she forgot she had a husband, a daughter, a life outside of the Autistic Realm. They left her, because they could no longer bare to see how deep this woman had sank. She literally forgot about everyone else around her. She did not want David to go to school. Social workers threatening her, a very messy home...a new possible boyfriend who wants to help, but keeps getting pushed aside...were all important parts of the story.

But...
It was her attitude. Her words that marked me.

She was sarcastic, at moments almost crude with her son...calling him a "moron"...making jokes about his disabilities...

Most people thought they were cruel...that she was a terrible mother...a pea-brain of a mother, as I heard someone call her.

I totally disagree.

Her sarcasm...her jokes...her "I-dont-give-a-fuck" attitude was her only defense mechanism.

It was her only chance to survive.

I love it when she questions her actions when she talks about a supermarket trip where her son is being stared at by a seven year old...

"I hated this little girl...she was staring...it is not polite to stare...I called her ugly...and I hated her..what kind of woman am I that I hate a seven year old and call her ugly?".


The audience laughed.

I couldn't help feel hot tears swell up in my eyes and a pang in my heart.

I've hated children and people for staring, for being cruel, for asking improper questions or making improper comments.

I know how that feels.

I know how it feels to just wanna keep your kid at home and not let the world contaminate their innocence or hurt them...

and not wanna let anyone else in.

I was "Sally".

True even saw the uncanny resemblance.

He looked over at me..."Now I understand so many things I didn't before...I know why you are so sarcastic..why you act the way you do..."

There was one particular scene where her boyfriend teaches "David" how to use the DVD...she argues that his efforts are worthless, that her son will never do any of those things...that he will be no next governor...her boyfriend leaves extremely hurt...then "Sally" realizes that "David" in fact has learned to use the DVD player.

She realizes the damage she has done, not only to David but to herself...by pushing everyone away, she has made David more disabled than he was to begin with. Her discovery was the pinnacle of the play. She let David go. And it was over. The curtain was down.

I did not cry.
People applauded.

Then the actors came out for their applauses.

When "David" came out....the tears began to fog up my sight.

I rose out of my seat...then "Sally" came out...

I lost it.

Because I was there on stage.

Sally and I were the same.

and I thought of all the other Sally's out there....all the other Sally's who have not yet realized that they have to let go...

All the Sally's sitting and waiting for their applause...for the last curtain call.

and I cried.

and I cried last night.

because I haven't come to full terms with the course of my life...and Miss C's...

because when things are good, they are good..but then there are nights like last night, when things are bad...they are BAD. When I am tired, of the laundry, of the kid, of making ends meets to stock up the fridge, of the broken refrigerator, the broken tv, of the people who don't have an ounce of empathy and let me be.

and I am "Sally"...tired and disheveled...wanting a epiphany....wanting that standing ovation....

don't we all...?

we r still alive

They said we were supposed to be finished last night....

But we managed to stay alive...

Maybe God is a Yankees fan after all...

playoffs

"No sweety...mommy does not wanna keep on playing pretend...can't ya see I'm on this bed seeing how my team gets the crap kicked out of them in the first game of the Playoffs??"


...Yankees have the bases loaded...a chance to go ahead and seal a victory....but they get struck out...

"Honey...::ahem:: on second thought....what was it you wanted to play with me, again??"

I feel ya' Ms. Spears

Ok..without getting into the whole usingdrugs-drinking-and-driving-on-a-suspended-licencse-and-
head-shaving-incident...

I get Ms. Britney Spears.

No...don't roll your eyes. I am not justifying her actions. I thank God someone took her kids away from her, because she is just plain out of her lil'southern mind.

what I do kind of get is that Ms. Spears is acting out, not obeying ANY type of authority, just being a plain rebel.

Of course, she has this situation in her hands since she constantly puts herself in the hands of the paparrazzo....

But but but...

I get that maybe she is tired of having everyone tell her what to do...she is tired of keeping up with an image that she probably didn't even create in the first place...hence the firing of every single person around her...including managment...

tired of being scrutinized as some kind of God and not a human being that makes mistakes.

I for one, have a HUGE problem with authority, I'm still trying to deal with.

I am quick to rebel..quick to act upon my anger and do things which may not be necessarily the best...(of course, I do not put my daughter in any danger)...

I understand to some degree the pressures of being made into something your not and trying to fit into that pattern so desperately, only to fail and fail and fail...

and just go: "you know what??!! Eff it all!! Eff everyone!!! I'm gonna go on my own terms..."

a complete path to self-destruction, might I add.

It sucks trying to make everyone happy and act like someone completely different than who you really are. It is completely exhausting.

It sucks having to apologize for every little single thing you do just because someone felt you did not act acdordingly, or felt offended by something you did...

especially when deep down inside you have no desire to do so [apologize].

So Ms. Spears...I clearly would like to say I do not want to be your friend...but I kind of hope that God will do something with your life...and for that matter with mine...

It is not healthy to keep living rebelious lives...in my case I can't handle the pressure with trying to keep up with being little miss sunshine...when sometimes I wanna be little miss hurricane....

I feel ya' Ms. Spears...

sort of....

mirror mirror

I had a pretty busy day yesterday...a day that ended in one huge headache and a sleepless night.

I did not go to work yesterday, since the Van....isn't working again....

::sigh::

But never fear...True quickly lent me his car so I moved about in his...

I had to be at a TV station at 2:30pm for a show that they were doing on Autism...Aimée was kind enough to call and extend the invite.

It went by smoothly...we had a whole half hour for us....we were sent to make-up and I ...::gasp:: wore a skirt...and shoes....

I was very tempted to wear my Yankees cap....we are in the Playoffs ya' know, but I kind of realized a Yankees cap wasn't the proper attire to get across the message that Autism is treatable...ya' know...??

Later in the evening I met up with my bro in order to give True his car back and make my way back home....Bro and his girlfriend came over to have dinner while we watched the TV Show, (thank God for DVR machines)...

All my family called to say they were proud...even VADER.

She said: "I am proud...you looked nice, spoke very well....You made me proud, you make me proud all the time".

People
hell
just
froze
over
a
teeny
tiny
bit.

It's nice to hear Vader and even Vietnam show signs of being humans with emotions...

kind of makes my lil' cold heart beat again.

ALMOST.

I'm having one of those weeks where my heart has frozen solid and I could care less...funny huh? the moodswings...maybe I am bi-polar...I'll have to look into that...

my life is a tad complicated...who's isn't right???
it seems like everyone wants us to be something else.

PERFECTION.

well, news flash: NO ONE IS PERFECT / EVERYONE IS TO BLAME

and we can't keep living making everyone else happy by supressing who you really are...

because at the end of the day..it's just you and your pillow...at the end of the day, who do you see in that mirror??

ramble ramble ramble.

On a good note...the playoffs start today...Boston are you ready???

trying...

"Try" by Nelly Furtado (before she became POP)

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn, the more I learn
The more I cry, the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try
Try

All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be

And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby
And we are, we are, we are, we are
Free
In our love
We are free in our love


**********************

I'm having one of those weeks where my heart has frozen solid and I could care less...funny huh? the moodswings...maybe I am bi-polar...I'll have to look into that...

my life is a tad complicated...who's isn't right???
it seems like everyone wants us to be something else.

PERFECTION.

well, news flash: NO ONE IS PERFECT / EVERYONE IS TO BLAME

and we can't keep living making everyone else happy by supressing who you really are...

because at the end of the day..it's just you and your pillow...at the end of the day, who do you see in that mirror??

ramble ramble ramble.

On a good note...the playoffs start today...Boston are you ready???

Just wanted u to know...

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Get checked!! Urge other women to get checked!!

Build-a-Hell

Yesterday I sprained something in my back...but True had told me he wanted to take Miss C to the mall to have her 'Build-a-Bear'.

...more like Build a Hell...

First she couldn't decide which animal to pick....a turtle, a dinosaur, a puppy, a cat...

She finally settled on a Bunny...

We stood like like for what it seemed like a whole hour....a whole hour in pure Hell...children running around....lil' clothes everywhere....accesories...Miss C picking out stuff for her bunny...

Let me explain...

Once you pick out the animal...you have to wait in line to get it stuffed...then pick out clothes, shoes...and register it so you can have a birth certificate...they even sing Happy B-day to the animal...

So..we are there in the line waiting for a heart and stuffing...and parents were coming along the sides and cutting the line...!!

Parents started complaining, arguing....just pure hell...

But let me tell ya'...parents who cut the lines deserve to be banned...they deserve capital punishment.

Arses.

So....we get to the stuffing..they make Miss C kiss the heart...stuff it...hug it, kiss it, name it..just a little silly ritual before they seal up the animal.

The floppy eared bunny was named Jen.

Don't ask.

So after the stuffing...she picks out some jeans, a pony t-shirt, shoes, a purse, glasses....

We didn't get to register it, because that other line was hell...we have to come ANOTHER day in order to receive it's birth certificate...

So....after another 20 more minutes we were out the door...

I AM NEVER GOING BACK ON A WEEKEND.
MAY MY BRAIN BE EXTRACTED FROM MY NOSE WITH A HANGER IF I DARE TO VENTURE TO SATAN'S SHOP ON A WEEKEND.

Miss C, on the other hand was thrilled....

JEN JEN JEN..

"Jen is my friend, Jen is tired, Jen is hungry...Can Jen go to school?? Can Jen take a bath? Can Jen sleep with me??"


And it's true...True spent a crapload on that bunny...$52.00 to exact...

But to see Miss C hugging Jen while she slept, was well worth the afternoon in hell.

we parents are sure suckas!

"Mom...you make me happy"....

::pause::

"Mom..I love you because you make me happy".


I almost crashed when I heard her say that....

Prank Wars

http://www.collegehumor.com/tag:prank-war

I'm so sorry my small brain did not place the link for all those who want to see the pranks...

sucka!

I'm a sucker for pranks...

Me and bro loved to play them all the time...especially play some for Vietnam...

Until one day Vietnam threatned to kill us if he died...

I actually don't know how that would work, being that he would be dead...but whatever..

So...anyhoot..

I stumbled upon this prank war...I was actually looking for something on the Yankees (BTW..have you seen my boys play?)..and this came up..

See them in order...it's a prank war between two buddies...totally totally creative..and awesome...

Enjoy..

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