Mickey Mouse

We have a lil' mickey in the house....

Poor Miss C discovered it.

She almost died of a heart attack....


"Are you sure it's a mouse??"


"It wasn't a lizard?".

She stops crying, looks at me really hard...

"Mouse. Grey. Medium."

Ok. I believe her. If that girl says there's a mouse, there's a mouse.

Thing is, I live on a second floor and NEVER have had mice in the house.

These b*tches practice rock climbing or rappeling...jeez...

So I think we need a cat.

But I think about Miss C with a pet and it's just a plain suicidal idea.

I think we'll keep Mickey.

Hallow's Eve

The weather has been horrible...we've been under rain for about a whole week now...

I've purchased a kyak and I'm using it to make my way through the kitchen and bedroom just for fun....

::rolls eyes::

Today is Hallow's Eve...

It is a date that I would spend the whole year before planning on what to dress up as. Me and Empress would go to the biggest baddest Halloween party and she would end up always winning Best Costume...but boy did we have a blast....

This year there are no costumes...

I kind of see the event as something different this year...

But I still let the kid participate in some nice healthy way.

She had no school today.
So she went to daycare.

As a homemade bunny.

Pink sweatshirt
Pink sweatpants with white loofa sponge sewn onto the bottom
Her face painted white with bunny nose and whiskers
Huge bunny ears she had laying around

Her face was worth a million bucks when she looked in the mirror...

and then of course the payback...

"hop hop hop hop hop momma!"

all around the house, at 7am...

"I'm a bunny!! I'm looking for carrots momma!!"

hop hop hop hop hop

hop hop hop hop hop

::rolls eyes::

the things we parents subject ourselves to.

doing something right

"Um..Miss C's Mom....Miss C is crying, she refuses to get on the bus, she wants her momma to pick her up".

I'm assuming it was a huuuuge mistake picking her up yesterday.

"Well, I can't, yesterday was an exception, I got out early".

"Well she's crying".

"Can you put her on the phone?"

"Sure..Miss C...momma's on the phone.."

"Hey baby...."

I hear her sniffles...and her baby voice answer..."Momma"

"Miss C, I need you to do me a favor, I need you to get on the bus, momma will come pick you up at the day care...can you be a big girl and do that for me..."


"Ok...love ya".

And before I could finish she had run off to the bus.

"I don't know what you told her, but it's all resolved", her teacher said.

We hung up.

Later on I commented the situation to a friend of mine...

He said.."Wow...I'm proud of you".

"Proud, what for?"

"I'd be panicked if I heard my kid cry over the phone, all alone and scared. It's clear you've created a good bond with her. She trusts you. She believes in your words. Otherwise she would have kept crying".


"You've always come through with what you say. You have her trust and that's worth a lot".

Insert goofy smile of mom who loves her kid....here.

People who annoy me


Just because you are talking on the phone and dropping mild hints about the fact that I can't stand you, like:

"Um..I'm so sorry I'm bothering you again...but I know you are not gonna hate me like other people do".

means I am gonna try to like you a bit more.

I don't like you.

Get over it.



When I kindly ask you to not include me in something, I actually mean it. Don't try to include me against my own will.

It's not working.

It was pouring this morning...

I mean pouring.

Miss C and I made our way to school grounds.

Miss C with her raincoat and I with my umbrella.

Miss C stepped in a large puddled.

Completely soaked her socks.

"They are wet...they are wet!!" she whined.

"Ok..stay here.."

I make my way back to my car in hopes of finding an extra pair of socks in her bag.

I pull the handle of the sliding door.

It breaks off.

I have to squirm my way through the passenger door.

I try to open the sliding door from the inside.

It has a child lock.

Can't find socks.

Make my way back to Miss C.

Take her to class.

She is almost in tears because of her wet socks.

I take off her shoes.

They are drenched.


I make my way back to the Van.

Find crocs.

The strap on the left crocc is broken.

I tear off the strap of both of the crocs.

I go back to the class.

Take off her socks and shoes, put on her crocs.

My daughter puts her crocs on in delight.

They don't match her outfit AT ALL.

Teacher approaches.."Um...did she bring a jacket...it's gonna be chilly in the room today".

Of course I didn't.

Go back to Van..in the rain..step in a mud mush....drop umbrella...try to look sane as I get inside my van and walk to the back...since her jacket was in the back seat and I can no longer open the sliding door.

Take jacket to class.

And proceed to try to go to work.

Call the first parts place for the replacement of the door handle...100 bucks..without labor..

Realize that my door handle will soon break off as well....

That'll be 200 bucks without labor.

Call second place...

100 for BOTH handles, without labor.

a tad more reasonable.

but doesn't make up for the fact that my morning was hell.

go sing somewhere else

Marc Anthony serenaded JLo with the song "Faithfully" by Journey on their tour....on stage...

If ANYONE sings to me right now ANY song by Journey...rest assured they will die a quick and violent death...

Open mouth, place foot

"Look Momma, there's a pony on the street!!"

I look...no pony in sight...

I ignore her...

"Look Momma...there is George (Curious George) he is walking too!"

I finally grasp her imaginary play....which delights me...since imaginary play is such a hard abstract concept for children with Autism to grasp...

I play along.

"Hey...tell that pony to get in here, I'll give her a lift to school"

She squeals in delight.

"Come on Pony!! Sit next to me"

"You have to put a seatbelt on the pony"


She 'buckles' up the pony...

"Tell George to come along too!!"

"Come on George!"

"Allright let's go Miss C and company"

"Look momma!! another pony, sit her next to you...wait, look, Popeye...hey look Spongebob...hey look Patrick...hey look another pony...a pink one...hey look they are on my lap...I sat some in the back part...look...look look...."

We were stuck in traffic with a Van Load of Cartoons...for 2 hours!!!

Me and my BIG MOUTH....

Thank God for Mini-Vans....

Just feeling..

And so it goes....by Billy Joel

In every heart there is a room
A sanctuary safe and strong
To heal the wounds from lovers past
Until a new one comes along

I spoke to you in cautious tones
You answered me with no pretense
And still I feel I said too much
My silence is my self defense

And every time I've held a rose
It seems I only felt the thorns
And so it goes, and so it goes
And so will you soon I suppose

But if my silence made you leave
Then that would be my worst mistake
So I will share this room with you
And you can have this heart to break

And this is why my eyes are closed
It's just as well for all I've seen
And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows

So I would choose to be with you
That's if the choice were mine to make
But you can make decisions too
And you can have this heart to break

And so it goes, and so it goes
And you're the only one who knows


And a song for my kid..

My favorite song for my daughter

Is it me?

Or do people who call you every five minutes because they keep forgetting to tell you all they were gonna tell you in the first call, extremely-head-banging annoying?

scrambled brains

It's just a tad complicated right now.

I have been coping with some issues, mostly emotional related.

I've been feeling like a yo-yo..up and down and all the mutha-bleepin' way around.

Pssst...::leans in::

I've been saying four letter words again.


And it's not crap.

My temper has been flaring, I can't sleep and my stomach is officially detached from the wall of my interior.

I've started taking meds for my gastro problems, which haven't been acting up since I was depressed last year.

It's coming back all over again.

I'm going to church and I'm feeling ZIP, NADA, ZILCH.

I just stand there and lip sync and close my eyes in the hopes no one looks at me.

Yesterday after my Bible Studies (yeah I go to Bible Studies...sue me), our teacher asked me "Are you ok?"

To which I lied...mind you inside the church..."Yeah"

"Are you sure? because you look sort of..."

I cut him off...

"I'm fine..I look sort of what? I'm fine".

Then at service they were praying for everybody and the Pastor came up to me to tell me about a vision of his...

He saw the sea split open just like when Moses passed through...but passing through this open sea were families devasted by Autism....The Lord was going to start healing these families...

It was no actual surprise, because I had had a dream very similar to this a few months ago.

But I cried.

I didn't cry for the vision.
I cried because for the first time in a long time, I doubted.

I felt it was all a crock.
I wanted it all to be over so I could sit down and numb myself.

And you wanna know the bad part..?
Before I'd be numb and not give a crap...
Now I do...which probably means something good...but I can't see that part just yet.

It's in there somewhere.

World Series

Boston is headed to the world series.

No. I don't wanna talk about it.

My computer doesn't wanna talk about it.

As I accessed the page to read the article it shutdown...

I know the feeling baby.
I know the feeling.

Office space

Please tell me my ears are deceiving me...
Please tell me someone is NOT singing mutha-effin "Kumbaya" in MY OFFICE..!!

Not today honey...not today....

getting old

I was on a facebook today and found my best friend from high school and my early college years.

Take note: friend..strictly friends.

But I was shocked to see, he was married!!

married with wedding pictures and honeymoon pictures and all...

I actually blurted out loud: HE'S MARRIED??!!!

Oh God I'm really old and behind in light years.

I have no wedding pictures.
I have a divorce under my belt.
A special kid.
A deathvan.
and a B.A. tackling some major dust bunnies...

Jeez..I've gotta get up from my ass and do something...


Weekend Recap Part Deux

Although there was a small glitch in our afternoon.

True didn't correctly put the "P" on my Van...

Hence having it roll back almost into the street.

"Um..sis? Did you park you van that far back??"

"How far back?"

"Well, it's almost in the street?"


And there it was...

We were busy eating shrimp and my van could have just rolled back and killed a few hundred...

the funny part?

Yes, there is a funny part...

When we walked back to the pool area, we we (bro and I) were joking, "can you imagine, it would roll into the street and cause and explosion and we'd be sitting here eating steaks?"

chuckle. chuckle. chuckle.

His girlfriend interrupted..."WHAT?? IT EXPLODED??!! DID ANYONE GET HURT??".

that is all i'm saying.

I swear.

Weekend Recap Part Uno

Yesterday hell froze over.

I spent the afternoon at my brother's girlfriend's parents house...

got that??

I had a family day.

With jacuzzi, barbeque and wholesome food.

Chicken, shrimp, steaks, rice, chocolate cake....

My brother was very happy to have us over.

His girlfriend's parents were very nice and kind.

He is very fortunate.

And so are we...

We had free food, good company and great dessert...

bits and ends...

"Mom...your armpits smell..."

"Then don't smell them.."



"Why don't you smell my butt?"



In other wonderful news....the Yankees have been eliminated....ain't I surprised..

Insert Sarcasm HERE...

Boston starts the division championship series with Cleveland on Thursday...I don't know what's worse..rooting for Boston...my arch rival or rooting for the team that kicked our asses...

::le sigh::




and then...


and the worst part...

the lady in the tollbooth brings her the change...

why not let her body rot in the lane so she can learn a lesson...and have us other drivers honk our horns excessively until her ears begin to bleed....

I'll stop.
I'm not supposed to be violent.
I'm not supposed to be lots of things...

but deep down inside...I know you feel me....

admit it....

David's Mom

This weekend I went to see the acclaimed play "David's Mom" about a mother's struggle "Sally", with her disabled teen "David", who happened to be Autistic and has a degree of mental retardation.

The theater was jammed packed. The play began. People laughed at inappropiate parts, like when David began touching himself and his aunt pointed it out...The dialogue was crude, realistic...no cover ups....

A mom who had become so obsessed with her son that she forgot she had a husband, a daughter, a life outside of the Autistic Realm. They left her, because they could no longer bare to see how deep this woman had sank. She literally forgot about everyone else around her. She did not want David to go to school. Social workers threatening her, a very messy home...a new possible boyfriend who wants to help, but keeps getting pushed aside...were all important parts of the story.

It was her attitude. Her words that marked me.

She was sarcastic, at moments almost crude with her son...calling him a "moron"...making jokes about his disabilities...

Most people thought they were cruel...that she was a terrible mother...a pea-brain of a mother, as I heard someone call her.

I totally disagree.

Her sarcasm...her jokes...her "I-dont-give-a-fuck" attitude was her only defense mechanism.

It was her only chance to survive.

I love it when she questions her actions when she talks about a supermarket trip where her son is being stared at by a seven year old...

"I hated this little girl...she was staring...it is not polite to stare...I called her ugly...and I hated her..what kind of woman am I that I hate a seven year old and call her ugly?".

The audience laughed.

I couldn't help feel hot tears swell up in my eyes and a pang in my heart.

I've hated children and people for staring, for being cruel, for asking improper questions or making improper comments.

I know how that feels.

I know how it feels to just wanna keep your kid at home and not let the world contaminate their innocence or hurt them...

and not wanna let anyone else in.

I was "Sally".

True even saw the uncanny resemblance.

He looked over at me..."Now I understand so many things I didn't before...I know why you are so sarcastic..why you act the way you do..."

There was one particular scene where her boyfriend teaches "David" how to use the DVD...she argues that his efforts are worthless, that her son will never do any of those things...that he will be no next governor...her boyfriend leaves extremely hurt...then "Sally" realizes that "David" in fact has learned to use the DVD player.

She realizes the damage she has done, not only to David but to herself...by pushing everyone away, she has made David more disabled than he was to begin with. Her discovery was the pinnacle of the play. She let David go. And it was over. The curtain was down.

I did not cry.
People applauded.

Then the actors came out for their applauses.

When "David" came out....the tears began to fog up my sight.

I rose out of my seat...then "Sally" came out...

I lost it.

Because I was there on stage.

Sally and I were the same.

and I thought of all the other Sally's out there....all the other Sally's who have not yet realized that they have to let go...

All the Sally's sitting and waiting for their applause...for the last curtain call.

and I cried.

and I cried last night.

because I haven't come to full terms with the course of my life...and Miss C's...

because when things are good, they are good..but then there are nights like last night, when things are bad...they are BAD. When I am tired, of the laundry, of the kid, of making ends meets to stock up the fridge, of the broken refrigerator, the broken tv, of the people who don't have an ounce of empathy and let me be.

and I am "Sally"...tired and disheveled...wanting a epiphany....wanting that standing ovation....

don't we all...?

we r still alive

They said we were supposed to be finished last night....

But we managed to stay alive...

Maybe God is a Yankees fan after all...


"No sweety...mommy does not wanna keep on playing pretend...can't ya see I'm on this bed seeing how my team gets the crap kicked out of them in the first game of the Playoffs??"

...Yankees have the bases loaded...a chance to go ahead and seal a victory....but they get struck out...

"Honey...::ahem:: on second thought....what was it you wanted to play with me, again??"

I feel ya' Ms. Spears

Ok..without getting into the whole usingdrugs-drinking-and-driving-on-a-suspended-licencse-and-

I get Ms. Britney Spears.

No...don't roll your eyes. I am not justifying her actions. I thank God someone took her kids away from her, because she is just plain out of her lil'southern mind.

what I do kind of get is that Ms. Spears is acting out, not obeying ANY type of authority, just being a plain rebel.

Of course, she has this situation in her hands since she constantly puts herself in the hands of the paparrazzo....

But but but...

I get that maybe she is tired of having everyone tell her what to do...she is tired of keeping up with an image that she probably didn't even create in the first place...hence the firing of every single person around her...including managment...

tired of being scrutinized as some kind of God and not a human being that makes mistakes.

I for one, have a HUGE problem with authority, I'm still trying to deal with.

I am quick to rebel..quick to act upon my anger and do things which may not be necessarily the best...(of course, I do not put my daughter in any danger)...

I understand to some degree the pressures of being made into something your not and trying to fit into that pattern so desperately, only to fail and fail and fail...

and just go: "you know what??!! Eff it all!! Eff everyone!!! I'm gonna go on my own terms..."

a complete path to self-destruction, might I add.

It sucks trying to make everyone happy and act like someone completely different than who you really are. It is completely exhausting.

It sucks having to apologize for every little single thing you do just because someone felt you did not act acdordingly, or felt offended by something you did...

especially when deep down inside you have no desire to do so [apologize].

So Ms. Spears...I clearly would like to say I do not want to be your friend...but I kind of hope that God will do something with your life...and for that matter with mine...

It is not healthy to keep living rebelious lives...in my case I can't handle the pressure with trying to keep up with being little miss sunshine...when sometimes I wanna be little miss hurricane....

I feel ya' Ms. Spears...

sort of....

mirror mirror

I had a pretty busy day yesterday...a day that ended in one huge headache and a sleepless night.

I did not go to work yesterday, since the Van....isn't working again....


But never fear...True quickly lent me his car so I moved about in his...

I had to be at a TV station at 2:30pm for a show that they were doing on Autism...Aimée was kind enough to call and extend the invite.

It went by smoothly...we had a whole half hour for us....we were sent to make-up and I ...::gasp:: wore a skirt...and shoes....

I was very tempted to wear my Yankees cap....we are in the Playoffs ya' know, but I kind of realized a Yankees cap wasn't the proper attire to get across the message that Autism is treatable...ya' know...??

Later in the evening I met up with my bro in order to give True his car back and make my way back home....Bro and his girlfriend came over to have dinner while we watched the TV Show, (thank God for DVR machines)...

All my family called to say they were proud...even VADER.

She said: "I am proud...you looked nice, spoke very well....You made me proud, you make me proud all the time".


It's nice to hear Vader and even Vietnam show signs of being humans with emotions...

kind of makes my lil' cold heart beat again.


I'm having one of those weeks where my heart has frozen solid and I could care less...funny huh? the moodswings...maybe I am bi-polar...I'll have to look into that...

my life is a tad complicated...who's isn't right???
it seems like everyone wants us to be something else.



and we can't keep living making everyone else happy by supressing who you really are...

because at the end of the day..it's just you and your pillow...at the end of the day, who do you see in that mirror??

ramble ramble ramble.

On a good note...the playoffs start today...Boston are you ready???


"Try" by Nelly Furtado (before she became POP)

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try

I wish I hadn't seen all of the realness
And all the real people are really not real at all
The more I learn, the more I learn
The more I cry, the more I cry
As I say goodbye to the way of life
I thought I had designed for me

Then I see you standing there
Wanting more from me
And all I can do is try
Then I see you standing there
I'm all I'll ever be
But all I can do is try

All of the moments that already passed
We'll try to go back and make them last
All of the things we want each other to be
We never will be

And that's wonderful, and that's life
And that's you, baby
This is me, baby
And we are, we are, we are, we are
In our love
We are free in our love


I'm having one of those weeks where my heart has frozen solid and I could care less...funny huh? the moodswings...maybe I am bi-polar...I'll have to look into that...

my life is a tad complicated...who's isn't right???
it seems like everyone wants us to be something else.



and we can't keep living making everyone else happy by supressing who you really are...

because at the end of the day..it's just you and your pillow...at the end of the day, who do you see in that mirror??

ramble ramble ramble.

On a good note...the playoffs start today...Boston are you ready???

Just wanted u to know...

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Get checked!! Urge other women to get checked!!


Yesterday I sprained something in my back...but True had told me he wanted to take Miss C to the mall to have her 'Build-a-Bear'.

...more like Build a Hell...

First she couldn't decide which animal to pick....a turtle, a dinosaur, a puppy, a cat...

She finally settled on a Bunny...

We stood like like for what it seemed like a whole hour....a whole hour in pure Hell...children running around....lil' clothes everywhere....accesories...Miss C picking out stuff for her bunny...

Let me explain...

Once you pick out the animal...you have to wait in line to get it stuffed...then pick out clothes, shoes...and register it so you can have a birth certificate...they even sing Happy B-day to the animal...

So..we are there in the line waiting for a heart and stuffing...and parents were coming along the sides and cutting the line...!!

Parents started complaining, arguing....just pure hell...

But let me tell ya'...parents who cut the lines deserve to be banned...they deserve capital punishment.


So....we get to the stuffing..they make Miss C kiss the heart...stuff it...hug it, kiss it, name it..just a little silly ritual before they seal up the animal.

The floppy eared bunny was named Jen.

Don't ask.

So after the stuffing...she picks out some jeans, a pony t-shirt, shoes, a purse, glasses....

We didn't get to register it, because that other line was hell...we have to come ANOTHER day in order to receive it's birth certificate...

So....after another 20 more minutes we were out the door...


Miss C, on the other hand was thrilled....


"Jen is my friend, Jen is tired, Jen is hungry...Can Jen go to school?? Can Jen take a bath? Can Jen sleep with me??"

And it's true...True spent a crapload on that bunny...$52.00 to exact...

But to see Miss C hugging Jen while she slept, was well worth the afternoon in hell.

we parents are sure suckas!

"Mom...you make me happy"....


"Mom..I love you because you make me happy".

I almost crashed when I heard her say that....

Prank Wars


I'm so sorry my small brain did not place the link for all those who want to see the pranks...

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