No cars, no home, not even putting clothes in the hamper, in the end I ask: "Is that love?"

That is a good question Aimée, hell it's a great question!!

Is it love?
Is it love that makes us tolerate these behaviors from our opposite sex?

Or is it fear of being along?
Or masochism?
Or is it just things that we've grown accustomed to?

Or all of the above.

When Vader would bitch because Vietnam would be obsessed with cleaning or leaving dirty towels on the doorknob (yes, he is a very odd, extreme man), he would just shrug his shoulders, apologize and do it all over again the next day.

As the years progressed, Vader stopped bitching every day. Every now and then she'd do it, but she kind of just stopped the main dramatic show she used to put.

Her explanation: There are some things you cannot change.

So, either you go with the flow or you die of a massive heart attack?
Is that what she tried to teach me?

I have never been a 'go with the glow' gal. I refuse to believe that: that is just the way it is.

I believe in Pavlov and ABA and all modification techniques.
I believe some things can be changed.
I believe I don't have to tolerate certain things because I love some one.
I believe some people tolerate things, NOT because they love some one. They do it because they've grown accustomed to it or in Vader's case, she feared being alone.

Until she realized being alone wasn't so bad and flew the coop. Now, there is no way in hell she is going back to Vietnam and the life she had.

She realized it was not love what held her in the house. It was the routine, the custom of just putting up with it and being a good wife. In her upbringing women had to be prepared to put up with a lot of crap.

I thank God know that this is no longer true.

I loved my Ex. We had a fairly good marriage, but there were somethings I was not willing to stand for and vice versa. Love played no part in this. In fact the only part Love played was leaving all together.

I put up with certain things because deep down inside, beneath the layer of sarcasm and hardcore bitchiness, lies a woman who is a firm believer that people deserve a break and that maybe I might be too hard on folks. I think, "Jeez Mary lighten up a little".

I don't know if you people are getting this.

It's like my kid for example. I don't put up with her bad behavior because I love her. I don't put up with it, period. If I put up with her bad behavior because I loved her, I'd be encouraging it. Instead, I try to correct it, I divorce myself from my kid when it comes to her discipline. But I don't completely abandon her, because I know that with a little guidance she'll be just fine.

I feel the same way about relationships. It isn't love that makes me tolerate certain behaviors, in fact I rarely tolerate inadequate behaviors all together, but I stick it through because deep down inside I feel that with a little guidance we'll be just fine.

But this all looks much better in writing than in the actual field.

In conclusion,

I talk a lot of crap.
Most of it not making any sense.
But as the lovely Tina Turner might say: "What's love got to do with it?"

I think, nothing at all.