My lunch...all mine...

If there is something that is very cherished in my work space is my lunch time...I don't normally take my hour to have lunch...and I usually bring my lunch to my desk (I hate eating alone at a some lunch joint by myself...I'd rather hear the ruckuss of the phones and chitter chatter at my office)...but I do not like being disturbed...I dont like people hovering over my desk asking me questions completely ignoring the fact that it is hard to answer with half of a cheese pizza in my mouth...

Today I went to buy lunch and I encountered my boss' nanny (the lady with half a finger..see previous entry), in her car....(she was out all morning running errands) and she screams out her window that she is starving and to grab her some lunch..if she is out running errands..can't she get her own lunch i paunder...plus i'm on a tight budget..anywhoot..I pull up to get my lunch and I call her to know what she wants...so now she's like thinking hmmmm...what would I like?..jeez..'chop chop' decide already will ya...

I arrive with the lunch..i sit at my boss' kitchen counter..pull out my pizza (yes..i have an addiction to pizza ..sue me) and give the nanny her lunch...and she's like "oh ur pizza looks so good..and since i'm pregnant I want a slice" (she is 55 and is NOT pregnant..so her joke was no funnier than mine)

THIS IS MYYYYYY LUNCH...AND I AM STARVING AND DONT WANNA SHARE...

so i save her a slice..(well actually i took a slice and cut it into two...hey i got her lunch..wasnt gonna charge her for it..and she wants some of mine...HEEELLL NOO SHE AINT GETTING A WHOLE SLICE)...

so i'm chowing down and my boss is like giving me like a zillion orders..and the realtor walks in to ask me more questions:

(in the most obnoxious valley-ish voice) "like...sorry..i know ur eating but....blah blah blah"
and i just give her the most...are u really that stupid or are u playing pretend...and I just nod nod nod....

i eventually gulfed down my beverage (aint i fancy) and scrammed back to my office...

then the nanny pokes her head in.."are u mad at me?" (other than the lunch issue we are cool peeps {peeps: homey; friend}...

'well besides not knowing what to eat..making me buy u lunch and eating half of mine...we're good'

moral of the story : dont' f*ck with me when i'm on my lunch break...

Blood, Homework and Revenge...

Nice title huh?? well I think it's swell...

Let's begin with Exhibit A:
Blood
I am a chicken...I am scared sh*less of blood..I cannot see blood..cuz i get dizzy and feel like I am about to die myself...so I just stay away..very away..and pray everyday my daughter doesnt hurt herself to the extent of bleeding...anywhoot...today at my job..(may I point out..matter-of-factly that I do not quite enjoy..nor it is my field of study..but it gives me benefits no other job can concerning my daughter)...my boss' nanny/cook (my office is in my bosses' house....cut herself with a knife while cutting a lemon...I heard the scream and let the handyman go to her rescue...seeing he wasnt quite handy with first aid (he poured salt over her wound to stop the bleeding)..she comes running in MY OFFICE with blood trickling down her hand...to which I immediately turned away and said "no no no no..I can't see blood" and she's like "but what do I do?"...I don't work at an ER...I have no freakin' clue..since I assumed it wasnt that deep...I told her to try to stop the bleeding and put a bandaid on....later on in the day...(my boss was on a trip...arriving in the afternoon)...the nanny comes back and tells me she needs her bandaid changed cuz it was still bleeding a lot...jeez..so i have to breathe deeply and help her out...WHOAAAAAA!!!! when she took that sucker off...She had LITERALLY SLICED HALF THE TOP PORTION OF HER FINGER!!! and that very same moment my boss walks in...and is like "OH MY GOD!!" and starts screaming...all three of us are on the borderline of fainting..and to make a long story short she was taken to the hospital...it was hilarious cuz my boss is like..she needs to go to get her finger stitched..and I'm like WHAT ARE THEY GONNA SEW??? SHE CHOPPED OFF HER FINGER!!!

now to better less stomach revolting news..easier on the faint hearted....
EXHIBIT B
Homework
Miss C is in a special school...she gets homework everynow and then but mostly coloring stuff and glueing stuff etc....Miss C HATES HOMEWORK...
so today...i get home early..cuz after the finger incident i got a call from her teacher that a wooden building block landed on miss c's nosebridge and made a really bad bruise (are u guys seeing a pattern today??)...so when I get home..i see that she has homework...all she had to do was color a freaking cat, without going out of the borders....long story short i ended up coloring the cat..cuz her "no..cat no..no crayons.." tantrum was getting on my nerves...but I am noticing that she is a 'no homework' gal....sooo not like me, the school supergeek...

EXHIBIT C
REVENGE

My mom.(who lives downstairs in a separate house) said some really nasty things about me..when she thought i wasnt listening...(NOTE: ALWAYS MAKE SURE U HANG UP THE PHONE PROPERLY)....and I made her apologize...so today she has been extra extra nice...she even gave Miss C. a bath and got her pj's on...AHHHH The scent of revenge...what a world what a world...

well...i 'm gonna go fold some blankets...(adventurous huh??lol..)



ttfn...
Mary P.

This is..what I believe to be the first of many uncomprehended posts on my behalf..forgive me if my grammar is not always intact...(I don't really care if u forgive me or not..but I just wanted to sound polite from the get go..) anywhoot...welcome to my blog!
why mary poppins??..hmm..maybe it's because my daughter Miss.C. has had me listening to "spoon full of sugar" too many times while driving to therapy...or maybe because I can actually be as nice as Mrs. Poppins herself, that is when Miss.C., my job, traffic or the different obstacles on this island, dont' tick me off...u'll see..that not everything can be solved by jumping into a drawing on the floor (yes..I've watched Mary Poppins..waaay to many times than I'll actually admit to)....

so come along for the ride..feel free to post comments...good or bad...I can take criticism...so as my good friend of Red Bud, Illinois would say "whip it on me"...lol...

ttfn..(tata for now)

mary.p.

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