Maybe the Faith Gene is gone.
Maybe I used it all up.

Fact of the matter is, lately I kind of don't believe in much.

I mean, on an island where people decide that in their wake they should be viewed standing up, where can my Faith go.

Yesterday a lady in the bank politely asked a gentleman how he was doing and he quickly answered:

"My father is dead. He died this week. He was 95".

No, "thank you and you...? Oh by the way my dad died..."

Just flat out tragedy.

It's a wonder some people still believe in Ol' St. Nick.

I've been MIA from church for three weeks, for several reasons, valid or not. Underneath it all, I haven't missed anything.

I was feeling out of place. Doing empty things for no apparent reason.

There are dynamics of God that I don't fully understand yet, and no one, has given me an answer that can somewhat make sense.

I think too much.
That's True's theory.

Right now I'm on a different path.
And as much as I want things to be as they were, I don't think they will.

And this is going to stir up some problems.
Especially with True.
Because frankly, even if there is love between us, which there is, how much can that love make up for the fact that we want totally different things right now and are on totally different pages.

I can't support him on his endeavors, because frankly I care for none.
And I couldn't care less if he cared for mine.

I don't know if I'm going back to church and his Faith, his glorious, undying Faith, is too much for me to bare right now. I just don't get it most of the time.

I look back to a couple of months ago and I don't really know if I was truly happy.

I couldn't recognize myself in the mirror. I had lost all sense of identity.

I had stopped being me and became True's girlfriend.

And as nice as that sounds, I still prefer my first and last name.

So, right now it's all a puzzle, it's all a question mark and there are no answers from anywhere.