So, today I had a little what I like to call hell on earth.

I had to take Miss C with me to my "medicaid" revision. Since I am still a part time unemployed person, I cannot afford medical insurance and has had to take what our crappy government can offer.

The office is located in a mall and Miss C saw some riding machines and asked if she could get on one, to which I mentioned that she could, if she was good.

So we went in, there was no one and they literally argued over who was going to take our case.

The lady who took our case,escorted us to the desk and started to punch in numbers.

Miss C started to punch in words.
"Can I get on the machine, can I get on the machine, can I get on the machine???"
She sat on the chair, got off the chair, leaned on the desk, banged on the chair.

The lady then looked over, "I'm sorry ma'am you qualify but your girl doesn't."

See, since I am divorced Miss C gets her own case and they consider her a millionaire due to her $300.00 in child support she gets every month.

I argued, I bitched...meanwhile Miss C was also whining and bitching...

"Well ma'am doesn't she take any medications we can write off here..."

and just when I was going to answer, Miss C slapped me.
She bitchslapped me so hard, she knocked down my sunglasses.

The lady was shocked, I was shocked. I wanted to kill her. But this was a public office, so I had to try not to.

"She doesn't take any meds, but now would be a good time."
The lady got up and went to talk to her supervisor to see what we could do.

"No machines for you at all and no Mister Maker".

Miss C started to scream, cry, kick the wall...you name it.
The lady came back with all the papers signed and approved and almost threw us out of the office.

In the lobby I grabbed Miss C by the arm and she scream, "You stop that behavior mother, no prize for you" and she kicked me. She kicked me.

I spanked her. In front of a crowd. And added: "There! now you respect me or I'll spank you again...and if anyone dares to call Social Services, then let them have her for a while!"

I managed to wrangle her in the car as I could but she continued her wrath from hell at school, kicking a girl's bookbag because she was too slow (she really was), clawing at another girl and grabbing a girl's hand because she wanted to high five Miss C.

Her teachers applauded me for my firmness.

But later today one of her teachers called. She was concerned. Join the club.
Miss C's behavior has deteriorated in the past few weeks, up to the point where her academics are being affected. She doesn't want to read, write or work. Her teacher says Miss C has great potential but this conduct is a major concern for her.

Lady, I just got bitchslapped and kicked.

She asked if I had considered the option of medication.
My heart sank.
I had worked for 4 long years, trying to avoid medications. Because well, I know Miss C can do it and well, I've seen what some meds can do to these kids. Although I know that in some cases, medication is a reasonable option. Just not in my case.

I thanked her and hung up.

She will flunk if she does not get better.

And I cannot keep getting slapped.

I drove to run some errands and Coldplay's song, The Scientist, came on...

"Nobody said it was easy, no one every said it would be so hard, let's take it back to the start".

If there was any start to begin with.

I hate you Autism.
I fucking hate you.