"Oh yeah?"

I got in the shower, checked out the movie times decided I was going to treat myself to a movie.

::ignore ringing phone::
::ignore ringing phone::

repeat this 15x

After 10 minutes of trying to look some kind of decent and not like some Maniac woman just fresh out of the mental ward, I decided to get in my car.

Who cares if the car had just left me minutes ago, stranded in front of the bakery (like I had EXACTLY dreamed of the night before...just pray I don't dream my death), I was going out.

Rage, Rage, Rage.
Popped in my Fionna Apple CD. The one that rages about how unrecognizable you are and drove off.

I thought about church that morning. How I had an urge to step up when everyone was doing it and pour my lil' heart out. How I wanted too, some sort of redemption, but the other side of me was a lil' bit louder..."stay don't go up there...what redemption?" How I sang praying no one would notice how robotic I was, praying no one would want to chit chat with me about the marvels of God.

I thought about how dry up I was. How for the past 4 days I had not slept a wink.
I thought about "not being in first place" and how enraged I was when True sly commented back "well, that's too bad for you".

I was craving a drink.
I was craving for the first time in years a bottle of Bailey's or a Midori Sour or a Malibu with Pineapple.

I was craving going out to smoke some pot.
That's why I was headed out for the movies.
Anything to keep my ass outta of trouble.

The phone kept on ringing.
I kept hitting the ignore button.

As I pulled up to the theater, the parking was going through renovations and the entrance had changed. I kept driving. Even keeping out of trouble was complicated.

I picked up the ringing phone. I couldn't spare to turn it off, because Miss C was chilling with her dad that afternoon.

It was a conversation with static, like when your inbetween stations and you get all these people mixed up in a jumble.

I turned around. My attempt of going to the movies alone was pathetic.
I drove on the solitary streets for what it seemed like an eternity.

I had hung up the phone in an attempt of not completely cutting off the only people left lingering around in my life.


I thought about bombs and the end of the world, and Spongebob and wars, and death, and life and Wall-e and money and crap. Like a broken record.

repeat 10x
All random nonsense

This is why I wasn't sleeping.
My head and body had completely disconnected themselves from me.
I was trying to sleep in a body and head that wasn't mine.

It's like staying over at someone's house and sleeping on a different bed.
It just isn't the same.
The familarity is gone.

I've gotta get my head back.
And scew it back on.
and try to salvage whatever's left.

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