This morning he asked me if I still loved him.

"What kind of question is that?"

"An honest to God Question".

Well, there's my shot of caffeine this morning.

Love has nothing to do with it.
We are just on two major different pages in our lives right now.

I just want to have my car back and start seeing what I'm gonna do about my job situation.
I just don't want people to keep looking at me with sad puppy dog eyes and go "it's gonna be allright".

At times I feel I can't properly explode. That I am forced to pretend I am completely happy in order not to piss off those who are genuinely happy.

I am pissy, snarky, sarcastic and pretty much don't care about anything right now.
I've shut off the radio and prefer to lay down on the floor with Miss C and color.

I have in my own way become Autistic.
Ignoring all social cues that my behavior is not at all acceptable.

That it is not right to have a full blown tantrum because my refrigerator broke down or I misplaced my keys, or that my car, freshly out of the garage, might need a new battery, which I have replaced in the past year.

It is much more acceptable to just shrug it all off and go "aww fuey" and put on a happy face.

That is the reason so many people are hanging themselves with belts in their closets.

I'm not saying I am gonna do the proper. I am just saying a gal needs to vent, without judgement without fear that everyone is going to be upset that I am upset.

It has nothing to do with love, but rather with the fact that I am bored out of my wits with my routine of no money, no full time job and the heat.

With the car that won't hurry up and get better, with the fact that I couldn't go to Yankees Stadium this year, with all the things on my to do list which are still pending.

I don't think I have been this occupied yet this bored in my life with mundane activities.

And I'm not asking for slack. I am just asking to let me be.

Until I can find a way out.