Since we are on the subject of people arranging for my life to be terminated...I stole this little sucker from Gnightgirl:

Writing my own obituary:


Month, Day, 2094

Today, at the age of 115, Mary Poppins, aka Shoegirl, aka E., has left this world to go be with the Lord. She parted silently in her country house in Puerto Rico while dusting off her massive shoe collection, which she also took with her to heaven. She was best known for receiving zillions of calls from Families of Autistic children in need. She also preached about the Lord to her infamous stalker who tried to end her life in 2008. This grammy award winning evangelist, musician and shoe lover extraordinaire dedicated her life to making the world nicer, greener and fashionable. She leaves behind her daughter Miss C who is a veterinarian, her son the artist, and a Pet Cat named Motts. She was a mother, wife, caregiver, best friend to Empress and very fashionable lady.

There will be no funeral and no flowers. There will be a block party in her old neighborhood and only loud hip hop and house music will be permitted. She will greatly appreciated any donations made to the Alianza de Autismo de Puerto Rico for Autism Research.






(if you wanna get a tombsone go to Tombstone Generator.)

I had told Vader last night about my stalker.
She was a little more enthusiastic about blessing me and reminding me to keep all my doors locked and not open up for any strangers. She started naming along with me, possible suspects in the case, until I told her I wanted to hit the hay.

Nancy Drew...ahem...Vader, called in early.

"So, did he call again??"

"No".

"Well I have an idea".

::cocks eyebrow::

You don't understand Vader's Ideas...

"lay it on me..."

"Well I was figuring you could talk to the guy when he calls. Tell him that the Lord put you in this path and that you want to bless him and his family. Tell him the Lord loves him and that Christ wants to help him in any way...."

Silence on my behalf.

"Don't you think that's a good idea?"

"Yeah...I'll send him a fruit basket while I'm at it".

I have a stalker.
A "ihavenothingbettertodothancallyouazilliontimes
andhangupinyourface" stalker.

At first I thought it was a mother seeking some help and that she did not want to leave a voice mail. So I called back. No answer. No voicemail.

Then it rang again, no answer.
Then it rang again all throughout the day.

I thought "Ehh..probably bad reception".

I about had the last straw at 10:30pm.

I asked True to call the number from his phone.

A man answered, then tried to disguise his voice.
A smart man who picked up on the fact that I had sent True to call.

Then started to play hang up with True.

"Great, this is just what I wanted to avoid", he huffed.

Thanks a lot sweety.

He hung up.

I could not sleep. I was scared.

I called True, asked him to pray for me.

He prayed all huffy puffy...

"Dear Lord..blah blah blah...bring peace to Mary, let her see your in control...please protect her from the man who is playing a joke on her....please protect her from the man who is attempting against her life".

ATTEMPTING AGAINST MY LIFE??????

What in the name of the Lord does that mean??

A serial killer??

"There, now go to bed".

Yeah...like I can really catch a wink now.
Way to go kid.

::ring ring::
It was almost 3 in the morning.

"Can you open the gate for me? I forgot my keys".
It was bro. Gotta love your bro.

I opened the gate and headed back to bed.
Half an hour later we had no electricity. It had been raining...I expected as much.

So I lay there in bed, trying to ignore the fact that it was getting hot. I was laying face up when it happened.

The bed started shaking. I mean SHAKING! Up and Down, left and right. I was rolling (it has wheels).
It was an earthquake.

I could literally hear the earth growling.
Those were the longest seconds of my life. Fear came over me. Fear of God. I started praying. I started crying...and as it got more intense the only words I could muster were: "God Please Have Mercy on Us".

I remembered the story of Abraham, when God was going to destroy Sodoma and he asked God that if he found at least one good person would he still destroy Sodoma, and God replied that he would not.

Then it stopped.
I was shaken. I called True. Poor guy probably almost died when he saw my number at 4 in the morning.

The only thing I could say was: "Pray with me".
He had not had the pleasure of feeling the Quake.

We prayed. I cried.

A Quake in the complete dark.

I called my dad because I knew he was up. He asked if I had a lantern to loan him for him to get ready for work. I went downstairs. God moved me to pray for the house. I roamed the living room with the flicker of a candle and prayed for my dad's house.

I went upstairs and knelt to pray and started to cry.
Never have I felt so sad for my Island and for the consequences of its ways.

I tried to go to bed and I started to praise God...
Half an hour later the electricity returned.

I tried to catch a wink but it was almost time to get up.

I have a huge headache, a hangover of some sorts and I would never want to experience this again.

The news says the quake was 5 point something...felt throughtout the whole Island.

Curiously enough Rwanda and the Congo were also hit my severe quakes, killing a few people in the process.

Thank God it was only my bed.

Thank God.

Hello there. I am still alive for all those interested. I've been quite busy with a few little thangs here and there and haven't had much time to chit chat.

I can say that I am still on the Dream/Nightmare frenzy...last night was like my fourth night in a row with crazy dreams...I don't remember exactly but one of them had to do with hard boiled eggs.

Yes.
Hard Boiled Eggs.

If that means I'm gonna win the lotto, become a millionaire and move to Wisconsin, please holla at a gal.

Amongst other things, I got my hair trimmed yesterday. Might I say it looks very cool, like a Marilyn Monroe type look, minus the blond, the mole, the sexy smoky come hither look, the body....

Ok.
So maybe it's not very Monroe.

But I like it.

One little detail, I forgot to mention to True I was getting it trimmed.
He almost had a heart attack. What is it with men and long hair?

I'm hair challenged. I don't have the blow dryer gene, or the styling gene or any other hair gene for that matter.

It's a cute little curly bob, I didn't go GI Jane on him.
In the end, after seeing it, he liked it.

But even if he didn't, I don't really care.
It's hair, it'll grow back.

In what women's or men's department are you challenged??