Hey Hey Hey....

What's up wit ya bloggers??

What's up wit me?

::looks around::

Me??

Um..quick recap..

Miss C aka Jaws attacked again on Sunday...leaving Mom..aka Moi with severe bites on her chest and chin...

I'm looking screwed people..
I'm looking like a battered wife...
sans the husband..

I'm so serious we parents need like some abused hotline number..

"Yes ma'am what's your emergency?"
::whispers:

"She's baaaack...she's comin' round the corner...OH NOOOO!! She's gonna wack me with her bouncy ball...noo!! Not the shins....not the shins...Can't walk...breathing is strained....Help....!!"

"Ma'am how old is the child?"

"...............................Fou....R"

::dead dial tone::

ok.
maybe it's a wee bit too much.
But Man...this kid has me craving like some mad torture in Iraq...I'd rather have TNT stapped to my back for the rest of my life and live in fear that one move can severe both of my legs than to have Jaws randomly leave bite marks, the size of quarters, on my face.

Aside from that..it's all good.

I mean I had to deal with f*ckers giving me hard looks like:
"Oh...she cannot control her toddler"

And one dude had the audacity to laugh...

"Yeah..I'd like to know what is so freakin' funny!!!"

His smirk was wiped off immediately.

I wonder what the people of my church thought when they heard me tell True I wanted to snap my daughter's neck like you snap a twig.

I am soo not getting "Mom of the Year" now.

But ya' know what..
I could care less.
I don't mean to sound like an abusive parent, but I will enforce my Behavioral Techniques on Jaws and I will smack her in the mouth as many times as I need to, to get my point across.

Your teeth are for eating sandwiches, not for chewing on the woman who carried you in her womb for 9 months.

It doesn't work that way.

****

In other exciting news...I am redecorating the house...or at least my living room. I've got the paint this weekend and I'm ready to go on Friday. I asked for the day off and I'm gonna paint my living room.

Now this is my question..

Whose job is it to come up with paint names??

and why so many??

Can't you just have like a primary paint pallet...

My mind is not equipped to deal with a zillion freakin' colors..and collections..

Neutrals, Calming effects, Vibrant Palettes, Classical....
Zesty Yellow, Pirouette, Soft Wheat, Chestnut Brown...Blush

But, it's the Whites that kill me..cuz they have a whole book of their own..

Calming white, Linen White, Bone White, Hushing White, Off white, Vanilla sky...

White is white...if it's any different, It's NOT..

I swear I was at the paint store for about an hour...with lil' strips of paint everywhere....I thought this was gonna be easy...

I would have had it easier removing my molars with a plier.

I decided on some color called Coral Cliché and Blush...
We'll see how my sponging techniques measure up with these colors...

And I got a white for the other walls...

"What white would ya like ma'am?"

"White".

"OK...high gloss, semi-gloss, eggshell, or flat"

"Eggshell"

"Would you like the basic, deluxe or premium paint?"

"ALL I WANT IS PAINT....I am the mother of a toddler who is going to attack us any second now...ALL I WANT IS A GALLON OF WHITE PAINT FOR A FREAKIN' WALL!!!!"

::puzzled look of vendor desperately trying to reach for the emergency button under his counter::

"Yes ma'am right away"

Buying paint is more complicated than going through security at an airport with two machine guns strapped to your thighs.

18 hours, 5 color strips and 4 paintbrushes later...I had my paint....

Now I have to go buy a mirror for my living room..


::vendors everywhere scramble for cover::