Gee...this is odd...why is there all this smoke in the street...something is burning somewhere..

::proceeds to get out of Deathvan and open gate::

*sniff sniff*

Gee...this sounds crazy..but I am under the impression that the smoke is coming from my parent's house...

::squints eyes in dark to see if smoke is coming out of house::

Aww, Jesus, he's actually burning the house!!

::run like madwoman leave Miss C behind and struggle to find the key to open front door::

OH JESUS...

::smoke comes right out of front door and the insides of the house are barely visible, consumed by smoke and the stench of fire::

"Vietnam!!!, Vietnam!!"

I see the bathroom door open and hear the shower running...

But no answer..

"VIETNAM!!"

::sluggish, gurgling voice come out of shower::

"Did my fries burn?"

"Burn!!?? Burn??!!...."

I scramble to go to the stove....

and I see a frying pan...or what was left of a frying pan...and what used to be in another life....

Fries.

"Yeah..Vietnam..they burned"

Bro comes with girlfriend, from their night on the town and stumbles onto the scenario...we start opening doors, turning on fans...and I start removing the clothes I had left in the living room, that I had washed earlier that day...

Clothes I have to re-wash....thank u very much..

Vietnam comes out of shower and we greet him with:

"The roof the roof the roof is on fire..we don't need no water let the m...."

"Did my fries burn?"

Jesus...folks..that is what too much alcohol will do to ya..

"Yeah, Vietnam..they burned".

"Ok" ::stumbling to find the door to his room and throw himself on the bed::

The house almost burnt the hell down because drunk dude wanted to eat french fries.

My mom...who flew the coop last week...would have made a Field Day with this incident if she were home...

But then again, if she were still at home, this probably would've never happened, because she would have sent his drunk ass straight to bed...

We have officially removed all pots and pans and oil from his house...
He will be only allowed bread and coldcuts as part of our Homeland Security...