We have the right to be loved.
We have the right to not take crap from anyone including men.

We must break the cycle of co-dependency.
We live in modern times. We must learn to become breadwinners and advocates for our families and children.

When a man yells at you or degrades you in ANY shape, form or fashion, something needs to be done.

We, and I include myself, need to work with our self-esteem and need to look at the big picture.

Some things cannot go on.

There is only a certain amount of pain we can endure before we reach our breaking point.

I've been observing this pattern lately. A pattern two people I know are going through.

There is one particular person who I know personally and is very close to my heart.

She needs to breakaway.

Scumbags who scream, degrade and hurt,

Need to be vanished.

You need to love yourself.

For so many years I did not love myself and I got into so many relationships that did not do anything for my self-esteem. After a long term relationship, I plummeted into depression thinking I needed a man in my life. Thinking I couldn't do this on my own. And I didn't have a kid yet.

I lived a life where both parents hated each other. Physically and verbally abused each other. I lived running from house to house, running scared for our lives. Living not knowing how much blood would shed.

I lived with words that got us, the children, involved in the crossfire, words that hurt, words that told me I would never amount to anything...

That I was a Bitch, just like my mother.

I lived with parents who never went to my events..never gave a word of encouragement.
Who only drove me into the ground.

I decided I wanted out. I got married.
I lived a good marriage for a while.
Then things turned sour.

Our marriage started turning into what I didn't want.
I stayed there trying to make it work for my daughter.
Scared I could not provide for her on my own. That she needed a man in her life and so did I.

One day. I decided I could no longer do this.
I did my math. I took the inciative. No one thought I had the balls to do it.

Many were shocked.
I got divorced.

I cried. I cried many nights late my shower...with 2 dollars to my name and bills and a sick child...

I wanted to kill myself...I wanted to leave it all. I was consumed with loneliness, with grief...I started to look for love in all the wrong places, I hurt all over, I kept getting hurt.

I gave up on everything. And in a moment of weakness thought I should give my marriage another try.

But then...I really don't know what happened. In a night of complete and utter desesperation, I understood that this was the way it had to be. I had to learn to love myself. I didn't appreciate or value who I was. I didn't think I was capable of doing this on my own.

What happened to the confident debate team leader? What happened to the girl who could take the stage without fear?

What happened to my outspokeness?

Why did I doubt my capacity?

I was gonna do this on my own. I was going to love myself and make ends meet and give my daughter an adequate life, even if it costs me everything I had. I was going to smile and be brave, even if it meant breaking down once in a while in my solitude.

And here I am.
As a song I love says: The moment I let go of it, was the moment I got what I could handle, the moment I jumped off of it, was the moment I touched ground.

Then things began to fall into place.
I decided to put myself where I belonged.
In the top spot.
The breadwinner, the chief of the family, the ultimate mom, woman.

And I look back and did I ever get through that..?
How did I ever crawl from that dark cave?
How did I ever survive?

Deep down inside, I really have no clue. I guess I never stopped believing afterall.

Returning to the original purpose of this post.

We live in an era of co-dependency. We still are being fed the idea that we need a man in our life to make ends meet. I'm not saying that marriage is bad. I am just saying that sometimes a relationship reaches an unhealthy level and if things can't be worked out and a serious danger looms, we need to build up the courage to know this and get out.

No one has the right to put us down.
No one has the right to make us feel we need to shut up, because voicing our opinion is hazardous to our peace.

No one has the right to place their hands on us...if it is not to love.
No one has the right to take it out on our children.
No one has the right to make us believe we need them to survive.

We need to love ourselves.
and this Valentine's..instead of buying chocolates for loved ones (some who don't even deserve it) or cards, love yourself.

hug yourself.
understand that you do not need to take bullshit from anyone, just because.


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