I know some couples are madly in love. I know some people can't get enough of each other.....

but PLEASE...

I do not wanna hear your lipsmacking, tongue swapping, slurping, exchanging of bodily fluids, tonsil hockey sounds while I'm a foot in front of you trying to pay for my cell phone bill...

If you insist on the groping and the porn rated PDA's (Public Display's of Affection) pay your bill over the phone and fornicate in the comfort of your own home...not in the line of Cingular at K mart.

******

Yesterday as I was driving to get True's cake...I decided to stop and put some gas in his car (he had my car, because he was getting the Death Van's license for me). So I stop at the gas station only to not find where the thing-a-ma-bob to open the gas tank is....

I call his house, and he's sleeping.
His dad doesn't know where the thing is either.

So I can't put any gas in.

Nevertheless I do go inside the lil' food mart go get him some candy and Miss C immediatlely wants a box of Nerds.

Sure...why not...a box of Nerds sounds nice...heck..maybe we can share...
So we are all cheery, we get in the car, I turn it on and proceed to leave the gas station..

"Hey Miss C..why don't ya' give mommy some Nerds..!"
"Sure mommy!!"

We look like we came out of a J Crew Catalog..

I take the box of Nerds, while I'm entering the avenue, and I pull my head back and take a big gulp of those suckers...

Only....
Only....

One of those suckers went down the wrong way...
Immediately blocking my breathing....

I STARTED CHOKING...

No oxygen...

I hit the brakes...

tried to grasp air..

NADA...

I felt my face turning purple...

Miss C saw my face...

"Mommy what's wrong??!!"

Mommy is going to die because she overdosed on Nerds...because she is a fat lard who couldn't have just had a few...she wanted to gulp down the entire box...!!

Alas, I was busy choking, so I could not answer....

Then I remmembered....

God, you told me I was gonna marry True....So I cannot die this hideous way....!!! I hadn't washed my hair and was wearing some old shoes...!!


I tried to calm down but when ya' can't breathe it's kind of hard to do so....but I managed to calm down and inhaled through the nose as hard as I could...

I felt the shot of oxygen rush in I almost thought I'd suffer from brain freeze...

I WASN'T GONNA DIE....

but my lungs hurt and I had a massive headache....

I took one hard look at that evil box still in my hand....
and I did what any other responsable normal person would do....

I passed it onto my toddler in the back seat...

Alas, my toddler was smarter than mommy and she immediately declined...