there used to be a post here.
Now there isn't.
I apologize for any inconvenience.
It was a long 4 day weekend.
You know how I love long weekends.
Long weekend with children and events.
Note sarcastic undertone in this one.
I spent my whole Friday evening putting furniture in place, cleaning out drawers, making closet space and breathing into a brown paper bag.
In the end, I must say everything looked good. Everything in it's place, makes me a happy camper.
Saturday morning after therapy I took Miss C to get her school supplies, she starts next week.
Old-Hag mommy picked out some plain notebooks, the ones I get every year, and I swear if that girl was mute, she would explode.
"Not those! theeeeeese"
Clearly pointing out to some much more fashionable notebooks, not the old brontosaurus ones I had picked for her.
Godforbid she gets excluded from the hip crowd at such a crucial age: Kinder.
I got all her supplies.
Now all I need is: her backpack, lunchbox, school uniforms, gym uniforms, underwear, socks and all the toiletries they put on the list.
A few Benjamins more and we're all set.
Saturday evening True had a concert he was attending. I was supposed to attend as well, but A: I had no sitter and B: I had a prior engagement with the Women's Ministry in my Church (which I so happen to be on the leadership of) and I thought it was best I go there.
I was already in bed at 10pm.
But up early for breakfast and church.
Sundays at church are extremely hard for me.
Miss C decides to absolutely make me lose the little communion I have with the Lord and completely go bonkers.
She screams, she cries, she hits, she bites.
So the service is underway and I'm stuck in the conference room trying hard not to beat her like you beat a rug in your lawn.
Sunday was not an exception. After being a complete pain in the arse, I finally managed to gargle a: "I'm so sick of this crap" speech.
True looked on with a helpless stare.
"No. Go to the service. Let me be".
You see, when Miss C is acting like the devil's spawn, I don't want anyone to intervene. I just let her wail. At some point or another she is going to shut up. Plus, I don't want any "Oh you poor thing glares".
I'm not a charity.
Miss C noticed my indifference and quickly pulled out the Manipulation 101 manual: "Oh mommy, I love you!!" while she clung to my neck....crying and wailing...covering up my blouse with snot and tears and drool, Sunday's best.
She calmed down, we left, we ate, and got ready for the evening.
We were invited to a church to perform and preach.
With Miss C in tow.
Really looking foward to this one.
She couldn't sit still, she ripped some pages out of an hymn book, she was all over the place, touching instruments, hitting, a real doll.
She finallly settled down because she was hungry and True told me I had to go outside to eat.
Great. Tell that to Miss C.
I reluctantly went outside and Miss C wailed and cried. She wanted to eat inside.
So I was stuck outside, with the heat, with a screaming child, who went more bonkers once she started seeing the mosquitos and night bugs (which terrify her to death).
Yeah. I was really looking foward to speaking about the love of God that night.
We did what we had to do and called it a night.
I was tired, beat, exhausted. I had Monday off, but I had to get up early to take Miss C to the Doctor so he could fill out her Medical Examn thing to take to school.
She needs blood test, urine tests, and all sorts of wonderful examns in order to get her enrolled.
Oh. the. joy.
After that, I decided to take her to see Shrek the Third.
She had been begging to see it all week.
She didn't deserve it, but I'm a sucker.
There, ya happy?
At the movies, she was an angel. She sat, she watched, she laughed and was very well-behaved.
Take her to the first screening at 12pm where it is empty and make sure it's a movie she has shown interest in.
After that we went to visit True's folks and then called it a night.
A lot of other things took place and I'm not really gonna get into them details. But let's just say I'm not a happy camper.
I'm not sad or depressed.
I'm just in 'letting the little things get to ya' mode.
I'm just in 'oh why don't you stick a sock in it' lane.
But in a nutshell, that was my weekend.
And I'm glad I'm at my office today.
No boss, no kid, just me, and the sound of the A/C.
It wasn't originally intended to have sequel, but that is the way it goes.
I don't think I've mentioned that True is beginning to move his DJ equipment into my house.
Well, Our Future House.
So I have tables with speakers and turntables and cables, and a desk, and soon there will be crates with records, and he's brung along some wall hangings and etc. etc. etc.
He's talked about getting a new kitchen table and redoing the wall in the kitchen and, and, and.
Last night as we dragged up his desk up my stairs and I pushed it way back into my hallway, until I could find a suitable place for it, True asked me where to put some wall hangings he had bought along.
I went blank.
It was 11pm, I had just carried a desk up a flight of stairs, I had to put Miss C to bed, I hadn't had dinner, I was sweaty and the last thing I wanted was to figure out where to hang stuff up.
He placed one of the thing-a-ma-bobs on the chimney.
I went on automatic pilot and removed it : "that will NOT go there".
"Ok, we can figure where to put them some other time".
I didn't mean to be rude and I sure don't mind his stuff being moved to my place, afterall if we get married, that's what's it's gonna be like. His stuff is gonna be moved into our house.
But hey, my OCD kicks in and I go in meltdown mode....I see confusion, a change of habitat, a change of my 'normal life'. I have to come to peace with my house being re-structured and not see it as my house being "invaded".
I have to come to terms that within a short amount of time I will be waking up with another human being close to my age, rather than a Toddler who could care less if I strike up a conversation at 7am.
I don't think True sensed my level of 'meltdown' until he mentioned buying a Curio Cabinet to display his Coffee Mug collection.
"No, we will have no such thing".
"But look at my collection! This one is from Colombia!".
I could care less if the President of Zimbabwe gave him one on his deathbed.
"I haven't drawn up any lines as to the things that are being transferred into the house, but I think I'll start now".
"Ok. But when we buy a house and I get a room to myself, I'll put them there".
Fine with me.
He asked me if I was uncomfortable and if I wanted him to take his stuff back. One of the main reasons his DJ equipment is being moved, is so he has more space and time to practice. His house is a little on the small side and he doesn't have enough room to set up his stuff comfortably. I don't want him to take his stuff back. Eventually his stuff is gonna be there when we marry, so might as well start adjusting now.
It's just hard. Soon I'll have to share my toothpaste with someone and wake up next to someone and Godforbid *gasp* talk to someone in the morning, my mornings, when sometimes I just wanna be in silence. My house is no longer going to be My house, it's gonna be Our House. And I can no longer make decisions based on what I like, now I have to take an extra person into consideration.
I'm not a selfish prick.
so stop rolling your eyes.
After almost 4 years I'm gonna be sharing again.
After almost 4 years of living in a static, statuesque state of being, my items, my refrigerator, my bathroom and eveything else is changing.
Life is being breathed into my home.
And I'm freaking out.
But deep inside I'm happy. Ironically enough. I'm happy that it's him and not some madman or Godforbid that my re-structuring was due to having my parents move in.
So, it's another end of an Era.
The end of eating in bed and leaving it undone and hogging sheets and long bathtimes because no one is waiting for the bathroom and items strategically placed which remain never touched and in statuesque-like state, are over.
I have to start welcoming an era of breakfast at the table with a family, sharing bathroom space, being considerate and understanding that the "Me" is gone..and now it's a "We".
Before getting into my post I would just like to say...
The Yankees beat the Red Sox last night...
We've been sucking hard core this season....but we are no longer in the last spot in our division...we'll see how it all works out...
Well, today was Miss C's last day at school. Technically Monday was her last day. I had to go today to pick up her stuff and say goodbye to an excellent teacher and human being.
Her teacher, since day one, has been a great one!, she has helped Miss C in so many areas, that I know that without her, we would have never gotten this far.
All the assistants in the classroom were equally great...kind, patient, loving...
I gathered all of Miss C's belongings and quickly said "See you guys later" and then I looked at the teacher "We have a date on the 18th of July!!" (We are going to go see Gwen Stefani in concert together). I can't do mushy 'goodbyes'.
I walked out with her bag of stuff got in my car and sat there and cried.
Tears are beginning to build up as I type.
Miss C was there for two years!!!!!!
She will be starting a new school on June 4th, with some teachers and personnel I particularly didn't like very much when I went to visit on Monday.
I cried because my little one is going to be removed from her comfort zone into completely uncharted waters. I cried because I have to learn to let go and let her roam free a little. I cried because my little one is no longer so 'little' and that the uncertainty of her future, which is unfolding as I type is nervewracking....I cried because I don't know what lies ahead and I want to make sure I'm there when it unfolds. I cried because I would like to keep her in my house, in my grasp, FOREVER, where no mean teachers and snotty-bitchy personnel will deal with her. I cried because I worry, maybe too much.
And as I sat there in that parking lot with a bag full of two years of struggle, tears and eventually many joy and progress, I kept repeating the words everyone is telling me to remain focused, calm and fret-free:
"It's for the best".
The end of an Era is here and it's time for Miss C and mommy alike to move on, to bigger and better things.
And I drove off, crying, and praying that it would all work out, with as few tears as possible.
And then God told me:
"it's gonna be ok".
Hey, who are we kidding? I'm pretty sure the first week Miss C will cry, scream and go through all sorts of phases of adjustment, but heck maybe I'm wrong and maybe she'll fit in right from the get-go.
But I pray all her services, such as therapies, transportation and other things are quickly resolved so she can get right back on track....and mommy can finally breathe normally....
keep ya' fingers crossed...
Labels: Miss C
The kid is not an easy kid.
the kid as in Miss C.
she has the ability to destroy elaborate plans conjured up by the Pentagon, that make Jack Bauer look like Martha Stewart.
We were supposed to go to see an Art Expo yesterday....we were supposed to have a nice church Sunday....note how the word "suppose" is in Italics.
But alas, Miss C is a 'letsjustgohaywirerightthisminute' kind of gal...
so she screamed, she bit, she punched, she conquered.
We stayed home.
Until she fell asleep.
And escaped to see Spiderman 3.
But with the heat, the kid and the dogday I had, Spidey was better than nothing.
Labels: Weekend Recap
We got in the car.
I had just finished hosting my First Autism Group Meeting.
So I make the mistake of asking for feedback.
What do I get??
Negative feedback, of things I did wrong, things I should've have done.
Don't get me wrong..I appreciate knowing what are my weak points, but having no positive feedback, no pat on the back, no "don't worry it'll all work out, you did good".
kind of sucked the joy right out of my weekend.
I don't want to be prized for my efforts. But I just wanna know that even with the flaws in tow, I'm doing something right. That people left happy and a little more secure that they are not alone in this battle.
I don't wanna be left with the feeling that I did a horrible job and people think I'm some looney lady trying to do something I can't.
So that was that.
But you know what?????
I did a good job. I did my best job. And I'll keep doing my best. And that is all that matters.
"Vroom Vroom Vromm...!! Beep Beep!! Mommy I drive very very fast!!!!"
Miss C imitating how she drives..
"Well, darling you need to drive a little slower"
Mommy speaking in very bad British Accent.
"No Mommy....Fast...Very Fast!!!!!"
"Darling...I think you just ran over two people!!! I must take away your license".
Miss C pauses, looks at me with a tad of astonishment...
"Soooorry (in very unapologetic-paris-hilton-get-out-of-my-way-tone)....Vroom Vroom!!!"
We've got a winner here folks..
"You are terrible!! You are very very mischievous!! You'll be a threat to all the pre-schoolers and you'll drive your teacher mad...." Insert Giggle Giggle here by a mom in a fast food line as I was waiting my turn..
Her son looks up and she pats him on the head...
"You're gonna train two or three to be just like you".
I must jot down his name for future reference when I see him on The New Sopranos.
Some parents are just plain crappy.
In other crappy related news...Wendy's Vanila Coke Float...did not agree with me.
I'm guessing that's a little bit TMI for you folk to digest right about now.
Ok. I'll stop.
You know the brand new phone I was expecting to replace my crappy old one....???
It arrived yesterday.
40 minutes later, Miss C dropped it on the floor.
Concrete Floor, minda ya'.
"Sorry. I'm gonna go watch Hi-5 now".
Speaking of these people....Have you see this show??? Hi-5
has kidnapped my daughter, it has her hypnotized every day at 6:00pm and 9:30pm sharp.
At the beginning I was a bit happy...hell, who doesn't want their kid to be Wax-Museum-Still for a full half hour?
But after a few nights I began to worry, I began to loathe them, because Miss C has developed an obsesion. She doesn't read a clock, but by looking at the position of the sun she can exactly tell ya' when the show is on....
5 adults prancing around singing about their 5 senes quickly wore me out.
These are not the Wiggles I tell ya'.
The craze has been so ridiculous that there was a radio survey on "What program do you hate the most?" and guess what all the people called to say....??
They all said the same thing: the show has my child obssesed.
The show is educational and I really see no harm, but at what point should I begin to worry???
I'd say right about when Miss C said: "Get in Car and Drive, Hi-5 is on!!"
Just saw a box of Pasta.
Made with "Real Jerusalem Artichoke Flour".
You don't say?
Ok. Not ALL old people.
But boy oh boy, some of them think they belong on the edge of the Titanic screaming they are kings of the world.
Sometimes they get on my nerves.
I like the nicely scented, properly groomed, elderly folk who will crack a smile upon looking at you and won't mind telling you a story or two about how things were back in the day.
I dislike the: I am old, I can smell, I can talk trash and all the world shall kneel upon my request, and I will bitch and whine about how things are so messed up now.
I lost my Social Security Card.
and Miss C's.
I had to go and get new ones.
It took me all day.
All day sitting with the elderly.
the elderly kept making noises.
The security guard kept telling them they had to pipe down because if not they would not hear the numbers called.
They didn't care.
So the security guard got firm: You are not children, you need to keep it quiet or else you will not hear when your turn is called.
That ignited one particular crow.
"We are not children to be treated this way...I will call your supervisor...you are rude...that is why our world is the way it is...you are obnoxious..blah blah"
The guard kindly said: Well then act like adults and your opinion of me is merely that, an opinion. It is sad when they say that the youth of this nation is so inproper when we have the elderly giving such bad examples.
and then he kept quiet.
But crow from the pits of hell wasn't having it...she kept talking trash.
I don't know how the security guard didn't beat her with the straw he was gnawing.
I huffed out loud: "Oh please give it a rest....."
Everyone looked my way. Silence.
I had been standing....for quite some time..and guess what happened....?
A seat became available.
Next to the crow.
She looked my way.
"Hey...here's a seat.."
"Um..no thank you".
"Come sit, why are you gonna stand?"
I quickly saw that the row behind her, full of lil' old ladies, looked at me and began to giggle.
They knew why I didn't wanna sit.
Thankfully enough another elder came in and I offered him a seat.
I wouldn't want bloodshed in a federal building...
so much to do so little time.
I'm still alive.
swamped under massive quantities of work.
and side projects.
It's the side projects that are killing me...
translating articles for church, taking time out to write, preparing myself for Miss C's PEI on Monday, our first Autism Group meeting (which I am in charge of) saturday, a couple of events we are to perform in, Miss C's birthday, her new school in June, laundry (two huge hampers full of it) and the extreme massive godforsaken heat.
I think the latter is what is killing me and the fact that:
It's been as hot as 102 degrees!!!
You'll find me running about naked with ice strapped to my forehead come August.
This past weekend I thought I was gonna die in True's house.
Especially Sunday when they roasted some pork in the oven.
I spent mother's day on the front porch playing Monopoly and having a fan shoved up my shirt.
I've decided that for the rest of the summer, unless there is like a massive snow storm, I will be chilling in my crib.
I have A/C. And without the A/C my crib is spacier and cooler.
I wasn't born to sweat.
In other exciting news, my phone broke. It's the second time this particular model has broken in the same particular fashion.
The company says it can only replace it with the same model.
"I'm sorry ma'am if this causes any inconvinience".
"You bet it does...my phone is falling apart, AGAIN".
The lady laughed.
What was so funny about what I said? I don't know.
I got the same model. Paid the Fifty Dollar insurance Fee.
What a stickup.
Miss C is doing good. Her latest phrases go along the lines of: "Yes, exactly" and "What are the instructions?"
She has also now developed a fascination with people's ages. She spends hours asking every one "What age do you have?".
Over and Over and Over Again.
The cuteness factor wears out kind of quickly on this one.
She has also developed a hatred for the extreme heat. She states: "Miss C is hot".
"Miss C needs ice".
I showed her how to place ice on her forehead.
So that will make two naked women in August.
As for wedding plans...I'm gonna check out some places when we find some kind of half hour free in our schedules....
seems like the little time we have left is to completely shut down and sleep.
Yesterday as I put Miss C to bed I feel asleep. When I awoke startled, I realized that True was still at my house!! I had left him watching the game and the plan was to put Miss C to bed and later do some reading or something...
Surprise Surprise...I rushed to the family room to find a Mr. True snoozing....
We are all tuckered out.
But, good news...I am planning my vacation, and even though I will not travel I have SLEEP put in my agenda....
so good snoozing is on it's way...
He suggested we move the wedding to August.
It's May 14th...
That is only 3 months away!
::breathing in Paper Bag::
Is it me, or is it really hot in here???
With nothing on lockdown.
No secure date.
I think I need to lie down a bit.
Labels: Wedding plans
Call me sexy...tell me I'm beautiful...tell me I have great shoes....
that is all nice.
But there is no greater compliment, than telling me I'm a great Death Van parker....
My sister in law..(True's sister) sent us some gifts this weekend...(she lives in NY)
She was so adorable to send us oodles of stuff...lotions, nail products, jewelry...and lots of toys for Miss C as well as hair barrettes and books...
among the things she sent me, was a thong...
a pretty thong in fact...
Miss C saw the thong...
She squealed in delight as she rushed to put it on..
"Ooooh mommy..what is this? a pretty thing!! ...for the beach??? yes, for the beach...!! with butterflies!!"
insert mommy's face of utter shock..
"Um...it isn't for the beach...that belongs to mommy".
"What do you want it for?" she questioned...
Oh sweety...you don't wanna know....
"run along with your ponies darling..run along".
we are always saying we are gonna beat her butt when she misbehaves...
we have now learned that we should change our tactics...
"Grandpa broke something....call True..he kicks grandpa's butt".
I fear social services now...
Labels: Miss C
Lots of stuff..so little time...
I've been busy with the new school semester which begins in June for Miss C...she's going to a new school and I'm losing sleep already....paperwork, doctors, 2 x 2 pictures...
Friday we went to this concert...Boca Floja...a Mexican Emcee who was here in Puerto Rico...we had the pleasure of meeting him and getting in for free....I also hung out with Empress that evening...we ended our evening at 4am...to wake up at 8am the following day...
Saturday morning Miss C visited the Dentist...it was a spur of the moment thing..we were in the building saw the new office and waltzed right in....
The dentist was awesome..
It wasn't awesome knowing she has a cavity and she might need anethesia to work on it...
I tried to sleep the rest of the night and reboot to be able to see the De La Hoya boxing match later that evening at my crib...
No one was invited...
Just True, me, Vietnman, bro and girlfriend...De la Hoya lost...
but seeing Vietnam fall asleep on the couch....was a good enough show for us.
Sunday we went to a big Hip Hop event here in Puerto Rico: Express Your Skills...
Miss C decided to Express her Skills and be a pain in the Arse...
I spent the whole afternoon running after her...
Boy, that was fun.
Monday I had off...
I had to do lots of crap...
but in between the tons of crap..
I had an interview for a local magazine..
I was interviewed....
Tuesday was the photoshoot...and it was at my boss' house...she was kind enough to let me use it...
I ended up fully clothed in her pool....
I sure hope the pics come out good....
me in my undies in a pool wasn't my idea of fun....
Wednesday was Miss C's class party...
It was at Chuck E. Cheese...
Seems like everyone wanted the class party there...
There were like 5 school buses full of children...
and our 7 special kids among the Kaos...
not good at all.
But the day ended..I skipped work..beat True's arse in Monopoly and ended up at my place with True sans child...
Miss C slept over Vader's house....
and it was all good....
are you still alive?
I seem to be having a slight problem with my attitude....(read previous post)
I seem to be going on an anger spree of some sorts....
and sometimes the rest of the planet doesn't understand.
I came from Planet "fuckit".
Now I'm trying to live in Planet "letitgo".
The transition is a tad difficult at times.
For example, it's hard not wanting to honk my horn relentlessly and mention someone's mother when they do something stupid on the road...
It's equally hard not to bang my fist on my kitchen counter when I get home to find out I have no water, again...for the second time this week.
It's hard trying not to tell my daughter to shut up after she's repeated the same order 15 times: Mommy milk. Mommy milk. Mommy milk., when I'm trying to take a leak in the bathroom.
It's extremely hard trying to be cool and not wanna just abandon everything and go back to my cave, where things maybe were a little gloomier but easier to adjust.
It's hard to be quiet when you get stares from people because they EXPECT YOU to act in a different way.
I am not Mary Poppins. I will never be her. So people need to get over that.
Without going into any details, it's been one of those weeks. One of those weeks were I would love to use lots of four letter words and tell EVERYONE to stick a sock in it.
I am not a people person today.
And people person's sort of bug the hell out of me today.
I'm starting to ramble.
I think I need caffeine.
Labels: anger management
I broke my keychain last night....
I flung it on the cement floor in my family room...
Because I was angry....
wanna know what the keychain read?
"I don't have an attitude problem, it's supposed to be this way".
Labels: anger management
I know some couples are madly in love. I know some people can't get enough of each other.....
I do not wanna hear your lipsmacking, tongue swapping, slurping, exchanging of bodily fluids, tonsil hockey sounds while I'm a foot in front of you trying to pay for my cell phone bill...
If you insist on the groping and the porn rated PDA's (Public Display's of Affection) pay your bill over the phone and fornicate in the comfort of your own home...not in the line of Cingular at K mart.
Yesterday as I was driving to get True's cake...I decided to stop and put some gas in his car (he had my car, because he was getting the Death Van's license for me). So I stop at the gas station only to not find where the thing-a-ma-bob to open the gas tank is....
I call his house, and he's sleeping.
His dad doesn't know where the thing is either.
So I can't put any gas in.
Nevertheless I do go inside the lil' food mart go get him some candy and Miss C immediatlely wants a box of Nerds.
Sure...why not...a box of Nerds sounds nice...heck..maybe we can share...
So we are all cheery, we get in the car, I turn it on and proceed to leave the gas station..
"Hey Miss C..why don't ya' give mommy some Nerds..!"
We look like we came out of a J Crew Catalog..
I take the box of Nerds, while I'm entering the avenue, and I pull my head back and take a big gulp of those suckers...
One of those suckers went down the wrong way...
Immediately blocking my breathing....
I STARTED CHOKING...
I hit the brakes...
tried to grasp air..
I felt my face turning purple...
Miss C saw my face...
"Mommy what's wrong??!!"
Mommy is going to die because she overdosed on Nerds...because she is a fat lard who couldn't have just had a few...she wanted to gulp down the entire box...!!
Alas, I was busy choking, so I could not answer....
Then I remmembered....
God, you told me I was gonna marry True....So I cannot die this hideous way....!!! I hadn't washed my hair and was wearing some old shoes...!!
I tried to calm down but when ya' can't breathe it's kind of hard to do so....but I managed to calm down and inhaled through the nose as hard as I could...
I felt the shot of oxygen rush in I almost thought I'd suffer from brain freeze...
I WASN'T GONNA DIE....
but my lungs hurt and I had a massive headache....
I took one hard look at that evil box still in my hand....
and I did what any other responsable normal person would do....
I passed it onto my toddler in the back seat...
Alas, my toddler was smarter than mommy and she immediately declined...