Most of us can't do these things. Hell, most of us can't even accomplish one.

I've been moping since Saturday...and I've just been longing for a bed and to get away from it all. I don't wanna hear another single human being and I just wanna be alone and regroup.

True is not the type to leave anyone alone. He is not the type to let me sulk.
He made it very clear yesterday that I had to forgive, forget and trust. Above all, Trust.

"Cuz God has plans for you...but you just have to start believing."

Easier said than done.

It's hard for us to believe in the abstract, when we are so used to 'seeing is believing'.

It seems like the spiritual world works the other way around: Believe to See

Might as well ask me to jump off a bridge now.

No. Seriously, it's hard. I know I have to snap out of it. But how to do so?

I know True is right. I know. But it's hard to step out of my comfort zone and completely believe in something I can't see.

Last night there was a special service. A woman from Colombia was going to talk about the importance of parenting and love and trust in a family. It was more of a conference than a religious service. The whole congregation was there. True's folks looked after Miss C so we could attend.

I got bits and pieces here and there.
But my brain was elsewhere.
La la land.

She ended her conference saying that many of our issues as parents have to do with issues we have as children. Issues we have with our own parents and that we have to learn to mend fences, forgive and forget or we will never prosper in anything we do.

She called out to those who needed to forgive their parents and forget their childhoods gone wrong....

Many people stepped foward.
People started to cry.

I did not budge.
I felt tears building up, but I swatted them back.

I closed my eyes and tried not to focus on the excruciating butt pain I had from the fall the day before.

True whispered in my ear: "You wanna go so they can pray".

In other words: You wanna go so you can make amends with your folks and forgive them.

I opened my eyes and looked at him: "NO".

and that was that.

I'm sorry, but I just can't go up and forgive and forget so easily.

I've tried that route, and it seems like Vader and Vietnam keep making it a living hell, no matter how many times I apologize and tell them it's all good.

I'm not ready yet, to forgive and forget.

I know eventually I'll have to do that.
I know eventually we all have to forgive, forget and trust.

Especially those who have hurt us so much.

But it is not my time.

As I stood there I heard my head think:

"Oh no God...not tonight....don't pressure me cuz I ain't budging. You know what's up...now is not the time..AND I AM NOT GONNA CRY, OKAY??"

God answered:

"You are so hardheaded it is incredible."

and then nothing.

I'm assuming he hung up.

I'm assuming I am not the only one with this dilema. We all suffer from the FFFT Syndrome: Failing to Forgive Forget & Trust

how do you F.F.T.?

Where is the secret??

If anyone has a clue...let a girl in on it....

What's difficult for you to F.F.T.?

*****

In other exciting news....I don't usually disregard this information..but tomorrow is my B-day..

I was born on a 28th of March, 28 years ago...28 on the 28th...
I have nothing fancy cuz I don't like the whole hoopla...I really just wanted to stay at home and chill, but Vader wants to make dinner...

::rolls eyes::

not my idea of a b-day evening, but I guess I'll play along.
For the sake of her sanity and mines all together...

So tomorrow when you're out and about have a Dr. Pepper in my name!!!! will ya?