Thank u thank u thank u...for all the comments and emails once again....U guys r the best!
As you can read..I am still alive. I survived the dinner and my b-day...
For a brief moment I thought I was gonna hang myself in my parent's bathroom with some twine, but I managed to cope.
To begin: it was pouring...I mean like mad raining..and we still had NO running water.
So I had to take a bath with a bucket..and heat up some water.
Vader and Vietnam were already home and my brother with this girlfriend showed up a little bit after I came home.
Everyone had dinner, except me.
True had not arrived and I didn't wanna eat without him.
So after True arrived and exchanged awkward silent 'hellos' with my folks, we ate.
Roasted Chicken and Rice....
That was the highlight of the Birthday.
My dad got me a watch. A watch he made Miss C hand to me, because he is not talking to me.
My mom, washed my clothes and gave me some sweat pants that I rocked last night.
During our dinner I couldn't help wanna kill both of my parents who were busy bickering and arguing...
That was fun.
If I felt odd, I can't even begin to imagine poor True.
After dinner I practically begged them to cut the cake if they had one. Why have me in this state of eternal torture.
So everyone sang..blah blah blah..we cut the Ice Cream cake....we ate..and I said goodbye and good riddance to everyone and scooted on upstairs.
I had rented some movies and just wanted to be in my place.
True had the task of driving Vader home.
She lives close by, but it had seemed like he had left an eternity ago and wasn't back yet.
Me and Empress figured Vader has probably hurt him and had him stashed in the freezer.
True came back, in one piece.
"I was talking to your mom", he said with a slight smile.
Poor man. His hope is enough to make me wanna carry the Olypmic Torch across the US.
The rest of the evening was as uneventful...we watched movies, True left, and I went to bed.
That was all.
::wipes sweat off forehead::
I'm sure glad that was over. I mean, before our dinner, I had handed both my parents a letter...a letter me forgiving them and vice-versa..and I didn't know how'd they take it..so I was bracing myself for immediate desintergration come dinnertime...but nada, zip, zero.
I know Nam' hasn't opened his yet.
And Vader...who knows...she never mentioned the letter.
So, it's all over.
I'm glad these things are once a year....who can take more than one day like that...
What has been your worse B-day experience?
Thank You All for your well wishes, emails and comments...
It's so nice to have friends like you guys!!!
I started the day off with getting up late and no running water..
I had to go downstairs get water from a big thingamabob and heat some up on the stove so I wouldn't suffer from frostbite...
God did bless me though with Zero-Helmet Hair...so it wasn't that bad...
I leave you guys with some pics from this morning...contrary to popular belief..I decided to dress up...later on there will be a dinner at my place...
Have a good one folks..!
Sometimes I wish some people were piñatas, so I could have an excuse to beat them with a stick..
Most of us can't do these things. Hell, most of us can't even accomplish one.
I've been moping since Saturday...and I've just been longing for a bed and to get away from it all. I don't wanna hear another single human being and I just wanna be alone and regroup.
True is not the type to leave anyone alone. He is not the type to let me sulk.
He made it very clear yesterday that I had to forgive, forget and trust. Above all, Trust.
"Cuz God has plans for you...but you just have to start believing."
Easier said than done.
It's hard for us to believe in the abstract, when we are so used to 'seeing is believing'.
It seems like the spiritual world works the other way around: Believe to See
Might as well ask me to jump off a bridge now.
No. Seriously, it's hard. I know I have to snap out of it. But how to do so?
I know True is right. I know. But it's hard to step out of my comfort zone and completely believe in something I can't see.
Last night there was a special service. A woman from Colombia was going to talk about the importance of parenting and love and trust in a family. It was more of a conference than a religious service. The whole congregation was there. True's folks looked after Miss C so we could attend.
I got bits and pieces here and there.
But my brain was elsewhere.
La la land.
She ended her conference saying that many of our issues as parents have to do with issues we have as children. Issues we have with our own parents and that we have to learn to mend fences, forgive and forget or we will never prosper in anything we do.
She called out to those who needed to forgive their parents and forget their childhoods gone wrong....
Many people stepped foward.
People started to cry.
I did not budge.
I felt tears building up, but I swatted them back.
I closed my eyes and tried not to focus on the excruciating butt pain I had from the fall the day before.
True whispered in my ear: "You wanna go so they can pray".
In other words: You wanna go so you can make amends with your folks and forgive them.
I opened my eyes and looked at him: "NO".
and that was that.
I'm sorry, but I just can't go up and forgive and forget so easily.
I've tried that route, and it seems like Vader and Vietnam keep making it a living hell, no matter how many times I apologize and tell them it's all good.
I'm not ready yet, to forgive and forget.
I know eventually I'll have to do that.
I know eventually we all have to forgive, forget and trust.
Especially those who have hurt us so much.
But it is not my time.
As I stood there I heard my head think:
"Oh no God...not tonight....don't pressure me cuz I ain't budging. You know what's up...now is not the time..AND I AM NOT GONNA CRY, OKAY??"
"You are so hardheaded it is incredible."
and then nothing.
I'm assuming he hung up.
I'm assuming I am not the only one with this dilema. We all suffer from the FFFT Syndrome: Failing to Forgive Forget & Trust
how do you F.F.T.?
Where is the secret??
If anyone has a clue...let a girl in on it....
What's difficult for you to F.F.T.?
In other exciting news....I don't usually disregard this information..but tomorrow is my B-day..
I was born on a 28th of March, 28 years ago...28 on the 28th...
I have nothing fancy cuz I don't like the whole hoopla...I really just wanted to stay at home and chill, but Vader wants to make dinner...
not my idea of a b-day evening, but I guess I'll play along.
For the sake of her sanity and mines all together...
So tomorrow when you're out and about have a Dr. Pepper in my name!!!! will ya?
I really wanna say little bundles from hell...
but being that I'm a chuch lady..I think it'll be a little too harsh..
can I say little bundle from a dark dark place?
Ok. forget it.
Miss C, oh Miss C....how I love kids....I really do....I see nice well behaved kids and I long for another child without all the trouble Miss C gave me so I can store away good ol' memories...and not blank random hellish thoughts like the ones I store of Miss C.
If ya ask me for Miss C's childhood memories..I'm afraid you'll be better off asking me the landing coordinates for Apollo 13.
Miss C has come a long way...Our progress has been amazing. Of course, it's the result of long-ass work...long hard nights, a financial burden, lots of tears, prayers and completely going apesh*t...
Everyone has been happy...and surprised to see her so well...
Of course there is a but.
this weekend, jumping off a bridge wouldn't quite satifsy my urge.
Miss C was haywire.
Doing things that she hasn't done in a long time....and some other 'new' stuff she's never done, like covering her ears at every single sound and screaming: "It's all too loud!!!!"
She's been a brat mixed a little with Autism....a nice combo.
Telling me to shut up...kicking me, biting me, biting True, spitting...
Oh this last one, the spitting thing....
I loathe it.
I have to literally contain myself, because I start to hyperventilate and I have visions of flying teeth...
If you read my post about Thursday, you'll see she was haywire since then. Friday was no exception...Saturday it just got worse, real worse...so worse True had to take over and let me get some sleep because I was at my wit's end...but Sunday...
Sunday was good.
Note the sarcastic undertone in the term "good".
We got to church and she wanted to sleep.
Fine. I put her to sleep in the kiddie room.
I sat with her.
True kept coming in to tell me to go to the service and he'd watch her a while.
I really felt no urge to go and enjoy the service.
I needed some alone time.
After she fell asleep, I decided to sit at the service, but a shrieking made me jump out of my chair...
Miss C woke up.
I went into the kiddie room and you know what was up...
More screaming, kicking...she slapped me so hard I was literally stopped in my tracks...
True came in, tried to help..but it wasn't working...her screams became louder...the veins on the side of her neck looked like they were gonna pop...I was trying to be nice, trying to be firm without being abusive...trying to keep my sh*t together...
But her wails could be heard in the church area and it was just getting to me...
She escaped our grasp and made her way to the altar...I ran after her...grabbed her, slipped....fell to the ground with her....managed to drag her back to the room...
started to cry.
"I'm leaving True. You can stay, but I can't. I can't do this..."
"Ok. We'll go".
We packed our stuff and headed out, halfway through the service.
As I walked down the steps of the church, my feet felt funny.
I had broken my shoe.
I HAD BROKEN MY BRAND NEW SHOES....
SHE HAD BROKEN MY BRAND NEW SHOES....
MY BRAND NEW SHOES.
I know it sounds shallow..
But my shoes....
We got in the car..I sulked over my shoes...True managed to set Miss C in her carseat and I just completely lost it.
"I CAN'T DO THIS!!!!, This is NOT what I signed up for!!!!! I cannot do this..!!"
True the ever so patient man, gave me words of encouragement..and love and 'you-can-do-it'...
But alas, it's not the same...
These shoes, these broken shoes, are difficult to walk in at times..
And just when I think she's good...it gets bad...
I spent the rest of the day at True's....sleeping...I was / am exhausted.
Around 7pm I called it a night. Asked True if he could accompany me home...I had a little spat with Vietnam on Friday that turned a little violent and I was afraid to head home by myself...
He, of course, came along.
helped me tuck the little bundle of joy in...the little bundle of joy who kept spitting at me all the way home...
We watched the Larry King Live show on Autism, which they replayed yesterday.
I cried so much. It was so hard seeing those people, those stories so much like mine. It was hard seeing stories of parents with more than one child with Autism and not have that undercurrent of fear that I might just have another child with this disease....how would I cope?
I went to bed at almost midnight and didn't sleep a bit...
This morning...Miss C was the same..had me looking for a freakin' ferret toy that didn't show up...fought all the way to school, stammered in the room, pushed some boys out of her way..and sat to cry and scream...
I was so happy to leave all that mess in someone else's hands today.
I love the week.
I had to stop at True's work to get my cellphone charger which I left at his place yesterday...
he was great..
prayed for me, us, Miss C...
And I was off to work...
My hair looking like my mom, broken shoes, an extreme need for soda..caffeine...sugar...and a longing for a bed in a quiet room with no kids.
I got tagged by Chelle..and it's about:
My 6 favorite spring things!
*Nice sunny days without all the hot weather summer entails..
*The Easter Egg Hunt at Miss C's School...which I will miss this year
*My B-day..I ain't saying when it is...but it's soon...and I just like it because it's a nice quiet day I get to myself..
*Seeing the colorful flowers that are blooming on the trees..
*The days begin to get longer....Lord knows I need longer days...
*My work vacations..which I always take in spring..I still haven't planned them yet...but I'm working on it!!!
Who do I tag???
all of you's...!!! lol!!!!
"Hi..you have reached Empress Wedding planners...if you are a future bride who will tie a noose around her neck soon, please press 1, if you are Mary P. and are marrying True, please call back".
Empress's message on my voice mail.
So she is my official wedding planner. I would not have it any other way. Rather than tell me I'm crazy and "what on earth are you doing?", she totally gave me the thumbs up and is totally psyched....::sigh:: best friends are awesome..
Vader...well, Vader is Vader. Her response: a blank face, followed by: "Well you guys are practically married anyway...it would not make a difference".
I'll take that as a blessing.
True's mom...was happy...said we had her consent...so that's cool....
I'm busy surfing the net for ideas...and looking at stuff...
So anyways...if we had any doubts about what we were told on Sunday...or if ANYONE had any doubts..check this out.
On Thursdays I go to a group meeting at church, where we are currently discussing a book we are reading. Yesterday they cancelled our meeting because a Prophet, yes, ANOTHER Prophet, from the states was in Puerto Rico and got invited to our Church.
A woman Prophet.
A woman Prophet who kicked Butt.
When I grow up I wanna be like her. She was fierce, fearless...total authority figure.
So she's doing her thing..she's praying for folks..and *BANG*!! she looks at me:
"I have something to tell you".
...so she talked..blah blah....well not blah blah..but you get the picture...Said I had a hawk's eye...very observant...able to adjust in any situation...with a powerful vision...and then she stopped...looked at True..
"What are you to her? her husband?"
Everyone started laughing...
I guess we all thought what I was thinking..."Here we go again".
"Oh..that explains it, I knew there was something..because I'm here praying for her and I see your hand (not literally) meddling into her spiritual stuff...I feel you are very alert and I wondered, why is he being so nosy?..why is he sticking his hand in her stuff? Come here, hold hands, I want to pray for you too".
I was cracking up...laughing..
"Oh My God...there is something great here!!! blah blah blah...You are going to be great instruments in this church...."
Then she turned to the pastors...
"Does this relationship have your blessing?"
Both pastors quickly nodded in approval.
"There is going to be a wedding".
The whole church roared in laughter.
In less than a week, two complete strangers have said the same thing...
"There is going to be a wedding sooner than you think".
Everyone cheered...and I nearly fainted..
Ok. I didn't nearly faint...but it was good, cause in case some folks in my church had doubts about Sunday...IN YOUR FACE!!
Later as she was finishing her prophecies...and I was getting my groove on praying...I got it...
No. Not the Holy Spirit.
I got a set of teeth grind into my leg...
Miss C had decided to wake up real chipper.
She started to cry, hit, pinch, bite...a real treat.
Me and True were trying to control her but it was getting very out of hand.
The Prophet got off the stage, went directly to her.
"You have no authority over this child. I declare peace over any spirit of rebelion...etc. etc. etc."
Miss C turned on the floor and immediatley became quiet.
I need to learn me them skills.
She told me I needed to be a little more firm with her...
That hit a button in me.
"She is Autistic."
"Don't ever say that. She is NOT Autistic. She is the Lord's Child and God has great plans for her".
She began to pray for Miss C.
Miss C was hush and quiet.
"My son was Autistic. My son was very aggressive, he bit, he screamed, he was intollerable. It was hard. Very hard. But God knows you can deal with this. She will fully recover."
She turned and looked at the church, which was staring...
"And you...you have to help her. Her child is not bad. It is not Her fault. The enemy wants to cause a distraction in her mom's life...wants to make her lose her cool. When you see her child is acting this way, step in..help her out, give her mom a break".
Wow. You have no idea how much I wanted the people in my church to hear that.
Miss C did not budge. I don't know how to explain it, but she shushed and fell asleep.
The night ended soon after midnight...
Me and True went to bed almost at 3:30 reviewing the night...talking about how we met...how we re-hooked....we talked about location...wedding rings...where we would live...
I must say...it's like a worldwind...it's all happening so fast...
We have to set up a meeting with our pastors to talk about this...to see how we go forth on our wedding plans..
True says he thinks it's best if we get married in the court and then have a small reception...we'll see what we figure out..
so people...your assignment..should you choose to accept..is to input me wedding ideas, websites....etc. etc...
I'm gonna need all the help I can get...
So...I'm off to bask in my wedding bliss...
Have a great weekend folks...
Ottomax: Sounds like a name for a supermarket full of Ottoman's..
But actually it's the name of Miss C's eardrops.
She has a throat and ear infection that's killing her...thus killing me...
She was in a better mood this morning, that is until I put the drops in her ear and all hell broke loose...she tried to eat me like you eat a crossaint sandwhich in the early morn'....
poor big kid.
True was kind enough to stop by yesterday and help out with the sick kid burden. He even made the trip to the neighbor at around 11pm to get her prescription, and helped me tuck her in.
Ok. Now I will ask you people to shoot me.
Hell, I told True to do so last night.
After settling Miss C down, we sat to watch some Flavor of Love and random TV...and I blurted out:
"You know I saw this nice park where we can have our wedding...and we can do this and that..and ..."
And I stopped right in the middle of that sentence..
"I'm sorry...if I become of those silly-happy-go-lucky-brides shoot me. I cannot live my life this way".
"Honey I think that's good".
"No..you don't understand. I hate weddings...I don't go to weddings...I can't stand the whole wedding thing-a-ma-bob..I didn't even have one..this is NOT RIGHT".
And visions of bridesmaids danced in my head...
According to your commercials you are the "The neighbor we can trust"....if this is so...how come dear neighbor you made me wait 20 minutes, with a screaming, feverish toddler in tow to tell me the medicine she needs is not available.
"Would you like to verify if the other pharmacy which is another drive across town has the medicine available? Or would you like to leave your toddler screaming in pain a while more while people stare in awe??"
"Sure, knock youself out..go call the other pharmacy..I've only been at the doctor's office for 3 hours, another two more hours aren't gonna hurt".
Meanwhile I have the people-who-cannot-comprende in the line observing how my daughter screams her head off because her ear hurts, her body aches and how she wants her momma, whose been carrying her for the past 25 mintues to keep carrying her, even though her momma is practically pleading her to stand for at least 2 minutes while he arms start feeling the blood circulate again.
"Little girl, give your momma a rest. You are too big to be in your momma's arms...Do you understand? You are too big to be whining and crying.."
::gives sharp glare::
"She's not feeling well, and she'll never be too big for her momma's arms".
Ok. I lied. When she's 21 momma's arms will be putty. But people need to mind their own business and show some sensitivity.
Not only did you make me go through this neighbor, but when you made me go to your neighbor buddy...he told me I had to wait 3 hours for some ear drops and some antibiotics.
3 hours!! Pay no attention to the child whose head is gonna explode with the fever, which will not go away if she doesn't receive proper medicine. Completely ignore the fact that I will have to come back to you neighbor at almost Midnight to get her stuff...
"Can't you do something for me??" I pleaded with my best puppy dog-cleavage showing face..
"No. I've got a lot of people before you".
fine. he's not into chicks.
So neighbor, I ask of you. If you are the 'neighbor' I can 'trust'..what will happen when you finally decide to backstab us...because if this is 'trust' and you are my 'neighbor'...I'll take my chances with my worst enemy and drop off my prescription in Iraq...I'd have better luck I think.
It seems like everything was falling apart.
I had spent weeks upon weeks questioning whether or not I should end my relationship with True.
All sorts of insecurities started creeping in and our bickering was getting out of hand.
I had decided I was not the one for him. Nor him for me.
But something told me to stay put. I prayed. Like hardcore. I told God:
"Look...if we are meant to be, I'm gonna need some sort of a message...capiche?"
This past week was our Church's 6th year anniversary, with a whole array of events and shows and special guests. There were a few guests that came to speak...and prophetize over our church, our lives.
Skeptics..bare with me.
Many things were revealed about my life...there was one theme that kept repeating itself with all the guests that spoke to me:
"Your past will not repeat itself".
I sure hope it doesn't.
Yesterday was the last night of our celebration.
It was a long weekend, everyone was a bit tired, I was dealing with a sick, uncontrollable child and I was kind of being distant to True on purpose.
When things get bad, I push things away. That is how I cope.
So the service begins...and the guest pastor, scratches out his original plan to preach and decides to declare things about our lives....through God of course...
Randomly he went from person to person...speaking, praying...
He asked True to pray for someone, and asked him if I was his wife...to which I quickly nodded "No".
After he (the pastor) prayed for a few folks...he looked at us...
"I feel the need to speak to you. To pray for you".
We stood side by side.
We grabbed hands.
The pastor elevated our hands in the air.
He inhaled. I'll paraphrase....it had much more detail than this.
"This is a powerful union. God is making a team here. You will be strong. You will work together and make a difference. You (True) will be rich man (He explained why). You (Me) will help women in need (He gave details). You will have a relationship and a marriage so strong, many people will want what you have. If there isn't a Marriage Ministry in this church, you (us) should lead one. But YOU (me) have to stop doubting. You have to stop being insecure. Your past will not repeat itself (the same thing two other men had told me this past week). You (True) have a big responsablity with her. You need to make sure her past does not repeat itself. It is going to be a hard burden, but God knows what he is doing with your lives. Are you going to get married soon? (to which we responded not really). Well, God wants me to tell you that you should...that you should accelerate any plans of marriage because he wants to use you both!!!"
He said a few more things and prayed for us.
I don't need to say I was crying hysterically.
God had answered.
Through a complete stranger that had never seen me before in my life. After the service, the pastor came up to us and told us he been very pushed to marry us right then and there. "I felt the urge to do so, to let you use my rings and marry you tonight, I feel you should".
I almost fell back and knocked down the projector.
I don't have to say that we were the 'Shock and Awe' of the night. Everyone was estatic..."I wanna be a bridesmaid" "I wanna be the Godfather"...."I wanna eat cake".
It was a tad ludacris and surreal and great all at once.
We drove home later that night in silence.
As we settled down True asked me if I had anything to say about what had occurred. I told him how I was feeling the past few weeks. To my surprise, he told me he was feeling the same exact way, and that he too, had asked God for Guidance in our relationship. We agreed we still had lots of work to do and that we both had to do something very essential in our relationship:
LET GO OF OUR EGOS
We hugged and he assured me that I was his Queen. And that he would have married me, right that minute, if the pastor had insisted.
"Yep. Really, the only thing holding me back is your family situation, I wanted to see if things settled down. That is the only thing that has kept me from marrying you. Not that I'm using that as an excuse. I just want everything to be Ok. You know?".
"So...I'm thinking, like June or July, you think that's good?"
"June/July, like THIS June/July?"
And that was that.
Apparently my bug isn't the only one that's floating about...news is there is a new bug going about...highly contagious...Doctor's have named it the:
symptoms include some or all of the following:
crankiness, cursing, banging of fists, crying, yelling, feelings of wanting to bash someone's head in, extreme desire to flip someone off and cravings for revenge...
if you experience any of the following symptoms seek medical attention ASAP.
In the famous words of my friend Chelle
"Long whiney post up ahead"
You are warned.
To the guy who blarred his horn yesterday..
"The light just turned green, WTF do you think I own for a mode of transportation?? A lear jet??"
To Vader who questioned my eating a cookie while I was dying yesterday...
"If I am to die, I will die eating a cookie".
To People who say they'll call me right back...
"I've done that before..I know that means you won't call...so don't piss me off on purpose".
To Vietnam who kept asking me random questions while I was on my deathbed:
"Why??? My brain can't think straight, it's oozing outta my ears..how the hell should I know what they do with the ice at Rocafella Center when spring comes??"
To Miss C who was so well behaved:
"I know momma has made you watch Inside the Actor's Studio for the 6th time tonight..but my fingers hurt to much to switch the channels...now go be a doll and go get me some advil"
It all sucks.
I'd like to have stayed home today. But I thought that coming to the office would get my mind off all the insignificant things that our pissing me off right now. You'd probably think that I'm just feeling like this because I'm sick. Maybe.
But there are things I'm carrying on over from last weekend.
Things that keep building up.
And sometimes I think I'm talking to a wall.
And I'm starting to think: Am I the one looney here? Am I the one not making any sense??
Don't dismiss my opinions on the matter. Don't make them seem like crazy conconctions on my behalf.
Cuz they are not.
Today I feel a whole lot better. Thank you for your get well wishes. My body no longer feels like it's being put through the 'heavy wash' cycle of a beat up laundry machine...and I'm only dealing with an upset stomache...my headache is also kaput.
True made his nurse rounds yesterday very late...brought over some Gatorade.
I'm holding a grudge.
Bare with me folks.
This blog has turned into a whiney outlet for relationship mishaps.
But I got no where to turn.
I'm upset with him because he doesn't have time or doesn't want to practice with me.
We have another thing on Friday and we practiced on Monday after I almost beat him with a stick to make him.
Yet. He has time to practice with everyone else.
So I'm on the: "Oh yeah..well screw it..I won't do anything".
If there is no interest in me, on his behalf, in this part of my life, and I'm only good to do favors for his crew...then forget it.
I'm no one's golden-egg-laying chicken.
And I mentioned it to him but as ALWAYS...he doesn't get it.
"I don't know why you're upset".
That should be the slogan of my life.
I'll be glad when this week is over and I have no more musical obligations.
"I will only let you in because you are one of mines: A Yankees!!"
The security guard at Miss C's school, as I arrived late to drop her off in my Yankees cap...yesterday.
Boston fans won't hear that very often...
Dear God or is it Lord and Saviour??
God it is.
I am so sorry but I'd just like to pass this Memo onto you. I know you are full of mercy and you love all those who serve you...but...
I'm in pain. My head hurts. My body throbs and the lady down the street who is having a religious service and is singing very off key: "Thank you God" is really killing me.
Do you think it's possible you can grant her a voice or have her pipe down a bit...even Miss C is getting annoyed. She just walked in and announced:
"Mommy, that singing is too loud!".
I couldn't agree more.
Anyway God if you can help me out here, I'll be eternally grateful and I'll try to play nice.
Your daughter, the one who is very sick.
I literally feel like crap.
in all ways imaginable to the human mind.
Physically, emotionally....etc. etc. etc.
I started my week feeling a slight pain in my body.
I immediately thought it had to do with the Pilates I started doing again on Sunday.
But as the day progressed, I started to feel my stomache hurt...burping uncontrollably...feeling more pain in my muscles...I left early, only to come home to more pain, throwing up...the runs...you name it, I got it.
I am in my office as I type. I had to come in to do some stuff before I can go to my house and throw myself on my bed and die.
But you get the picture.
Aside from the fact that I feel like crap and I don't know if I should sit on the toilet or lean over it, last night was a tough night True-Wise.
I won't get into details, but there are some things I'm considering leaving behind.
I'd rather not do certain things than to do them and have a crisis everytime I try.
I know you're not following me but I know what I'm saying.
I must pick my battles wisely.
I don't have time to waste, especially now since I'll be making friends with the porcelain express...
Casually, the day of the gal-pal crisis...True said:
"You know our meeting was nothing like you mentioned. In fact, she mentioned a whole sort of things she'd like you to go to, like to hang out".
"And that will happen when hell freezes over".
"What? what did you say? I couldn't hear you, bad reception".
"Oh nothing..how sweet of her".
True is out for the weekend. He left Thursday for a seminar, won't be back until late Saturday afternoon.
Do you miss him?
Someone asked me.
Considering the fact of how our week went, the fact that we spent the whole week seeing our faces since last Thursday all the way until this Wednesday...
I think it's a much deserved break.
I think that maybe these two days apart, without any contact or calling, will be good for us.
Lord knows I have tons of shizz to get done in my crib, laundry, washing the Death Van..write, practice for our two upcoming presentations...visit Vader...
Speaking of Vader..I visited her twice this week.
And I have to say...
::hard time typing next sentence::
It went well.
She cooked dinner, she even *gasp* wanted me to tell jokes.
Vietnam is another story.
After threatening to leave, kill himself, kill all humanity, burn the house and call my brother an asshole..
I've just about done it with him.
I wanna help him, but if he wants to keep putting us in tension and playing his Mind Games...I'm not for it...I prefer scrabble.
My hair report:
I look like my mom.
I am gonna make a trip to buy some scarves to wrap my head in.
Cuz this isn't the look I had in mind.
On a totally different note.
I like kids.
I really do.
Heck..I love kids.
What I don't love?
The Devil's Spawn.
Children ripped right from an Omen movie...
Children who think they own the world and can go into any house and touch every single God forsaken thing you own.
Children who crawl up on chairs, tabletops, beds, open refrigerators, or tell you:
"Hey miss, since your already up...grab me some juice!"
I swear that is what a kid told me once.
They make me sweat bullets.
Mind you, I'm talking bout' normal kids.
Children like Miss C are an exception to the rule.
But when you see "normal" kids acting like complete mini-psychopaths......
let's just say on several ocassions I get the urge to lock em' up in a room and leave them there for the rest of the night.
The parents. The parents who see their kid climbing on my bookshelf or their other kids pulling out the boxes of my Barbie Collection...the expensive Barbie Collection...
Bare in mind..my house is full of knick-knacks and stuff all over...but Miss C...Miss C the Autistic Child...has NEVER touched anything or climbed on anything or taken anything out of place...EVER.....!!!!
Childen like the above make me lose my hair.
Maybe now God will punish me with a wicked child all to myself.
::makes mental note to scratch off "more kids" on my "To Due" list::
We went on it, [arguing over the phone] for a while.
He just called, asked if I was still mad.
But someone has to be a bigger person, right?
feelings of gutting some 'female dog' like a fish and throwing her remains in the NYC harbor...
True at this moment is having Starbucks with the friend.
the gal pal I cannot stand.
The gal pal's sister wanted to meet up with True to coordinate some music for a fashion show...
True tells me this like 10 minutes ago on his way there.
The lil' sis is tagging along..
Ain't it a shocker..
"I didn't know she was also going"
"Oh puleeze..I could have told you the gal pal was coming along...she has a thing for you...."
"I'm not gonna ruin my day over this"
"Yeah...well you've ruined mine"
I hear him saying hi and ordering his mocha-whatever the crap....
"Enjoy your coffee with your friend".
I hung up.
Jesus....My face is so red and so hot...and my eyes are filling up with tears as I type. I am so angry.
So completely angry. enfuriated.
What if the tables were turned around?????!!!!
what if I was the one grabbing coffee with a guy pal he didn't like????
I know I shouldn't harbor any feeling of hatred and dislike...but I can't help wanna meet her face to face and give her a piece of my knowledge.
I have the urge to get in my car drive up to Starbucks and say "HI".
But it would seem to Psycho of me.
So as he sits and sips his coffee with a woman who isn't me and can't keep her hands to herself...I sit in front of my computer trying to hold back the urge to forget how much I have progressed with my Anger, and just go and do something about it.
It's hard not to harbor this feeling of complete and utter frustration and rage and anger and just plain "i-hate-u-so-much-right-now-i-could-
I'm gonna go to lunch and sit in the parking lot and sulk.
or buy a new pair of shoes.
or call Empress.
We were at Vader's last night...watching our favorite program (or the only program I watch lately) America's Funniest Home Videos...
They were showing a clip of a lil' girl, very similiar in age to Miss C, falling asleep on a chair..her head kept bobbing up and down, very similar to the Miss C video I posted a few days ago...
Miss C, very observant shouted:
"Look..!! Just like Miss C!!"
Vader and I stare at each other...and laugh hysterically
"That music makes me wanna kill people".
Quote by: True-One, on hearing a very bad song being played at the B-Boy Competitions yesterday...
Not all was bad though...
After resisting the sun, the sun that almost caused my earrings to melt and True to die of dehydration...the event went on smoothly.
At the beginning the crowd was scarce, but after the sun went down and the music began..the competitons made their way.
Hightlights: Definitely B-Boy Baby..the little brother of a friend of ours...The little brother who you are gonna see in a video I'm gonna post doing a Ninety and making the crowd go wild...!! He competed with the big guys and even though he didn't make it to the finals...lots of people thought he should have..he was much better than some of the ones that did..
The Popping and Locking competitions...there is one kid..the one without the hat..that uses magic in his routines...but the judges didn't allow it...he still rocked!
Being there with True...and the Ex...awkward anyone? Awkward indeed...
Empress' grand entrance....there was a chick with a jean jumper I was dying to rag on, but had no one to join me..Empress walks in, takes one look at her...looks at me..and ::sigh:: our beautiful connection of haterade is done..
This event was a prelude to the big event on the 15th of April, where there will be DJ's, B-Boys/Girls, Emcees and Graffitti Artist. This year, this event will be dedicated to two good friends of ours, the ones that had the exposition a couple of days ago...
Here are some vids..and some pics..Enjoy!!!! For more vids go to :
My Myspace blog
Watch this one as one B-Boy jumps over the one who is dancing....
This lil' kid..B Boy Baby is the brother to the B-Boy above who jumped over his rival...I guess it runs in the family..
Almond milk for the kids: $ 2.85 a box
Designer Sunglasses: $ 30.00
Being able to make fun of your kid while she's sleeping: Priceless
The little fringe benefits of being a mom...
As a request from Carolyn
which I thought was a fun one...here are some pics and you can vote to pick which "do" is better for mua!!!
Let me add..the long hair pic is very old...I don't have any recent ones with long hair..so bare with me..
This was our past Monday..We took True's relatives to Old San Juan.
There wasn't much going on, since it was a Monday..but we did get to take some cool pics...visit this totally wonderful lil' Antique/Gallery Store...and eat some Ben & Jerry's...with fresh waffle cones made right then and there...Yum..Yum..
I have a lunch date with True later on.
It's our 6 month anniversary...so we've decided to go and pig out.
Ain't love grand!
Vietnam is still sick. I'm considering crashing at True's pad until things get safer.
But I'm actually leaving because of the diabolical doll I still owe you the video of.
This weekend is booked solid.
We have been invited to rap at a local church tomorrow.
In the evening is the Miguel Cotto boxing match.
Sunday we have church and later on some B-Boy competitions I look foward to going to.
So lots of pics ahead
I've decided to let my hair grow out.
I look like my mom.
With a case of Elvis-itis.
Or a microphone.
U take your pic.
let's see how long I stand firm on this mission.
I told my mom about the situation with Vietnam...
"I'm so sorry for you...but I ain't going back".
Well, thanks for the support.
"I only go back to wash your brother's laundry".
While I have a crapload basket full of dirty clothes.
Sometimes, mom's are overrated.
What's do you think is overrated?
Driving on our way home....
"Mom!!! Watch out...you are gonna make the dogs fall...!!"
As in..I was gonna run over the mutts crossing the street..
I look at her through my rearview mirror..
"Mom!! (sounding a tad annoyed) watch the street..the dogs will fall!!"
all right all right...
"Very good Mom..Good Job"
Well maybe she can find a job with Al Gore sometime soon..or the Animal Planet folks
I was interviewed by a fellow artist..you can check it out Here
It's in Spanish, but it's sooo cool!