My computer keeps on telling me it needs to restart...

Even they know it's time to reboot...

Now if only I can hit that internal 'restart' button..I'd be all set.

This is the one where I hang on.

This is the one where I try to remain cohesive and sane and in one piece.

For the sake of myself and my few loved ones. And my daughter.

My precious daughter.
Who doesn't deserve such Kaos in her life.
Hell neither do I.

I don't know if things between Vader and I will ever be the same.

This weekend was the point of no return.

I'm the one not returning.
And I am gonna try not to care.
No matter how much it hurts.

No matter how empty I feel to live in a house full of people and feel alone.

I have both my parents physically but I mourn them like they are dead.

I no longer wish to be a part of their lives if they can't be a part of mine in a healthy way.

I need to move on.
I need to change.

I have to try hard to push myself from the negative things that surround me and try to keep going...keep focused..

I need to not think the things I used to think..and try to maintain my head and my hands busy..

Idle hands are hands of the devil.
Or so they say.

Don't worry about me.
I've found some type of outlet.

I need to understand that as much as I love my parents I cannot help them. At least not in the way they want me to help.

This is the one where I hang on to dear life and the thread that keeps me moving.

This is the one where I try to push myself to my limits and then some.

And in the midst of my pain...my tears and my solitude...last night...as I looked for answers from God knows where...

A book told me to channel my anger through Psalms 27...Let me add I am not religious folk...and I'm still a skeptic person...

But it was verse 10 that caught my attention...

it said:

"Even if you mother and father abandoned you, with everything, God will pick you up".

And this is the one where I hang on.