Back in da dayz....

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Happy Halloween.....Circa 2000

The Untouchables!!!!

stuff

I found this over at Addict's site,(see my side bar and go visit the lady).

1. Explain what ended your last relationship? Things fell apart.
2. When was the last time you shaved? yesterday
3. What were you doing this morning at 8 a.m.? Driving Jaws to school
4. What were you doing 15 minutes ago? Reading
5. Are you any good at math? yeah..but I don't like it very much
6. Your prom night? I got up on stage and rapped.
7. Do you have any famous ancestors? Not that I know of
8. Have you had to take a loan out for school? Nope
9. Do you know the words to the song on your myspace profile? Yes I do...some of them
10. Last thing received in the mail? Bills
11. How many different beverages have you had today? One, Coke
12. Do you ever leave messages on peoples answering machine? Hardly. I hate machines
13. Who did you lose your CONCERT virginity to? Lords of the Underground
14. Do you draw your name in the sand when you go to the beach? Yep.
15. What was the most painful dental procedure you have had? A removal of a tooth
16. What is out your back door? no back door
17. Any plans for Friday night? Not yet..any suggestions?
18. Do you like what the ocean does to your hair? yes
19. Have you ever received one of those big tins of 3 different popcorns? nope
20. Have you ever been to a planetarium? yeah..a couple
21. Do you re-use towels after you shower? Of course
22. Some things you are excited about? Music, Music, Music
23. What is your favorite flavor of JELLO? Red, Blue
24. Describe your keychain(s)? "I wanna be Barbie, that bitch has everything"
26. Where do you keep your change? Everywhere, floor, seats, purse...
27. What kind of winter coat do you own? Winter Coat?? It's 90 degrees out today!
28. What was the weather like on your graduation day? ? Hot.
29. Do you sleep with the door to your room open or closed? Closed..All the time
30. Did U read this far? Consider yourself tagged (you know, if you wanna do it)!!

I'm alive

Hey People!!

Yep..I'm alive...

Yeah Yeah Yeah..I still owe you pics..

I'm workin' on it...

But I'm suffering from ADD..and I keep forgettin' the USB cable for the cam...

And I've got some wicked pics of my black and blue bruises that Miss C aka Jaws gave me....

I'll try to post tommorrow..
If I don't forget the darn cable.


My weekend?
Sick thank u.
Sick. Me. sick. Jaws. sick. Everyone sick.

Miss C took a trip to the ER on Sunday...hence me skipping church in the morning..
She has an ear and throat infection.
Nice.
Real nice.

Meanwhile I'm coughin' like if I had tuberculousis...body aching and feverish.
Being sick has also caused my remaining functioning brain parts to completely go on strike..

I've had about 3 "HOME ALONE" episodes in the past two days...

"HOME ALONE EPISODES?" you ask..

Yeah. the type were you're driving and about 10 minutes into your drive you don't remember if you actually put Jaws in the car..You look in the rearview mirror and don't see Jaws and panic kicks in..

"Jawwss???? U there??"


::Jaws pokes head out from back seat...::

"yeah mommy?"


::sigh of relief::

"OK..carry on".

3 times...in two days.

In other 'exciting news'...

I've been visiting my mom this past weekend.

Compulsively lying to Vietnam telling him I've been going to church. Vietnam can't know that I'm visiting. He'll have my head on a platter for that.

And my head on a platter ain't my idea of fun.

So...Sunday evening...still in my haziness, I decided to drop Miss C off at Vader's (this is the only benefit now, Vader is very willing to babysit) and decide to go to a special service in the evening with True.

I am glad I did.

It was off the hook.

The theme was taking our lives into another dimension and using our skills to grow a thousand times more!!!

I heard that. I promise to elaborate later. I'm kinda of on a short leash right now.

After the service was over everyone came to say hi and ask how I was feeling and it was nice...
For the first time, I felt I wasn't an outsider. I felt like I belonged there.

On our way home, True and I talked about how at peace we feel with each other and how great things are going...to the extent that neither can believe our relationship is so good. I guess for the first time, in a long time, I'm in a relationship where we want the same things....we wanna be adults.

Shocking, huh? No drama.

Yesterday...I skipped work. Still feeling like crap and Jaws' fever had not lowered...so we stayed home and played vegetable all day. Just lying in bed. Around two I decided to go see Vader, drop Miss C off and see if I could go get Vader a phone...she can't be at that place with no phone. So I volunteered to make a sacrifice to get her a celly.

So after getting ripped off and nearly be stabbed at the wallet with the phone company I got her the phone.

No thanx. No "aww shucks" No nada.

Instead she went on some weird trip talking crap about the church I'm going to, etc. etc. etc...

Some things, my dears, will never change.

After a while, she insisted I move my van out of the drive way.

You see she is living on a main road that Vietnam passes by. If he should pass and see my Van...my totally unrecognizable Van, the Van with the HUGE:

"WTF?" sticker..

Her cover will be blown.

So I move the van....because she was paranoid..and after I move the van to a dark spot she's like:


"Oh my...now the neighbors are going to think we are lovers.....Oh Lord!!"

Oh Lord is right.

Someone get this lady some Percosec....ASAP

I could've told ya' that..

Your Fashion Style is Trendy

You love fashion and live to shop
And keeping up with the lastet trends is what you love best
You know what's in, out, about to be in, and about to be out
You love to dress your friends and would make a killer celebrity stylist

Never say Never...Friday's Four

Hey peeps....and not the lil' yellow birds ya' eat...

Still here...trying to get over a bullshitz cold I have and horrible body aches...and arguing with my boss that even though the rest of the population at the office is hot and sweatin' like pigs...

I am freakin' freezin' my ass off.

Yesterday I went to the Art Expo....It was awesome...except for the part where Miss C had a severe tantrum because she wanted the bartender to take out the fishies in the tank and place them in her purse...the tantrum that lasted...oh let's say....a good 90 mintues...

I carry my medals of honor...two bite marks that have my writting hand craving for Morphine...

Other than that, seeing our friends and their works of art was wonderful....it was a nice evening...ya' know except for the Exorcist Part on behalf of Miss C.

Did I take pics?

yeah...

Where are they?

In my cam...

My cam is in my possesion but my USB cable is not.
You peeps are gonna have to wait...

******

Never say never...
Or as they say here in Puerto Rico:

"Never say you shall not drink from that water".


So ...So...True...

So in honor of that..I will fess up to 4 things I've said never to and went and did them anywhoot...

Because I am a massochist and I like to eat my words.

Yummy.

1. "I don't do shrimp. I don't do Shrimp at all".
Last summer, Empress and I took an all-inclusive weekend vacation to a nice Guesthouse..with dinner included..Dinner from a 5 star restaurant...

Ya' know these folks weren't having Tater Totters and Grilled Cheese on their Menu.

Empress ordered shrimp...and the choice was either shrimp or lamb.

How on earth was I gonna eat Lil' Bo Peep's Possee??

I took the shrimp.

Never looked back...I am offically a Shrimp-a-holic..

2. "Been to church...was active in church...ain't going back even if God text messages me and send me emails everysingle Godforsaken day of the rest of my life".

Been going to church for a month. Still getting reaccquainted...but I'm praying...reading books on Hip Hop and God...(yeah..they have books on that subject) and really feeling at peace with all my family revolt...

Coincidence?

I don't believe in coincidences.

3."Ewww...leggins? back in style? why? I will never wear leggins...ever..."

All things 80 must remain in that decade. And Never come back....EVER...Poofy sleeves, leggins, flats, skinny jeans..eww eww eww..

Last night I paired my long top with some black leggings and peeptoe shoes...

The general consensus:

"OMG...you look like Sarah Jessica Parker!!"


My humble reaction:

"Ahem...Really? Ya think so??? Gee..I wasn't going for that look
at all"..::wink wink::

4. After my divorce, and folks this is where the Big Caca comes in...I vowed to never EVER fall in love again. Guy pals? sure!! Dates? why not!! but fall in love and have a man meet my kid and come into my house and privacy of MY HOME...

No...Freakin' waaaaaaaaay!! Not a chance Mister.

Today October 27th..I am guilty as charged. I am in love. Way over my head. Like a silly school kid, obssesed with calling and leaving ridiculously incriminating 'myspace' comments...putting my pride away and looking like a complete chump. That was never my style. I am a hard rock. Nothing cutesy and charming and lovey dovey...that is complete weakness. I vomited in the sight of mushy couples. I'd tell em' to get a room...because I just had lunch. I'd read profiles where couples sent messages of love back and forth all day....enough to make you wanna pull your brain out your nose with a hanger.

Eek.

And now I'm in that trap.
Hi. I'm Mary and I am in love.

Sue me.

It feels good to have my ego bashed and my stereotypical ideas shot to shit.

Good reality check.

Don't ya think?

What are your guys Never Ever's?

Yesterday, I decided to go see Vader.

Obviously when I got home and I saw Vietnam I couldn't tell him I was going to do that, so I got dressed real spiffy and told him we were headed out to church.

Vietnam isn't as stupid as I thought he was.

"Church?? today?? since when?"

"Um...like...I need to pray...ASAP".


We left it at that.

We arrived at Vader's new quarters..aka Death Star Part Deux (D.S.P.D.) and she was very happy to see us. And Miss C...well Miss C was completely estatic.

D.S.P.D. isn't half as bad as I thought it would be. Hell, I'd live there.

She had food waiting for us and went out of her way to make us feel welcome.

I could tell by looking at her that she was trying to play it cool.

After a short while I called my P.A.B. (Punk Ass Brother) who was supposed to bring a pillow and her blankets the night before, and told him his ass better get down here pronto...

So P.A.B. shows...with NOT ONE...BUT TWO...

HICKEYS!!!

Vader...who never seems to lose her sense of wickedness goes:

"So...now you're dating a Vampire??!! Oh Lord...You are using Condomns right?? Please confirm this to me...Are you taking any drugs??? Drugs are bad. Say no to Drugs..ok? please?!!"

My take: ROTF!!!!
P.A.B.'s take..

"If you women are gonna keep badgering me...I'm out!!"

About 20 minutes into our visit, True called...was on his way to my place, so I gave him directions to the D.S.P.D...

About 10 minutes later, we were all on my mom's bed watching TV, making fun of my P.A.B's hickeys.

Then after all the nice peace and quiet...All Hell broke loose.

When it was time to go 'bye-bye' guess who wasn't havin' it?

Miss C.

"MY GRANDMAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! NOOOO!! PLEASE..I WANT MY GRANDMA!!"


We were all heartbroken because she's the one who is taking this whole ordeal the toughest...poor kiddo.

We got her in the car...True behind me in his..and Miss C just jumping all over the place...she bit my arm turning a corner...bitchslapped me going up the hill, and the all-time-hands-down favorite:

As I was driving, she managed to open the side door and once I hear the wind coming in and looked to my right, her upper body was out the door....thank God my reaction was stealth-fast and I grabbed her ass by the collar of her shirt, managed to pull over and not die of complete and utter terror.

This is the one where Miss C opens a door...

My heart literally plummeted.

My daughter almost fell out of the moving Death Van.

True parked besides me and we all tried to calm her down and me down and everyone down.

We managed to get her home, not without suffering two or three more bitchslaps, about a half hour of more crying and hearing my dad say that my mom was a selfish bitch who has caused severe trauma upon Miss C.

::sigh::

When we finally managed to calm her down, True and I brought her upstairs, settled her in and she fell asleep beside us.

True spent the rest of the night preventing my cardiac arrest, making jokes, being funny-borderline-obnoxious, but he got the job done.

Only a few tears, a big scare and a huge headache.

I don't know when and if I will be able to go back to Vader's after this.

But we're alive...we're kicking and my Friday's Four is coming....

So....it's all good...

Right?

Of course it is.

10/24

Um...I don't have a scanner so I'll just re-type:

"I have understood what the solution to this problem is. I am going to kill myself today. I understand that I am the problem and that this is the best way to finish it all. May God forgive me and may he punish all of you people who helped her. May it forever rest on your consciences."

Signed:
M.A.R.

aka

My Dad

This was the note left on the door this morning of their house.

My mom moved out yesterday. He came home early and caught her. He didn't know about the moving out bit. He suspected it. But shit hit the fan when he actually saw her. My family had to mobilize my mom quick before he went crazy and threw all the furniture out.

I came home to a home sans mom, furniture outside and neighbors busy poking about.

My mom had called me on my way home to tell me about the move.

asked if I can bring over her bedsheets which she couldn't take out in time.

I tried. But Vietnam was on a drinking spree and I did not want him to think I was some sort of accomplice.

Miss C. Smart cookie. Sensed something was wrong immediately and wanted Vader.

I had to take her in to show her Vader wasn't around.

Vietnam was locked in the room.

*knock knock*

No answer.

*bang bang*

No answer.

Miss C starts to cry.

"Dad...if you're still alive open up the door so Miss C can verify that Vader is not here...If your not alive..then I guess these previous instructions are void. We'll probably guess the later by the stench".

He opened up the door.
Stood there in his drunken stupor, smelling of wine and beer and kaos.

Looked at us.

Said nothing.

Held my daughter.

Got my butt upstairs.

In another part of our town, simultaneously, two friends were also having tough times.

I decided to go to Empress' house. We were both going through hell these past few days, and today was the pinacle of both our hells. A visit to her house would do us both good.

We bonded over chicken, fries and hugs.

And it was better.

Once home I was greeted by Vietnam who had a look of rage in his face that scared the crap out of me...he stood right in front of me and asked:

"Where were you???? Were you seeing your mother??!! Are you helping her out??!!"

"That isn't any of your business...but if you must know I was at Empress' house and I want no part of this war."


Silence.

I crawled up to my house.

True called. I asked him to come over. I needed the companionship. He came through. I wouldn't expect any less.

I am not sad. I haven't even shed a tear.
And that's amazing.
I am actually in peace.
Worried...but at peace..
at the same time..
weird, huh?

Vader called this morning...her sadness was very noticeable...she wants me to visit tonight with Miss C. I'm thinkin' bout' it.

On a plus note..if Vader stays away..she'll be more keen to take care of Miss C and I can have more KID FREE outings...

I have to look on the positive side.

And if by chance Vietnam does kill himself, my conscience is clean...very clean.

October 24th.

2006.

She's alive..Weekend Re-cap

Yeah..Pretty much.

::pinches herself::

Ok.

Long time no type. At least for me, who usually types on a daily basis.
Been doing some internal and external tyding up.

This weekend was good...it kind of gave me the 'umph!' I needed to get back on track...I was in a slump the past week...hence the sinking ship and drowing references..

Friday I mellowed out at home..nothing out of the usual...
Went to bed early and got some much needed rest.

Saturday...we played hooky and ditched therapy....
Around mid-day the X picked Miss C up and I was...

::choir chiming...Aleluya::

KID FREE!!!

I hauled ass before I woke up from that dream and went with True to the opening of a Hip Hop clothing store in Old San Juan, owned by some cool friend's of ours. I'll hopefully get pics up and going during the week (my patience with blogger is limited today)...

The store wasn't completely ready...Ok. It wasn't ready at all..they had some paintings..a DJ playing and just a hanging out vibe...I decided to stroll Solo through San Juan and take pics...and check out the cute shops...

Later that evening we chilled at home watchin' the 1st game of the World Series...where the Cardinals Pitcher's killed Detroit...(Detroit's Kenny Rogers returned the favor on Sunday)....

Sunday...we had a big event...

We had this:

Battalla de los Gallos

Battle of the Cocks...


As in a Cock Fight...but replacing the Cocks with Emcees.
The Emcee who won would represent Puerto Rico in the November 4th finals in Colombia, against almost 15 other countries.

And guess what people?


I got to go...

With NO KID.

My mom, said yes to taking care of the Kid...!!!

So after arriving to True's house, I saw the multitude...we had like 5 cars lined up to go...all our friends, me and True on our way....

And guess what else people???


I FORGOT MY FREAKIN' CAMERA!!!!


I badgered myself on that all night...

You guys can't imagine the amount of people there...all these folks from way back when...people still remembering me and asking me when I was gonna come back...

Jeez...it felt so good..it really did...

The Emcee battle left a lot to desire..the kid's competeting got their Emcee's skills apparently by sending 4 proofs of purchase from Corn Pops and three UPC's for a mail-in crash course...

I could've beat a few.

I'll consider that option next year.

We laughed, we cheered, we booed...we screamed...we giggled and we shooks our heads in shame everytime an Emcee was very bad...which was very often...

The Battle consisted on Freestyling...improv raps...which is not an easy task...against your opponent,

Before a huge crowd that was very unforgiving....

At one point they even yelled at one Emcee:

"He's gonna cry..!! He's gonna cry!!"


That was the best....

The winner: a friend of ours..Tek-1...he'll be representing us in Colombia next week..we already gave him our best wishes....I'll keep ya posted on that event..

Afterwards we gathered outside talked, gosipped...met some new people...and we hit the afterparty at Pool Palace...

Bare in mind..I still can't get over I didn't have my cam...

Once at Pool Palace, I got my butt kicked at Air Hockey, saw the MLB recap on the big screen and at almost 1am we decided to call it a night....

It was sunday...monday work schedules had us obligated to get home early.

This week...I'm going to a few events and I have made a plan to glue my camera onto my wrist....

especially for this event:


An art tribute that some of my dear friends are participating in..

So it's an Art-Expo with a Party Vibe..!!

watch out..the paparrazzi is coming!!!

blogger..

ain't letting me post my friday's fourrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Friday's Four: Mr. Telephone Man

Hey...

Still here..with my vest..my boat and my paddle..

I'm swimming..and rowing and the whole nine yards..

Thanx to all for the well wishes..

As corny as it may sound...today is a new..fresh new perspective and outlook...

So..as the Beatnuts would say:

Watch out now!!

So today's Friday's Four is brought to you by a lil' book "A" gave me called:
"IF YOU.."

And it's got tons of cool questions to make ya' think...

so....

If you could have the number of anyone..famous, non-famous, living, dead, etc...who would it be...and what would you tell em'?


Here's my top four:

1. Carlos Beltran.....New York Mets Player..

"What the hell happened last night??? You just stood there...with two on base..the game in your hand, hell the World Series in your hand...and you struck out...now only did you strike out you just stared at the ball!! I'm very dissapointed...very..."

2. The Caveman from the Geico commercials..


"Really..what were you thinking when you took the gig..?? You are not funny...in any shape, form or fashion...get a new agent...and lose the Hawaian shirts...ASAP"


3. Joan Rivers...
"Hi..Joan...you are scary. No..not scary..Frightening...I don't know from what animal's ass they are removing skin to put some on you and what torture device they are using to pull back what's left of you 120 year old skin...but it's creepy...you now resemble ET...your eyes are so far apart I might mistake you for Vera Wang..."




4. God...

"Um...Hey...God?...call you 'J'? Ok..sure...um..J...yeah..I'm doing good...yeah...I'm starting to make mends...yeah..but I just wanna let you know that I kinda of need a clue here...a flashlight, some type of sign...cause you know I walk blind folded most of my life...you can hook me up? fog lights and all?...your sending back up, ASAP? wow...that's quick...thanx...oh oh oh, one more thing...do you think I can forward my subcriptions to Entertainment Weekly up there? Oh..you already get it there...oh...great...ttyl"


So who would u call?


*****

My weekend..

still a clean slate....there's this church thing on saturday I would like to go to..but Miss C is still sick..so we'll see...

Sunday there is this Emcee competition...some preliminaries to see what Emcee is gonna respresent Puerto Rico..it's gonna be held in a 'cock fight ring'..very creative...let's see if i can get there....

as for the rest...World Series starts on Saturday...so I'm rooting for Detroit..yeah..the same team who kicked our ass...I know..I know..

****
Thought for the weekend:
"Speak your voice..no matter how much it shakes"

Forced to Game 7

St. Louie ain't that easy to crack huh?

Watch as the Mets meet St. Louie for the decisive game tonight..

I thought it was gonna be a clean sweep for the Mets..

guess they were a lil' harder to chew on...

thing is...whoever wins is gonna have a tough challenge..

Detroit is waiting and rested...

Eek.

jump ship part deux

ya' see..
I don't really wanna jump ship.

i wanna take the cruise.
and sail the seven seas.

see the caribbean.

can i?

i wanna sail and not be afraid that i'll sink like the Titanic.

Can that be possible?

but i need people to stay in the boat with me....

in case i feel i might drown...

i dreamed i was drowning once.

not too long ago.

and they kept telling me:

it's gonna be allright my dear.

but i knew i was drowing and i thought:

i should've learned how to swim.

Jump Ship

Ramble up ahead..
Stay clear of oncoming traffic and deer in the road...

Jump ship.

yeah you jump ship.
i jump ship.
we all jump ship.

jump ship. and don't tell me.

i'll do the same.

and we all jump ship together.

Ok?

The Fight is On.

Remmember that nice speeding ticket I got a few weeks back?

Well today...I took it heads on..

I'm going to court on the 30th...of november..

The Lieutenant thought he was funny..talking bout:

"Soooo..you were speeding...flying low..huh?"

"At 60mph? in a 50mph zone? I don't call that speeding".

"But you were speeding".

"Yes..but not in a 30 mph zone like the ticket says..it's a 50 mph zone".

"Ok...just bring pictures".

"fine"

See ya' in court suckers!!

I'm not paying that ticket in full blast mode...

****

It seems like lately insecurities have been creeping up..unleashing my inner backtalker-you-talkin-to-me?-fine-i-don't-give-a-crap-attitude...

I realize I have an attitude problem..

But people need to chill a bit...
I'm working on this..
But I can't be a saint all the time..

Every day..
It's hard work.

::sigh::

My securities are brought out by certain events and situations.

I'm a worrier folks.
This you all know.
I'm a paranoid freak.
No newsflash here.

But anywhoot..
I'm off..

My boss' flight leaves in an hour and she's still sitting in her kitchen with her green mud mask on wondering what to pack..

If she doesn't get on this plane today....

*insert loud ass yell right about....here*

I need peace and quiet today....

Not to mention a corn muffin...

*******

Thought of the day:
If someone is annoying you in traffic..you can always smile...although flipping the finger proves to be very good too...

Murphy..I found him


Myspace Codes & Myspace Code




Murphy's Law
**Editorial Note** I fixed the link...

My favs:

Mother nature is a bitch..

especially when you just wash your car..

The Murphy Philosophy
Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.

How comforting...

Everything takes longer than you think.
Especially when your time is limited

No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
Happens everytime I buy shoes.

Where patience fails, force prevails.
All the time

Remember the "Boomer-rang" effect; Whatever you do will always come back.
And bite you in the ass..

The one where you fly.

Girl Power.

Yeah.

That's it.

Girl Power for me.

Empowerment in General for me.

This is the one where I fly.

I fly the coop.

This is the one where, I learn that I can be in charge.

And responsable.

This is the one where I comprehend I am an adult.

True is still sick.

So I decided to pay him a surprise 'get well evening visit'.

Vader and I aren't speaking.

So after I got home, took a quick shower...me and Miss C got in my Death Van and headed out.

No questions, no butts, no ifs, no explanations.

I got in my car and left.

And as I pulled out of my driveway and saw Miss C in her seat I felt so empowered, so independent, so free, so grown up.

It was amazing.

I smiled all the way to True's house.

And it felt mighty good.

I was no longer 12.

I was 27.

******
As for the rest of things...
Well, as I said True is sick.
He has Dengue.
Dengue is caused by a mosquito bite and attacks your imune system, giving you fever and body aches, etc. etc.

He is ordered to strict bed rest.

So if you are reading...you should really be in bed...

really.

******

I'm doing good. Amazing enough. I've been relaxing and chilling and it's been good.
I've controlled my temper and played nice..

well...almost...if you don't count the time my mom gave me dirty look and I gave her the finger when she turned around.

Idle hands I tell ya'..

Idle hands..

What's up with you guys?
*******

Thought of the day:
Ignorance isn't bliss...it's just ignorance....it's just sad.

My computer keeps on telling me it needs to restart...

Even they know it's time to reboot...

Now if only I can hit that internal 'restart' button..I'd be all set.

This is the one where I hang on.

This is the one where I try to remain cohesive and sane and in one piece.

For the sake of myself and my few loved ones. And my daughter.

My precious daughter.
Who doesn't deserve such Kaos in her life.
Hell neither do I.

I don't know if things between Vader and I will ever be the same.

This weekend was the point of no return.

I'm the one not returning.
And I am gonna try not to care.
No matter how much it hurts.

No matter how empty I feel to live in a house full of people and feel alone.

I have both my parents physically but I mourn them like they are dead.

I no longer wish to be a part of their lives if they can't be a part of mine in a healthy way.

I need to move on.
I need to change.

I have to try hard to push myself from the negative things that surround me and try to keep going...keep focused..

I need to not think the things I used to think..and try to maintain my head and my hands busy..

Idle hands are hands of the devil.
Or so they say.

Don't worry about me.
I've found some type of outlet.

I need to understand that as much as I love my parents I cannot help them. At least not in the way they want me to help.

This is the one where I hang on to dear life and the thread that keeps me moving.

This is the one where I try to push myself to my limits and then some.

And in the midst of my pain...my tears and my solitude...last night...as I looked for answers from God knows where...

A book told me to channel my anger through Psalms 27...Let me add I am not religious folk...and I'm still a skeptic person...

But it was verse 10 that caught my attention...

it said:

"Even if you mother and father abandoned you, with everything, God will pick you up".

And this is the one where I hang on.

Not now.

Not now.
Not today.
Not this afternoon.

I am so not for Jehova Witnesses on my office doorstep today.

I've been kind before. I've entertained, I've talked. I like you folks.

Really I do.

But not now.

At 4:00pm, on a Friday. An hour before I'm due home.

Can't you just slip the magazines under the door for me?

*wink wink*

Can ya'? That's just grand..!

Out of Place

Let me ramble.

Bare with me.

Out of Place.
I've been feeling like this for the past few days.

How can this be so, you ask?
Just a few weeks ago I was oozing with love, happiness, joy, and peace.

I am stil in love. I'm still happy. I still feel joy.

I kind of still feel peace.

I can't exactly pinpoint what is wrong.
But I'll tell you this:

I feel out of place.

Sometimes I think I think too much.

Sometimes I think I am not ready for some stuff.
But ready for so much more.
I feel like I am ready for change.
But scared of it.
I think I can handle it all.
But sometimes I think I shouldn't.

And I feel out of place. I feel I am trying too hard. I am afraid.

Of what?
Maybe losing myself. Whatever is left of if anyways. I am scared of losing my identity, whatever it may tbe. I cannot take that risk. My identity is all I have left.

Don't I wish that it could all be so simple?

Yep.

Empress' take:
"Snap out of it".

She's right.

I need to snap out of it.
And re-focus.

I need some rest, some sleep, some quiet, some enlightment...sans Miss C. I need to connect with my peers and re-connect with myself, since I sometimes forget who I am.

Don't we all.

I need to re-structure my game plan, because I knew days like these were only a hop, skip and jump away, before they began to loom.

I need to carve out a niche for myself so that I don't feel out of place, because I already have my own.

***
Taken from Dilbert...

"I plan to make bumper stickers for pedestrians that say: How am I walking?, call 1-800 Blah Blah Blah...if you call that number and report people, they'll never again be allowed to purchase shoes. The best part about hating people is that I never run out of great ideas".

Amen. to. dat.

Friday's Four almost turned into Saturday's Six..this week has been hell.

Hell and then some.

If I get one more call informing me that Miss C has a fever I'll ...I'll...

I still haven't figured that part yet.

Alas, Miss C's diagnosis:

A virus.

Doctor's here are the shit..

They are just guessing it's a virus, with no scientifc evidence behind the statement.

Oh well.

So in honor of my busy week..I will present to you my "hightlights"...
Friday's Four Hightlights of the Week edition...

1. Scramble twice in the week to pick up Miss C due to "mystery fever". Scramble as in lose almost 2 days of work...as in haul ass in my van across towns...burning gasoline....skipping lunch...only to have a Miss C jumping, squealing and laughing of joy once we arrived at the doctor's office....

I swear...I wanted to wack her in the bathroom so at least she'd look sick...

2. Flying Chicken. Tuesday. Lunch with Empress. Didn't have my camera. Dammit. Someone cut her off in traffic, she lowered her window...I thought she was gonna curse them out..

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Instead..she flung a piece of POPCORN chicken at the car...accompanied by some very cute 5 and 4 letter words...

3. Thursday...Holiday. Drive to pick up some merchandise for our Autism Group Family Day. Try to control Miss C who is as anti-social as it gets and try to avoid her smacking or hurting the little girl who was at the house and wanted to play with her.

"Why won't she play with me?" the adorable girl asked..

Miss C in the background: Don't touch meeeeeeee!!!!

"Um...it's not you sweety...It's her...definitely her..."

4. I washed Grasshopper aka Death Van yesterday..only to see in the news that we are expecting a Tropical Depression that is gonna bring a whole shit load of rain.

Why is it..that everytime I wash my godforsaken car...it rains????
Murphy definitely needs some valium.


****
My weekend is kind of hazy still...with the 'rain' due...
I have nothing concrete planned..although obviously I'll do something with True.

So...cross your fingers that I won't have to buy a kayak or something...

****

Tell me about your week hightlights...

****
Thought of the weekend: karma...is sick...but I am sick - er

Don't be fooled...

See this girl..???


Ain't she sweet...??!!

Yeah..yeah yeah..don't be fooled..

Underneath this layer of sweetness is a kid...a kid who is allergic to homework..

Thus making mommy's head spin 360 degrees, á la Exorcist...

Imagine this...obsessive-compulsive-nerd-bookworm-mommy with a toddler who thinks coloring is for punks...

Questionaire.....

I'm a shameless crook...I stole this from....See Number 48...

1. FIRST NAME? A very weird one

2. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? No. It was literally a typo. My mom figured: "fuck it..let her suffer the consequences", unleashing many years of therapy

3. WHEN DID YOU LAST CRY? A few nights ago...I sink into depression very quickly.

4. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? it's cute when I feel cute..when I'm hellish it looks like chicken scratch.

5. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCHMEAT? Lunch meat??? Um...None. Is Pizza a lunch meat?

6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? Sure...I'm fun!

7. DO YOU HAVE A JOURNAL? Used to..traded it for a blog.

8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? I think so.

9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? Of course!

10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Anything with chocolate...

11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? rarely use shoes with laces

12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? Hell yeah....have you read my blog??!

13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM FLAVOR? Mint Chocolate Chip @Baskin Robin's and Double Take from Breyer's.

14.SHOE SIZE? 6

5. RED OR PINK? None. How about blue?

16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? My short temper.

17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? .....freedom

18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? I'd like for people to do this for themselves..that's good enough

19. WHAT COLOR PANTS, SHIRT AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Blue girly top...capri jeans and black ballet flats.

20. LAST THING YOU ATE? Cini Minis

21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? My boss complaining

22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Blue

23. FAVORITE SMELL? Fresh Baked cookies

24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? True

25. THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO? Shoes..clean shoes a must

26. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Totally...

27. FAVORITE DRINK? Dr. Pepper....Ice Tea

28. FAVORITE SPORT? hahahaha!! soccer..!hahaha..like you people don't know! BASEBALL!

29. EYE COLOR? Light Brown

30. HAT SIZE? very very small...6 3/8 I think

31. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? No. Glasses. Contact to complicated for me.

32. FAVORITE FOOD? White Rice and Chicken...

33. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Realistic Endings

35. SUMMER OR WINTER? Fall

36. HUGS OR KISSES? Hugs

37. FAVORITE DESSERT? Chocolate...in any shape, form or fashion

38. WHO IS MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? I have no clue.

39. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? People who have a life.

40. WHAT BOOKS ARE YOU READING? "Let me hear your voice" Catherine Maurice...Again...Second time around is more revealing

41. WHAT'S ON YOUR MOUSE Pad? a logo from my dad's job

42. WHAT DID YOU WATCH LAST NIGHT ON TV? Sex and the City

43. FAVORITE SOUNDS? When my daughter laughs

44. ROLLING STONE OR BEATLES? Rolling Stones

45. THE FURTHEST YOU'VE BEEN FROM HOME? Um...when I was in Jersey, Puerto Rico..when I was in Puerto Rico, Jersey...

46. WHAT'S YOUR SPECIAL TALENT? Writting poetry, entertaining kids....rapping...I can't believe I just typed that

47. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Newark , New Jersey aka Brick City

48 WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? Carolyn

How it's supposed to be..

This weekend...beyond us losing miserably....we, as in True and Moi, managed to sneak off to the new Fine Arts Cinema in the next town.

I have always been a fan of indie / foreign films. Alas, this is not a genre liked by many. We had this little itty bitty Fine Arts Cinema with only 3 screening rooms and it was kind of in bad shape. Then they opened this really cute one in San Juan, only to have it close a few months later.

But now.
But now.

They just opened this 6 screen, 3 story cinema in Hato Rey, Fine Arts Café.

OMG.

When I saw the ad in the paper....
I almost cried with joy.

"I have got to go there" I said.

Well this weekend I did.

It's this huge huge building...brand spanking new, with ample parking.
On the second floor you buy the tickets and go up to the third floor to watch the flick.

The third floor has a restaurant/cafe type setting. Lots of little tables, very cute, very chick...

But our amazement was the food variety.

We aren't talkin' bout' nachos and popcorn.

I'm talking bout': sushi, croissants, turkey sandwiches, cookies, pastries, wine, beer....and for True's delightment,

Coffee.

I was in movie theater bliss.

So we ordered our snacks, they placed them on a tray and we proceeded to go inside the movie theater.

But inside was even more amazing.

Stadium seating seats.

Big fluffy leather-easy-boy-type reclinable seats.

The middle arm, could be lifted and the seats can be joined to make 'love seats'.

It has a wide side arm to place your tray and lots of cup holders.

Me and True's take:

This is what a movie theater should be like.

We were originally gonna see the Illusionist, but got there a tad late and decided to see Little Miss Sunshine.

So I'll make the parentesis here and tell you folks to go see this movie, about a disfunctional family's quest to get their daughter to participate in a kiddie beauty pageant.

Refreshing, touching and poignant.

We enjoyed our snacks and the movie and have already set our minds to at least going once a month.

Or at least I've set my mind on it.

Foreign and Indie flicks so deserve to get the exposure that commercial flicks do. I just hope the public will learn to respect, cherish and take care of this new theater so that we can have it around for quite some time.

So, have you seen any good flicks lately?

Denial

I didn't wanna talk about it.
I sure as hell didn't wanna write about it.

But here it goes:

We got eliminated in Round 1.

The Yankees have gotten eliminated again.

WTF is wrong with these people..??!!

A 200 Million Dollar Ball club that can't make it past the first round of the playoffs..??!!

A ball club that ended its season spectacularly!!!!

I'll tell ya what's wrong...

To begin...Alex Rodríguez. A 252 million dollar player. With an average of .098.

For those of you who don't know averages.

This particular one, sucks.

Second thing wrong: Joe Torre.

To see him suck sunflower seeds in the dugout with his poker face and see him not actually give a shit...is enough to make me wanna clobber him with a bat.

Third item:
Pitchers.
We have no Bullpen.
None.
Nada.Zip.Zero.

Randy Johnson,our latest acquistion, is old. His time is up. Mussina...puh-lease!!
Detroit's bullpen, especially Ken Rogers, killed us...

Fourth Item:
And I take this from an article I read in the local paper, where the writer is an avid fan like me and is ashamed he has to defend such a sick team. The article was titled:

"The Damn Yankees".

He says, they are overconfident and that this factor doesn't give them hunger and desire to win.

I agree.

On saturday as I saw them lose, I couldn't help but sing and prance around in my living room.

Everyone called to ask if I was okay.
When True came over he asked if I was okay.
Everyone knew I wouldn't be..

I. love. baseball.
In a sick. way.
In a i-wanna-buy-the-yankess-bed-set-for-my-room way.
It's been my refuge, since I can remember.

True was surprised I was dancing and singing and cooking and prancing about.

He asked:

"Are you in Denial?"

yep.
You can call it that.

So I will try not to lose my cool everytime I think that in 2006 we screwed up, again.

Who's my pick now..?
Cause you know I'm still watchin' the playoffs..all the way to the World Series...

The Mets.

Hey...I gotta heart New York...
Even if it ain' the pinstripe ones...

Favors

People...Office People..I am so f*cking closed for favors right about now..

You want a photocopy..wait..

You want me to write out a personal check for you, after I have photocopied several examples so you can learn to write your own damn check...wait..

You want me to talk to the operator an explain why you have not paid your phone bill...wait..

You wanna ask me if you should re-mortgage your house..wait...

You actually think I'm gonna take my time off to accompany you to the bank to tell them you are gonna have that late housepayment due any second...NO WAY...No Forsaken Way...!!

You wanna take my good pens and not return them....
You wanna take my phones and not return them.....
You want me to seriously injure myself every time I look and don't see a pen and wanna staple my eyes shut!

And here she comes again to ask me more questions...
Do I look like your personal secretary...??!! Pay me!!

I'm workin' here people...
People need to start pulling their own f*ckn' weight around...

::makes mental note to boobie trap the office door so when someone opens it, it'll explode and sever off limbs instantly::

Yanks lost yesterday. Crap.
What is wrong that they couldn't make ONE Run!!!

::sigh::

and The Mets look like they are gonna win this easy....

Take a hint Yanks...
Take a hint...


So...I'm kinda of running out of gas for my Friday's Four...soon I'll have to see if I can conjure up something spiffy...

Days pass and moods change, what we feel now isn't what we feel tomorrow and vice versa...Today we wanna listen to one thing....tomorrow we wanna listen to another...

That's how it is....

So I'm gonna bring you up to date as to what I'm feeling today...

Friday's Four: Wacha' Feelin' Edition..

1. Musicwise: I'm feeling this group called Strange Fruit Project...it's a Christian Rap/R&B group...love love love em...I'm also feeling Dilated People's New CD : 20/20, especially the songs: Back Again and Firepower...You guys should see Miss C rocking and singing to Back Again..

2. Clotheswise...I'm feeling my new GAP faded skinny jeans...they fit so nice and feel so good...I'd rock em' everyday....I'm also feeling my NY Yankees Cap...it's part of my postseason ritual....

3. Foodwise: Sunny Delight and Corn Muffins. I haven't had Sunny Delight in ages and this morning I got a craving and bought one with a Corn Muffin...Yuummy...but if I keep this craving at this rate..no skinny jeans on earth will be able to hold me in..

4. And right right now..Thanks to Goddess ...I'm feeling this video...


And I quote:

"...I've never felt this healthy before..I've never wanted something rational...I am aware now...I am aware now.."

That kind of sums it up...really..

What are you feeling these days?

Please hit me up..

****
My weekend had the movies planned out...wanted to go watch the Illusionist, with Edward Norton and Paul Giamantti..but I have no babysitter..Vader is up to her old tricks again...

So I guess we'll rent flicks and chill....

Tonight...Yanks vs. Detroit..
So I've got my hands full..

Happy Weekend folks!

****
Thought of the weekend:

The life you have lived...at some point, doesn't really make a difference...all that matters is here and now...

Vader

"Luke...I am your father..."
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO"


That was initial reaction everytime I realized that my mom, was my mom.

It's not easy being the daughter of Vader.

Yesterday...was the last straw.

I called Vader to ask her if we had any hotdogs, because I wanted to have a ballpark menu for the first game of the Yanks Post Season.

"Are you having guests?" Vader
"Yes."

"Oh, so tonight is gonna be an allnighter..with Miss C going to bed late".
"Mom. I'll worry about Miss C. kay'?"


I decided I had to stop ignoring this behavior and start addressing it.
I decided I'd do it in a civilized manner and if things got out of hand, just walk away.

I got home and told her we needed to speak.
She scoffed, gave me her best "you-wanna-talk-to-me-do-u-know-who-i-am" look, and sat down.

"Mom. I want you to know that I love you. And I am not judging you in any shape, form or manner, but your attitude needs to stop. And I need to be treated as the adult I am. As the responsable Adult I am. I take care of my things, of my daughter, of my house. I need you and dad to understand that you can't just butt in my life and give me unsolicited advice. When I want it, I'll ask for it.."

She cuts me off..

"If I can't meddle in my children's lives, who's life can I meddle in..!!"

"No one, but your own, mom".

"Your attitude also needs adjusting. You're miserable, unhappy, depressed. Fine. But don't take it out on us. Don't drag us into this hole you have created for yourself..." blah blah blah blah

After about half an hour she was still sitting in the couch with her head down, tears streaming down her face. In complete silence. I approached her, hugged her and asked her if she needed to say anything. She remained quiet.

As I started to leave she said:
"So now I'm the bad guy".

"Jeez mom...I'm sad to see that I've wasted half an hour of speech and you didn't get my message".

I left.

I called True to tell him and his take:

"She'll come to talk to you sooner or later...You've opened the door to communication
".

True to Form...no pun intended..
She walked up half an hour later.
Sat in my rocking chair.
Tried to pick a fight.
Had no sucess.

"YOU...HOW DARE YOU SAY I MEDDLE IN YOUR LIFE...YOU HAVE ALWAYS DONE WHAT YOU WANT...YOU ARE STUBBORN..AND HARSH AND A BACKTALKER...!! YOU TALK ABOUT MY ATTITUDE PROBLEM, BUT YOU DON'T SEE YOURS!!!"

I turned around, quietly. Raised my voice a tad, because she was screaming in MY HOUSE.

"I would appreciate if you lower your voice, because I don't want to fight. I know I am not an easy person. I know I have an attitude. And as far as making my own decisions, I'm glad I did. That molded me into who I am now. You don't get what I am trying to tell you, I don't care about the past. I want a clean slate with you. I want to be your friend, I want to hold your hand. I want you to respect me, for I have earned that, don't you think? I am happy. I am at a point in my life where I am finally happy. I am happy with True. And you need to respect that, even if you can't be happy for me...understand?"

"Happy? You think I don't want you to be happy..you think I don't love you guys?"

"Loving us is more than serving a hot meal and washing our clothes...when was the last time you told us you loved us?"

Silence.

"I could die tomorrow. You know that, don't you?
"

Silence.

"Well...how can I be happy for you if you keep on jumping from guy to guy?!"

WTF?

"Um..jumping from guy to guy???...::cocks eyebrow::...Did you open your eyes when you were born and automatically fall in love with dad and knew he was the "guy"? Were you ever young? Were you ever in love? I am happy and it doesn't matter how I got there. So please respect that".

Silence.

"I'll be here. I wanna help you. My hand is there. It's up to you to take it".

She stood up.
I hugged her.
Told her I loved her. She sobbed some more.
I told her about church and True and the things I've been going through.
She said she was happy for me.

As she was walking down the steps, True arrived he said hi..
And for the first time, she genuinely acknowledged him.

During our game she even came up and talked to us for a bit...

True and I were then left to watch our Yankees win.

Popcorn and cokes were our snacks, Me in my ballcap...Him in his Jersey...True is my boyfriend, Vader is my Mom and our team kicked ass.

It doesn't get any better than this.

Declaration

I've been a bit out of tune.

Been substituting my usual posts for lots of pics in an effort to find something to amuse you folk with, since I've been on some sort of silent strike for quite some time.

My life has been under construction this past month.
Things have moved at the speed of light and I've kept quite hush about everything in hopes of not to spook it all away.

I understand that I can't spook this away.

And I won't.

At least I'm praying that I won't.

Things were kinda of in a 'pause' mode. Nothing much was happening. Everything was at a standstill.

Then.
September 2, 2006.

And I quote, Liquid Swordz, "When the Emcees Came"

"...that was the night everything changed..."

That night I had my re-encounter with True.
I had not seen him in almost 5 years.
And it seems like nothing had changed between us. No awkwardness, no shyness..we picked up where we had left off.

And it was all good.

As many of you could probably tell or guessed, we started hanging out and things kind of took off from there.

In a good way.

We confessed that this wasn't new to either of us. Way back when we used to hang out, we had feelings for one another, but neither said anything back then.

It isn't a coincidence that time brought us back together.
I have never believed in coincidence.

Along with him, and pardon my mushiness, has come something else...peace.

I can't remember how long it's been since I've been at peace, with me, with my world, with everything.

I've started to go to church again. Not because he goes to church. We clearly made that clear. I've started going to church because I felt I needed to. I felt there was an emptiness I needed to reconcile, that I needed to fill up with something.

Faith?
I don't know, yet.
I know I needed/need a place where I can go and forget and think and love and live and be.

I'm not saying that tomorrow I'm gonna post I'm a 'born-again' Christian.
I've been down that road.

My point of view and perspective has changed.
I've gone through many experiences this past month, on all levels.
And many obstacles have begun to surface.
But as True says:

"When you are most happy, the obstacles will come."

I hear that.

And I'm holding on tight.

Because what I feel I don't wanna forget and let go of.

I think, oddly enough that True was placed for an ulterior motive and he is just a great bonus to this all.

And like one of his song's says:

"This may be the last call".

The last call to my happiness, to my future, to my peace, to my life.
And I just got on that train and I'm not turning back.

So now, we are officially a couple. A couple that does 'chilling at my crib' on the weekends, church on Sunday and baseball games during the week. We get each other, we feel comfortable together, and for the first time in a while, things are looking up....and I look forward to getting up and getting my life in gear.

So, today, October 3rd, 2006, I Mary P. declare that I am in love.

I am in love with everything that surrounds me.

Ok.

I lied. Not everything, because Vader is still driving me up a wall.

But her time will come. Soon enough.

For now, I'm content with the love of my peeps.

That's enough for my lil' heart....

So go out and tell someone u luv them...

Go on now.
Run.

I know I'm going to.

Saturday..I tagged along with the B-Boys to Old San Juan...

And I happened to take some really good pics of the guys in action...the kids playing along..and nice pics in general..

Needless to say...we all had a great time...

Miss C ran like a nut at the Plaza, chased pigeons and pondered on why this weekend the fountain was empty...

....



  

  

  

  




  

  

  

  




  

  

  

  




  



Our night was long...very long....and things began on a sour note..but then...then things turned out swell and we got our groove on...So enjoy the slideshow and enjoy the audio...


The visuals in the videos are pretty bad...but the following are the audio's of when we got pulled over by the cops on our way to hangout...

Because we were speeding...
Bah...What a load of crock...
Cop claimed I was doing 60 in a 30 mph zone...I passed by there today and the sign read 50 m.p.h.

You know I'm fighting that $175.00 ticket...

...The second audio is the cop asking me in spanish if I did any liquor...

Yeah..I just drank a bottle of Jack Daniel's before heading out...::rolls eyes::

The last audio...is the music...the so-so music we were listening to at the club..I've heard better..but we had a good time regardless...







The aftermath was at Old San Juan, True, Empress and I...just enjoying some good ol' hot dogs...

I'll elaborate more later if I can..
I also have some great pics of Saturday at Old San Juan..with the B-boys in action..

Enjoy!

PS. On her way home..Empress got pulled over again...and got slapped with another ticket...

Crime and kaos on our island..and they are pulling us over!!!

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