Another long weekend and I'm barely getting by on about 5 hours of sleep, two whole wheat pieces of bread and some cranberry juice....

My weekend kicked off on Thursday with all Hell breaking loose.

My temper gets the best of me sometimes.

And when I feel I'm being mistreated or ignored or whatever....I fume.

And not in a nice way.

Why is it that we are good for some things, but not good for others?

Why is it that sometimes we feel like a 'guest'?

Well...I wasn't having it..

And I wasn't about to keep my mouth shut.

I gave True a piece of my mind.
And not in a nice way.

It went something along the lines of...(*&^%$#!!!!! %$#@^&*!!!!!

His reaction of course wasn't cheery.

Without going into too many details....I let him know that sometimes I feel completely ignored and out of place....

That he needs to acknowledge me when we go out...

Let's get this straight, I'm not talking bout' hangin' on my every word all night long...or extreme shows of PDA (Public Displays of Affection)...

I don't need it..and I don't like it.

I'm saying that if we go out together, to a place where most of the people still aren't like my buddy buddies a lá Empress...then he should not forget I'm there....Not leave me there like a sitting duck...

So, long story short...we went about this for the whole weekend....

And boy oh boy, in all honesty...there was a moment where I thought..

"You know what???!! I don't need this crap....I don't need to feel this way...maybe this is all wrong"

And I thought about calling it all off.

But I didn't.

We managed to survive.

Not without giving me an intense desire to just forget it all and go call Empress to do some 'enlightening'....

But I didn't.

Relationships are hard. And I am used to it. What I'm not used to is being in a relationship that is 'civil'...where the other part is calm, cool, collected. I'm used to being in control...to scream and be screamed at...

And all of a sudden I'm thrown into this vortex of civilization that drives me up a wall.

It's hard being in a relationship that when something goes wrong your signficant other takes it all in stride....maybe doesn't even understand why you are so upset...and is so cool as a cucumber that you wanna just poke his eyes out with the nearest ballpoint point pen available.

And you can't.

It's hard to be in a relationship and be going through major life changes and not feel that in some way you might be losing your identity.


I don't know where this is all going...and I don't have a crystal ball.

That I have to work with some character issues??

I know.

That sometimes I need to speak nicer and NOT walk around like I'm bathed in gasoline...

I know.

In the meantime...
I have to learn how to work with the 24 hours a day....and not worry about yesterday..because it's gone...and not worry about tomorrow because it's not here yet...

We ended our weekend with an activity on Saturday....and Church on Sunday....

Where at the end of the service...without me saying anything to anyone...

The pastor came directly to me and said:

"You've done your part..and everything is gonna be OK".

::crosses fingers::