There are moments where I feel exactly like this..




Like one of these things is definitely not like the other..

The 'thing' being ME.

::sigh::

Sometimes I try hard to fit in...and I end up feeling really out....
It's been a blah weekend.
The kind of weekend you just wanna stay in bed and sulk.

I was / am in anti-social mode....
didn't wanna hear a peep from anyone...and tried my best to put on my happy face to no avail...

*******
Friday I went to church...I've never been to church on a Friday....
And I have never felt so completely out of sync and out of place in my entire life...
Sometimes I can't help wonder..

What on earth are you doing Mary??

Saturday...after therapy...I decided to detox and sleep...to later make my way to San Juan...I wasn't too thrilled..but being that True's mom wanted to say with Miss C ...it was a great moment to go and chill sans child...

I couldn't take many pics...and my restlessness was getting the best of me....I swear that sometimes I don't know what the heck is wrong...

The guys usual dance spot was invaded by a protest of some sort of socialist point of view...and while everyone laughed and kind of made fun of this man who was there with his flags and his megaphone..I couldn't help but feel restless and desperate...and admire him. Not many of us have the capability to put ourselves out there and do what are hearts truly believe is right...

We decided to change spots..because we could not compete with his megaphone and as we dragged all across Old San Juan, I found this marvelous lil' lunch spot..where I'm sure to go have a bite soon enough...






Since I'm so busy these days..I'll ask for my "lite men" to go...

We finally decided on a spot...but it was so late and getting dark..and chilly that the momentum of taking pics had washed down the drain....







****
Sunday, after the Ex took Miss C...we left church and headed out to the movies....We ended up seeing "The Pursuit of Happiness".

I don't think I needed to see such an emotional movie....

Sometimes I am just plain massochistic.

****

Yesterday...I had the day off...my goal: leave Miss C at daycare and clean..wash clothes, wash my car..etc. etc...

Ha!
Murphy never forgets...
I had no water...
All day.

So a grimy stinky ass me...made my way to True's house...to take a shower...and make my way alll the way back up to catch the snoozefest that was the Golden Globes..

****

That was the most 'exciting' ::yawn:: weekend so far this year..

I had too much time to think...
I had Vader calling and being upset I wasn't hanging out with her...
I had no water....
And this sudden feeling that I was back at Square One.

I can't help but feeling utterly lost sometimes...and utterly out of myself..
I could literally see myself..like some sort of outter body experience...
I was sooo not me..and every intent to be funny...happy and 'normal' was so fake and far fetched...I think everyone noticed..

It's hard for me to pretend I'm okay when I'm not.
I know what's wrong with me.
but I don't know how to go about it.

Yeah Yeah..pray pray pray...
I know I know I know...

that's what most people would tell me..pray and God will talk to you.
I don't know if I'm praying wrong..
but all I'm hearing are the gears of my head...winding about....

For now..I have a mad headache and a mad schedule this week...
maybe it'll keep me from thinking too much....

I need to disconnect and re-boot...