Well people it's another year...it has commenced...and I have a nice headache, bad stomachache and severe backache to go right along with it..

I wish I could say it was from the heavy drinking and extreme dancing this weekend..

But it's not..

I'm all effed up for no apparent reason...

Oh Yeah..maybe it's because I'm getting OLD.

For the first time in my entire life, I spent the New Year's sans family. No Vader. No Vietnam. No drunk aunts or odd uncles wanting to coaxe me into playing dominoes or having 'another-beer-which-won't-kill-you'. No Vader, Miss C and Me nestled around the TV in the silence of our home, waiting for midnight, and watching Vader cry..and quickly have her throw us out because she wants to sleep.

For the first time, I cut the umbillical cord...and it was a mix of bittersweet emotions..and yes..I cried...

Friday I spent the night at True's.

His parents love to have us over and since True was at church till about 1am on Friday...I spent the evening watching TV and playing cards with his parents....

It was nice hanging out with them..and I think the feeling was mutual.

Saturday after I left True's to go take Miss C to therapy...I indulged in a little all-day nap...Miss C was with her dad and I was alone in my big fluffy bed....

Around 4pm I had plans to go to church to take the set I built for the Children's Play on Sunday...and originally had planned on spending the evening at home...

But when True arrived to help me load the stuff he informed me that his parents, had requested I stay over that night. They were having other guests stay at the house and wanted to have me and Miss C over as well.

Um..I had not planned on it...and originally said No. But True said it really meant a lot to his parents I stay over...so I caved in.

We spent a large part of the evening at church setting up my lil' manger and village...and the rest of the evening we spent it sitting in the living room...True, his parents, his cousins, Miss C and I...

Sunday...after church...I headed home to get some clothes and take a shower in my crib. You know no matter how nice you are treated and how at home you feel in someone elses' home...there's no shower like your shower..

So...after tossing the idea of getting all spiffy...and changing into some comfy jeans and turtleneck..I headed out to True's...

As I walked down the stairs...I realized my bro was home...so me and Miss C bonded with my bro for a while and for the first time in his adult life, he confirmed he was spending the New Year's with Vader's...@ my aunt's house....


"You going?" he inquired
"Nope...no crazy relatives this year..."

Vietnam also made his appearance..slighty drunk, slighty upset and managed to mumble some harsh words on Vader..his situation, etc. etc.

I, out of courtesy, asked if he wanted to tag along with me...but he said he was going to sleep....

Happy Napping...

So..Miss C and I headed out...and on our way Vader called.

Vader was not a Happy Camper.

She hasn't said it. But she is upset I'm spending time with True's family.

She's jealous.

Too bad.

Cuz everytime I take time out to spend with her, she's got this Oscar the Grouch Grill and this sh*tty attitude I'm not willing to put up with...

I wanna be with people who appreciate my company.

So after learning I was spending my New Year's with True, she sighed and told me a zillion times to take care of Miss C and not drive out too late...She didn't know I was sleeping over...

If she knew I slept over the whole weekend..she'd flip.

So...once at True's...we basically just sat about...True's parents played instruments..sang our Puerto Rican carols...I sat in the room with Miss C who was having a fit because she couldn't hear her cartoons with the music..

"Turn it off!! Turn music off!!" she wailed...a real delightful child

As it got closer to midnight..a wave of sadness and nostalgia hit me.

I was homesick.

I was there with people I loved...with people who made me feel so good and special and yet I missed my family.

I missed the family I had once.

Jeez. We can be so masochistic sometimes.

True went to go get me in the room at 10 minutes to twelve.

We stood in the driveway with our cups to toast the New Year and as I kissed Miss C, True and everyone else..I couldn't help blinking away my tears...

I thought I was gonna lose it when I hugged True's parents...
Cuz deep down inside...I wished I was hugging mine.
But that has never happened...and never will.

I told them I loved them and that I was very thankful for their hospitality.

As everyone went outside to party and watch fireworks..

I retreated to a quiet spot in the house to try and call my mom.

I couldn't reach her.

Empress called.

"Happy New Year friend!!"

In a voice that sounded as equally as pained as mine.

"Yeah..Happy New Year".

I could hear her voice was cracked...She like I, was spending a New Year sans family.

She said:

"No matter how good we are treated...I can't help but question what am I doing here? without my family?..on a day such as this..."

Her voice cracked...and mine did as well...True walked in just as I hung up and began to sob..

"What's wrong?" True immediatley asked..
"Nothing".
"Nothing??...if you don't tell me..." his voice sounding a tad impatient..
"Nothing."

He left the room.

I just sat there, until I reached Vader.

"I love you mom and I want this New Year to make us closer, like we were. I want you to know that even though we are in this situation, I love you. Even if I don't tell you".

This time my voice completely lost and sobbing.

"I do too..I love you too...This is the first New Year's you spend without me. Be careful. I'll see you tomorrow".

Her voice as dry as the weather in Iraq.

I hung up.

For a while True was still a tad upset I didn't wanna talk about my tear-fest...and after a while he forgot and proceeded to shower me with hugs and kisses.. and his family all cheered that there would be a wedding soon....

We ended up going to bed at 5am...

After a long sleep and an afternoon of sitting in our pj's and hearing his family discuss how many grandkids they want us to give em'...True, Miss C and I headed to Vader's Crib aka Deathstar.

Vader was not happy to see us...at least not me and True.

So we kept our visit short....very short.

I understand that that's the way it has to be.

So after Vader, we headed HOME. My home..and spent the rest of the evening trying not to fall asleep in front of the tube.

And when True left and I finally curled into my big fluffy bed..which I missed so much...I thanked God for all the things I had...I thanked him for all the text messages I got from all the lovely people in my life, I thanked him for allowing me to survive another year..sanely.

I even thanked him for Vader.

Because deep down inside I still have hope that I can find my mom in there.