I have two little souvenirs from yesterday's Hell:

1. "Sometimes you walk around like you're doused in gasoline...and any little thing that happens sets you on fire"

2. And This:

My visitation pass at the Psychiatric Hospital. I'm just lucky it didn't say "Patient".

To make a long story short. My mom received a call from my dad's job, asking if a family member could come to the office. They didn't reveal any details and in the mess of it all my mom thought it was my brother (my dad and him have the same name) and she calls me distressed thinking something had happened to bro.

I call bro at his job. He's ok. So it must be Vietnam. My father. So I try to reach him. No answer. I call his job. The secretary tells me his brother had picked him up and took him to the Psychiatric Hospital. The version: He tried to kill himself.

Great. What brother? What hospital? No one knows anything. Nor do they provide more information on the phone. I don't have any numbers for my father's side of the family. We are not close.

I tell my mom. Vader's take: Thank God it isn't your brother.
So after leaving my job and driving like a mad woman. My uncle calls me. He tells me my dad's co-worker's took him. He tells me the hospital. I drive there.

After getting lost, driving in rain..cursing...screaming a zillion times...and banging my fists on my steering wheel, I find the place.

A nut house on a hill, with birds squawking left and right....lots of vegetation and complete silence.

My dad is sitting, quietly, hands folded.

All is calm.

Doctor calls me in.
Tells me the seriousness of the situation. He didn't try to kill himself, but he threatened to and threatened to set the house on fire.
Those who read my blog, know that this is not a newsflash.
But even if he has said this before, when someone talks about suicide, it isn't to be taken lightly.

Doc. told me it was best if we committed him.
But Vietnam didn't want to.
They told me I had to sign a court document making me his tutor and obligating him to stay.

I said No.
"Oh..so you want your dad to kill himself and set the house on fire?"
"Um. No. That is a very manipulative question...and I won't fall for it. No one wants their parent to kill themselves or cause harm. But I can't be responsable for him alone. It is too big of a decision to make on my own".
"Ok. so you want him to die".
"Yeah. sure whatever. How can we leave?"

Let me add, I know it is best for him to stay. But this task I cannot do alone and if he doesn't wanna cooperate, I'm sorry to say I can't help.

So, they take me to another room.
"Miss, you have to right in your handwritting that you will be responsable for anything your father does when he leaves here".
"What??"
"Yes. If he harms himself or others. It's your responsability"
"No Fucking Way...you people are assholes, get my dad in here".

I'm sorry but I was pissed.

So after I get my dad in, we go back and forth, I cry I scream, I plead.
Because I was in between the wall and the sword.
It was all wrong either way...

What was I supposed to do...