Stuck on the end of this ball and chain
And I'm on my way back down again
Stood on a bridge, tied to the noose
Sick to the stomach
You can say what you mean
But it won't change a thing
I'm sick of the secrets
Stood on the edge, tied to a noose
You came along and you cut me loose
You came along and you cut me loose
You came along and you cut me loose.

Coldplay's Amsterdam

Long weekend. Very Long. It was the equivalent of being on an infinite rollercoaster.

No end. Very Emotional.

Friday: Empress came over, we chilled, True stopped by, we chilled. Nothing out of the ordinary.

Saturday: Ditched Therapy to go run some errands with Miss C. She started complaining about this massive stomachache. She began to cry and bend over in pain, she started getting a fever....Things escalated. 2 hours later, I'm at the ER. 7 hours later I am back home. Seems she has a throat infection complicated with something in her tummy. She is better now. But mommy was creating massive hysteria at Walgreens where I had to wait for almost 3 hours to get her meds. I publically apologize to True, who with his never ending patience had to hear me lose my temper a few times.

"What do you mean it's been 3 hours and her meds aren't ready???"
"What do you mean the lady who is supposed to verify my kid's meds is on the phone??"
::bends over counter::
"She needs to get off the phone!!"
"Where is the Walgreens from the commercials!!??"

Sunday: Ex was taking Miss C to the circus. I was flying solo. I went to church.

Yes. Church.
Yes. With True.
No. I didn't wear anything boob flashing.
Yes. I did wear my new Audrey Hepburn pants.

I had never been so nervous in my life. True came to pick me up and The Ex was there picking up Miss C. True asked if he should say "HI", because they know each other, I suggested he did. Can you spell awkward? yeah, neither can I. They took too long exchanging "hello's" and I frankly, had never been more anxious to get to church than at that moment...but they said their "goodbyes" and we were off.

I literally felt my heart was going to jump out of my chest from all the excitement. To top it all off, we were running a bit late, so everyone noticed when we entered.

The pastor quickly noticed my presence and acknowledged me in front of everyone and asked if I was a family member...

Ahem...
I am a friend.

"Ok, then, everyone go say hi to E.!!"

Everyone came and said "HI".

Yeah. I felt like an ostrich right about then. Only I couldn't seem to sink my head through the blue carpeting while trying not to let everyone see my best Britney Spear's chewing gum impersonation. I needed some type of retainer in all the hype.

Shawn Boltz was there for a Congress they were having at their church that weekend. The service was truly funny and very amusing. He's a very mellow guy, great speaker and had a great way of getting his message across without making you want to auto-inflict paper cuts with The Bible pages. At the end of the service he was going to like pray one-on-one with the people who wanted to.

True suggested I go up and have him like pray/minister for me. (I don't know if I got the terminology correct, so church folk, bare with me). I declined. Me / prayer / church / not a good combo.

As the people got up and held his hand I saw so many things before me. ::sigh:: I saw my life and where it's at right now and how badly I wanna make things right.

"True, would you accompany me up there?"

"Sure".

Shawn commented on my ring immediately, asked if I had made it...I'm always the fashion maven...even in church....

::rolls eyes::

We chuckled, he held my hand. He talked.

I am not giving too many details on the things he said, but he did say I needed more faith and that I have had so many hardships in my life and that things were going to look up for me.

He asked God to give me more Faith.

Faith.

That strung a High Chord in my emotions. Faith I have so trouble having. Faith so abstract, just like Love. Faith which enables us to move on. Faith that scares the hell out of me, when I think "What if this is all a crock?".

::sigh::

Shockingly enough I did not cry. But it blew my mind for the rest of the evening. The phrase "Give her faith", stills rings in my head this morning. The phrase which probably gave me that killer ass migraine last night. The phrase that makes me tremble with fear, joy, sadness, bittersweetness. The phrase that helps me hold on at moments like last night when my dad questioned as to why I went to church and why was I there for such a long time.

Faith when I see the eyes of my daughter and I hear her say "mommy". Faith is what I fear. Because I fear life, change, transformation. Because it is much easier to not have faith and live in complete static, in a complete standstill.

But it is this itty bitty faith that has been growing in my heart for several weeks now that has removed the noose that I had so rebelliously tied around my neck.

Now I need faith to take the steps I need to take to make this right.
Not for anyone else, but me.

So. That was my church thingy.

Afterwards I accompanied True to pick up his dad at the airport. I met his parents. Real Cool Folk.
We went to eat.
And headed back to my place to chill with Miss C who was back from the circus.

At around midnight we called it a night. Needless to say, we were both snoozing on the couch. It has been a long weekend and we both needed our beauty rest.

So after my beauty rest, another day has come...and I think it'll all be ok.

I just have to let it be.
Ya' know...

And I am now the official 'Rainbow' Hunter...
True pointed this one on our way home...