"Ok. Now let me go and start some drama...
I'm craving a big cupful of it right about now..."

That was yesterday.

Be careful with what you wish for....

Because it might just come true.

I asked for 'drama' yesterday. And boy oh boy did I get it.
By the gallon.

It seems to me that nothing can ever remain smoothly for more than a certain amount of time. It seems like"Murphy"is never far away.

And I knew this was coming. I am happy. I knew misery was just a knock of a door away.

Yesterday, True called me up cause he was in the area buying some stuff for his church with some people. He asked if he could stop by. So I figure:

"Sure!! Why not?!!"

At around 9:30pm, True arrives, goes upstairs and we sit in the living room chilling, trying to find a game to watch. Miss C was already long gone in sleepy land.

So we're there, we're laughing, talking...blah blah...having a good ol' time...when..

::knock knock knock::

It was about 10:30 or so....
I give True a who-the-hell-can-that-be-look and walk towards the door.

"Who is it?"

"It's me"

Me as in My Mom. As in My Mom with this clearly recognizable i-am-miserable-and-i've-come-forth-to-whip-out-more-misery-upon-yee-folk, voice.

"Is this how's it gonna be every day? Late night visits all week" Mom

"Um..??!!! what is your problem?" Moi

"Is Miss C asleep?" Mom

"Yeah...a long while back ago..." Me

She then proceeds to give me her best dirty-i-will-melt-you-with-my-eyes stare and walks down the stairs, huffing and puffing.

Before I continue, let me rewind back to Sunday. Sunday, while me and Empress were outside she made similar comment, along the lines of:

"People work tomorrow. It's late".

People work tomorrow? What people? You? You're a housewife, lady. Get a grip. I work tomorrow and I'm the one responsable for getting my ass up. Thank you.

But last night she just crossed the line.

I closed the door and was pissed as hell.

I absolutely broke down and cried. I was so upset. And mortified and embarrassed True had to hear my mom be an ass.

I am an adult. I am 27 f-ing years old!!! I pay RENT, I pay my own utilities. This is MY house. And I will not allow her to be a prick just because she is miserable. That, alas, isn't my fault. I'm not in my house beating my kid, or leaving her with strangers so I can go and drink and smoke pot. I am not bringing men over and sleeping around. I am at my house watching a baseball game and drinking Seven-fucking-up. Maybe if I did bring a crack head home and we did some lines on the coffee table, she wouldn't be whining. Anyways. So I cried and vented and cursed and just rambled on like some psycho and apologized to True.

True on the other hand, was cool as cucumber.

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No. This is my (*&^%$#@ house!!" Moi

"Ok. Take it easy"

"Oh nooooo!! this isn't staying this way!!! Tomorrow I will give her a piece of my mind...she has to be put in her place (I was actually thinking of giving her a piece of my mind as soon as True left)".

True with his mellow-chello attitude looks at me and goes:

"It's not worth it. Let her be. Are you happy?"

::I nod::

"Then forget it. You will accomplish nothing arguing with her. Don't let her ruin your happiness. You have to understand that now when you are most happy, many things will come into your life that will try to take that happiness from you"

Yeah. Like the "Happiness-Sucking-Vortex" Vacuum of my Mom.

He continued...

"You have to learn to recognize these challenges and be brave about them and learn to ignore them and not let them get you down. You deserve your happiness and you need to be strong and tackle these things in a better way. Let her be. Come home tomorrow and be as happy as you can be. She'll understand, sooner or later, that her actions were wrong".

I panicked. Started crying again.

"I just wanna be happy. I want her to be happy for me. She's my mom. But on the other hand I don't want you, or anyone else for that matter to feel that they can't come to my house, or feel uncomfortable".

"Me not visit again? That's not happening. She's gonna have to get used to seeing my face. Her attitude doesn't affect me. On the contrary, when I get home, I'll pray for her. Don't worry. Don't let this get you down. I'm there for you." True

::sigh::

We spent the rest of the night making jokes, laughing and trying to forget the sour note that almost ruined my vibe.

Almost.
But not quite.

The only sad part is that I actually had given her a card, earlier that day, to cheer her up, since she has been in such a foul mood lately and she opened the card and didn't even acknowledge it. The actual sad part is that I spent the equivalent of a lunch on her card.

There goes a value menu down the drain.

Mom. I don't hate you. I just dislike you right about now. You have been miserable for quite some time since grandma died. 5 years ago. You seem to not want anyone else to enjoy happiness and be on the same train with you. I rode that train once. For a long time. But I decided to get off. It was going in circles. I can't get on that train anymore, and as much as I love you, I can't accompany you. I extend you an invitation to ride the train I'm on now. The one with the comfy seats, the free cold ice-tea and the nice lounge music. You're more then welcome to come along, after all, you're my mom and I wouldn't want anything more than to see you at peace, not even happy, just simply at peace.

But I will not be dragged on to that train again. I refuse to be shoved on that train. I refuse to be treated like if I was 4. I refuse to let you contaminate me with your vibe. I am getting a vaccine against people like you.

just. so. you. know.

I wanted drama.

There. was. drama.

But i'm the drama. mama. and. i. won't. allow. your. drama. to. become. mine.

I love you.

But I love myself a wee bit more.