Growin' up I had very traditional strict parents. They would literally try to kill each other in randomn bullshit fights but they seldom hit look from my mother was good enough to melt your retina.

But that doesn't mean that good ass whoopings did not occur, u know to remind us who was boss...or as Puerto Ricans would say "Hay que recordate que aqui mando yo"

Here goes 4 whoopings that made it into my Hall of Fame:

1. The $10.00 beating...After badgering my mom, I got her to give me $10.00, a birthday present a friend of hers had given her to give me. I wanted to go buy candy at the store near her friends house. She told me to be extra careful with the change...When I got home, she asked me what I had bought, I told her a 25 cent pack of Now N Laters, she asked for the change and I handed her 75 cents...she asked me for the rest...but there was no 'rest', that was all I had gotten in the store. Fuck I was in the 2nd grade..I had no idea how much change I was supposed to get, nor that the fuck behind the counter was gonna 'jip' me...My mother took out a belt, and hit me with the buckle on my was the only time she hit me with the buckle..but that was enough to remind me to count my change..all the time.

2.The I wanna go with my dad slap. We were here in Puerto Rico, for our yearly vacation. My mom and dad were arguing and my dad was gonna leave to blow off some steam. I wanted to tag along. My mom said no. I insisted. She said "OK, traitor" and slapped me silly. The only time I was slapped, but more than enough to remember who's team to play on. (But I did hang out with my dad that day).

3. I really hate u and ur broom whooping...For some odd reason, I was being defiant with my mom....I was on the beginning end of the hallway giving her lip..she was in the kitchen sweeping...I guess she got tired of the lip cuz she proceeded to chase me down the hall...I tried to haul ass on the baby spit up green carpet we had to try to make it to the 'safehouse' bathroom..but I didn't make it in time...and so literally hit me with the broom and broke the handle. I so totally fear for those defiant children of witches. I mean like they have brooms on hand at all times...

4. I am not really gonna hit is the kind of spanking that should occur instantly but since you are in public u know u are not gonna get it until the door to ur house slams behind u. I was arguing with my mom about us moving to Puerto Rico. The argument got heated and I left the house. I sort of like 'ran away'. But I decided to 'run away' to a friend's house (bright), Joanna's (Brazilian Princess, remember Joanna?). My mom quickly caught on and appeared at Joanna's house all nice and smiley.

"I came to pick up____, Hi sweety, ready to go?"

As we walked up the block back to my house she kept repeating..

"Boy are u gonna get it...boy are u gonna get it".

Did I get it??

U bet ur asses I did.

That's what u call tough love...


Come On..don't look at me like that..u know u've had ur share of whoopings as well...

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