"Son you'll never catch me preach-ing what I'm not practic-ing
Word War II, Platform the illest flows
I know my hunger's real, I still get nauseous at shows
My motto, I didn't write but this I quote:
";It ain't where you put your words, it's where you don't";"

The Platform by Dilated Peoples

I do still get nauseous at shows. I am nauseous right now. I don't know how I manage to get myself into these things.

Yesterday evening I got a call from an old friend from the music scene. He had the task of calling me up, because a local dj from a radiostation is having an 'activity' on Saturday, honoring Women in Hip Hop. She wanted to contact me and invite me to this thing.But, since I have been MIA from the scene, since giving birth, she didn't know how to reach me, so she called my friend and he called me. Since he knows my 'Sitch-tu-ay' (situation), He told her before even talking to me:

"Look, I'll call her, but I doubt she'll come, she doesn't do these type of things anymore, and if she does come, she won't perform, I know that for sure".

So he calls me up, let's me know the info. I must admit I was extremely flattered they have even considered inviting me. I mean I haven't been around for such a long time, but to have people remember the things I have done, it's very flattering. I told him, to his shock and mine:

"Ok, I'll go. The ex has Miss C this weekend. I can make it. But I don't have to do anything but show up, right?"

"NO. You don't. U just be there. I'll call her and let her know".

We talked a bit more, went over the guestlist and guestperformers and hung up.

My heart was racing. I was/am estatic.

But I'm cool, cuz I just have to show up, right?.

Wrong.

I am a masochist. Really I am. I mean I just can't show up there, as a guest and not perform. Right?

So since last night, I've been conjuring up a plan, maybe a little freestyle, maybe recite a poem, maybe both. Nothing old, something new, current, cuz I really wanna complicate my life with something new to memorize in only 2 days.

So now I'm digging in my crates, patching up a show and dusting myself off.
I already feel like I'm gonna throw up.

Ain't nothing like the adrenaline of show.