Why do all offices tend to believe that "Rocketman" by Elton John is an oh so appropiate song for the enviroment. I swear if I hear "Rocketman" one more time this week, I'll die of a sudden respitory problem...and I'm not gonna even get started on the instrumental version, I've been submitted to for the past 3 mintues and 28 seconds on 'hold' by our local Electric Company...OH MY GOD..NOW they are playing an instrumental version of some sick 70's song...whacka whacka whacka...too doo doo..!!

U PEEPS NEED TO PICK UP THE GOD FORSAKEN PHONE RIGHT NOW...!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
By the time a representative is on the phone, I will have gone into a state of complete shock and forgotten why I called in the first place...

i so much prefer the :

"Thank u for calling ______. Your call is very important. At this moment all of our representatives are attending other customers. Your estimated wait time is: 3 hours..."

all said in this "I really don't give a shit" voice.

Sick Sad World. (As my favorite Cartoon Daria would say).

*************
Anyway, yesterday was mother's day...hoo ha!! **hint: note the sarcastic undertone in my celebration**

I hate holidays. Holidays I usually spend in my pj's all day without brushing my teeth, ignoring the pleas of a Hungry, dirty, child who has managed to eat half a box of chocolate cookies for breakfast..."Momma...please feed me..change my diaper...Momma..I am ur daughter!!" (ok..maybe the 'momma I am ur daughter' part is a bit exagerated)..I'm sure she'd say something like:

"U!! Remote Bitch...feed me..get ur lazy ass off that rocking chair and brush ur teeth for God's sake"...

Anywhoot, back to reality..yesterday was no exception.

My parents who live downstairs work in the 'restaurant' business and always work on Holidays. My brother is almost non-existent and he spends his Holidays with his girlfriend.

So me and C fly Solo.

After deciding at 2pm that I had to brush my teeth due the the mildew accumilating on the surface of my lips, impairing me to eat my second bowl of icecream...I took a shower and decided to finish Capote..

Which might I add, is kick ass movie. I am officially in love with Phillip Seymour and Truman Capote..following the Capote excitement, I decided to see "Breakfast at Tiffany's" written by Capote as well. With Audrey Hepburn. I bought this Audrey collection like months ago and had not seen it yet. I was halfway through the movie, when sister in law came upstairs.

She bought me the most beautiful bracelet and earrings, made by a puertorican artesan..very earthy..just my vibe..She also gave me this wonderful card which read: "To my sister".
She wrote that she considered me the sister she never had, and that I was the most awesome mom she knew and that she loved me and my daughter very very much..She almost made me cry...cuz I think she is so awesome and I think my brother is such an ass to her sometimes..and she loves C oh so much!!! Well after this wonderfull Puerto Rican Hallmark moment my mom came home...

Luckily me and C were bathed and combed (my mom would have had a titty attack to see us looking like homeless folk)... C almost managed to knaw my mom's hand off, which was carrying a slice of pizza...I guess cookies and pink lemonade don't count as essential food groups.

So she comes and I give her my gift which consisted of a bag full of a variety of essentials for her upcoming trip to Florida. Yes my mom who has not flown in 13 years will be on a plane...I fear for the safety of all who will join her and my aunts...a pure recipe for disaster..my aunt the 'church lady' who is out of her mind and says "Oh lord" everytime she gets the chance and my mom 'the eternal makeuplady who will leave no where without her blow dryer'. I kept her gift simple since I will be paying the expenses for her trip. My aunt paid her airfare, I will be supplying the rest. Yes I am stupid. I am sending my personal chef on a three week vacation. I see a lot of Lipton instant soup and pink lemonade in our future. (I mean I can cook, but let's face it, I get home like at 6:30PM..who the fucks gonna cook at that hour?)

Anyway..so we go downstairs and she gives me my gift...
and let me explain..I fear my mom's gifts...she rarely hits the nail with them. I remember horrid horrid outfits I have been obligated to wear just because I didn't have the heart to tell her they sucked, like this royal blue disaster with huge yellow sunflowers printed on them..There is photographic evidence of this outfit, in front of our x mas tree (Oh the Shame!!)...so now whenever she mentions gifts I'm like "oh NOOOOOO..REALLY U DON'T HAVE TO"..
But this year she's like: "u weren't here for ur b-day..so u get a double gift.."

Hurrah...lucky me.

She got me a purse, a really nice one though...with a bamboo handle and it's like crushed silk..in earthy tones...gotta admit..it looks just like me...
And she got me some shoes....
::sigh::
People need to understand that they can't just go and buy me shoes....
My shoe antics are different...
I don't mean to sound unappreciative but my tastes are very different...
People have given me shoes before..and I've always ended up returning them to get another pair when given the chance...when I can't return them, I'm fucked.

So she got me a pair of low wedged sandals...LOW?
My platforms and wedges are HIGH...I don't wear low wedges.
I only own two pair of flats..ballet style flats..and sneakers...
She got the color scheme right, brown and beige...kudos for that..
But they had FLOWERS ON THEM...little brown flowers on the strap that goes over ur toes...
FLOWERS??!!!!!!!!!
DO I SEEM LIKE THE KIND OF GAL THAT HAS FLOWERS ON HER SHOES...??!!
The shoes were pretty and nice..in the 'let's wear u suckers to church' kinda of way...in the 'i'm a good gal and these are my good gal shoes' kinda of way...they are shoes fit for my sister in law..nice cute girly.
too girly for moi...

I said my heartfelt thanku's cuz I know the sacrifices she has made to buy them.

So, I'll be wearing my church shoes tomorrow...Aleluya!!!