I loved real, real hard once
But the love wasn't returned
Found out the man I'd die for
He wasn't even concerned
I tried, and I tried, and I tried
To keep him in my life
I cried, and I cried, and I cried
But I couldn't make it right
But I, I loved the young man
And if you've ever been in love,
Then you'd understand

What you want might make you cry
What you need might pass you by
If you don't catch it,
If you don't catch it,
And what you need ironically
Will turn out what you want to be
If you just let it,
If you just let it

When it hurts so bad...
Lauryn Hill




Weekends I am not at my best...I have too much time alone on my hands in my house...so u must understand that the 'bullshit' trigger is quickly pulled..hence going into my Socrates philosophical bullshit phase..so bare with me...

This weekend I rented : Everything is Illuminated (hysterical and touching), Capote (haven't seen yet), Match Point (Woody Allen's latest flick..good movie, great twists), and Shopgirl.

Shopgirl is a novella by Steve Martin. Yes. Steve Martin the comedian of such popular hits like : Cheaper by the Dozen..Yes. He wrote a Novella and then adapted it into a movie. Let me say I am surprised. Not only is this movie very good but wonderfully cast, with great cinematography..(I'm sure I spelled that wrong.)
It stars Claire Danes as a woman from Vermont who has moved to Los Angeles and is currently working at the oh-so-frecuented glove department at Saks Fifth Avenue. She is bored out of her wits, depressed and alone. She just lives day after day at this counter, watching the time go by. In comes Steve Martin, a very rich, older man, who whisks away the 'shopgirl' to a life of expensive gifts, nice dinners and great sex. Only catch: Steve Martin's character, Ray Porter, has made it clear that he can't reciprocate any type of emotions or 'loving feelings'...to which to some extent Claire Danes' character understands...She just needs to be held, protected and paid attention to. With that, she is content, for the time being. But as things unravel she understands that there is more to life than those initial things she needed. She understands that this relationship is empty.

Which made me think, up to what extent are we willing to sacrifice what we need for what we want and vice versa? How long can a relationship last without reciprocity?

Human beings need reciprocity. U can deny this fact all u want. U can say u are happy living with "X" or "Y" person and have him or her be 'cold' and not give back love as enthusiastically as u do...but that is total bullshit. We want to be loved as much as we love and vice versa. We get dissapointed when we are confronted with a wall we can't get past, and when we see that we give give give and don't receive receive receive.

Sure, everyone 'loves' differently...That is totally understandable. But being in a relationship and totally giving urself to someone and seeing that those actions are not returned, is very discouraging if not heart-wrenching...

You ponder: Did I do something wrong? Am I invading his/her space? Am I being too pushy? Why can't he/her love me the way I love him? Why do I always have to give?

It's possible u haven't done anything wrong. But u do have to take into consideration that there are some people who just aren't up for the lovey-dovey-talk to me dear-relationship. Some people choose to 'love' diffently...We have to learn to identify these items and work with them.

In a relationship..neither party should feel they are giving more than the other and not getting back what they are investing. You should not feel cheated in a relationship...If u do, something is wrong.

We can't make anyone 'love us'..It doesn't work that way. If u don't feel right, u shouldn't be there. There should be some reciprocity that makes u wanna be with that person and make u happy. If u are always doubting whether or not he/she loves/likes u...something is out of focus or maybe ur just fucking' paranoid..
Whatever comes first.

But as so wisely, Ms. Hill has written in her song...what u want might make u cry and what u need might pass u by.

So get ur self a reality check and find someone who will reciprocate ur feelings...

Word..

(*&^%^^%$^*()_!!!!!!WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm gonna go sit my ass to see Capote...shit...Ain't I Dr. Ruth...

lol.