Rescue 911

I am seriously considering changing the name of my blog to: Ripley's Believe It or Not!

Because what I am about to tell you, you might not believe. Hell, the last few posts are probably unbelievable too. Alas, today is different. Today I had a witness, which I will later reveal.

But first, a quick recap:

1.Last week: invested 1,400 dollars in my Death Van for a tune-up

2.Friday: On our way to our mini-vacation Death Van performed it's ultimate feat: Dying

3.Tuesday: Take it to the mechanic, they fix the Power-Steering Pump which had broke

4.Tuesday afternoon: On my way home from said mechanic, Power-Steering starts acting up again.

5. Wednesday morning: take to mechanic, they check pump, it's not working. Put in new Pump. I am told that things are gonna be 'swell' and that I have a good car, which I should not set on fire.

6. Wednesday afternoon (same Wednesday, aka today): on my way home from work, while telling the X the latest Death Van repairs, said van stops working. Stranded in the Rush Hour.

Got it?

Let's take it to that moment:

"X...the van just stopped. The Battery sign is flashing".
"Shit...::chuckle:: you sure have crappy luck".

Glad I can be of amusement.

Moi rolls up her sleeves, decides that I am gonna check out the battery, the terminals, because maybe they are dirty or loose, blah blah...go to the back of van to get tool box...

Aha! Took toolbox out this morning cuz it was going to the mechanic and I didn't trust my tool box there.

So I fidget with the terminals and Death Van starts up again. We ride for let's say oh...5 minutes when, boom it's off again.

Turn it off. Let it chill. Start it back on...ride for about 2 more minutes, when it does it again and I decide all bets are off. I call the X, he is of no help. I remember I have Roadside Assistance. They tell me they are gonna take at least 90 minutes due to the Rush Hour Traffic. So it's basically "Sit and Wait".

I have not lost my temper. Because frankly nothing surprises me.

As I look through my side mirror I see this Mini-Suv slide to my side and park in front of me...Who is it?

Empress...aka My Witness

Small island, huh?

Out of all the people in the world, my bestest bestest friend happened to be on the same road at the same time.

She's like "Shit...ain't u screwed".

Told her the tow truck was on the way, so she offered me a seat in her plush new ride, to kill time.

"Your just in time, I was just gonna light one up, wanna join me?"

What is a girl to do?

" yeah".

So we sat in traffice, smoked some "enlightment", which lead to making a sign that read : "Fuck Off If ya ain't gonna help", for all those assholes that liked to look, but didn't help.

And by the way: No One , I mean No One offered us any help. Not even all the police cars and motorcycles that sped our way.

We smoked, made jokes, told her about my crappy weekend...laughed...I laughed so hard, I actually slobbered over my sleeve.

And just when we were about to play a nifty game Empress thought of, called:

"Let's see how many people taking out their boogers we can count"

the tow truck came.

She smiled: "Hey I kept ya company, but that's my cue".


"At least now you'll have something to blog about".

U bet I do. Thank you for being there. You were the only one there for me as usual. So thanx. These types of gestures can't be measured ever. Love ya'.

But I gotta get back to the story.

Tow truck guy steps out and I panic. I mean he sounded young on the phone, but I didn't think he was 10!

He got my van on the flatbed. I got inside. He asked me what music I would like.
I told him that right now I really didn't give a shit.

His answer:
"So, if I put on Devil worshipping heavy metal music, ya' won't mind?" as he continued to turn the dial.

"Ok...anything but Heavy Metal....Oooh oooh leave it there!"

They were playing Sean Paul. So we rode blasting Sean Paul. Kid made cracks about me living in the "Hills" and he got me home.

When Miss C saw me she went beserk. My mom told me she had to take her upstairs so she could see for herself that I wasn't around. She hugged me, kissed me and smiled. I returned her love.

I sat at my table to eat. My mom, the cold-hearted bitch, was silent. I broke the silence:

"I got some real fucked up luck huh?" MOI
"It's the devil. The devil is trying to keep you off track. Don't let the devil beat you, that's what he wants". MOM
"Well, I'm mad. I'm mad at God. (insert sobbing here), cuz I try to do things right. I am a good mom, I don't fuck around, I am responsable, and he just keeps shitting on me" MOI

My mom then starts crying and says:

"What I wouldn't give for you not to go through all of that. There has got to be some sunshine, somewhere. There has just got to be!!!"


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