When we die, some of us don't have anything set up. Sad, huh? Usually no arrangements, no will, no nada...in the worst cases, no money, not even for a burial. Other people do. They have made plans, they have made out a will, bought policies, paid in advance for services and even chosen the latest Titanium Casket...(If you're going to hell, this is the casket version of a Manolo Blahnik)...
But I was wondering how many take the time to lay out what they want done to them before being put to rest...I mean, instructions as to clothes (I wouldn't want to be buried in anything my mom picked out), particular and personal arrangments, guest lists (shit...I know I'd have one..::rolls eyes::)...So I have arranged my own:
B. asic
I. nstructions
B. efore
L. eaving
E. arth
Here are my B.I.B.L.E. (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth), part of my weekly Friday's Four:
1. I will be buried with shoes. I don't give a fuck if they don't put shoes on dead people. I will have shoes. My email doesn't say "shoegirl" for nuthing'...I will be buried with Manolo Blahnik Black Mary Janes. They sell them at Neiman Marcus. I don't care how much they cost. I have left a separate account for the purchase of the shoes. My casket should be opened so that my shoes can be admired. Disobey my last wish and I will come back from hell and take you with me....barefoot or in Flip Flops, biaches!!!
2. I do not want flowers. NO FLOWERS. They are gonna die. You wanna do something nice for me: Make a Donation to the Autism Group I belong to. You wanna do something extra nice: pitch in to have my casket painted by Local and Legendary Graffiti Artists REK & SKE.
3. I want music. Lots of Music. I have left a list of music that I wish to have played at my burial. I do not wish to be viewed in a funeral parlor. I wish to be viewed "Ol' skool' style: In my house. I will have a DJ spinning records at my viewing. I will have spoken word, emceeing, graffiti artists, and b-boys. It will be a party. Cuz leaving this world will be my pleasure when my time comes. When you take me to be buried, I want music as well. I want people playing tambores, congas. I want Bomba & Plena, I want to leave with the music that made me be and helped me be what I am.
4.If my uncle's wife, the crazy hillbilly bitch who likes to take pictures of her daughters next to dead people's caskets, and asks them to smile (her daughter's not the dead folk), comes with her Polaroid or whatever fucking camera she has now and tries to snap half-a-pic, someone must smash her to a bloody pulp and ask her what the fuck is her deali-o with pics of the dead. It's not some goddamned ride at Disney or Universal!!! It's a dead person in a dead person box. This task will be designated upon arrival to whomever can beat-that-ass the quickest. And if you all wanna take part, take turns. ::make mental note to buy some sort of gadget for "Now Serving" purposes::
So, the question remains my people: What are your B.I.B.L.E.?
******
I will not be going away for the weekend as originally planned. Miss C's pool is in trouble. It's hoses got stiff with the hellish sun and broke, squirting water galore!! So my task this weekend is to buy new hoses, re-fill pool and make it all better. Well, technically I will only buy material...need man to come do labor...any volunteers??
I've got ice tea!!
Since this has occurred I will not be taking breath-taking pics with my new camera...instead I leave you with this wonderful pic I took on my way home from work yesterday...passing a construction site...
What is it?
Take a closer look...
It's a Gigantic Mc Flurry....
What the fuck is wrong with Mc Donald's?????
Like I need to see a fucking huge Mc Flurry in a traffic jam, dog-ass tired from work, in a blistering 90+ degree weather situation...
Damn Bastards....
*******
As a bonus...and I swear I won't bug ya' for the rest of the weekend...::crosses fingers behind back::
Miss C saw something this morning..and she squealed:
"Picture Momma!! Picture!!"
So I snapped a picture...
It was the most beautiful thing on such a soggy morning full of traffic...
*******
Thought for the weekend:
I definitely don't do Perky.